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Any answers besides AA meetings? Hey, Well, I gave an AA meeting a try, and it didn't help at all. When it came time for me to introduce myself and tell my story everyone listened and didn't judge me at all. But after the meeting was officially over and people were chatting the head guy came over to me and told me that he thought I wasn't ready for AA yet. He said blaming my wife was a cop-out, handed me their twelve step book and said to come back when I'm ready to take responsibility. I swear I was this close to punching this smug a-hole out. You should have heard this guy's story. It was pathetic - he couldn't hold a job while drinking, his wife and kids don't talk to him, he used to drink vanilla flavoring when short of booze. I am nowhere near that. I am married and I hold down a full-time job. My marital affairs have gotten worse. My wife has been insisting that I quit drinking or our marriage will be over. But she isn't an angel either. She's gained about 40 pounds since we got married. I told her that I'll quit drinking when she lays off the doritos and the ring-dings. I've got my vices and she's got hers, yet she takes exception to mine -- yet she can't see that she is far from perfect. Marriage is a two-way street, but she insists on taking us down a one-way road. Aint gonna happen. I admit, I've been doing things that aren't good. Lately after work I head out with a few of the guys and will go to a strip club to warm up (I work construction and its been cold these past few weeks!). We only go to twice a week, but after a few beers and some shots I've been ending up in the backroom getting blown or laid. I know its because my wife has been a complete bitch, but its no excuse to cheat. The other thing is that I used to get blitzed after dinner, but now I find myself having to get wasted just to walk into my own home. I don't know what to do anymore. Mabye I can talk to her and end things amicably. I want to beat her to the punch at least and not get cleaned out in divorce court. My drinking has gotten really bad lately though. Besides getting laid with skanks, I've been blacking out recently and once I found some streaks of blood in my vomit. I want to quit - are there any options besides AA? I won't go back to any meeting and face some holier-than-thou phony cause I'll end up going to jail for assault. Any advice? Thanks a lot. |
I'm sorry to hear your AA meeting wasn't what you had hoped for. There are many options and I think it's fair to say, most recovery options work on the individual with the problem. Once we are accountable for our own actions, admit we're the ones who have to do the work for change occur, the rest will fall into place. Check out our Links and Resources forum for recovery options and there is one link that compares various programs. Good luck you can do this! |
I agree with the guy at the AA meeting. Sorry, not meaning to make you angry, but you must be accountable for your own actions. No one else is responsible for making you drink no matter who you want to blame. We all played the blame game at one time or another. Trust me on that one. Later, after working the program, we came to realize it was us with the problem from the very beginning. My advice would be to go back to a meeting and listen to what is being said. Really listen. It may save your life. It sounds like things aren't going very well your way. I just read your username again. Now I remember you from a previous thread. Donny, maybe you should stick to Doritos and Ring-Dings for awhile. They don't impair your driving or cause you to act out stupidly. Just a suggestion. Oh and welcome back. I'm glad to hear you gave the meeting ago. That was a huge step for you. Now you need to try to make sense of what is being said to you and why. I think you could find it very useful. Good luck...I hope things will work out for you. I really do. |
Hi Donny, I agree with the guy at the AA meeting. So I would suggest that you keeping doing what you are doing, and you will just keep getting what you are getting. Until you just can't do it anymore, one way or the other. Take care Donny |
Hey Donny,welcome to SoberRecovery.Glad your here.Sorry AA wasnt what you were hoping.Just a few thoughts.Every meeting is different.Each group is different.I went to a lotta meetings and a lotta different groups before I found my niche in AA.Now,just in my experience.Your story really doesnt matter to most people in AA.Why,because they are all basicly the same.Doesnt matter if you slept in a dumpster and panhandled for booze,or worked on Wall St making 6 or 7 figures a year and never missed a days work in your life.We all share a bond.A desire to stop drinking.I would hope you try some other meetings and keep an open mind.Whether your wife has gained 40 lbs or 400 should have nothing to do with your drinking.If your getting sober for her,chances are your wasting your time.There are several other programs out there.Rational Recovery is one that comes to mind.Im sure someone will be along soon with some more.Anyway,I am glad you decided to join us.You might not like everything you here in this forum,but you asked for opinions and now you are getting them.So,hopefully you will stick around a while.Take care,Michael.:) |
