How pathetic am I?
I'm a goofy dork most times =)
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Las Vegas, NV
Posts: 40
How pathetic am I?
Here I sit, talking to my husband on the phone, calculating how long it is going to take him to get home, while I'm looking at this website and its postings and angrily willing a bottle of Bailey's (the only thing in the freezer that's not been drank enough for him to notice) to thaw so I can drink some before he gets home.
I know I know I know I know I know I have a problem. I need to find it in me to fix it. How have you members been able to reach inside you and fix it? How have you been able to will yourself to change? I want to be that person. If you've read my other few threads, I can't just go to AAmeetings cause they would have to be during work, my husband doesn't know I have this little idiosyncracy about me, so I can't just up and tell him...it would be disastrous. I know I can do it on my own if I try...
Jenni
Las Vegas
I know I know I know I know I know I have a problem. I need to find it in me to fix it. How have you members been able to reach inside you and fix it? How have you been able to will yourself to change? I want to be that person. If you've read my other few threads, I can't just go to AAmeetings cause they would have to be during work, my husband doesn't know I have this little idiosyncracy about me, so I can't just up and tell him...it would be disastrous. I know I can do it on my own if I try...
Jenni
Las Vegas
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,709
Hi Jenny.
You might find the will to change when you start looking at it with honesty. Or a little more honesty.
Your little idiosyncracy might just be alcoholism, after all.
The longer you keep a blanket over it and don't let anyone see it, including yourself, the longer it's going to sit there.
You might find the will to change when you start looking at it with honesty. Or a little more honesty.
Your little idiosyncracy might just be alcoholism, after all.
The longer you keep a blanket over it and don't let anyone see it, including yourself, the longer it's going to sit there.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,502
Hi Jenni,
Welcome! I have read your other posts and I think you are beginning to realize that you have a drinking problem, but it also seems like you're still in denial. It's hard to admit that you have a problem in your life that you can't control and that you need to do something about it. Do you want to stop drinking? I'm not sure from reading your posts if you want to stop or just cut down. There's a HUGE difference, as any alcoholic will tell you. We've all tried to cut down and failed again and again. If you want to stop drinking you can find lots of support and encouragement here.
Anna
Welcome! I have read your other posts and I think you are beginning to realize that you have a drinking problem, but it also seems like you're still in denial. It's hard to admit that you have a problem in your life that you can't control and that you need to do something about it. Do you want to stop drinking? I'm not sure from reading your posts if you want to stop or just cut down. There's a HUGE difference, as any alcoholic will tell you. We've all tried to cut down and failed again and again. If you want to stop drinking you can find lots of support and encouragement here.
Anna
Paused
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Washington
Posts: 5,093
The truth will set you free.
Okay, then just stop. If that doesn't work for you there is AA. AA meetings are scheduled throughout the day. I'm sure you could find one that fits in your schedule.
I'm willing to bet that your husband knows about your problem and just hasn't brought it up. Take the opportunity to speak with him and be honest with him. You'll feel much better for letting it out. He may be angry with you, but he also may be helpful in your recovery. Strength in numbers.
I couldn't stop drinking on my own. It was only through working the 12 Steps in the Big Book "Alcoholics Anonymous", that I was able to quit. You can stop too. It takes honesty and the willingness to quit.
Try to do it your way. Always remember, that if your way doesn't work, there is hope and help through the program of AA. Good luck...
I know I can do it on my own if I try...
I'm willing to bet that your husband knows about your problem and just hasn't brought it up. Take the opportunity to speak with him and be honest with him. You'll feel much better for letting it out. He may be angry with you, but he also may be helpful in your recovery. Strength in numbers.
I couldn't stop drinking on my own. It was only through working the 12 Steps in the Big Book "Alcoholics Anonymous", that I was able to quit. You can stop too. It takes honesty and the willingness to quit.
Try to do it your way. Always remember, that if your way doesn't work, there is hope and help through the program of AA. Good luck...
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: colorado
Posts: 62
For me its about replacing the reward after work. While my wife was preggo I had a difficult transition on fridays where I normally picked up a movie and 6-pack. However by changing my reward and establishing "new habits" it changed easily just not at first. Find a better rut to be in.
Last year it was every single nite.
Everyday I leave work I think about driving my xterra down the country roads to my home and knocking one back. Its a beautiful drive and something about colorado has fueled my drinking. Anyway that used to be my reward.
But let me share something with you. Its not much of a reward. Shutting down your brain a layer at a time and not even remembering the evening. If that works it must be because someone needs to get a life- nothing is preferrable to remembering something. For now I see my daughter after work, I workout, I frag online and I have an energy drink, as big of an energy drink as I want. Comfort food.
Then I have a nice interesting evening and sleep well all nite. The next day is a breeze and I wake up feeling great for no reason at all.
