Ever feel like killing yourself?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Brooklyn, NY
Posts: 1
Ever feel like killing yourself?
I'm not at rock bottom, because I know there is no such thing, you can always go lower.
Not saying I would ever actually kill myself, I don't have the balls. But lately I feel like I'd be better off dead. Everyone around me would be better off too.
Not saying I would ever actually kill myself, I don't have the balls. But lately I feel like I'd be better off dead. Everyone around me would be better off too.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: London
Posts: 448
Hi Chris
There is an argument put that suicide is the result of untrue self-perceptions. That the thoughts of suicide or not wanting to wake up the next day are not the problem, but the distorted thoughts that create them are. That in reality noone is so worthless to legitmate these thoughts. In short, it is distorted thinking that put me in that depressed frame of mind and my distortions did not reflect the true reality.
That being said, when your down its very hard to pull yourself out. Generally these kinds of thoughts reflect a need for professional help, therapy, to get the thinking (the real cause of the problem) back on track.
I have been there. My favourite book. 'Feeling Good' David Burns.
My worth is not my work or my capacity. It is that I am simply alive.
I wish you well.
There is an argument put that suicide is the result of untrue self-perceptions. That the thoughts of suicide or not wanting to wake up the next day are not the problem, but the distorted thoughts that create them are. That in reality noone is so worthless to legitmate these thoughts. In short, it is distorted thinking that put me in that depressed frame of mind and my distortions did not reflect the true reality.
That being said, when your down its very hard to pull yourself out. Generally these kinds of thoughts reflect a need for professional help, therapy, to get the thinking (the real cause of the problem) back on track.
I have been there. My favourite book. 'Feeling Good' David Burns.
My worth is not my work or my capacity. It is that I am simply alive.
I wish you well.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: my own little world
Posts: 254
"My worth is not my work or my capacity. It is that I am simply alive."
love it man!
we need to be reminded of that in this society that places so much value on what we do and produce rather than who we are.
getting help is a great idea.
i deal with these thoughts on a fairly regular basis, but i am manic, so i know what's going on with me.just knowing that is worth more than all the pills in the universe.
love it man!
we need to be reminded of that in this society that places so much value on what we do and produce rather than who we are.
getting help is a great idea.
i deal with these thoughts on a fairly regular basis, but i am manic, so i know what's going on with me.just knowing that is worth more than all the pills in the universe.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: NYC, NY
Posts: 193
Hi Chris
Wouldn't have the balls myself, although I thought about it ALOT. Often it was just another form of self torture for me: "See how bad things really are.", "Would anyone care?", "I'm not even strong enough to do this!", etc. etc.
Not to minimize the feelings that it brings up, but since I openly acknowledged it was not something that I could carry out (or really wanted to), I realized it was really the ultimate "pity pot" for me.
Wouldn't have the balls myself, although I thought about it ALOT. Often it was just another form of self torture for me: "See how bad things really are.", "Would anyone care?", "I'm not even strong enough to do this!", etc. etc.
Not to minimize the feelings that it brings up, but since I openly acknowledged it was not something that I could carry out (or really wanted to), I realized it was really the ultimate "pity pot" for me.
Putting it all together
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: St. Louis, MO.
Posts: 469
Originally Posted by Time4Me
Hi Chris
Wouldn't have the balls myself, although I thought about it ALOT. Often it was just another form of self torture for me: "See how bad things really are.", "Would anyone care?", "I'm not even strong enough to do this!", etc. etc.
Not to minimize the feelings that it brings up, but since I openly acknowledged it was not something that I could carry out (or really wanted to), I realized it was really the ultimate "pity pot" for me.
Wouldn't have the balls myself, although I thought about it ALOT. Often it was just another form of self torture for me: "See how bad things really are.", "Would anyone care?", "I'm not even strong enough to do this!", etc. etc.
Not to minimize the feelings that it brings up, but since I openly acknowledged it was not something that I could carry out (or really wanted to), I realized it was really the ultimate "pity pot" for me.
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
I think everyone at one time or another may wish that they could escape things and death does seem like the ultimate escape. I have been so ashamed that I wished I was dead....but, alas death will one day come to us all so might as well enjoy and live life as though it is an adventure. Interesting things have come out of my deepest shame if I am willing to ride out the storm.....
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: London
Posts: 448
I don't believe that thoughts of suicide usually represent ultimate selfishness or pity pot. Part of the mental distortion is the person doesn't see this or that these thoughts produce even more guilt and therefore push the person even further into a depressed suicidal state. Suicide represents the individuals perception that life is pointless, or they are worthless or their belief that they cannot cope. They may cause a lot of pain in their death, but they feel at that moment there is no option.
