TracyAgain

I have always thought of "humility" as a bad word, a very bad word. It just rubbed me wrong - nothing desirable about it. A friend shared some thoughts that gave me a different perspective on it. The condensed version of his words:

- - -

Humility is what makes it possible to pick up that 800 pound phone and ask for help.

Shame and arrogance are flipsides of the same coin and they come from the same place. If I feel "shame" it is clear evidence that I am obeying my ego instead of following the principles of recovery.

Humility makes it possible for me not be afraid of what others think, I don't have to be a slave to their opinions and judgments - but it is TERRIFYING to the ego to "let go" of the the control it THINKS it has.

In a nutshell: The essence of humility is daring to disobey your ego.

- - -

Pretty cool, eh? I'd love to hear other thoughts on the subject.

Tracy

Dan

Humility...
Is that thing that goes flying out the window as soon as I start feeling too good about being humble.

TracyAgain

Tracy

TracyAgain

For anyone else interested, I found a pretty cool thread on the subject in the "best of" archives:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...5&page=1&pp=20

Tracy

Chy

We have archives? Steph always has good stuff huh!

I remember asking about this new to the program of AA. I just didn't understand it, Peter explained it well to me......now I understand.

Bozo

You know that HALT thing to see how we are feeling or doing?

Well I judge my daily sobriety by my four cornerstones:

1.) Honesty
2.) Prayer
3.) Gratitude
4.) Humility

If I work on those 4 things the desire to drink stays away. That is good.

Val-light

Well, when I first admitted I had an alcohol abuse problem, I didn't dare admit it to anyone else for fear of what they would think of me. That was almost 6 months ago. I was at a church function the other day working in a small group and I admitted that I was a recovering alcoholic. That was the first time I ever admitted to anyone other than my immediate family that I was an alcoholic. And it was a sweet surprise to me when the person sitting next to me admitted that he was a recovering alcoholic too and then we burst out laughing; because the fear went out the window and we were both relieved that we could say it out loud; and the others thought it was pretty cool and then we all started laughing. That was a breakthrough for me when I put my ego aside. So now I'm at peace with myself and noone looked down on me which was very nice. It sure was a relief to drop that mask.
Val

3legacy

(((((((TracyAgain))))))))
Humility is not something I aspire to....... Its something glimpsed while in my limited aspiration to seek and do Gods will automatically without thinking about it. At least it is from my perspective.

Thanks for a great thread.

1Marty

Great post Tracy! This humility area has always been a big issue for me. I often find myself totally going back to trying to feed and maintain my ego, instead of working my recovery program. I find that when I do what my HP wants me to do, and put the ego aside, true growth and happiness eventually takes place. But when I give in, and just try to make myself look good, I just create huge tension in my life, and in the lives of those around me.

splendra

AHHHH...... HUMILITY......

That place that helps me to see that I am not the only one on this planet with rights, thoughts, and feelings. and...that I can do with more on knee time than me time....

jlo34

Humility (to me):
Doing what I believe to be God's will (being kind, loving, understanding, sympathetic, empathetic, forgiving, a comforter). Being what I believe God is, to me. Doing nice things for others and remaining completely anonymous. Last winter, I shoveled so much snow...it was funny, people would ask if my husband had shoveled their snow for them, I'd say no and they'd have this perplexed look on their faces and that's how I left it (with a big grin on my face to boot!!!). I love doing things to help others and I have found that staying absolutely anonymous about it (when I can) has been a huge asset. I no longer have to "plan" to do nice things; they come naturally (most of the time!!!) to me. It's a great feeling; considering I use to be an extremely angry, rageful, person full of resentments thinking everyone was out to get me and everyone thought they knew how to run my life better than I and I was going to show them come heck or high water. Now, it's more about the bunnies and the rainbows and the lollipops (oh, lets get real: chocolate, not lollipops!!!!).

Great thread!!
Jen

Patsyd1

Humility to me, is "truth"

It's remaining my right size by understanding completely that I am one teenie weenie, itty bitty, microscopic speck in this vast universe, and that I am just simply not that important.

TracyAgain

I have the urge to sing to my ego that song from TV: "You're not the boss of me now and you're not so big!"

