help - angry
9:40 5K
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: yellow brick road
Posts: 85
help - angry
So I'm on day 6 and I just had a little problem.
I encountered a minor frustration and flew into a rage. I was literally a teeth-grinding, fist-clenching moment away from throwing things around my (home) office.
I know it's early in my abstinence, but someone please tell me this is not the real me.. rather a temporary exhibition of my dopamine-starved brain.
I encountered a minor frustration and flew into a rage. I was literally a teeth-grinding, fist-clenching moment away from throwing things around my (home) office.
I know it's early in my abstinence, but someone please tell me this is not the real me.. rather a temporary exhibition of my dopamine-starved brain.
1 bite&all resistance crumbles
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: IRELAND
Posts: 2,208
Music
I wanted to reply to to this post, but didn't know quite how to put it...you have put it perfectly.
Stopping drinking alcohol is the least of it...thank GOD!!!
TenK - check out the big book as a starting point...drop into an AA meeting? All will become incredibly clear. Challenging, yes, but clear clear clear!
Good luck!
CAthy31
x
I wanted to reply to to this post, but didn't know quite how to put it...you have put it perfectly.
Stopping drinking alcohol is the least of it...thank GOD!!!
TenK - check out the big book as a starting point...drop into an AA meeting? All will become incredibly clear. Challenging, yes, but clear clear clear!
Good luck!
CAthy31
x
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,709
When I removed the liquid serenity from the equation, I was faced with the task of finding ways to deal with my emotions in a sober fashion.
It's an ongoing process for me. Anger is a natural thing. It's what we do with it, and how we let it affect us that we need to look at.
Once again, Music has cut to the chase.
What are we doing to change?
It's an ongoing process for me. Anger is a natural thing. It's what we do with it, and how we let it affect us that we need to look at.
Once again, Music has cut to the chase.
What are we doing to change?
Psalm 118:24
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: ILLINOIS
Posts: 15,203
Just hold on, count to ten. this too shall pass. We stunt ourselves emotionally for years by drinking. We're left naked w/o our booze and drugs. I believe, meetings are in order. You didn't go into detail the whole of event that went down. Rethink, does getting angry solve your problem? There's nothing wrong with anger, it's a human emotion. get angry be constructive towards the person you're angry with.
Stay with AA for a while. You can learn to develop serenity. Speaking of Serenity, do you know the prayer?? Say it when you're overwhelmed and about to explode
Chris
Stay with AA for a while. You can learn to develop serenity. Speaking of Serenity, do you know the prayer?? Say it when you're overwhelmed and about to explode
Chris
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: El Paso, Tx
Posts: 5,862
I can't say since I really don't know you, but as Music said, other then stopping are you taking steps in finding support, working on that inner self? I know for me I needed a resource to help me stay stoppped.
Iron Chef
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: KY
Posts: 9
Me Too
I know egg-zack-lee how you feel there tenk. I find myself a hair's breadth from flying off the handle at least once a day (I'm on day 11 right now). It is getting better though. I've had to take a break from golf, b/c that just pushes me over the edge 
. Exercising in the gym is a good outlet for all of that negative energy, as well as reading.
It does get better. In less than two weeks I've come to realize that.
. Exercising in the gym is a good outlet for all of that negative energy, as well as reading. It does get better. In less than two weeks I've come to realize that.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Chicopee, MA
Posts: 43
hey, tenK........I got angry alot in early recovery. Part of the reason was I had stuffed and numbed myself with alcohol for so long I didn't know how to deal with my emotions. I had to learn how to let things go, talk about my feelings, and not stuff them anymore. And although it is nothing like then, it is something I have to practice and be aware of all the time. It will get better if you share, journal, and keep venting when it happens, not 3 days or weeks, or however long. Unfortunatly, my blowing up usually got directed to whoever was in front of me, whether it had anything to do with them or not. Had to apologize many a time. I'll be praying for ya.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Denver, CO
Posts: 37
Ten K - It does get better. It's just that all those nerves are hanging right out there, the ones that are used to being drowned in a drink. Going to a meeting and hearing others' experience, strength and hope being shared will help. And I hung a huge punching bag in my basement. I call it Monday Therapy. Just a thought here, but it's easy to notice the anger that's suddenly there, but while your awareness is getting better and better, try to also notice the good stuff, it's there too.