The guy who invented (or was behind) Kodak sold the company to retire a billionare. His suicide note read 'why wait'. For him, there was no future compared to his previous achievement. All that money, but he couldn't perceive himself as enjoying it. It is perceptions, thinking distortions, comparisons that are the issue, in my view.
I don't want to argue with anyone, but suicide is better not to be a guilt tripping taboo subject. If we don't acknowledge and talk about it then it doesn't get resolved.
The guy who invented (or was behind) Kodak sold the company to retire a billionare. His suicide note read 'why wait'. For him, there was no future compared to his previous achievement. All that money, but he couldn't perceive himself as enjoying it. It is perceptions, thinking distortions, comparisons that are the issue, in my view.
I don't want to argue with anyone, but suicide is better not to be a guilt tripping taboo subject. If we don't acknowledge and talk about it then it doesn't get resolved.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Hi
Chris...
Have you seen a doctor? That is Step 1.
Check this out..
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ad.php?t=44510
My depressiom lifted when I got sober. I am certainly estatic that my 3 suicide attempts failed.
Have you seen a doctor? That is Step 1.
Check this out..
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ad.php?t=44510
My depressiom lifted when I got sober. I am certainly estatic that my 3 suicide attempts failed.
Michael
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: London England
Posts: 291
Chris,
You say that everyone around you would be better off. You could not be more wrong. In the last year four people (two distant cousins and two children of acquaintances) have committed suicide. You have no idea of the pain all four families are suffering and continue to suffer.
If you can, concentrate on the likely effect on others, don't assume that a suicide is ever an emotionally neutral event.
I hope that you see that life is the only option.
Best wishes
Michael
You say that everyone around you would be better off. You could not be more wrong. In the last year four people (two distant cousins and two children of acquaintances) have committed suicide. You have no idea of the pain all four families are suffering and continue to suffer.
If you can, concentrate on the likely effect on others, don't assume that a suicide is ever an emotionally neutral event.
I hope that you see that life is the only option.
Best wishes
Michael
Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 5
emotional pain
I do not believe that suicide is a selfish act. The truth is that everyones pain is unique. The feelings of hopelessness consume every waking moment. I once had the intention of ending it. I was seconds from doing it, obviously I did not. Am I grateful for life today? No not really but i do have something I didn't have before. I have a slight sense of hope for the future. I believe that sense of hope is the start of something good in my life.
1000 Post Club
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Recoveryville, USA
Posts: 1,297
Not selfish?
Dont tell that to a grieving wife who has to now work 2 jobs to support her kids cus daddy killed himself.
Dont tell that to a widowed mother whose only child killed themselves and left her without any family members.
Dont tell that to a 6 year old child who cries herself to sleep missing her mommy.
Oh please. This frickin disease is ALL about selfishness!
Dont tell that to a grieving wife who has to now work 2 jobs to support her kids cus daddy killed himself.
Dont tell that to a widowed mother whose only child killed themselves and left her without any family members.
Dont tell that to a 6 year old child who cries herself to sleep missing her mommy.
Oh please. This frickin disease is ALL about selfishness!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: a spiritual vortex, Colorado
Posts: 43
been on all sides of this
hid the guns from myself
drank and used to the od stage
seen folk i love in enough pain- i have helped them end it
to make life worthwhile:
gotta know my personal journey is 'worth it'
have to see that today i can choose to do something which validates my existence
for me, this all involved getting on step work, being ok with the thought that since my way wasn't working, maybe another way would.
i CANNOT come to a 'rational' sense of intrinsic self worth. was time for me to leave logic.
time to enter a spiritual realm.
been working for me 9 years
what a trip!!
["master, i am so discouraged. what should i do?"...."encourage others"- old zen story]
hugs
mackat
hid the guns from myself
drank and used to the od stage
seen folk i love in enough pain- i have helped them end it
to make life worthwhile:
gotta know my personal journey is 'worth it'
have to see that today i can choose to do something which validates my existence
for me, this all involved getting on step work, being ok with the thought that since my way wasn't working, maybe another way would.
i CANNOT come to a 'rational' sense of intrinsic self worth. was time for me to leave logic.
time to enter a spiritual realm.
been working for me 9 years
what a trip!!
["master, i am so discouraged. what should i do?"...."encourage others"- old zen story]
hugs
mackat
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Northern CA
Posts: 1,432
Here's an article you may find useful...
Don S
SELF-WORTH - WHAT IT IS AND IS NOT
by Vincent L. Fox
If you feel that you are worthless, you may be a victim of your culture that has told you that your worth depends on your achievements and the judgments of others.
