On my third day, and I am feeling miserable.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Orange County, CA
Posts: 69
On my third day, and I am feeling miserable.
Hi everybody.
I posted quite some time ago to this site, and after barely having enough strength to get out of bed on Saturday, I made it to my first meeting. I made it to a meeting tonight, and I am back feeling quite sad (considering that mondays are usually big drinking nights). What I do not get is while I have so many great things in my life, it is almost that my drinking time is what I enjoy the most.
Edit: On the way home from the meeting, I stopped at Sav Ons to get something non alcoholic to drink, and after I left, I found myself driving around the parking lot wondering if I should have bought a bottle of brandy like I usually buy from that store.
I posted quite some time ago to this site, and after barely having enough strength to get out of bed on Saturday, I made it to my first meeting. I made it to a meeting tonight, and I am back feeling quite sad (considering that mondays are usually big drinking nights). What I do not get is while I have so many great things in my life, it is almost that my drinking time is what I enjoy the most.
Edit: On the way home from the meeting, I stopped at Sav Ons to get something non alcoholic to drink, and after I left, I found myself driving around the parking lot wondering if I should have bought a bottle of brandy like I usually buy from that store.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,509
Hi CD,
When I stopped drinking I didn't think that I would ever enjoy anything again either (not that I enjoyed drinking, at that point!). In my opinion, you need to change patterns and habits. Make yourself do something that you used to enjoy doing, or that you think might like to do. I did simple things at first like walking, hiking, cooking. And, I was happy to find that I did have fun again. You will too. Just be patient and try to stay focused.
Love, Anna
When I stopped drinking I didn't think that I would ever enjoy anything again either (not that I enjoyed drinking, at that point!). In my opinion, you need to change patterns and habits. Make yourself do something that you used to enjoy doing, or that you think might like to do. I did simple things at first like walking, hiking, cooking. And, I was happy to find that I did have fun again. You will too. Just be patient and try to stay focused.
Love, Anna
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Northern CA
Posts: 1,432
One of the important parts of quitting drinking, for me, was recognizing that I really liked to drink. That sounds really stupid and obvious, but it was the first step to identifying why I liked to drink, and looking for other ways I could achieve those same 'benefits'. At the same time, reminding myself of the costs of drinking was useful.
So in SMART Recovery, one of the first things people usually do is a cost-benefit analysis (CBA). You write down the costs of drinking, as many as you can think of. Then you write down the benefits of drinking: the reasons -- all you can think of, just write them ALL down -- that you drink. It makes me happy. It helps me relax. And so forth.
Then you write down the benefits you think you will achieve in the short term by quitting. I'll have more money. My family will enjoy me more. I'll be less anxious.
Each part of this is useful in a different way. The costs of drinking are pretty obvious, and I have zillions of links if you want more medical information about the adverse consequences of heavy drinking. You probably know the emotional and relationship issues it has caused. Writing down the costs simply helps reaffirm your commitment to abstinence, in a sort of negative way.
The benefits of sobriety help to balance that. They remind you of what you quit for. The things you look forward to now that you've got it out of your system, and you aren't spending so much time preoccupied with acquiring or consuming alcohol, or getting over the ill effects. The benefits are your positive reinforcement.
But make some time for yourself and go over that list of the benefits of drinking. '...wondering if I should have bought a bottle of brandy'...to accomplish exactly what? Because when you identify what you perceive as the benefits of drinking, you can begin the process of removing the reasons until you no longer believe them to be valid.
Because then you can start to identify the beliefs you have about those benefits. It is very common for them to be exaggerated, overstated, or even provably wrong. And that is how you dispute them, one by one, out loud, in writing, in Post-it notes on your computer, in a hand-scrawled list on your refrigerator door. That is how you develop the slogans and snappy comebacks to tell yourself next time you're in the SavOn parking lot thinking about that bottle of brandy....
One of my slogans was 'there will be no alcohol in my house or in my body'. Or 'there is nothing in my life that alcohol makes better'. Or 'it'll be uncomfortable to spend another evening without drinking, but it won't be unbearable.' Or 'each day without alcohol makes the next one a little easier'.
Take your pick. Or, better yet, write your own.
