grkda

Im new here. Hi all.

I think my situation boils down to this, if I were to be honest, I really dont want to quit drinking. I want to be able to drink a cold beer now and then. Thats what pisses me off the most. If/when I do quit, I know that I wont be able to have a beer on those occassions that practically cry out for it. Ive quit before and that aggravation is always what trips me up. I want to be able to have a beer now and then and the recognition that I wont be able to, really really really ticks me off.

How the hell do you get over that? (Not an actual question as I do know the answer, its just more of a frustrated rant).

I need to quit. Its gone from the ridiculous into the sublime recently. Im out of work, a case a day habit, and a wife and 3 kids that Im letting down every day.

So who has the magic secret? Tell me dammit

In memory of miracle

To SR and thank-you for your honesty.I tried the just one method for years.Never worked out,thank g*d I know that today.My magic secret is I got sick and tired of being sick and tired,than I promptly surrendered to Alcoholic's Anonymous ! Bless,Trish

Don S

I found that the longer I went without drinking, the less frequently those times 'cried out' to me. It's a matter of retraining your brain, and continuing to drink -- even just every so often, if you could do that -- makes that retraining more difficult. It keeps the old behavior pathways in the brain open, whereas abstinence allows those patterns of behavior to gradually fade away.
Change your beverage of choice, stick to it, and you'll find it gets easier over time. But if you keep drinking, I think it'll be harder and it'll take longer to get comfortable about it.
Take care,
Don S

grkda

NO NO NO, thats not what I wanted to hear Don! You need to tell me that you have a way of beating it. Surely there is an infomercial or someone offering a product that will make it all go away?

I like your "retraining the brain" thoughts. Now we just need a way to expedite that process.

Music

IMO you're just not ready to quit yet. You do, but you don't. So, keep right on drinking and when you're ready, you won't have any doubts. I can tell you this though. I had/have a wife and three kids when I quit drinking and you'll be missing a whole lot of growing up with your kids if things keep going the way they are. There are so many things to replace drinking with, that it just doesn't make sense to me any more. But, if drinking is more important to you than the wife and kids, then drinking is what you should do. If you quit while you don't want to, it's just going to **** you off and you'll always wonder if you did the right thing. Matter of fact, why don't you just move out and spare your family all the hurt and indignity of watching you go down the drain, not to mention the pain that will be inflicted upon them. When you're ready, give AA a call and tell them you're ready. They'll handle the rest....that is if you live that long.

brighty86

Hi Grkda,
I am new at this, so bear with me. I am your neighbor over in Boise and I also drank beer. I have been sober almost 3 weeks. I did switch drinks to ice cold McDonalds shakes. Hey, you can find them just about everywhere and the shakes are good. They are also very filling and I couldn't possible drink a beer after a shake.
Hang in there!
Brighty

BubbaBob

grkda, I'm sorry to tell you, but there is no magic here, or anywhere else.

Ya just gotta wanna, and you said it yourself, you don't wanna. Some day, you will wanna, and you will quit...or you'll die first. That simple guy.

I asked a friend of mine who kept "slipping" if he really wanted to quit. After a few minutes of thinking he said, "Nah...I just want it to quit screwing up my life."

Ain't gonna happen. Period.

Bottom line is, do you want to live, or do you just want to exist until you die? Nobody's choice but yours.

BubbaBob

CAPTAINZING2000

Got a question 4 u!! What does the beer do for you? make you better looking, help you out at work, make you a better husband or father?? Tell you a secret, you don't quit forever, you quit for 24 hours. Forever is out of our reality. You don't even want to know the future, neither does any one else. We couldn't handle the future.

You just don't have drink for today. I speak for a lot of people that have been sober for several years, life gets better. My life is free of remorse today. I can look in a mirror. I don't get up sick. I've taken great vacations from the money i'd PI$$ED down the toilet. I got a better job, better relationship with my family.

There's nothing that a drink in our life that would make it better

jason g

Hey Buddy,
Hang in there. To be honest there is no secret to quit. If you ask everyone they will all tell you different answers. The most important thing to remeber is that you can not quit for someone else you have to want to for yourself. I know those situations are hard when it feels like the right time to have a beer. Just look at it this way, some people can not take penacilin, or some people can have dairy products, as much as they would like to they can't. Well you and me we just can not drink a beer....oh well it sucks but you know what you do not need it all you do is **** it out later anyways.......hang in there one day at a time.

GettingSober

New habits replace old ones, its toughest at first and gets easier until you gladly run towards a nice tall NO FEAR energy drink in a stainless steel mixing glass with ice and a nice magenta head but without the hangover and embarrassment.

For now simply tell yourself this : I will cleanup and get healthy, raise my rugrats until they are 21 then If I want to go back to sucking down suds its my perogative. You just dont drink today, trust me, they will still be making suds when the kids are gone.

What happened to me is I would work hard for my family and seek booze as a reward. Instead of evenings cramming the latest tech so I could get every higher per hour consulting rates I was freaked out by the offshoring and decided to just escape in the booze. You do have to face everything without the booze but it quickly STOPS looking like a big hairy spider this way. No problemo - life is a walk thru without the booze.

Kids are counting on you man, do it the easy way.

