gelfling

I've watched him for the last couple of weeks and see him going downhill. Claims it's because his work involving the Easter holiday wore him out. Lots of excuses. He came home so that we could help organize him and find a good healthy way of life while he pursues his sobriety. I can see it getting ready to go down the tubes.

One day he's up and going. Others, he lays around and does nothing. His clothes that he brought home that were in bags are now strewn all over the basement because he was looking for something to wear. His bedroom is equally shameful for a 25 year old. He did strip his bed and washed his bedclothes but didn't dry them and they sit in the washer now from yesterday. He slept on a plain bed last night.

He blew his last check on stupid stuff. Wouldn't budget. We sat down with him and worked out a plan for him and he claimed he didn't have time. Yet, he has time to sit on the internet until all hours of the morning and sleeping late everyday.

His job offered him health insurance and they finally gave him the papers to sign last week and he did nothing about it. He has none and is now complaining of various health issues...these I think are related to the alcoholism...typical for him when he's having problems with the alcohol. Now the job is trying to get him to do extra work to get the insurance. All this because he screwed around and didn't submit the forms. They're trying to pull one over on him. His boss knew he put in more hours than the job description called for and asked him to give her a rundown of everything. He never did that either. He's hurting himself left and right. And when we try to bring it up to him, he gets defensive.

He's over 45k in debt with college and never filed the forebearance papers. He also owes about a grand from a surgery of last year. The calls come to the house, I answer the phone, take the messages and he doesn't return them.

I am so weary of tiptoeing around him for fear he'll drink. When I tried to talk with him this afternoon, he got really defensive and made a lot of excuses. I didn't come right out and say "You're a slob and I can't stand living in the same house with you. I'm tired of fielding your calls and making excuses for you....." Maybe I should have and let him do what he will.

I feared this time would come and we got through over 3 months of a peaceful time and now it's all coming to a head. Dad gets a little nuts about it and wants to confront him and I always try and mediate. So maybe it's time for me to let them "talk" it out/over. I've always been the middle man because I hate confrontation and arguments.

If you've got a second, please offer a thought or prayer for my son. And for us too. Because if this thing blows and we show him the door, he'll wind up in the street. He's burned too many bridges.

BikerBill8

Hi Kathy, sorry to here about your son. Mabe you should let your husband have his say and maybe showing him the door might make him start to take responsebility for himself. I know whwt it is like being homeless and it was what i needed to get my act together. I hope that things get better for you and your family. Be Cool. BikerBill8

gelfling

We talked when he got home and decided I am backing out of the picture. It will now be between Dad (recovering) and recovering son. This way, Dad can say things to him that I can't. Being alcoholic to alcoholic. I feel a relief now. I'm tired of being trying to be the savior and keeping it all together. The pain is too much.

I am ready to accept whatever happens. I hope. So, tomorrow dad will be talking with him and laying it on the line. No excuses this time and he can't bs the old man like he does mom.

Thanks

tyler

Hey Kathy,

Just wanted to wish you the best on what I'm sure is a hard decision. I think it is probably a good plan, if your hubby has been there he may be best equiped to deal with it. Treatment may be a good option if he has insurance and he may want to talk to a doc about what sounds like depression. Or as Bill says, he may just need a swift kick in the ass. It's hard to know what to do as a parrent, I've put my parrents through much of what you described and am only now (at age 36) starting to get things back together. Anyway, good luck, I'll keep a good thought for you.

Peace,

Tyler

llenroc66

I'm praying for you and your son.

Cathy31

Kathy
Thinking of and praying for all of you. I think it's a great plan. Do you belong to any kind of support group like al-anon, it's hard to do this on one's own, and I hope you have some means of support. This is the best way - you are right, an one alcoholic really knows another!
Good luck Kathy
Cathy31
x

Chy

I feel for you Kathy. Do stick to your plan! I'm going through similar stuff with my daughter and she's not an alcoholic. I've come to realize they really need to fall on their own butt, and pick themselves up. Us moms always there to rescue them and pull them up doesn't help, I've learned many lessons the hard way and when she get's moody because we've cut the apron and purse strings... oh well.. get a job like everyone else I tell and stick with it.

Music

In my opinon, he needs to be out of there, so he can be responsible for himself. He'll learn fast enough.

hotmarriedguy

In my opinion, part of your sons disorganization are from depression. If there is any way he could get in to see a psyciatrist, please mention wellbutrin or even possibly straterra. The paperwork procrastination, leaving things undone, screwed up priorities... yeah, some of this is just that he needs to learn some hard life lessons, but some is probably something screwy with his noggin too. And even if he has no health insurance, he can get the meds for free until he does by contacting the drug companies directly and filling out some paperwork.

Good luck to you and him.

problemchild

prayers are with all of you..... May God be the mediator now.