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Northern CA
Posts: 1,432
Hi, tenk,
Dealing with anger, anxiety, depression, frustration....those are all things we have to learn when we quit drinking. Here's a article from an REBT publication about anger management. Take care, and keep posting....
Don S
-------------------
ANGER
A Disabling Emotion
Anger is not an involuntary emotional response to a specific situation. Anger arises from a philosophy-a way of viewing the world. At its core, anger represents an outlook of grandiosity, self-righteousness, commanding, and condemning. Many mental health professionals disagree with this view, that all kinds of anger are generally bad for you. Most therapists classify anger as "appropriate" or "inappropriate" according to context, and they usually argue that, when appropriate, it is healthy to express anger ("let it out") and unhealthy to suppress anger ("bottle it up").
Recent research, however, contradicts this popular view, and suggests that all anger, expressed or suppressed, is harmful to your health and damaging to your relationships with other people. Among the many difficulties associated with anger are:
o Increased likelihood of heart attack, stroke, and hypertension
o Greater difficulty in solving problems constructively
o A tendency for the anger, which may start in one area of your life, to overlap and extend into other areas
o Preoccupation with thoughts of revenge
o Adopting an antagonistic attitude, which needlessly alienates other people with whom it's advantageous to have cordial dealings
o A predisposition to violence, especially child abuse
But doesn't expressing anger help release a lot of pent-up frustration? It's true that an outburst of anger may sometimes momentarily provide relief. But psychological distress often takes its toll on the body, and some preliminary evidence suggests that expressed anger causes more physical damage than suppressed anger. There is, however, a third alternative to suppressing or expressing your anger: Don't make yourself angry in the first place!
The "expressive" approach implies that anger is something inside you, like a gallbladder. If your gallbladder bothers you, you could have it removed, and then it won't bother you anymore. Similarly, if you can get your anger out, it won't be inside you any more, causing distress.
This view is hopelessly mistaken. Anger is not a physical entity. It's a feeling generated by an attitude or belief. You don't free yourself of feelings by expressing the attitudes and beliefs that create them. That usually reaffirms and strengthens those attitudes and thus makes the feeling more likely to return.
Consider an opposite sort of feeling, like love - a feeling that we often want to continue. It's clear that the more you express feelings of love, tenderness, and caring, the more loving, tender, and caring you are likely to become. No one would suppose that by expressing such feelings you were "letting them out" and thus losing them.
It's exactly the same with the self-destructive feeling of anger. If you express your anger, you reaffirm and solidify your angry attitude, and make it more difficult to dispel. If you refrain from expressing your anger, this may be the first step towards avoiding anger entirely.
Some Things Anger IS
1) It is acting out of control in order to gain control.
2) It is emotional disturbance.
3) It is distorted thinking.
4) It is self-righteous.
5) Unhealthy and can literally make us physically ill.
6) Usually a mask for other, deeper emotions (hurt, fear).
7) Addictive, because it can make us feel good in the short run.
8) Psychologically harmful, because it can increase our frustration and anxiety in the long run.
Some Things Anger IS NOT
1) A stress reducer.
2) A safe way to express feelings.
3) A good way to motivate behavior change in myself or others.
4) An effective way to express a message.
5) An agent of control.
6) A requirement when threatened.
7) A symbol of strength.
8) A result of unmet needs (neediness is the problem!)
9) A learned behavior (it is inborn!)
10) An emotion that will run its course (it escalates!)
Tips for the Management of Anger
1) Always try to say I made MYSELF angry.
2) Give up the idea that anger must be expressed.
3) Know what to overlook.
4) Recognize that people aren't against you, they are merely for themselves
5) Lower your voice.
6) Recognize the hurt or fear that precedes anger.
7) Recognize that another person's abusive behavior says more about them and their emotional pain than it says about you.
8) Ask yourself if your feelings of anger are helping your problem solving skills.