Take care,
Don S
So in SMART Recovery, one of the first things people usually do is a cost-benefit analysis (CBA). You write down the costs of drinking, as many as you can think of. Then you write down the benefits of drinking: the reasons -- all you can think of, just write them ALL down -- that you drink. It makes me happy. It helps me relax. And so forth.
Then you write down the benefits you think you will achieve in the short term by quitting. I'll have more money. My family will enjoy me more. I'll be less anxious.
Each part of this is useful in a different way. The costs of drinking are pretty obvious, and I have zillions of links if you want more medical information about the adverse consequences of heavy drinking. You probably know the emotional and relationship issues it has caused. Writing down the costs simply helps reaffirm your commitment to abstinence, in a sort of negative way.
The benefits of sobriety help to balance that. They remind you of what you quit for. The things you look forward to now that you've got it out of your system, and you aren't spending so much time preoccupied with acquiring or consuming alcohol, or getting over the ill effects. The benefits are your positive reinforcement.
But make some time for yourself and go over that list of the benefits of drinking. '...wondering if I should have bought a bottle of brandy'...to accomplish exactly what? Because when you identify what you perceive as the benefits of drinking, you can begin the process of removing the reasons until you no longer believe them to be valid.
Because then you can start to identify the beliefs you have about those benefits. It is very common for them to be exaggerated, overstated, or even provably wrong. And that is how you dispute them, one by one, out loud, in writing, in Post-it notes on your computer, in a hand-scrawled list on your refrigerator door. That is how you develop the slogans and snappy comebacks to tell yourself next time you're in the SavOn parking lot thinking about that bottle of brandy....
One of my slogans was 'there will be no alcohol in my house or in my body'. Or 'there is nothing in my life that alcohol makes better'. Or 'it'll be uncomfortable to spend another evening without drinking, but it won't be unbearable.' Or 'each day without alcohol makes the next one a little easier'.
Take your pick. Or, better yet, write your own.
Take care,
Don S
Not the center of the Universe
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Orchard Lake, Michigan
Posts: 974
Just to add another phase to Don's excellent post:
"Every clean day is a successful day, no matter what else happens."
One of the thoughts I used early on was that not drinking was reason enough to not drink. Anyone who has the problem can tell you how hard it is to stop drinking at first and the statistics bear this out. To that I say "Skew the data!" Believe that getting to the end of the day without consuming any alcohol is an accomplishment all by itself. Some days this is pretty easy to do but on others it can be a real challenge. So the worse your day is, the better your day is if you get bed and the bed is not spinning.
One Love, One Heart, Jah Bless
Tony
"Every clean day is a successful day, no matter what else happens."
One of the thoughts I used early on was that not drinking was reason enough to not drink. Anyone who has the problem can tell you how hard it is to stop drinking at first and the statistics bear this out. To that I say "Skew the data!" Believe that getting to the end of the day without consuming any alcohol is an accomplishment all by itself. Some days this is pretty easy to do but on others it can be a real challenge. So the worse your day is, the better your day is if you get bed and the bed is not spinning.
One Love, One Heart, Jah Bless
Tony
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Orange County, CA
Posts: 69
Thanks you guys. Those are great suggestions. I went out and bought a notebook, and I have been writing down my feelings. I've found that to be a little helpful, in that it's helping me to be honest and really realize my attitudes, my thinking and how I feel. A positive thing is that it is nice to be out of bed and ready for the day already, considering that this is usually my time of trying to recover from the night before. Thanks again for your suggestions.
We all need each other.
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: The road of happy destiny.
Posts: 2,294
Welcome CD! Glad you are here. I found journaling very helpful too. The best thing has been being able to go back and look at where I came from and really see the growth.
Congrats on your sober time so far. Hang in there!
Hugs--
Congrats on your sober time so far. Hang in there!
Hugs--
Stopping the tornado
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: USA
Posts: 143
CDR, It will get better! The first five days are the worst, becuase you are feeling so lousy physically. Part of the feelings you are having are alcohol withdrawl.
Hang in there, it will get better, I promise!
Hang in there, it will get better, I promise!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Minneapolis MN
Posts: 404
CDR
It does get better - at 3 days I was feeling rough too. I found it helpful to take it literally 1 day (or hour) at a time. A big challenge for me was looking too far ahead - it made me tempted to pitch the whole thing and get loaded. But I have not yet. Feeling much better on day 58. Good luck!!
