Flyersfan

Ive been on this board for 10 years at least and I relapsed late Friday night and drank Saturday into Sunday around 2 AM. To be completely honest my wife called my mom and I am glad she did, I admitted to my family I have a problem which I knew in the back of my head if you can find my old posts. I did not drink at all Sunday but Sunday night I started having massive panic attacks and just a general feeling of being uncomfortable. I can't sleep, I am getting about 1.5 hours a night and its killing me at work.

I spoke before about other withdrawal symptoms but I don't think I ever mentioned these

- for the last two days I will just cry for no reason
- I just feel extremely uncomfortable, its so hard to explain
- my panic attacks have increased so much and my medication does not help at all.

I am so done with drinking, I know I have said this before but I really am... I can't deal with this anymore.

I do have a doctor and I have told them about this

JamesW

Sorry your relapse was so brutal Flyers, but it could be perceived in a positive way. You can now go forward without any illusions, hope things even out in the next few days.

Flyersfan

thanks James, I think it will. I am just hoping for a good nights sleep

courage2

Hi James,
Good to see you so determined. Have you considered supervised detox?

Dee74

I’m sorry you’re struggling fkyersfan but I believe you when you say you’re done. Throw everything you have at this.

what are you doing apart from seeing your doctor?

D

Patcha

I feel for you so much. I was just reflecting a little while ago that my panic attacks have improved a lot. I hope you can find some help for that. I found it so hard and it took a lot of work with a psychiatrist to learn to deal with them. I took medication for them for a little while but wasn't allowed to take them indefinitely.

Grymt

Naturally check with a doctor to see about underlying causes. Be careful about taking psychoactive drugs as they often just mask or suppress the phenomena like panic.



Consider this :



All these phenomenological events are temporary. They are not continuously there. There are times when they are not there. They don’t last. Change your relationship to all these ephemeral phenomena. Facilitate their passing. For example: This thing called ‘ panic attack ‘ has particular qualities. There is mental qualities. There are physical qualities. Don’t alway identify with them. Step back from them and recognise that while they may be intense and when happening may seem permanent they are not you. They can be let go of. Instead of always thinking or saying ‘I am having a panic attack’ say or think: ‘ at this moment the phenomenon called panic attack has arisen within this mind body phenomenon called me, let me see how long it lasts. These and these are its qualities… ‘ and begin to let go. This and resting without feeding the discomfort will help.

Flyersfan

I am using my phone and I can’t figure out how to reply directly. Thank you everyone

I have considered going to rehabilitation, a center or something . I can’t relax and its taxing but you guys are awesome . I am completely done , I told everyone I’m done with it. I’m going to try to sleep but I know I won’t , going to wake up soaked and have anxiety all night but i think two more nights

Flyersfan

not sure if I replied right but thank you . This is really helpful

Flyersfan

ah so I’m not alone , man they are so scary . Thank you

Hevyn

Hi Flyersfan - I'm so glad you posted about what's going on.
The last time I felt like you do, it ended up being my very last drinking session. I was terrified at how insane & unstable I felt. I was making ridiculous decisions & scaring everyone I knew. I was mortified by my out-of-character behavior. You said, "I can't deal with this anymore" - and you don't have to. I stopped after that horrific episode - and that was 14 yrs. ago. You can do it too.

Flyersfan

Thanks so much, I am having a terrible anxiety attack now. I literally had to call my dad, thanks for all the support

biminiblue

This will pass, Flyersfan.

I don't know if they will pass in two days...but this kind of withdrawal was how I finally admitted defeat too.

Remember this feeling. Never forget.

I never want to feel like that again.

You'll get through it. Something that helped me immediately was somatic work. Body work. Breathing exercises and light exercise. Try doing 25 jumping jacks or squats (or pushups if you can do those) or running in place for one minute.

Here's a good breathing technique:




Box breathing is a technique used to calm yourself down with a simple 4 second rotation of breathing in, holding your breath, breathing out, holding your breath, and repeating.

Also known as Navy SEAL breathing technique, or tactical breathing, it’s a surprisingly simple and effective way to help regain calm and control of your thoughts when under stress.

A perfect visual meditation for when you can’t listen to audio, or just need a quick second to refocus.

Use this image to help you keep time!

Here are the directions:

1. Inhale for 4 seconds (as the circle expands)
2. Hold your lungs full for 4 seconds (as the circle stays fully expanded)
3. Exhale for 4 seconds (as the circle shrinks)
4. Hold your lungs empty for 4 seconds (as the circle is contracted)

That’s it!

Repeat for as many times as you need to calm down.
https://quietkit.com/box-breathing/

Mizz

Anxiety sufferer here. I am sorry to hear you are suffering. You will get through this patch and get on level ground. It took me a really long time to get stable from my own anxiety so I do understand this. Some tools worked for me and some did not. Deep breathing, hot baths or showers, listening to podcasts to get me out of my head, was and is always helpful. Exercise is one thing I do to keep my anxiety at a manageable level.

When I first quit drinking I really did think I was going insane. Maybe I was partially insane? Who knows. The point is: You can get this under control and care for yourself in a way that is healthy and productive. Stay close to the forum. Journal, read, try to sleep, sweat it out, do everything but drink. We are here for you.

The breathing tool Bimini posted really helped me out when I was in severe panic. If it wasnt for the help I received from this forum, I dont think I would have made it through those moments. We completely understand.

Grymt

be kind to yourself

silentrun

When you're done you're done. It sounds like that's where you are.

Flyersfan

thanks everyone for all the replies, it passed a couple of hours ago and now I am trying to keep my eyes open and I am starving. I can't believe so many others have similar issues too and I am so thankful or everyone. I am hoping to be able to help others in the near future

pennylane2009

Hey, congrats on taking this step, admitting to yourself you're done. Now the hard part comes, which is staying done. I used to have loads of panic attacks when I was drinking, usually when I was hungover. And I when I first got sober, they got so much worse. But after a while, they subsided. I can't tell you how long it took for them to subside, but I can tell you it's been a very very long time since I've felt that kind of panic. I learned how to mentally deal with things that triggered panic attacks, and how to coach my body into staying calm during stress. I just lost my job a few weeks ago, and I'm 100% calm and actually kind of happy. Who knew that would be possible?

Just stay sober, and keep staying sober, and things will start to improve. Rehab sounds like a fantastic idea for you.

Evoo

If it helps at all — I’ve experienced all of this. The hardest thing for me was the panic attacks… I really believed I was *going to die* if I didn’t get alcohol on my system. It’s impossible to explain that feeling of existential dread to someone who has never gone through it.

I’ve learned a lot of tools for tackling a panic attack in the moment through breathing, connecting to something real through touch, and practice. Remind myself the feeling is temporary. Play an active virtual reality game like boxing or sword fighting (this helps me a lot). Eventually I think my brain has realized that alcohol or drugs are never an option — and eventually the feeling passes. It happens a lot less now. Actually I haven’t had an attack on several months, come up think of it (makes me think they really were primarily caused by alcohol withdrawal).