sleepdemon

I don't know why today is so bad. It's like all of a sudden I want to get obliterated (more so than usual)and throw the last 60 days down the drain. Oh, for the love of the almighty I am white knuckling it to death!!!!! AAHHH ! Have cleaned like a maniac and have drank so much java I'm pi#####every 30 min. What else can I do?? I've showered, walked, done 6 loads of laundry... I'm so bored and frustrated I'm a total antsy grump. Unfortunately, I cannot call anyone because I have no one to call! Every single person I can get a hold of is an active drinker and are not a good influence on me. They'll just say, oh, come on... here, drink up like us!!! I don't have a sponsor or anything like that. I had to move back into my parent's house because I lost my job and have no monetary means. It's been 3 mo. living here with never seeing anyone. I am not allowed to have money...so I couln't get any vodka like I so much want to do. I am going stir crazy. Besides drinking, I've also stopped a few other addictions while living here in seclusion. Man, and drinking isn't even the roughest one I have to deal with. Does it sound like I'm whining? Sorry, I know I have to keep dealing with the cravings but really, will I still be feeling like this forever??? (AAAHHHHHH Charlie Brown)Have been trying to go to an extended recovery place but my insurence co. is (of course) being an ******* about it. I don't know if I can hold on much longer...

Jerry

The urge to drink will pass, it always does. Remember why you quit in the first place? Get your ass to a meeting and get some phone numbers. You need more than online help right now. Hang out with sober people, read the big book, exercise, go for walks, go to another meeting. Early recovery is a bitch, get used to it.
But remember this line. "This to shall pass." Don't lose sight of why your doing this.

Hang on and good luck Jerry

moonnstarsfan

Well, all that caffinee probably isn't doing you to well. Try going for a walk. That always helps me!! I know you probably don't feel like going for a walk, but once you get started you'll start to feel better. Also, talk with someone... anyone.. who knows what you are going through.... Hang in there, the urges will pass.
**** Sending positive thoughts****

sleepdemon

Thanks for the support guys! It is almost 4:20 (AHHHH) and I feel somewhat better than yesterday afternoon, although I just did something soo dumb and weird. I chopped all my long hair off with these teeny, tiny nose hair clippers. What have I done?? I swear, the things I do to myself! Why can't I ever be nice to me?????