You just have to realize that the reward your giving yourself is a lie, it makes you feel good for a minute then it bankrupts your future. I cant even enjoy the minute anymore.
Be good to yourself, booze was killing me from the inside out. Give yourself a real reward - because you deserve one.
Last year it was every single nite.
Everyday I leave work I think about driving my xterra down the country roads to my home and knocking one back. Its a beautiful drive and something about colorado has fueled my drinking. Anyway that used to be my reward.
But let me share something with you. Its not much of a reward. Shutting down your brain a layer at a time and not even remembering the evening. If that works it must be because someone needs to get a life- nothing is preferrable to remembering something. For now I see my daughter after work, I workout, I frag online and I have an energy drink, as big of an energy drink as I want. Comfort food.
Then I have a nice interesting evening and sleep well all nite. The next day is a breeze and I wake up feeling great for no reason at all.
You just have to realize that the reward your giving yourself is a lie, it makes you feel good for a minute then it bankrupts your future. I cant even enjoy the minute anymore.
Be good to yourself, booze was killing me from the inside out. Give yourself a real reward - because you deserve one.
I bite.
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: USA
Posts: 498
Hey Jenni -
GettingSober has some good advice.
You are not pathetic. That kind of talk invokes guilt and shame.
You need to find a way to love yourself more. Then you can change.
My wife didn't know I drank. I had to sit her down and tell her. That was way hard. In the end, it didn't really matter much. All she wanted was just for me to bring home a paycheck. Now that, to me, is pathetic.
Be selfish when it comes to your wants and desires.
GettingSober has some good advice.
You are not pathetic. That kind of talk invokes guilt and shame.
You need to find a way to love yourself more. Then you can change.
My wife didn't know I drank. I had to sit her down and tell her. That was way hard. In the end, it didn't really matter much. All she wanted was just for me to bring home a paycheck. Now that, to me, is pathetic.
Be selfish when it comes to your wants and desires.
Last edited by Grimnar; 01-18-2005 at 08:33 PM.
1 bite&all resistance crumbles
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: IRELAND
Posts: 2,208
Jenni
The only way I could do it was AA. I started going to the morning meetings and even twice a week, sometimes once a week was a BRILLIANT strart - at work I said look, I am taking my lunch break an hour early (meeting was at 12pm) ok and grabbed a sandwich on the way. It can be done. I have to say though, that my husband has been so supportive - he knew all along - (unlike you mine was VERY obvious!!!) and it's amazing how people who love you will support you when you sincerely tell them honestly what's going on. It was a great relief.
But, first things first!! Look up Aa meetings during the day - even one on your way home from work. If you hang with your work buddies, replace some of the hanging time with AA time once a weke - it's a start!
good luck! You're stil lyoung, don't let it destroy your life.
Keep coming back!
Cathy31
x
The only way I could do it was AA. I started going to the morning meetings and even twice a week, sometimes once a week was a BRILLIANT strart - at work I said look, I am taking my lunch break an hour early (meeting was at 12pm) ok and grabbed a sandwich on the way. It can be done. I have to say though, that my husband has been so supportive - he knew all along - (unlike you mine was VERY obvious!!!) and it's amazing how people who love you will support you when you sincerely tell them honestly what's going on. It was a great relief.
But, first things first!! Look up Aa meetings during the day - even one on your way home from work. If you hang with your work buddies, replace some of the hanging time with AA time once a weke - it's a start!
good luck! You're stil lyoung, don't let it destroy your life.
Keep coming back!
Cathy31
x
I'm a goofy dork most times =)
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Las Vegas, NV
Posts: 40
Hi all!! I am sooo on the verge of crying. Most of it is because everyone says their spouses have been supportive, just ask...my husband has said ( a year ago or so) that he knows what it's like because his parents were alcoholics and he went to AlAnon and whatnot. But he is soooooo unsupportive. WE've gotten into so many fights because he's unsupportive and he doesn't realize that if I'm not drinking and won't permit myself to drink, then I may be grouchy. I've told him that anyone who's been to an AA type of meeting would know that supportiveness is key, but he thinks otherwise.
Anyway, I was very moved by all the posts and had to write. I drank from noon today until about an hour ago. I stopped (and had a grilled cheese and a sprite cause Dean's coming home) I will try to be better...
Jenni
Anyway, I was very moved by all the posts and had to write. I drank from noon today until about an hour ago. I stopped (and had a grilled cheese and a sprite cause Dean's coming home) I will try to be better...
Jenni
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,502
Jenni,
You need to stop drinking for yourself whether or not your husband is supportive of you or not. If he is supportive, that's great, if not you still need to do this for yourself. I'm not sure that everyone says their spouses have been supportive. Some are and some aren't. My husband was supportive in that he wanted me to stop drinking, but he didn't want to hear about my trials and tribulations on a daily basis. He just wanted me to do it but he didn't want to be part of the process.
