ninthchance

i am feeling really uneasy right now. My roommate of 7 months has just informed me that she might start looking for another place to live. She works a 9-5 job and has a very regular schedule. She needs to be in bed by 11 at the latest and she needs her sleep. I am a student and i have a very erratic schedule. I am also an insomniac and i'm lucky if i get any sleep at all.

I think she is just finally admitting to herself that my drinking has become a problem as well, it took a while b/c i hid it from her for the most part. I think i scare her. I think mostly my depression is what makes her afraid of me. She is very active and hangs out with her boyfriend and co-workers and friends. I barely leave the apartment.

This is really starting to concern me b/c i already had a roommate move out on me, i suspect for the same reasons. Scratch that, I KNOW for the same reasons. I have been friends with these girls since i was a baby, but they both have a very difficult time confronting issues, and they are both the type to stay in denial for a long time before having to admit there is a problem.

I'm want to get my act together. I can't keep losing people b/c of this. I am a nice considerate roommate-there are no major problems. The problem is the people who I live with see who i am, and it makes them very uneasy, and they want to leave. I don't blame them.

Am i being naive in thinking that this will give me the motivation to change? i feel sick over this. thanks for listening

TracyAgain

(((ninthchance)))

I hope it motivates you to reach out for help.

Tracy

Anna

So ninthchance, stop drinking today and start on the journey to sobriety. Trust me, we all drive away a lot of people in our lives when we drink too much. The choice is up to you to change your life. I don't know if that will give you the motivation to change or not, but I can tell you than if you don't stop drinking, things will get worse. That's inevitable with addiction. So, choose to stay sober. You can do it!

Love, Anna

ninthchance

thanks for your replies..it really helps. I told my roommate before i moved in that i had "issues"...she laughed and said that she did too. I think she was thinking they were the kind of issues that are the very hip,neurotic, sex in the city type issues typical for girls in their twenties. but i am just starting to realize that the stuff i am dealing with is very very real, and very serious.

BubbaBob

Naive is probably the wrong word...but yes, you are wrong to have this as motivation. We MUST quit for ourselves and no other reason or it does not work.

BubbaBob

ninthchance

what does quitting for "ourselves" mean? i really don't know.

BubbaBob

It means you have to quit for you...because you want to for yourself.

Look at it this way...

Say you quit for your job. Then, while in recovery, you lose your job. Well, if you quit to keep your job, and it goes away for any reason, your reason for quitting goes away.

Same with wives/husbands/boyfriends/girlfriends. If you quit for them, and the relationship ends for some other reason, there goes your reason for quitting again...and here comes a big fat reason to drink...after all, you don't have a reason to not drink any more.

Kids? God forbid it should ever happen, but if you quit for your kid and he/she were killed in an accident, you would have to deal with it on top of having lost your reason for quitting...almost a perfect way to lose your recovery.

Quit for you...because you are sick and tired of being sick and tired.

BubbaBob

TracyAgain

The kid one is failure waiting to happen and it doesn't take an accident.

Kids grow up.

Tracy

Wood Faerie

I suppose I have a slightly different perspective on why to quit. I think ANY reason to try is a good enough reason. I am a member of AA, and my sponsor has often said any reason to get started is good enough - that is how she came to AA in the beginning. And another man who has years sober in AA who I really admire and pay attention to says to newcomers at many meetings that he didn't come to AA because he wanted to - he came to have his court card signed. He STAYED because he realized he was in the right place. Plenty of people are sober today because they got a "nudge from the judge" or someone else in the very beginning. A first step in the right direction, whatever the reason, is still a first step.

You mentioned yourself that you have a problem drinking. You also mentioned you are depressed - alcohol is a depressant, so that makes a lot of sense. And you sound like you are feeling quite alone and reclusive - another trademark of many, many alcoholics (myself included when I was drinking). So a question you might ask yourself is what are you gonna do about it? Sounds like you've been there and done that with drinking, and you aren't feeling too great about where you are. Are you ready to make a change and are you willing to get some help? Because if you are, there are a lot of us out there who are behind you 100%. It isn't easy, but it is so worth it.

All I can tell you is that AA works for me. It is an option for you to try. It is free. You could just try it out and see what you think. You can check out the Alcoholics Anonymous threads, or start one there if you have questions, and folks will answer back. Or you can call them up in your area 24/7, and someone will be glad to help you out. Whenever you are ready (for whatever reason) you can give it a try.

Thanks for sharing here, and keep coming back!

GettingSober

I used to wonder why my wife cared if I got hammered and sleep walked later in the night. There are some embarrasing reasons in my case but in general people dont want to be around a drunk. Its a negative impact.

I quit getting hammered nightly in 2005, it was getting a little crazy there in 03/04, I have slipped up on single nights but the old me is gone. I am about working out and doing more, being more entertained, booze was making me stupid too.

Funny thing was a coworker bought 'who I want to be' and it was a put down I thought because its almost child like. But as I rode my bike through the countryside today I realized something. I grew up without a role model or goal of who I wanted to be. Just wanted to get out on my own and make some money have some fun.

I think not having an identity that each and every day contributes to leaves us wanderlust and in line at the liquor store.

Just find a new you and move on. This leads nowhere.

GettingSober

Well for me -

- I am 42, want to feel young, booze makes me feel very old
- Want my daughter to know a strong daddy not a wus
- Want my wife to feel loved
- Want my organs to not be trashed from hard drinking
- Nerve damage goes away
- Muscle inflamation goes away
- Actually being here for the night, sleeping deep and happy
- Waking rested and feeling GREAT
- Doing something with my evening instead of just shutting down
- Everything is easier the next day when I sleep and not booze