If you base your worth on achievements such as production and advancement, you may dig yourself into a depressive pit when you fail (as we humans often do) to accomplish some objective or goal. Some modest and reasonable achievement in life is, of course, necessary. It's a matter of moderation and balance, working sensibly within the limits of your time, talents, and opportunities. My five and one-half foot neighbor will never play for the Boston Celtics, but he's a loving father and a grand teacher!
David Burns wrote, "Consider the fact that most human beings are not great achievers, yet most people [survive, and] are happy and well respected."
If you base your worth on positive or negative criticisms from others, realize that their criticisms are merely judgments by people who don't have all the facts and who have no right to act as your self-appointed judges. If you determine your worth by their judgments, your life will be an up and down roller coaster ride and you will be miserable. Albert Ellis calls this "the doctrine of variable worth." The feeling of worthlessness affects men and women in different ways.
For women it can be a devastating experience, especially for those who experience depression after a loss of love or approval. The same society that supports organized brutalities such as football and boxing, assigned them second-class citizen status—a promotion from the third-class status of only 20 years ago. Women are vulnerable. They are moving targets. Far too many of them are prisoners, kept on pedestals, enclosed by steel bars.
And men?
David Burns, in his superlative book, Feeling Good, wrote that men are even more vulnerable than women to feelings of worthlessness. He pointed out that men have been programmed since childhood to base their worth on their accomplishments. They must deal with unrealistic expectations assigned to them by the society in which they live. Winners are honored with fame and fortune, but the rest of us are treated as "losers," and are forgotten. Our culture tells us that what we do is important, but what we are is not. That is wrong, dead wrong. It's no wonder we have so many frustrated, unhappy people.
Here's what worth is really all about.
Worth is a philosophical concept, not a yardstick. Worth is to be recognized, not judged by you or others. Worth is a constant, not a variable. Worth—your worth— is not contingent on your performance, degrees, trophies, possessions, titles, physical stature, money, or behavior. Your worth is intrinsic to you as a human being, distinguished from all other forms of life. Accept it and rejoice in it.
If you are a Believer, you know that your worth transcends the mere human. You are part human, part divine. For a Believer to criticize the self is to criticize God, and that is unseemly at best, sacrilegious at worst.
Your behavior may be rational or irrational and your accomplishments modest or enormous, but you are you, a human being with a mind and will. You are a million light years beyond your closest kin in the animal world, and sixty-eleven-trillion light years (plus or minus a few days) beyond any animate or inanimate creature in any universe or galaxy. Among humans, you are not just special—you are unique. You can neither increase nor diminish your worth. You can only accept it.
Please don't concern yourself with self-esteem and self-love. Those ideas involve rating, measuring (comparing to others), and judging. Accept yourself for what you are, a diamond in the rough—but don't forget to polish it once in a while. Paul Hauck wrote a book on the subject of self-worth: Overcoming The Rating Game: Beyond Self-Love: Beyond Self-Esteem. Please read it.
So please don't tell me—or you—that you are worthless. If someone said to you the things you sometimes say to yourself, you would be insulted and probably say something like, "You have no damned right to say that!" Right, but then, neither do you.
How strange that I should feel it necessary to tell you how magnificent you are. Didn't you know?
Almost any therapist would tell you what I've just told you. So, spend $100 and check it out, or just think it through and accept it. If you accept the truth as I have told it, and feel better, send a quarter to Vince Fox, 5351 E. 9th Street, Indianapolis, IN 46219. If you accept the truth, and don't feel better, let me know, and I'll send you a dollar.
©V. Fox, 1989
Don S
SELF-WORTH - WHAT IT IS AND IS NOT
by Vincent L. Fox
If you feel that you are worthless, you may be a victim of your culture that has told you that your worth depends on your achievements and the judgments of others.
If you base your worth on achievements such as production and advancement, you may dig yourself into a depressive pit when you fail (as we humans often do) to accomplish some objective or goal. Some modest and reasonable achievement in life is, of course, necessary. It's a matter of moderation and balance, working sensibly within the limits of your time, talents, and opportunities. My five and one-half foot neighbor will never play for the Boston Celtics, but he's a loving father and a grand teacher!
David Burns wrote, "Consider the fact that most human beings are not great achievers, yet most people [survive, and] are happy and well respected."
If you base your worth on positive or negative criticisms from others, realize that their criticisms are merely judgments by people who don't have all the facts and who have no right to act as your self-appointed judges. If you determine your worth by their judgments, your life will be an up and down roller coaster ride and you will be miserable. Albert Ellis calls this "the doctrine of variable worth." The feeling of worthlessness affects men and women in different ways.