It does get better - at 3 days I was feeling rough too. I found it helpful to take it literally 1 day (or hour) at a time. A big challenge for me was looking too far ahead - it made me tempted to pitch the whole thing and get loaded. But I have not yet. Feeling much better on day 58. Good luck!!
Glad to know you are seeking a sober way of life.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Orange County, CA
Posts: 69
Thanks again you guys. It was actually a fairly good day today, and I felt pretty good when I woke up.
I came home tonight to find my mother and brother arguing. I'm not trying to blame my alcoholism on others, but it is almost as though it is impossible to stay sober around them. At times, they could be enough to drive a priest into the realms of insanity. When the two of them argue, they never shut up. And if you express your feeling to either one, it will end out in an all out war.
As much as I want to drink, I just have to focus on the night though. This will be the first time I have had four days in a few years.
I came home tonight to find my mother and brother arguing. I'm not trying to blame my alcoholism on others, but it is almost as though it is impossible to stay sober around them. At times, they could be enough to drive a priest into the realms of insanity. When the two of them argue, they never shut up. And if you express your feeling to either one, it will end out in an all out war.
As much as I want to drink, I just have to focus on the night though. This will be the first time I have had four days in a few years.
1 bite&all resistance crumbles
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: IRELAND
Posts: 2,208
Hi CDr55
I know, I know : people, places and things - they are ALL triggers!!! Especially bl**dy people!!!
My suggestion : get to another meeting asap, I find it (among many other things) the best deterrent for drinking - for that day anyway!
Good luck and well done on your 4 days!
CAthy31
x
I know, I know : people, places and things - they are ALL triggers!!! Especially bl**dy people!!!
My suggestion : get to another meeting asap, I find it (among many other things) the best deterrent for drinking - for that day anyway!
Good luck and well done on your 4 days!
CAthy31
x
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Orange County, CA
Posts: 69
Well, it has been a great four days, and that was more than I thought I could ever do. I went to a gay AA meeting tonight, and loved it. Unfortunately, Wednsdays are big drinking nights for me. After the meeting, I ended up buying a bottle of brandy to celebrate my four days, and here I am, intoxicated as usual. So even with four days and a great meeting tonight, somehow I managed to drink.
My god, in the four days that I had sober, I have realized a couple of things. 1. Alcoholism is very serious, real, and scary. For example, I drank tonight in celebration of my four days sober. 2. Alcoholism is a painful and lonly disease. It is sorrowful to realize that few friends or family can relate to my situation.
My god, in the four days that I had sober, I have realized a couple of things. 1. Alcoholism is very serious, real, and scary. For example, I drank tonight in celebration of my four days sober. 2. Alcoholism is a painful and lonly disease. It is sorrowful to realize that few friends or family can relate to my situation.
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Northern CA
Posts: 1,432
Sorry to read about your lapse, CD. A couple of things that might be useful--
Strong urges on or about the third day are mentioned by many people. I think that is partly because your body keeps producing certain chemicals for a couple of days after you quit, and your brain is struggling to balance your dopamine and other neurotrasmitter-acting chemicals in response to the sudden change. There is a physiological basis to this third-day urge. So it is something to plan for in advance. Your diet, vitamins, exercise, and even your daily routine can all be adjusted to help get past that.
In analyzing your decision to drink, I have heard it recommended that you ask yourself what you were thinking at the moment you made the decision. You say you bought the bottle 'to celebrate'. That's the thought to explore more fully.
For example, do you believe
--that you can't celebrate anything without alcohol?
--that you deserve alcohol for having achieved things?
--that you'd have been uncomfortable/miserable/unhappy without alcohol at certain times?
Those are beliefs that you can dispute. Try suggesting some reasons that those are untrue, overstated, or might be self-fulfilling prophecies that you're believing.
You can also see how central alcohol can become to our moods when we drink for a long time. So it's a matter of consciously identifying the times that we are using it that way, and actively, consciously doing otherwise.
Here's another thought: what could you do at and/or after the next meeting you go to to prevent another lapse? Most people who achieve longterm sobriety plan carefully for places and times when they are likely to drink.
Take care, and please keep posting!
