I don't know how to stop
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Alpharetta, GA
Posts: 8
I don't know how to stop
My name is Katherine and I don't know how to stop drinking for good. Pretty much everyone in my life is just tired of listening to all the negativity and they have lost faith in my ability to stay sober. I don't blame them. My drinking started 7 years ago when my marriage was falling apart. Since then I got divorced and watched my ex replace me with a new younger version in one short year, lost my home, buried my mother, have had a new job every year, moved 4 times, had two very serious suicide attempts, went to rehab twice, lost the respect and companionship of my two teenage children, have dealt with severe depression and anxiety attacks, and been in and out of all kinds of AA meetings without ever figuring out how to connect or make it work for me. I feel sorry for myself alot...and very much alone. I have been sober for as long as a year but always go back to it. I am now experiencing health problems and know that the drinking is killing me but can't seem to find a good enough reason to stop it. I have lost hope. The lonliness is overwhelming and the wine has become my companion at night. Someone wrote in one of the posts about a bankrupt life. That is exactly what I have...and it's only a matter of time that I will be financially bankrupt too. And then what will happen to me?
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,505
Hi Katharine,
I understand how lonely you feel right now and I think I have felt as badly as you did. Wine was my only companion for a long time because as my alcoholism progressed my life became smaller and smaller. There is so much hope though Katharine for you to have a sober life and to begin to find joy again. I didn't think it was possible either, but it is.
Have you talked to a dr about your depression/anxiety? I just wondered because for me that was an important step in stopping drinking.
Feel free to PM me anytime if you feel like talking. I'm on and off SR throughout the day.
Love, Anna
I understand how lonely you feel right now and I think I have felt as badly as you did. Wine was my only companion for a long time because as my alcoholism progressed my life became smaller and smaller. There is so much hope though Katharine for you to have a sober life and to begin to find joy again. I didn't think it was possible either, but it is.
Have you talked to a dr about your depression/anxiety? I just wondered because for me that was an important step in stopping drinking.
Feel free to PM me anytime if you feel like talking. I'm on and off SR throughout the day.
Love, Anna
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 46
Katharine -
I understand how you feel. I remember what it was like to feel alone and afraid. Toward the end of my drinking I truly believed I would die if I stopped - that alcohol was the glue that was holding me together.
Is there anyone in AA you've connected with at all? This would be a good time to call them. It is such a relief, and so healing to be able to talk to other people who really understand. You have a whole board full of us here - but it's also important to have real life connections as well.
I also second Anna's advice about speaking with your doctor.
You don't have to do it alone - there is a whole recovery community waiting to embrace you and help you.
I understand how you feel. I remember what it was like to feel alone and afraid. Toward the end of my drinking I truly believed I would die if I stopped - that alcohol was the glue that was holding me together.
Is there anyone in AA you've connected with at all? This would be a good time to call them. It is such a relief, and so healing to be able to talk to other people who really understand. You have a whole board full of us here - but it's also important to have real life connections as well.
I also second Anna's advice about speaking with your doctor.
You don't have to do it alone - there is a whole recovery community waiting to embrace you and help you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Tropical Island
Posts: 76
AA meetings was what helped me to stop when I had nowhere else to turn.
I had no idea how meetings was supposed to help me but they did.I found acceptance and companionship in AA plus I learned a few simple facts about my drinking.
a) It is not the third or fifth or thirty second drink that got me drunk..............it was the first..........
b) My drinking was just a symptom of deeper emotional issues.
c) All I have to do is stay sober for just today......tomorrow will take care of itself.
You are not alone.
I had no idea how meetings was supposed to help me but they did.I found acceptance and companionship in AA plus I learned a few simple facts about my drinking.
a) It is not the third or fifth or thirty second drink that got me drunk..............it was the first..........
b) My drinking was just a symptom of deeper emotional issues.
c) All I have to do is stay sober for just today......tomorrow will take care of itself.
You are not alone.
Psalm 118:24
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: ILLINOIS
Posts: 15,203
Tuffie,
That Is A Lot U've Went Thru In A Short Period Of Time. You Said U Were Sober For A Year. Didn't You Have Any Serenity In That Time? What Ever Has Happened In My Life, Where Pain Was Involved Alcohol Was There As Well. Retrace Your Steps Over The 12 Months. What Were You Doing And What Did You Do That Had You Drink Again?
Drinking Only Makes Everything Worse. Try And Go Back To A Meeting, Find A Sponser Again. Get One That Has You Call Every Night Get Frineds In The Program Learn Their Phone#.