For women it can be a devastating experience, especially for those who experience depression after a loss of love or approval. The same society that supports organized brutalities such as football and boxing, assigned them second-class citizen status—a promotion from the third-class status of only 20 years ago. Women are vulnerable. They are moving targets. Far too many of them are prisoners, kept on pedestals, enclosed by steel bars.
And men?
David Burns, in his superlative book, Feeling Good, wrote that men are even more vulnerable than women to feelings of worthlessness. He pointed out that men have been programmed since childhood to base their worth on their accomplishments. They must deal with unrealistic expectations assigned to them by the society in which they live. Winners are honored with fame and fortune, but the rest of us are treated as "losers," and are forgotten. Our culture tells us that what we do is important, but what we are is not. That is wrong, dead wrong. It's no wonder we have so many frustrated, unhappy people.
Here's what worth is really all about.
Worth is a philosophical concept, not a yardstick. Worth is to be recognized, not judged by you or others. Worth is a constant, not a variable. Worth—your worth— is not contingent on your performance, degrees, trophies, possessions, titles, physical stature, money, or behavior. Your worth is intrinsic to you as a human being, distinguished from all other forms of life. Accept it and rejoice in it.
If you are a Believer, you know that your worth transcends the mere human. You are part human, part divine. For a Believer to criticize the self is to criticize God, and that is unseemly at best, sacrilegious at worst.
Your behavior may be rational or irrational and your accomplishments modest or enormous, but you are you, a human being with a mind and will. You are a million light years beyond your closest kin in the animal world, and sixty-eleven-trillion light years (plus or minus a few days) beyond any animate or inanimate creature in any universe or galaxy. Among humans, you are not just special—you are unique. You can neither increase nor diminish your worth. You can only accept it.
Please don't concern yourself with self-esteem and self-love. Those ideas involve rating, measuring (comparing to others), and judging. Accept yourself for what you are, a diamond in the rough—but don't forget to polish it once in a while. Paul Hauck wrote a book on the subject of self-worth: Overcoming The Rating Game: Beyond Self-Love: Beyond Self-Esteem. Please read it.
So please don't tell me—or you—that you are worthless. If someone said to you the things you sometimes say to yourself, you would be insulted and probably say something like, "You have no damned right to say that!" Right, but then, neither do you.
How strange that I should feel it necessary to tell you how magnificent you are. Didn't you know?
Almost any therapist would tell you what I've just told you. So, spend $100 and check it out, or just think it through and accept it. If you accept the truth as I have told it, and feel better, send a quarter to Vince Fox, 5351 E. 9th Street, Indianapolis, IN 46219. If you accept the truth, and don't feel better, let me know, and I'll send you a dollar.
©V. Fox, 1989
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Northern CA
Posts: 1,432
And here's an article about depression that may be useful:
http://www.mental-health-matters.com....php?artID=232
http://www.mental-health-matters.com....php?artID=232
Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Noah's Ark
Posts: 98
yes I have but.....
alot of times I know where these thoughts are coming from I like to call it my otherside, my evil twin who is always there to remind me of the things that I have done wrong. And, what is strange is that my good side is always reminding me of others in my life that i might hurt so bad that they may never recover. Which brings me back to my brother who did this to me and left us all that way and it hurts to this day and I would never want to hurt someone in this way ever cause I know what it feels like to be on the other side of their actions. And like you said of course I have'nt got the guts to do it. And it is too easy of a way out which of course makes me feel even worse if I even think of it. Well, sorry for rambling. Thank you for your post.
Psalm 118:24
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: ILLINOIS
Posts: 15,203
Chris,
welcome to the site. Sounds like me at Christmas time watching It's a Wonderful Life With A bottle of Scotch
Are you drinking and drugging? I stopped that and the thoughts went away. I could always say God LOVES you but this isn't the site for it.
Stay around here, we'll love you until you can love your self.
Can you say in detail what's so bad you want to feel this bad??
What ever you're going thru is only temporary. I know, I've been where you are. many of us on here have.
Chris
welcome to the site. Sounds like me at Christmas time watching It's a Wonderful Life With A bottle of Scotch
Are you drinking and drugging? I stopped that and the thoughts went away. I could always say God LOVES you but this isn't the site for it.
Stay around here, we'll love you until you can love your self.
Can you say in detail what's so bad you want to feel this bad??
What ever you're going thru is only temporary. I know, I've been where you are. many of us on here have.
Chris
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