It sounds like prideful humility, eh? LOL. It feels like an epiphany, an
"ah ha" moment.

I remember reading somewhere: The ego is to the true self what a flashlight
is to a spotlight.

I think there is truth in that. I also think it sounds sort of self-seeking.

It's confusing.

Tracy

TracyAgain

I've rediscovered chocolate too.

It could be partially just physically feeling better and looking better, but people at work are approaching me more openly, telling me personal problems and stuff. Whatever it is, I like it.

Tracy

Val-light

Thanks TracyAgain,
All I know is that my ego took a huge beating as it needed to. Thanks for a great thread.
Val

Andy F

Hi Tracy

I have no problem with anyone else's view, but I personally have no place for 'humility' as any part of addiction abstinence. For me, this is a throwback to AA's religious roots.

Of course, humility is easily understood as acknowledging the truth, whatever that may be.

A lot of people will beat themselves up trying to find 'humility' as the bad and undesirable wretches they believe themselves to be. In fact, what they need is building up, not the eradication of their ego.

Each to their own and I have every confidence you will find the way for you.

All the best

Music

Ego if fine as long it's kept in it's place. My ego told me that I knew all the answers, or could figure them out with enough drinks under my belt.

I used to confuse humility with being humiliated and I didn't want any part of humility. I've discovered though that to be "humiliated" is to have 'humility" forced upon me against my will. Today I have a desire to be humble. To achieve humility, I have to recognize that 1)I'm not in charge of everything and 2)There is a Higher Power and it ain't me. I have to remind myself that only by the grace of that Higher Power, I am sober today. I believe humility is truth and honesty about where I stand in the overall scheme of things. I'm no more and no less than any other human being. I'm just another grain of sand on the beach. I'm unique to myself in that there will never be another peron exactly like me but that's as far as that goes. I pray and I attend church, not because I'm expected to, not because my Higher Power needs me to but because I need to pray and attent church in order to keep myself in my place. When I go to church I take my Higher Power with me. I believe that if I take credit for my sobriety or any accomplishments I've made since being sober, some day I may have to take credit for my being drunk again. Humility isn't a feeling, it's an attitude as a result of taking the necessary actioin to remind myself that without the help of others, and my Higher Power I'm all alone again and I had enough of that when I was drinking.

Dan

Humility and ego in the same thread...
Now we're talking.
I had to park my ego long enough to finally accept I couldn't sober up on my own.
That I needed some kind of help and support.
I had to be humble enough, long enough, to take the first step in seeking and finding that help and support.
As circumstances would have it, it was an AA meeting in a church basement that would become the doorway to recovery for me.

I think I understand where Music comes from when he says it would be dangerous for him to take credit for his sobriety. And I most certainly respect that. Solid sober convictions like Music's are seldom the result of confused thoughts.

But at the same time, I also agree, and see it at work in my own life,with Andy's premise of building up one's ego.
I interpret that in taking pride in accomplishing what seemed unattainable just a year ago; a mostly serene outlook on my less than perfect circumstances.
Giving credit to my higher power accomplishes much and solidifies my sobriety, I believe.
But recognizing the tangible, the work and effort I put in daily, be it reading and praying, be it going to meetings, be it helping another like me who may be feeling less than serene...
Those are things I need to own as good actions.
Free will?
You bet.

Music

Good points Dan and well taken.

I agree that getting up in the morning, going to work, being a responsible member of society, answering the call of friends in need,(in AA and out)praying, going to church, telling the truth, learning to live and love are all things I've put effort into and are worth being proud of and also grateful for. The desire to "get" sober wasn't my doing. The desire to stay sober was/is my doing, and it takes work. I have to keep in mind though that the opportunity to do this work that I do on a daily basis today, wasn't my brain child and the gifts that sobriety has given me I would have never believed I deserved when I was drinking.

Humility and ego on the same thread??? Absolutely appropriate considering that one counter-balances the other.

Dan

Why do I get what you mean when you say that? And absolutely believe you and know that it's probably the basis of your solid foundation.
And why am I more comfortable not believing the same for myself?
Oh boy, is this a can of worms we're opening here?