Peter

Who among us at some point or another did not rue the fact early in sobriety that alcohol would always be a danger to us.

Here in Jamaica we produce some of the best beers and rums in the world and the thought of never again being able to sip on a rum and water while watching the Sunday afternoon cricket match made me sad.

The truth about myself is that if I was the type of person who could have just one, two or even three drinks I would not be here today.

When it comes to alcohol I lack consistency in my ability to control the amount of alcohol I consume.

Invariably some event will occur that will precipitate another binge and all thought of control would be forgotten.

It took me twenty years to understand that the only real option I had was to stay away from alcohol,PERMANENTLY.

Seven years sober has dramatically reduced the appeal alcohol once had for me.I still laugh at the funny beer commercials on tv but other than that I find no more amusement in it.

grkda

Thanks for the comments all.

I hope everyone understands that I am not really looking for a "secret" or any magic solution. I was just absurdly pointing out what I think everyone wanted when they quit, but knew didnt exist.

A couple said that Im not ready to quit because I really will miss being able to have a cold beer from time to time. I think you may have mistaken my attempt at lightheartedness with insincerity. But, maybe not. Am I the only one here who has looked at the prospect of never being able to have a beer and been frustrated because of it? Maybe that frustration indicates that Im not ready. (?)

Thanks again for the comments.

Anna

Personally, I think the frustration does indicate that you're not ready to quit yet. Yes, I absolutely experienced a huge level of frustration that there would never be a glass of wine again at a celebration. But, you have to let go of that in order to move forward. Think in terms of the here and now and not 'forever' because it's simply overwhelming to look at it that way. Then, as my sobriety progressed I found that there are so many gifts that come to me on a daily basis, and giving up alcohol is a very small price to pay.

Love, Anna

Cap3

The dream of alot of alcholics,before program, is to ,be able to,drink like normal folks do.have one or two and just walk away,on those special occassions.But does it happen that way?Look at your experience.From the Big Book.The delusion that we are like other people,or presently may be,has to be smashed.We,alcoholics are men/women who have lost the......ability.........to control our drinking.We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control.All of us felt at times that we were regaining control,but such intervals-usually brief-were inevitably followed by still less control....Its only a delusion that i can drink normally.It may be in this,that your having issues with,of how you can drink normally,and its not happening.Alcoholics are simply not normal drinkers..or ever can be..Are you alcoholic?Check out some AA meetings.Look for the similarities,in others experience,strenght,and hope.Bring the body and the mind will follow,.ONE DAY AT A TIME...I dont think about forever,Makes me antsy..lol.
Thanks for letting me share,
God Bless,,take care!!!!!!!!!!

GettingSober

Booze to me is unnappealing. Its gross. Its getting frightening to look back at the level of drinking I was doing.

Yes for a long time I was young and rowdy and thought that booze was a reward that held some value.

Now I see through that glass to the real misery on the other side. Maybe it worked when I was younger but it sure does not work now. It can hardly be called a reward to abuse myself that way. Near allergic reaction - physically.
Feel like I let someone kick me in the gut 20 times.

Have a cool one out on the town during dinner with my wife? Maybe get a little grouchy ? Maybe want another ? You know I think I will quit right here I feel great.

Only old habits cause it to cross my mind.

Time to bench squat 315 and off to work, its a great day with no booze last night !

grkda

Hi Anna

Did you feel that frustration when you quit, or did that frustration subside? Im seriously beginning to wonder if Im really NOT ready. I thought everybody who quit felt that frustration, but now Im not so sure. :shrug:

Anna

For me, I had to let go of that frustration in order to quit. As long as I held onto the anger about not drinking, I'd quit for a few days and back I'd go. I'm not sure if everybody feels that frustration, but I know from being around SR awhile that many people do feel that. Because you're frustrated doesn't mean you can't quit. Really just focus on not drinking today and deal with that. That's all you need to do right now.

Love, Anna

GettingSober

Also I dont miss it because I realize it offers me nothing but grief.

I stride into the liquor store and say high to friends and buy wifes wine.

I poor it for her. Smells nasty.

Let her drink that nasty stuff, seems to agree with her.

In order to still benefit from wines reservratol I take it in supplement form and eat nuts and drink grape juice.

grkda

I remember that smell, faintly. I had quit a few years ago and after 3 or 4 months being sober, I couldnt stand the smell of it. My mother is an alcoholic and I lived with her for a while when I was sobering up (yes, I do know how ridiculous that was but I had no choice, and I only started drinking again after having moved out and got back on my feet financially. It wasnt her drinking that made me slip) but I remember after being sober, the smell of bourbon at 10am just about made me gag. I only wish I had that same visceral reaction now!

Don S

Don't let the replies here make you feel as though you haven't got a commitment to sobriety!
I have no hard statistics on this, but I'd say 99% of people who quit drinking feel that frustration at first. Keep in mind, though, that 82% of statistics are made up on the spot.
You're making a change in your daily behavior. That's always unsettling and frustrating, no matter what it's related to. And you're expressing some anxiety about how you'll deal with that urge day to day. Planning for urges is one of the things that people who are successful at longterm sobriety do. So figuring out what you're going to do about this frustration is important. For me, having a quick mental reply was helpful -- 'alcohol doesn't make anything better' or something like that.
Don S