9) Avoid scorekeeping.
10) Learn not to hit the sore spots.
11) Ask yourself how important the issue will be in a week.
12) Avoid mind reading.
13) Learn to agree to disagree.
14) Kill them with kindness.
15) Work on anger coping self-statements for "comprehensive emotional rustproofing."
Techniques for Anger Management
Express feelings in a safe environment (catharsis).
Report anger to the person you are angry with.
Mourn any losses connected to an incident that angers you.
Keep a journal of what triggers your anger and how you respond.
Identify and correct cognitive distortions.
Replace 'hot thoughts' with 'cool thoughts.'
Revise 'should rules' to be more realistic.
Analyze the costs and benefits of being angry vs. 'letting it go.'
Develop the ability to empathize with the person you are angry with.
Recognize when you are feeling angry or when it is a cover-up for fear, shame, guilt.
Practice a quick form of gaining control, such as counting to 10.
Dealing with anger, anxiety, depression, frustration....those are all things we have to learn when we quit drinking. Here's a article from an REBT publication about anger management. Take care, and keep posting....
Don S
-------------------
ANGER
A Disabling Emotion
Anger is not an involuntary emotional response to a specific situation. Anger arises from a philosophy-a way of viewing the world. At its core, anger represents an outlook of grandiosity, self-righteousness, commanding, and condemning. Many mental health professionals disagree with this view, that all kinds of anger are generally bad for you. Most therapists classify anger as "appropriate" or "inappropriate" according to context, and they usually argue that, when appropriate, it is healthy to express anger ("let it out") and unhealthy to suppress anger ("bottle it up").
Recent research, however, contradicts this popular view, and suggests that all anger, expressed or suppressed, is harmful to your health and damaging to your relationships with other people. Among the many difficulties associated with anger are:
o Increased likelihood of heart attack, stroke, and hypertension
o Greater difficulty in solving problems constructively
o A tendency for the anger, which may start in one area of your life, to overlap and extend into other areas
o Preoccupation with thoughts of revenge
o Adopting an antagonistic attitude, which needlessly alienates other people with whom it's advantageous to have cordial dealings
o A predisposition to violence, especially child abuse
But doesn't expressing anger help release a lot of pent-up frustration? It's true that an outburst of anger may sometimes momentarily provide relief. But psychological distress often takes its toll on the body, and some preliminary evidence suggests that expressed anger causes more physical damage than suppressed anger. There is, however, a third alternative to suppressing or expressing your anger: Don't make yourself angry in the first place!
The "expressive" approach implies that anger is something inside you, like a gallbladder. If your gallbladder bothers you, you could have it removed, and then it won't bother you anymore. Similarly, if you can get your anger out, it won't be inside you any more, causing distress.
This view is hopelessly mistaken. Anger is not a physical entity. It's a feeling generated by an attitude or belief. You don't free yourself of feelings by expressing the attitudes and beliefs that create them. That usually reaffirms and strengthens those attitudes and thus makes the feeling more likely to return.
Consider an opposite sort of feeling, like love - a feeling that we often want to continue. It's clear that the more you express feelings of love, tenderness, and caring, the more loving, tender, and caring you are likely to become. No one would suppose that by expressing such feelings you were "letting them out" and thus losing them.
It's exactly the same with the self-destructive feeling of anger. If you express your anger, you reaffirm and solidify your angry attitude, and make it more difficult to dispel. If you refrain from expressing your anger, this may be the first step towards avoiding anger entirely.
Some Things Anger IS
1) It is acting out of control in order to gain control.
2) It is emotional disturbance.
3) It is distorted thinking.
4) It is self-righteous.
5) Unhealthy and can literally make us physically ill.
6) Usually a mask for other, deeper emotions (hurt, fear).
7) Addictive, because it can make us feel good in the short run.
8) Psychologically harmful, because it can increase our frustration and anxiety in the long run.
Some Things Anger IS NOT
1) A stress reducer.
2) A safe way to express feelings.
3) A good way to motivate behavior change in myself or others.
4) An effective way to express a message.
