progress

Hi all--I am so happy to report that I am on day 3, after what I hope will be my final "Lost Weekend." (I hear there was a football game on TV this past Sunday, lol). I have been talking with a local AA friend, seeking therapy, and taking it one day/hour/minute at a time.

I am sweating like crazy, but that is about it as far as withdrawal symptoms go. I can almost feel all the poisons leaving my body, and take great comfort in the fact that each day is a little bit easier. I have many obligations this week (to work and to family as well), so keeping busy has not been a problem at all.

I had an appointment with shrink #1 yesterday. If it had gone just a little bit better, it would have been a fiasco, lol! In all seriousness, however, this person was not my first choice. However, because it was so extremely convenient (about two minutes from my house), I decided to give her a try. We spoke for all of ten minutes, and mutually decided it wasn't going to work.

The good news is that I spoke with shrink #2 (my first choice), and she agreed that shrink #1 was out of line. So it WASN'T just me, my denial, or whatever shrink #1 wanted to call it.

Anyway, am I willing to go to any lengths at this time to maintain sobriety? Yes, I honestly am. And for me, that realization is worth the fog that surrounds this past weekend.

Thanks for being here everyone. (((HUGS)))

CAPTAINZING2000

Just 1 question.? What happened? You had how many years in AA and went back out. They tell me that's insanity. What makes someone drink after the amount of time you had.?

A lot of people in here can gain by your experience. A relapse is a good tool in recovery. It doesn't have to be my relapse. You coming in here and saying you're having a hard time, lets me know I don't want to go back out and drink again

I do admire you for being honest and come back. I've watch so many peoples lives spiral out of control where I live. Pride stops them from coming back after a slip

progress

I stopped going to AA meetings in 1993 and was able to drink in moderation until about, oh I don't know, about a year or so ago. So it took me nearly 11 years to get back to the point I am now; it didn't happen overnight.

I think what happened is that I started listening to the negativity in my head, the part that tells me that I don't deserve to have a happy life. That the fact that I have built a good life for myself, with a great husband, three great kids, and a great job, was all a fraud. That my screwed-up family of origin doomed me to a dysfunctional life.

I gave into those feelings. In psycho-speak, my old shrink called it "survivor's guilt." The better my life became--the more normal, if you will--the more the old tapes started playing that told me I only deserved a chaotic life, not a peaceful life. And when my surroundings were (and are) so peaceful, I created my OWN chaos.

I hope this makes sense...I'm still making sense of it myself...

CAPTAINZING2000

If, you mean you're as happy as you let yourself be; I do understand.

I had a bad moment here at work earlier. I know, I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to. I don't have to linger with someone that puts my serenity in jeopardy.

I also know, I can have a good day every 24 hours I'm alive. The choice is ours

pattyspaw

I am beginning day 6 and really feeling the withdrawals, in some ways it's getting easier and in others not; I am determined to stay sober, my mind is clearer and I am not obsesseing on when is the next time I am going to drink, I am reading the big book and keeping myself busy with many other things; I know the weekend will be difficult but I know I can do it, One Day At A Time! Thanks for sharing, it really helps me a lot to come in here and read others stories

CAPTAINZING2000

a lot can be said to how well we can retrain ourselves. time and time again, someone posts on here they've had a relapse. You get to talking to them about it, they went and did the same thing they were doing. I know, if I go up to a dog with his teeth showing reach down to pet him, there's a good chance I'm going to get bitten. I go out to places that serve alcohol with people that drink, I'm going to get drunk. Everyone needs to b aware of their triggers

Greatful2004

Isn't the sweating weird? I still have it on day 2, and I know from experience that it can go on for like 5 days. At least the shaking is mostly gone.

CAPTAINZING2000

i CAN'T RECALL MY LAST HANGOVER TOOK SEVERAL DAYS TO RECOVER SAD WHAT WE DO TO OUR BODIES

progress

I completely agree that a lot depends on retraining ourselves and our thinking. Example: I just returned from helping out in my son's kindergarten class. If you've never been in one, an hour is a loooooong time in a class of 20 5- and 6-year-olds, lol! Very hectic!

Anyway, when I left last week, the first thing I did was go drink. Matter of fact, one of my weaknesses was always after a "job well done," I would reward myself by drinking. I didn't do that today, and for that I'm grateful.

I'm surprised that I'm still waking up with soaked sheets, but daytime sweats are improving anyway. It is definitely still one day/hour/minute at a time, but I'm managing.

(((HUGS)))

CAPTAINZING2000

The Sad Reward Of Nothing To Show For It I Reward Myself For Not Drinking. We Had A Post On Here The Other Day How Much Did U Spend On Your Drinking. When You Add It All Up, You Can Take A Vacation Every Year On It. Well!! I Could Cept I've Got My Son Living With Me Now. Looks Like A Drive To Va. Beach For Him And I. 2 C His Brother.

Lunachic

Tools for RECOVERY????...oh my gosh...dontcha' know..If I thought relapse.."slammin' a few brews"...would help me right now...I'd be out the door!!! I got to do...my first 5 dayZZzzzz...sweating??..oh yeah...IN JAIL<<<never been there before....no smokies either....That was 16 days ago...I'm hangin' on for dear...sweet...life...
Thanx so much for all of you~~Luna