Drinking Won't Pay The Bills, Staying Sober And Going To Work Will. You Can See Where Drinking Is Leading You. Everyday, I Get Up Again I Give Thanks To My Higher Power Whom I Call God. Do You Start Off Your Day In Prayer? I Read The Bible Every Morning When, I Get Up Out Of Bed. I Give Thanks That, I'm Alive, That I Have A Roof Over My Head, Food In My Stomach And Clothes On My Back. I Give Thanks That I Can Breathe. I Give Thanks That It Wasn't My House Destroyed By The Disater Over In Indonesia.
I Know, You Hurt Right Now, Everyone That's Got Some Time In The Program Has Been Thru This. Read Everyone's Story On Here. You Can Get Your Life On Track But, Not By Drinking.
We Care About You Please Stay On And Keep Posting With Us. You Can Have The Same Peace As We Have If, You Want It. Surrender Your Will To God Right Now. Ask Him For Help And Believe With All Your Heart
Chris
That Is A Lot U've Went Thru In A Short Period Of Time. You Said U Were Sober For A Year. Didn't You Have Any Serenity In That Time? What Ever Has Happened In My Life, Where Pain Was Involved Alcohol Was There As Well. Retrace Your Steps Over The 12 Months. What Were You Doing And What Did You Do That Had You Drink Again?
Drinking Only Makes Everything Worse. Try And Go Back To A Meeting, Find A Sponser Again. Get One That Has You Call Every Night Get Frineds In The Program Learn Their Phone#.
Drinking Won't Pay The Bills, Staying Sober And Going To Work Will. You Can See Where Drinking Is Leading You. Everyday, I Get Up Again I Give Thanks To My Higher Power Whom I Call God. Do You Start Off Your Day In Prayer? I Read The Bible Every Morning When, I Get Up Out Of Bed. I Give Thanks That, I'm Alive, That I Have A Roof Over My Head, Food In My Stomach And Clothes On My Back. I Give Thanks That I Can Breathe. I Give Thanks That It Wasn't My House Destroyed By The Disater Over In Indonesia.
I Know, You Hurt Right Now, Everyone That's Got Some Time In The Program Has Been Thru This. Read Everyone's Story On Here. You Can Get Your Life On Track But, Not By Drinking.
We Care About You Please Stay On And Keep Posting With Us. You Can Have The Same Peace As We Have If, You Want It. Surrender Your Will To God Right Now. Ask Him For Help And Believe With All Your Heart
Chris
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Beaver, WA
Posts: 1,346
(((((((Tuffie))))))))
I was a toughie too, for far too long. I can relate to so much of what you typed & posted.You got some great advice above it sounds like. I did as well and tried lots of it and eventually stuck with a way out that has worked quite well where other methods had failed for me in staying away from the first drink.
You will either surrender to your alcoholism or you will not. I'm glad I finally did. The second alternative can get very ugly. First hand experience in just how ugly it can get has become a good tool for me becoming useful in helping others.
Keeping you in thought and prayer,
3 Legacy
I was a toughie too, for far too long. I can relate to so much of what you typed & posted.You got some great advice above it sounds like. I did as well and tried lots of it and eventually stuck with a way out that has worked quite well where other methods had failed for me in staying away from the first drink.
And then what will happen to me?
Keeping you in thought and prayer,
3 Legacy
Member
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Melbourne victoria
Posts: 1,975
Nothing changes...............
Hi Katherine,
my name is Lee , and like you , I was both emotionally, and spiritually bankrupt when I first contacted AA. It was definitely the last card in the pack. I had abslutely nowhere else to turn.
I had lost my family, self respect , dignity and most of all , my hope.
How well I remember the remorse, and paralysing anxiety of the mornings , what had I said , to whom, and had I YET AGAIN embarrassed myself and others ? The anxiety of trying to remember , and not being able to.
I isolated myself to such an extent at the end of my drinking that I only left the house to go to work, and to buy booze. I sat at my PC drinking , and chatting , and making a fool of myself in type .
I rang AA as a last resort! I thought at the time that I would give it 6 months , and if it did not work, I would end it .
What I found was something I had been searching for for years, people who actually understood how I felt , and were willing to help me , IF I made an effort . I decided to do exactly what they suggested. I found that nothing changes if nothing changes , I had to ACT on the advice they gave me . I have no idea WHY it works , but it sure does . I drank for 37 years , and had never been able to achieve sobriety til I surrendered to the programme, and for 15 months I have not found it necessary to drink.
Give it a good try and best of luck
HUGX
Lee
my name is Lee , and like you , I was both emotionally, and spiritually bankrupt when I first contacted AA. It was definitely the last card in the pack. I had abslutely nowhere else to turn.
I had lost my family, self respect , dignity and most of all , my hope.