Don S
Strong urges on or about the third day are mentioned by many people. I think that is partly because your body keeps producing certain chemicals for a couple of days after you quit, and your brain is struggling to balance your dopamine and other neurotrasmitter-acting chemicals in response to the sudden change. There is a physiological basis to this third-day urge. So it is something to plan for in advance. Your diet, vitamins, exercise, and even your daily routine can all be adjusted to help get past that.
In analyzing your decision to drink, I have heard it recommended that you ask yourself what you were thinking at the moment you made the decision. You say you bought the bottle 'to celebrate'. That's the thought to explore more fully.
For example, do you believe
--that you can't celebrate anything without alcohol?
--that you deserve alcohol for having achieved things?
--that you'd have been uncomfortable/miserable/unhappy without alcohol at certain times?
Those are beliefs that you can dispute. Try suggesting some reasons that those are untrue, overstated, or might be self-fulfilling prophecies that you're believing.
You can also see how central alcohol can become to our moods when we drink for a long time. So it's a matter of consciously identifying the times that we are using it that way, and actively, consciously doing otherwise.
Here's another thought: what could you do at and/or after the next meeting you go to to prevent another lapse? Most people who achieve longterm sobriety plan carefully for places and times when they are likely to drink.
Take care, and please keep posting!
Don S
Not the center of the Universe
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Orchard Lake, Michigan
Posts: 974
Originally Posted by CDr55
Well, it has been a great four days, and that was more than I thought I could ever do. I went to a gay AA meeting tonight, and loved it. Unfortunately, Wednsdays are big drinking nights for me. After the meeting, I ended up buying a bottle of brandy to celebrate my four days,
Seriously, if you can do it for "a great four days" then you CAN do it for 5 days but you have to WANT it badly enough to do anything but pick up. If you want to share, I am really curious to know what went through your mind in the time between leaving the meeting and the point where you handed over the money to buy the poison. Or perhaps you already had the celebration in mind when you woke up on the morning of the fourth day? In any case,
Rome was not built in a day
Opposition will come your way
But the hotter the battle you see
It's the sweeter the victory, now
You can get it if you really want
You can get it if you really want
You can get it if you really want
But you must try, try and try
Try and try, you'll succeed at last
-- "You Can Get It If You Really Want", Jimmy Cliff
So don't give up on yourself. You are worth the fight.Opposition will come your way
But the hotter the battle you see
It's the sweeter the victory, now
You can get it if you really want
You can get it if you really want
You can get it if you really want
But you must try, try and try
Try and try, you'll succeed at last
-- "You Can Get It If You Really Want", Jimmy Cliff
One Love, One Heart, Jah Bless
Tony
Stopping the tornado
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: USA
Posts: 143
Hi CD,
I have had similar problems with relapse on days 3-5. You finally start to feel better from the withdrawl, and a drink starts to look really good. And I've done the same thing in the past, go to an AA mtg and then go get loaded.
Don't stop trying, it is possible to give up alcohol. I see people here every day who have done it for a long time!
I wish you well!
I have had similar problems with relapse on days 3-5. You finally start to feel better from the withdrawl, and a drink starts to look really good. And I've done the same thing in the past, go to an AA mtg and then go get loaded.
Don't stop trying, it is possible to give up alcohol. I see people here every day who have done it for a long time!
I wish you well!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Kingston, NY
Posts: 390
CD - Once again, Don and Tony have said so much worth thinking about. Reading their words, I realize that they are things I need to hear, too... so thank you for being the impetus for them to be said.
I am sorry about your lapse as well; I have had altogether too many of those myself. I am now attending AA meetings, I have entered therapy for other problems in my life... and I have started finding things to take me out of my own head. I am going to fight for my sobriety, one moment at a time... and I'm not doing it alone, finally.
