Experiences in crossing the one-year mark
 

My husband and I are both approaching one year of sobriety from alcohol. I’m not feeling terribly phased by it, but he has been struggling with the temptation to drink, and the reality that this really is a forever thing.

It seems like these feelings are common at the one-year mark. I’d love to get some feedback and advice about how to move through this period of time peacefully.

Acceptance and buckling down in recovery are just
2 of many other lessons to learn in living a recovery
life alcohol free.

When the urge to drink pops up, then we really
have to dig in deep with our recovery program
and stay close to all the recovery support available
to us who are willing to do whatever it takes to achieve
freedom from our addiction.

It's not about the quantity of sober time we have
but rather the quality of it. Remain teachable with
willingness and honesty in all areas of our life to
become the best person we can be moving forward
on our journey in recovery. :)

I cant say I had any real trouble at one year - accepting I was an alcoholic for life and that abstinence was not the same as control were pretty fundamental first steps for me.

If I was your husband I guess I'd ask myself if I wanted to drink again and if the answer was yes...then why?
You can demolish the AV arguments pretty easily I find.

That's the way I'd come at it anyway.

D

I can remember the one-year mark, thinking “Ok…now what?” And it was a bit overwhelming, but it passes….just keep moving forward! And Congrats! :D

In 2019, I was about 403 days sober, feeling GREAT! I never had any formal group or program, no counseling, no AA, no SMART, etc. I changed my WHOLE life, moved, changed jobs, got free of a toxic ABF, so many positive things. Heck, I didn’t even need SR anymore!

Life was AMAZING. No urges to drink. I met a man, now my husband, who offered me wine, who didn’t know I didn’t drink for a reason, we’d only known each other for a few days. I was hesitant, but I thought, “what the heck, I’m good now, it’s no longer a bad habit, OBVIOUSLY”.

That drink turned into 24 months of HELL. Personal, spiritual, physical and mental HELL.

I had confused abstinence with control, abstinence with recovery.

Drinking and I don’t mix. I turned a corner that I can never go back from. I did things I NEVER thought I’d do. I couldn’t believe how far the real me was captured by the BEAST, and I’m taking the miracle that I heard my soul and listened, and BELIEVED I had the strength, the spiritual strength, to get sober again.

Not only am I sober again, I am RECOVERING, With action. With education. With service to others. With self love and care. I’m not obsessed with SR, but I’m staying close. The members here are AMAZING, and saved my life.

I have a great life only about 1% of the population get to live, I’m not throwing that, or my contentment away EVER again.

I don’t need alcohol in my life, it serves no benefit in my life.

Sobriety and Recovery delivers everything that alcohol promises but never delivers…….

A great life, free of addiction, is the only way for me.

Being sober is mental, do you WANT to be alcohol free, or is there a tiny part of you that still believes you can CONTROL it?

I wish you both the best, and congrats on one year, that AMAZING.

I relapsed at least 3 times after celebrating one year or more of sobriety. It wasn't until I completely gave myself to the program of recovery set forth in Alcoholics Anonymous that I came to believe that I could stay sober for good and all (I recently celebrated 20 years). Thus, I have come to believe that there is a type of alcoholic whose only hope is A.A. -- and I am one of those types. Feel free to have your husband PM me to chat more about that if interested.

Gratitude. Just having a significant other and not having to deal with that pressure and nonsense is huge.

Serving purposes. Sometimes I have to remind myself that God didn't put me on earth solely for my amusement.

Finding enjoyment in simple things, we have this ability now so let's use it.

Getting out of self. Sometimes I need to try and worry about other people. Put myself out of my own crazy, alcoholic mind and into someone else's for a little while. Remember what it was like to have to worry about facing a judge.


Always think the drink through. What happens after I pick up. If I listen closely enough I may be able to hear the cell door slam shut. Everything will be dictated by the next drink. This will likely feel miserable even before passing out. I would have to face an obsession to drink with strength that increased from a drizzle to a category 5 hurricane. This will not be the teenage, 20s, early 30s of fun times. This will go straight to the misery that it was in the end.

The physical allergy to alcohol gets worse. Physically not only do we not react the same way to it as normal people. We do not react to alcohol the same way as our younger selves. My reaction to alcohol was different at 41 then it was at 31 or 21.

I can only speak for myself here.

A very wise person in recovery (and my counselor for a while) told me that each sober anniversary, whether realized or not, I might feel out of sorts. It may be subtle, or it might be obvious, and he was right. There have been years when I was out of sorts a bit, then I look at the date and right on time, it is close to an Anniversary. These feeling are not necessarily bad; I liken them to thinking " It is a full moon or what!?! " However, without fail, I have always gotten choked up with gratitude. I can't really even talk about it without my eye welling up. I still can't believe that I made it this far, I suppose that I would be considered an "Old Timer" now (28 1/2 years), but it still feels fresh in my memory, that first year anniversary was by far the hardest and the most exciting at the same time. As alcoholics, we are so used to failing, our mind and this disease try to fool us into believing a few things, 1) That we are failures and will not succeed and 2) Just one will not hurt. Both couldn't be farther from the truth. Please tell your Husband that what he is feeling is not unusual as he is reaching a most awesome milestone, and that after the anniversary gets here and passes, he might just find the urges pass too. Awareness of what is going on is so important. It is not the first drink that will take that clean time from one year to one day, but the first sip. It is not worth it, and you are both worth sobriety and all it has to offer.

Congratulations on your Anniversary, you are both Rockstars!!

Cathy