tigergirl

Hi everyone,how are you all?

I have an "ex"friend who is an alcoholic and who is in total denial,she still drinks.I tried to help her in the way the program asks us to.However, a guy, who also has dependancy issues(he's not in a program as I know of),and I both tried to help with this girl.What happens is she falls in love with the guy and I get called "the girl who makes passes at everyone" because the guy cited me as an example of how one gets out of it to her.
.
After that, I completely cut contact with her, with him.My sobriety is the most important.

He calls me up recently and suggest we get together,me and him, as he wants to discuss alcoholism and maybe doiing an intervention with this girl.

I don't want to get dragged into some more dysfunctional behaviour but I can't refuse when someone is calling for help,I think he's the one in need. he hasn't said it was him specifically.?Help.
Shall I go ?

Julia

Tigergirl,

I think your instincts are correct. Don't get dragged into something dysfunctional. Your own recovery is the most important, and she/he will have to figure out on their own. There are plenty of resources out there for them besides dragging you into it.

tigergirl

I think you are right.What I have done is tell him that I don't want to get involved in a story where the peson hasn't yet surrendered .She hasn't called me to ask for help.
He agreed with me and understands my decision but said that he would be still interested in meeting as he finds he would like to talk to me about alcoholism for himself.This sounds like 12th stepping. I think I will go and just talk to him about the program.
If I sense in anyway that the situation is uncomforatble, I will leave.
Thank you for your advice

tigergirl

I may have made a bad mistake.

In this meeting,there was supposed to be a third person who is part of the program. I spoke to her before and said to her"I think we may be twelve stepping"she asked me if I had ever seen him drunk and I have twice, the last time he was reeking of alcohol.
She has now cancelled because she feels she's not ready and he has cancelled with me;I don't know what she has said to him. I am afraid.
What is the proceedure? When you feel someone is asking out for help?Without really asking.I feel terrible.

muffininabadmood

Tiger,

I hope you have figured this mess out by now, but if you haven't, my opinion is to leave them alone. You said in your first post that she was an "ex"friend. Only the alcoholic can truly help him/herself. I don't think there is a correct "procedure" for these situations, and I would be very wary of anything that claims to be. Trust your instincts and protect yourself.

tigergirl

Ok, I have decided to just leave it.If he needs me , he will call.
Thanks everyone.

Jerry

dear tigergirl the best way for you as a newcomer to help your using friens is to stay sober, go to meetings, stay away from slippery places and people. If you must help a wet alcoholic, offer to take them to a meeting or take an experienced aa with you for support.

sami

Hey Tigergirl, you have to take care of you first. When someone asks me for help I do what I can. But my sobrity comes first. Easy does it!