You can find lots of support and encouragement here at SR!
Love, Anna
You need to stop drinking for yourself whether or not your husband is supportive of you or not. If he is supportive, that's great, if not you still need to do this for yourself. I'm not sure that everyone says their spouses have been supportive. Some are and some aren't. My husband was supportive in that he wanted me to stop drinking, but he didn't want to hear about my trials and tribulations on a daily basis. He just wanted me to do it but he didn't want to be part of the process.
You can find lots of support and encouragement here at SR!
Love, Anna
I bite.
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: USA
Posts: 498
Originally Posted by 51anna
You need to stop drinking for yourself whether or not your husband is supportive of you or not. If he is supportive, that's great, if not you still need to do this for yourself.
As I said, my wife just wants me to be all better and does not want to be part of the process. She has even gone so far as to say the meetings have not been helping me.
I feel so alone. Yet I try.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: The Field of Dreams
Posts: 7,249
I also agree with Anna.With or without your husbands support this is up to you.You can find plenty of support here at SR.This is a great place and I love it here.You will find even more support in AA.I used to live in Vega's and know they have some exellent meetings there all over town at all hours of the day.I tried numerous times to do this on my own.AA isnt for everyone but its best for me.By the way,you are not alone.
1 bite&all resistance crumbles
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: IRELAND
Posts: 2,208
Jenni,
Try those meetings!!! Just at least look them up and see if perhaps one or two fit into your schedule - or can you make one or two fit into your schedule.
Don't be sad about your H not being supportive...those of us with husband's that ARE supportive, well they are not perfect in all ways!All marriages are hard work.
But Anna makes a great point - you have to do it for you. You're still young and basically you have to stand up for yourself - at some stage. If you don't do it now - for this very good reason - I just don't know when you will be able to. I KNOW you said your H is possessive, butyou have to try and talk to him and say I am doing this for ME and a by-product is that I will be happier and our marriage will be stronger, but this is what I am doing. And you can come along to some open meetings if you wish, but I am doing this because it is absolutely ESSENTIAL.
Thinking of you!
Good luck and keep coming back, ok?
You're reaching out which is a great first step!!!
Love
cathy31
xx
Try those meetings!!! Just at least look them up and see if perhaps one or two fit into your schedule - or can you make one or two fit into your schedule.
Don't be sad about your H not being supportive...those of us with husband's that ARE supportive, well they are not perfect in all ways!All marriages are hard work.
But Anna makes a great point - you have to do it for you. You're still young and basically you have to stand up for yourself - at some stage. If you don't do it now - for this very good reason - I just don't know when you will be able to. I KNOW you said your H is possessive, butyou have to try and talk to him and say I am doing this for ME and a by-product is that I will be happier and our marriage will be stronger, but this is what I am doing. And you can come along to some open meetings if you wish, but I am doing this because it is absolutely ESSENTIAL.
Thinking of you!
Good luck and keep coming back, ok?
You're reaching out which is a great first step!!!
Love
cathy31
xx
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: The Field of Dreams
Posts: 7,249
Moderator
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Leaving Sparta
Posts: 2,912
Unfortunately many people do not understand the nature of alcoholism.
Adult Children of Alcoholics are sometimes so traumatized from their parents drinking that they may have little tolerance for other people who drink.
If your partner is unable to provide you with the supprt you need to overcome this do not let it deter you.You can find support at AA and with online meetings.
Best of luck to you.
Adult Children of Alcoholics are sometimes so traumatized from their parents drinking that they may have little tolerance for other people who drink.
If your partner is unable to provide you with the supprt you need to overcome this do not let it deter you.You can find support at AA and with online meetings.
Best of luck to you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: ohio
Posts: 367
smurfie girl...read my first quote below. Talk to your husband, and if he has no support for you, then get it at AA. If you keep going this way, you are worried about his lack of support with your sobriety, you may not have his support in staying married to you.
Living and Loving.
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Saratoga, California
Posts: 475
Originally Posted by jdgualazzi
I know I know I know I know I know I have a problem. I need to find it in me to fix it. How have you members been able to reach inside you and fix it? How have you been able to will yourself to change? ...
I know I can do it on my own if I try...
Jenni
Las Vegas
I know I can do it on my own if I try...
Jenni
Las Vegas
Hi Jenni,
I may as well be saying Hello to myself here...