5) An agent of control.
6) A requirement when threatened.
7) A symbol of strength.
8) A result of unmet needs (neediness is the problem!)
9) A learned behavior (it is inborn!)
10) An emotion that will run its course (it escalates!)
Tips for the Management of Anger
1) Always try to say I made MYSELF angry.
2) Give up the idea that anger must be expressed.
3) Know what to overlook.
4) Recognize that people aren't against you, they are merely for themselves
5) Lower your voice.
6) Recognize the hurt or fear that precedes anger.
7) Recognize that another person's abusive behavior says more about them and their emotional pain than it says about you.
8) Ask yourself if your feelings of anger are helping your problem solving skills.
9) Avoid scorekeeping.
10) Learn not to hit the sore spots.
11) Ask yourself how important the issue will be in a week.
12) Avoid mind reading.
13) Learn to agree to disagree.
14) Kill them with kindness.
15) Work on anger coping self-statements for "comprehensive emotional rustproofing."
Techniques for Anger Management
Express feelings in a safe environment (catharsis).
Report anger to the person you are angry with.
Mourn any losses connected to an incident that angers you.
Keep a journal of what triggers your anger and how you respond.
Identify and correct cognitive distortions.
Replace 'hot thoughts' with 'cool thoughts.'
Revise 'should rules' to be more realistic.
Analyze the costs and benefits of being angry vs. 'letting it go.'
Develop the ability to empathize with the person you are angry with.
Recognize when you are feeling angry or when it is a cover-up for fear, shame, guilt.
Practice a quick form of gaining control, such as counting to 10.
9:40 5K
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: yellow brick road
Posts: 85
thanks
Hi everyone,
Thx for all the advice (and empathy). A couple kicks in the pants rather than pats on the head.. but duly noted.
So I've been reading some of the AA book on-line (thx eddie) and looking at an alternative program -- SMART.
I guess I kinda thought that the void of drinking would automatically fill in with alternative stuff, and everything would fall into natural order. Like, take away the drink and the survival instinct will provide alternative methods to deal? But I guess the risk is the good stuff won't fill in fast enough.. so I need to actively work on it.
thx again...
Thx for all the advice (and empathy). A couple kicks in the pants rather than pats on the head.. but duly noted.
So I've been reading some of the AA book on-line (thx eddie) and looking at an alternative program -- SMART.
I guess I kinda thought that the void of drinking would automatically fill in with alternative stuff, and everything would fall into natural order. Like, take away the drink and the survival instinct will provide alternative methods to deal? But I guess the risk is the good stuff won't fill in fast enough.. so I need to actively work on it.
thx again...
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Zion, Illinois
Posts: 3,411
Originally Posted by tenK
Like, take away the drink and the survival instinct will provide alternative methods to deal?
If you stop to think about it, that survival instinct is exactly what got you right where you're at. Don't know about you, but I hadn't a clue what alternative methods to use to not drink. I went to AA to find out. AA kept me so busy, I didn't have time to drink, and when I got pissed off, I was given a reminder(kick in the pants)that I needed to learn how to handle anger properly and effectively.
Keep coming back.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: England, UK
Posts: 197
Hi Tenk
It's important that you are actually feeling your emotions now rather than hiding them in a bottle.
Recovery gives us the tools to face up to, accept and manage these emotions. Before long you will probably start to enjoy really happy emotions. Whatever you're feeling, just sit with your emotions and ask yourself why you're feeling this way. Once you understand the why, you can let go of them. Pass them over to your HP.
Living with your feelings is a big step in your emotional and spiritual growth. Take your time, relax.
Keep coming back here. You know it works.
Rich
It's important that you are actually feeling your emotions now rather than hiding them in a bottle.
Recovery gives us the tools to face up to, accept and manage these emotions. Before long you will probably start to enjoy really happy emotions. Whatever you're feeling, just sit with your emotions and ask yourself why you're feeling this way. Once you understand the why, you can let go of them. Pass them over to your HP.
Living with your feelings is a big step in your emotional and spiritual growth. Take your time, relax.
Keep coming back here. You know it works.
Rich
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