bad relationship
 

i've been trying to get out of a long term tough relationship. i don't want to call it BAD, b/c it hasn't been bad, and its definitely had its great points, but its been rough, and its been intense, and i call him alot when i've been drinking. he drinks alot too, although i can not be sure if he has a problem or not, he might just like to party with his friends. all i know is that i want to try and leave that relationship be.....we met when we were 12 year olds, and its hard to let go of childhood relationshps like that. we are both in our mid twenties now and we want to get on with our lives. i'm not sure how booze plays a role in our relationship, i just knows that it does. when we met we were preteens, so innocent, and then fast forward to mid twenties and we both had drinking problems. we never planned on that. no one does. but that's just how it worked out. any advice?

(((((nc)))))

I am confused about your relationships. I thought I read earlier that you are dating around...I think I said before that if you want to be clean that it is best to focus on getting sober before starting a relationship. But if you are already in a relationship that is another story. Some people do break relationships when they decide to get clean other remain involved. Only you can evaluate what you need to do about this relationship. Do think you can get sober if you continue this relationship? Have you talked to him about your desire to get clean?

It sounds like you are trying to get things organized in your mind before you get clean.But, really if you want to be clean that has to come first because your thinking will change and things that seem important to you right now might not be so important when you step into reality. I would like to reccomend that you just get sober first and see where you land with that....

I am struggling with a relationship issue too. I've been married 20 years drinking about 13 of those years. After staying sober for over 6 years i've been back to drinking again for the last 3 years. I am having alot more trouble getting the "resolve" to quit again. Anyway, I'vem been misserable most of my marriage (including the sober years).

Splenda...

you're rignt- i am being confusing. Basically i have been "technically" out of this relationship for a year. But we still talk every now and then- enough for it to be confusing. I have been dating also. I really think i have too much on my plate right now. I really have to sort things out with myself first. i think your advice was dead on. I need to see how i feel with a clear head.