Turn it over and around to any length. Are you really going to let one person at one place stop you from what you want? If you went to a liquor store and the one clerk refused to sell to you, would that stop you? Or would you go to another store? Or if another store wasn't available, would you return when that clerks' shift was over? If for some strange reason, your entire town went dry, would you go to another town to get more alcohol? Are you willing to put that same effort into not drinking? Finding an alternative to AA may work or it may not. You may get lucky that everyone helps you the way you want or you might find another person that hurts your sense of pride and then you are stuck again looking for another way (or another drink). Making your recovery so provisional only provides another excuse to not recover. My point is that people can let you down as much as they can surprise you. And you can't let one experience keep you from your goal. You can do this if you are willing. I know you can. "The only thing that beats a failure is a try." |
I still find it hard to believe that Frustrated Donny is not some kind of prankster?? |
.... Is there any section of this site that is wholly secular i.e. no AA and no references to god, religion etc? I am not asking sarcastically, i would like to know b/c then i would confine myself wholly to that section. i am very anti-religion and believe it's the cause of many, not all, problems in this world. And Donny, you CAN quit without AA. i believe many studies have shown that most people do just that, stop drinking on their own and without fanfare and endlessly revisiting the issue and making an obsession of their sobriety. now, if you are going to frequent a site such as this you may get the impression that is not the case, but remember this site is comprised of just a tiny segment of the quitters. |
AA Skeptic I've been told by some people, (people who want me to quit drinking) that AA isn't for me. That you have to be religious or believe in a higher power to have AA be effective. Is this true? Becuase I really know nothing about AA, but I also am completley un-religious and do not believe in anything, as far as a higher power. (I'm willing to get into that discussion in another forum, but right now, I just want to know if AA is for me) |
Holmes - give it a try. Only you can answer that question. Also, IMHO, do it for a bit more than just once! Mybe go a good few times before you make up your mind. Personally I think it will exceed all your expectations. It's a great program and great way to live. I find it very hard to relate to the anti-AA's, ironically majority sound to p*ssed off & embittered and mean spirited most of the time, they kind of push one to AA just by default!? Take a look at the general tone of people in AA for a while (I'm only in it 2 months so I am not a good example, but I can tell you I am so much happier and at peace and unresentful - compared to what I used to be like!! Not drinking alcohol is a pleasant by product) But! Each to his own. I am grateful I found AA, for me it's the best gift I have ever given myself. I've been away skiing the past week so haven't been to a meeting in about 10 days and can feel myself becoming pretty judgmental again (see this post!) I find AA just helps one to TRY and live by spiritual principles and you don't need to believe in God, but I certainly do. My sobriety is a miracle. You know, maybe it's not such a bad thing to believe in a power higher than oneself...? Give it a try, Good luck Cathy31 x |
Hi, holmes, You may find it difficult to apply AA if you do not believe in a higher power. But there are alternatives which are entirely secular: SMART Recovery http://www.smartrecovery.org LifeRing Secular Recovery http://www.unhooked.com SOS - Secular Organisations for Sobriety http://www.secularsobriety.org Rational Recovery http://www.rational.org Hi newlysober, No, there is no entirely secular forum here. I guess the 12-steppers on this forum didn't read the friendly reminder posted by Chy at the top of the forum. The question that started this thread was "I want to quit - are there any options besides AA?" That doesn't seem to me to be the question they were answering. Please, for those of you in AA: when someone asks for alternatives to AA, would you stop trying to persuade them to go back to AA? You have an entire forum devoted to that, ok? [This wasn't directed at you, Cathy! You were answering holmes' question.] "...i believe many studies have shown that most people do just that, stop drinking on their own and without fanfare..." Yep. The main characteristic they have in common is that they finally decide that the costs of drinking are too high. The other characteristics are that they then make a firm commitment to sobriety, they make lifestyle changes, and they plan for urges. Sober For Good is an excellent book with examples of people who have quit drinking using various methods. Don S |
