tenK

Hi everyone,

Thanks so much to all for the words of encouragement. Joe, I've been reading your posts because it seems like you've taken a jumble of thoughts in my head and put them down in order. Lots of light bulbs.

I had a good night. Slept like a rock except for some vivid dreams. Loved the feeling of waking up in a warm cozy bed, no acidic hangover.. actually able to doze off again because I don't feel like crap. (Also no wierd or embarassing things in the bed with me.)

This morning I put $10 in my shopping-spree jar.



My husband is back in town today. He knows I drink.. don't really hide it except for a bit of the getting new drinks when he's out of the room. When I tap into "his stuff" I'm a bit sheepish, but he says nothing. He doesn't express concern about my drinking but says the "right things" when I express concern myself. In a dark corner of his soul, I think he likes the fact that I have a problem. He tends to use it to shut me down when we disagree and I am making valid points. Obviously there's some issues here. (Not in a million years would I blame him for my problems though. I'm proudly free-willed and independent. Just framing my local support.)

I wish I could drink like him though. He'll go days, weeks, then order a drink when we're out for dinner and only drink half. He'll have 1 beer when watching sports on tv. And once in a while he'll get totally blotto at a social function (where everyone else is hitting it hard) or on vacation.

Anyway, I did 1 day. I'm still not ready to say forever, and I don't think I ever will be. So let's just say, today I'll go for another.

Danger zones: Friday, dinner out? No, will cook dinner.

thx!

Dan

Good morning tenK!
I still am amazed some mornings, at the simple fact of waking up and actually feeling like I slept. A few months of sobriety now, but I'm still grateful for the small pleasures.
I think I'll go for another sober day too.
Here's the funny thing that hapened for me. I tried so many, many times to stop forever.
And I never made it. When it was pointed out to me that forever was too big a concept for my mind to handle, at first, I was almost insulted! But I kept listening to these people who told me they knew how to stay sober.
It still sounds like a jaded, old cliche, but it's the difference between staying sober or drinking for me. Just for today.
I intend to be sober today. And I will look for sobriety and do what I have to do to get it. That's a task my mind can handle.
Forever is too scary

Anna

Hi Ten,

The simple pleasures are something I only learned to appreciate after becoming sober and now I cherish them.

I totally agree with you that there are some issues there. Hopefully you can work out those things with your husband. My situation was similar. I never, ever blamed my husband or family, but I was married almost 25 years before I started drinking and I know my addiction didn't start in a vaccuum. I allowed myself to be treated with disrespect because my self-esteem was so low and I think I played the martyr role in my family.

Anyways, glad you're sober today and hope you keep checking in. Stay strong tonight!

Love, Anna

Brookie

Wow - that must be some jumble if anything I've said makes sense. Congrats on a successful start. I can tell you that I used to have exactly the same suspicions about my wife's view of my drinking - that she'd rather I kept on because it gave her all the power in our relationship. She's just like your husband - half a drink, maybe once a month (and raised by an alcoholic). Truth be told, I used to resent it that she hadn't called me on it, and figured she'd rather I stayed weak. For what it's worth, I was wrong. But it took some time sober for the fog to lift and for me to see things clearly.

Best,
Joe

Chy

Hi Tenk and welcome!
I sure can relate to the "I wish I could drink like my husband", me too, but unfortunatly I can't. I'm envious of that fact but at least I know now, that I am powerless and I never have to drink again if I choose. So stick around you'll find a great deal of support here.