I wanted to emphasize some things that seem key to me with regard to what Don and Tony said - one, please do examine what was going through your mind when you chose to drink. I have found that I *must* learn to recognize the little "tricks" my alcoholic thinking is playing in order for me to take that first drink. It can be anything from a very subtle nudge to a full-on shout of "I don't care, I just want to drink, so I will!" Find out where that happens for you in your thought process - work to recognize it and have a plan to head it off. That's my second point - PLAN. Planning as absolutely key. Plan for those moments when you might drink, plan meticulously and with thought. You are fighting a war right now - do you think that wars are won by accident, without a plan in place? They are not. I am saying this not to berate you, but because it is one of the elements that is helping me to gain sobriety; I know it's a necessary thing in a very real way. And thirdly... I love the questions that Don asks you to ask yourself. Really think about the answers to those questions - right now, you have some ingrained beliefs about alcohol that have to be disputed. It won't be easy to do so because you have answered those questions (subconsciously at least) in an alcoholic way for so long. You'll have to work to dispute what you've come to believe, but you CAN do it.
One more thing... I'm with Greatful2004 - the third through fifth day after I stopped drinking were very hard, and often when I would relapse. What you are going through has been shared by many of us, so you are not alone. You have to be extra vigilant early in recovery - inspect and guard your thoughts and plan for the weak moments. I speak not as a lecturer, but as someone who is doing these things as we speak so that I do not find myself walking out the door of a liquor store with a bag in my hand again. That way lies death.
I wish you all the best - you can do this.
Apologies for the long-windedness,
anne
I am sorry about your lapse as well; I have had altogether too many of those myself. I am now attending AA meetings, I have entered therapy for other problems in my life... and I have started finding things to take me out of my own head. I am going to fight for my sobriety, one moment at a time... and I'm not doing it alone, finally.
I wanted to emphasize some things that seem key to me with regard to what Don and Tony said - one, please do examine what was going through your mind when you chose to drink. I have found that I *must* learn to recognize the little "tricks" my alcoholic thinking is playing in order for me to take that first drink. It can be anything from a very subtle nudge to a full-on shout of "I don't care, I just want to drink, so I will!" Find out where that happens for you in your thought process - work to recognize it and have a plan to head it off. That's my second point - PLAN. Planning as absolutely key. Plan for those moments when you might drink, plan meticulously and with thought. You are fighting a war right now - do you think that wars are won by accident, without a plan in place? They are not. I am saying this not to berate you, but because it is one of the elements that is helping me to gain sobriety; I know it's a necessary thing in a very real way. And thirdly... I love the questions that Don asks you to ask yourself. Really think about the answers to those questions - right now, you have some ingrained beliefs about alcohol that have to be disputed. It won't be easy to do so because you have answered those questions (subconsciously at least) in an alcoholic way for so long. You'll have to work to dispute what you've come to believe, but you CAN do it.
One more thing... I'm with Greatful2004 - the third through fifth day after I stopped drinking were very hard, and often when I would relapse. What you are going through has been shared by many of us, so you are not alone. You have to be extra vigilant early in recovery - inspect and guard your thoughts and plan for the weak moments. I speak not as a lecturer, but as someone who is doing these things as we speak so that I do not find myself walking out the door of a liquor store with a bag in my hand again. That way lies death.
I wish you all the best - you can do this.
Apologies for the long-windedness,
anne
1 bite&all resistance crumbles
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: IRELAND
Posts: 2,208
CD
"For example, I drank tonight in celebration of my four days sober."
I can TOTALLY TOTALLY relate to this!!! I used to do that all the time. It's about so many things, one of them being new habits!
Good luck
CAthy31
x
"For example, I drank tonight in celebration of my four days sober."
I can TOTALLY TOTALLY relate to this!!! I used to do that all the time. It's about so many things, one of them being new habits!
Good luck
CAthy31
x
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Orange County, CA
Posts: 69
I think it was just something built up in my mind. I look back now, and I should have told somebody of my plans, or posted here first. Just making the right turn into that Albertsons parking lot was tempting fate. I drank less last night than I usually do on most occasions, but still I am coming to the point in my life where I honestly do not see myself as being able to moderate. Having just one drink for me is like going to an all you can eat seafood buffet and having a dinner roll. There were many things that I did not do yesterday, that could have prevented that. For example, I did not write in my journal, and I did not pray as much as I should have. I did not have a plan for getting through the night like I should have either.
One positive thing is by going to meetings and posting on these boards, I am FINALLY starting to realize that I am not alone and there are so many people like me. All the posts I am reading do give me something to think about.
One positive thing is by going to meetings and posting on these boards, I am FINALLY starting to realize that I am not alone and there are so many people like me. All the posts I am reading do give me something to think about.
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