Originally Posted by Cathy31 I still find it hard to believe that Frustrated Donny is not some kind of prankster?? |
Don, thank you for your reply. It really shows that there is a diverse group of people here. I just want you to know that it is appreciated... |
Hi Don! And I definitely was not referring to you in this sentence!! "I find it very hard to relate to the anti-AA's, ironically majority sound to p*ssed off & embittered and mean spirited most of the time, they kind of push one to AA just by default!? " You are absolutely right about : "Please, for those of you in AA: when someone asks for alternatives to AA, would you stop trying to persuade them to go back to AA? You have a whole forum devoted to that" You're right, Don. It's just that from my own personal experience...when I first came to SR I didn't go to AA forum because I didn't believe I was an alcoholic...it's only through hearing from the AA people on Newcomers Board, WIR, Alcoholism, etc etc that I actually was blessed enough to identify that I WAS an alcoholic, and that I should try AA - which I did and I'm so grateful I went to AA armed with the knowledge of what I was! I'll be forever grateful to the people on SR for that - and I just find it hard not to reciprocate - ie recommend AA whether it's an AA forum or not...people in AA forum already know about the gift of AA - it's the people outside of those forums who also deserve to hear about it - as I did. We can all agree to disagree, agreeably! Ultimately, the majority of us are trying to help and share and enable - in a good way!! - as best we can! love, CAthy31 xxx |
Originally Posted by holmes108 I've been told by some people, (people who want me to quit drinking) that AA isn't for me. That you have to be religious or believe in a higher power to have AA be effective. Is this true? Becuase I really know nothing about AA, but I also am completley un-religious and do not believe in anything, as far as a higher power. (I'm willing to get into that discussion in another forum, but right now, I just want to know if AA is for me) The AA 'suggested' philosophy is based on three pertinent ideas, from its own literature. a) that we were powerless over alcool b) that probably no human power could have restored us to sanity. c) that God could and would, if he were sort. However, the only requirement for AA membership is 'a desire to stop drinking' and there are no rules that can be enforced. If you want to see if AA is for you, it would be best to go to a couple of meetings. |
Originally Posted by Don S I guess the 12-steppers on this forum didn't read the friendly reminder posted by Chy at the top of the forum. The question that started this thread was "I want to quit - are there any options besides AA?" That doesn't seem to me to be the question they were answering. Please, for those of you in AA: when someone asks for alternatives to AA, would you stop trying to persuade them to go back to AA? You have an entire forum devoted to that, ok? |
Thanks, holmes, I think the primary difference between AA and secular approaches has to do with where one finds the power for change: from within or from outside one's self. I guess that the higher power can be anything you choose it to be. But it remains that you are looking outside of yourself for the power to change. The other recovery programs teach you tools and reinforce your ability to bring about that change yourself. If you have trouble with this statement.... Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him then AA is probably not for you. You'd have to do quite a bit of fancy mental footwork to get around that if you don't believe in any kind of higher power. Don S |
Originally Posted by Don S Thanks, holmes, If you have trouble with this statement.... Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him then AA is probably not for you. You'd have to do quite a bit of fancy mental footwork to get around that if you don't believe in any kind of higher power. Don S Initially have trouble with the statement 'made a decision to turn our will and lives over to the care of God as we understod him' isn't a problem. It's only really a problem if you are going to maintain that attitude in the longer term. Most AAs arrive with no intention of believing in God or higher powers. But will eventually end up believing in something. ('Why' is another thread.) |
LOL! Yeah...it does seem like an additional hurdle to sobriety, though. And unnecessary, given that there are alternatives. Don |
Originally Posted by Don S LOL! Yeah...it does seem like an additional hurdle to sobriety, though. And unnecessary, given that there are alternatives. Don It is a hurdle. What I realise today is that AA is made up, mostly of people who initially had no intention of seeking a spiritual remedy to their drinking problem. What seems to be needed is consistant exposure to AA, not the abilty to overcome any initial resistance - if you see the difference. Just my view, of course. Fact that I am agnostic and agree with alternatives doesn't change this. Andy |
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