For a long time I was stuck in this place that you are sitting in right this very second. I knew... I knew deep down into my toes that all I had to do was find a way to "fix it" and I would go back to being a "normal drinker". I was so fixated, obsessed really, with that one thing that I could figure out to do differently and that would "fix" me. I knew that I got myself into this mess I can get myself out of it or boy what a f'ing loser and I was determined NOT to be that loser. So I tried all kinds of things to "fix" myself. I changed the times of day I would drink, I changed the alcohol I would drink (Vodka was my poison but it was the reason for my problem so I switched to wine - wine is less of a alcohol content), I vowed never to drink more than 2 drinks. Never could do that - on the occasion that I did it was by sheer white knuckled will and I felt worse and beat myself up because it was so difficult and in my thinking it shouldn't have been therefore wtf is wrong with me I need to figure it out and "fix" it.
I knew I could "fix" the problem and once I "fixed" it - I would go back to being a normal person and a normal drinker.
For me, when I finally got it was when I realized that I cannot "fix" it. If this was a war and the fighting was Alcohol on one side and me on the other... Alcohol wins... period. No discussion, no alternate tactics, no magical plan is going to make me win the war I was fighting against alcohol. Alcohol totally and in all ways kicks my butt. It wins! I lose! I got so low that I finally accepted this as a fact. That was a very dark day for me - if you can imagine it. Very dark.
Then, in my darkness, it dawned upon me. I can't win this war. I just can't. So... I stopped trying to fight alcohol. If I do it will always win. So the best way for me to not lose that war was to not enter into it at all. The way for me to not lose the war I was fighting for years was simply not to enter into the war. How do I do that? I don't drink. If I let alcohol into my body I enter into a war with alcohol that I cannot win. If I don't let alcohol into my body I don't have to fight the war.
I surrendered.
I don't know if I am making any sense to you - probably not. I'm 54 days today sober so compaired to all the wonderful people here who have months, years, decades and more sober... I don't know jack. But I do know one thing and it is the truth - I cannot win if I enter into a war with alcohol. Will I ever try again to win the war? God, I so desperately hope not. For today I am still sober and for that I am grateful. Nothing can take my 54 days away from me - they are mine, all f'ing mine. If I fall tomorrow they will still be mine and I will hope that I have the will to surrender again and to give me another chance.
I guess I should stop babbling cuz I'm starting to feel like a dork. I wish you only the best and I hope you find your way through the haze. You are reaching out right now for help and that's a really precious beginning just keep searching yourself and don't give up.
Best wishes,
Suga
Member
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Arizona
Posts: 872
Jenni:
Ken here, alcoholic and husband of an unsupportive wife.
When I look on my AA chip... the back of it says "To Thine Ownself Be True..." Jenni, you have to get real with yourself first. Then if you want to get sober, there must be no reservation....
I have to tell you. If you are indeed alcoholic, your disease will progress to a point where you won't have your husband there anyway, so you might as well get honest with him now.
My wife has NEVER been to AA with me, nor AlAnon.. really has no clue what my recovery is about. Doesn't know the anguish, pain and self hatred I went through when I was out there drinking. She did think "A Million Little Pieces" was so interesting -- and I'm like.........DUH, that was me.
We all go through different things while we are out there practicing, but I believe that at some level we are the same -- we all wanted the next drink. The disease CAN progress to a point where that's ALL we want.... I shudder at the thought....
Jenni -- I hope you can get some help. Fessing up to your hubby is up to you, but I'm not sure a heavy drinker can hide it forever....
Ken
Ken here, alcoholic and husband of an unsupportive wife.
When I look on my AA chip... the back of it says "To Thine Ownself Be True..." Jenni, you have to get real with yourself first. Then if you want to get sober, there must be no reservation....
I have to tell you. If you are indeed alcoholic, your disease will progress to a point where you won't have your husband there anyway, so you might as well get honest with him now.
My wife has NEVER been to AA with me, nor AlAnon.. really has no clue what my recovery is about. Doesn't know the anguish, pain and self hatred I went through when I was out there drinking. She did think "A Million Little Pieces" was so interesting -- and I'm like.........DUH, that was me.
We all go through different things while we are out there practicing, but I believe that at some level we are the same -- we all wanted the next drink. The disease CAN progress to a point where that's ALL we want.... I shudder at the thought....
Jenni -- I hope you can get some help. Fessing up to your hubby is up to you, but I'm not sure a heavy drinker can hide it forever....
Ken
Member
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Melbourne victoria
Posts: 1,975
Hi Jen, I wanted to add my welcome to SR I cannot add any more advice , I stopped on my own, but AA KEPT me stopped . I can only share what worked for me . Hope you will give it a try for YOU!
miss Sugasnaps said it all, surrender is the key, you are in an unwinnable war .
( well said SS)
HUGX
Lee
I cannot add any more advice , I stopped on my own, but AA KEPT me stopped . I can only share what worked for me . Hope you will give it a try for YOU!miss Sugasnaps said it all, surrender is the key, you are in an unwinnable war .
( well said SS)
HUGX
Lee
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