How well I remember the remorse, and paralysing anxiety of the mornings , what had I said , to whom, and had I YET AGAIN embarrassed myself and others ? The anxiety of trying to remember , and not being able to.
I isolated myself to such an extent at the end of my drinking that I only left the house to go to work, and to buy booze. I sat at my PC drinking , and chatting , and making a fool of myself in type .
I rang AA as a last resort! I thought at the time that I would give it 6 months , and if it did not work, I would end it .
What I found was something I had been searching for for years, people who actually understood how I felt , and were willing to help me , IF I made an effort . I decided to do exactly what they suggested. I found that nothing changes if nothing changes , I had to ACT on the advice they gave me . I have no idea WHY it works , but it sure does . I drank for 37 years , and had never been able to achieve sobriety til I surrendered to the programme, and for 15 months I have not found it necessary to drink.
Give it a good try and best of luck
HUGX
Lee
Paused
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Washington
Posts: 5,093
Get a sponsor and work the steps. That's was the only way I was to pull myself out of the rutt of alcoholism. I knew I could never do it alone and had lost to much to the disease and if I continued, I would lose my life. Alcohol fuels anxiety. I remember that horror well. If you rid your body from alcohol, I think you'll find the anxiety will subside. My health had declined as well and even though the thought of my body breaking down due to alcohol scared me, I continued to drink. I couldn't stop. I denied the reality of it. Go back to AA and get a sponsor and work the program. Neve give up hope. It is out there. Go and get it. It is rightfully yours. Good luck and take care...you found a good place to share and find support.
NOT EVEN 1 CLUB!!
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: When I find myself, I'll let you know!
Posts: 1,835
(((Katherine))) Welcome to SR!! As you can see, there is alot of support here. We understand and we do not judge!! How wonderful it is to fine a place of acceptance!!
I didn't know how to stop drinking either. All I knew was how TO drink!! It seemed to solve everything. Then, it stopped working that way. That's when I knew I had a problem. I use AA and have found it very comforting!
I now live my life in a different way. I have happiness and peace!! You can have these things too!!! Just don't drink today!!
Have you ever read the promises of AA? They really do come true!!
Stick around, keep reading and posting!
Even when you're by yourself, you are not alone!!
Hugs,
Missy
I didn't know how to stop drinking either. All I knew was how TO drink!! It seemed to solve everything. Then, it stopped working that way. That's when I knew I had a problem. I use AA and have found it very comforting!
I now live my life in a different way. I have happiness and peace!! You can have these things too!!! Just don't drink today!!
Have you ever read the promises of AA? They really do come true!!
Stick around, keep reading and posting!
Even when you're by yourself, you are not alone!!
Hugs,
Missy
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: El Paso, Tx
Posts: 5,862
Hi tuffie and welcome!
I to kept drinking to figure out how to quit. Went on that way for many years until I was a shell of myself. I felt sorry for myself, isolated, lonely, yadayada. I nearly ended up divorced and no matter how bad it got I kept at it to. I too was killing myself, and was only a matter of time before my family would bury me.
As the old saying goes, I decided to own a better life for myself, drinking wasn't working for me anymore, so I gave sobriety a shot. Still sober today, life is so good, but it took some work, determination and courage. If you want it, it's on a silver platter waiting to be had. Now it's up to you, find that courage and determination, it can be done.
I to kept drinking to figure out how to quit. Went on that way for many years until I was a shell of myself. I felt sorry for myself, isolated, lonely, yadayada. I nearly ended up divorced and no matter how bad it got I kept at it to. I too was killing myself, and was only a matter of time before my family would bury me.
As the old saying goes, I decided to own a better life for myself, drinking wasn't working for me anymore, so I gave sobriety a shot. Still sober today, life is so good, but it took some work, determination and courage. If you want it, it's on a silver platter waiting to be had. Now it's up to you, find that courage and determination, it can be done.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Alpharetta, GA
Posts: 8
Thank you all for your thoughtful replies and words of encouragement. I had a horrible day and night of drinking and pray that I have finally had enough. I feel terrible but I will drag myself into the shower, get myself to a meeting and pick up yet another white chip.
1 bite&all resistance crumbles
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: IRELAND
Posts: 2,208
Welcome TUffie
Go to the meeting, it will help. You are so welcome here and you can do it.
Justme57 : thank you for your post...this part :
How well I remember the remorse, and paralysing anxiety of the mornings , what had I said , to whom, and had I YET AGAIN embarrassed myself and others ? The anxiety of trying to remember , and not being able to.
I isolated myself to such an extent at the end of my drinking that I only left the house to go to work, and to buy booze. I sat at my PC drinking , and chatting , and making a fool of myself in type .
I remember this well...sober 2 weeks now and you know what, I actually feel more alive than I can ever remember after 14 years of hard drinking...from the age of 17.
Thank you God that I don't have to feel what you described ever again - it's too terrible and to know that we can be released from it, forever, if we are prepared to use what's available (AA in my case) and work hard, is just the most amazing gift.
Good luck, TUffie.
Love
Cathy31
x
Go to the meeting, it will help. You are so welcome here and you can do it.
Justme57 : thank you for your post...this part :
How well I remember the remorse, and paralysing anxiety of the mornings , what had I said , to whom, and had I YET AGAIN embarrassed myself and others ? The anxiety of trying to remember , and not being able to.
I isolated myself to such an extent at the end of my drinking that I only left the house to go to work, and to buy booze. I sat at my PC drinking , and chatting , and making a fool of myself in type .
I remember this well...sober 2 weeks now and you know what, I actually feel more alive than I can ever remember after 14 years of hard drinking...from the age of 17.
Thank you God that I don't have to feel what you described ever again - it's too terrible and to know that we can be released from it, forever, if we are prepared to use what's available (AA in my case) and work hard, is just the most amazing gift.
Good luck, TUffie.
Love
Cathy31
x
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Zion, Illinois
Posts: 3,411
Originally Posted by tuffie
I feel terrible but I will drag myself into the shower, get myself to a meeting and pick up yet another white chip.
You go pick up that white chip tuffie and at the same time, make an announcment that you're looking for a sponsor. Get some phone numbers and call them and you won't have to drink any more. You just "gotta wanna!"
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Alpharetta, GA
Posts: 8
Good morning everyone. Well I made it through one day yesterday feeling just horrible. Still very shaky today...and feeling very fearful and alone. I went to a meeting yesterday and will go to another today. That takes some of the alone time away but I still have to come home by myself. I don't feel much like talking anymore because what more is there to say.
I'm looking for a job, but I wonder what good I can really be to anyone feeling like I do. I have papers and bills all over the place here. I wonder what has happened to the ultra responsible and organized person that I used to be. I took a job offer a couple of weeks ago and then freaked out and quit. Drinking or not I just can't handle the pressure and stress anymore. But how else can I make a living and pay the bills?
I didn't sleep well at all last night. Kept waking up in jolts...feeling so afraid. I fear that I am too far gone and have too much baggage and made too many bad choices to ever have anything close to a normal life again. And what kind of life would it be anyway with no one here?
Anyway, sorry for all the negativity and rambling. I just needed to vent.
Katherine
I'm looking for a job, but I wonder what good I can really be to anyone feeling like I do. I have papers and bills all over the place here. I wonder what has happened to the ultra responsible and organized person that I used to be. I took a job offer a couple of weeks ago and then freaked out and quit. Drinking or not I just can't handle the pressure and stress anymore. But how else can I make a living and pay the bills?
I didn't sleep well at all last night. Kept waking up in jolts...feeling so afraid. I fear that I am too far gone and have too much baggage and made too many bad choices to ever have anything close to a normal life again. And what kind of life would it be anyway with no one here?
Anyway, sorry for all the negativity and rambling. I just needed to vent.
Katherine
Psalm 118:24
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: ILLINOIS
Posts: 15,203
kATHERINE,
THAT'S WHY WE'RE ALL HERE. I'M GLAD YOU STILL ARE POSTING. ANY PROBLEM YOU HAVE SOMEONE IN HERE HAS GONE THRU IT AS WELL. THE IMPORTANT THING, IS TO KEEP SHARING, KEEP GOING TO MEETINGS, GETTING A GOOD SPONSER AND TRUSTING IN A HIGHER POWER. START YOUR DAY OFF IN PRAYER. GOD WILL ANSWER YOUR PRAYERS.
CHRIS
THAT'S WHY WE'RE ALL HERE. I'M GLAD YOU STILL ARE POSTING. ANY PROBLEM YOU HAVE SOMEONE IN HERE HAS GONE THRU IT AS WELL. THE IMPORTANT THING, IS TO KEEP SHARING, KEEP GOING TO MEETINGS, GETTING A GOOD SPONSER AND TRUSTING IN A HIGHER POWER. START YOUR DAY OFF IN PRAYER. GOD WILL ANSWER YOUR PRAYERS.
CHRIS
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: El Paso, Tx
Posts: 5,862
No Katherine, no such thing as to far gone, your still alive. Don't start ananlyzing yourself to lead to that drink, just don't do it. Get to another meeting get through the withdrawals and allow yourself time for the fog to clear to get it all back together.
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