Suffering, what can I do
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2022
Posts: 3
Suffering, what can I do
Hello guys, I am new here and wanted to try this out. I am suffering badly, so I am trying to find as much help as I can because I am going crazy. The father of my child and I have split 3 weeks ago, he became heavily drinking about a year ago. When I met this man 5 years ago, he never even had a drop of liquor. It hurts so bad seeing the changes. The past year he started drinking really bad, and it is just all day, night, morning. It’s so bad, the past 2 months, he started to seem very miserable. He was always in bed, just wanted to drink, and go to sleep. He was always aggravated, anything I said to him would get him annoyed. He started to get verbally abusive with the drinking the past year as well. So we just started having arguments, and he would leave to his parents house, and just leave me alone in our apartment with our 2 kids.
this time 3 weeks ago, he left for good. We got into an argument again, and he left to his parents home. 3 days later, he apologized and told me how sorry he was, and that it’s his fault not noticing how drunk he always is. I forgave him and he said we will work on us, but will still be at his parents home so he wouldn’t treat me like this. We tried to go out on dates, to make things feel better and work on us, but he still went back home to his parents after the dates, I asked him when he was coming back, and he said he needed time to work on himself.. after the date, I went back home, and he went back to his parents. When I went to bed, I woke up the next morning everything was fine. A couple of hours later, we get into a little argument, and out of no where he says “ I don’t even want to be with you anymore, and I’ve been talking to other females” and when I begged, cried and kept calling him, he told me to “cry myself to sleep” he told me to “move on”
I was so confused, how he apologized, and now I’m being forced to move on? I tried so hard to get him to stop drinking, stop taking pills, and all this stuff, I bought him a car in may, I got him his new iPhone before I got the car. I did everything in my power to make sure he lived a life that would make him want to forget about the old one. When I got my first car, I cherished life and couldn’t even believe the life I was living before I got my stuff together! I was hoping that would be life changing for him. We deleted our facebooks when we first got together, but the whole time he was “working on us” he made a new one and was talking to girls the whole time. We were fine and now I’m forced to move on.
he left 3 weeks ago, and he does not check up on the kids like that, he’s only saw them once since he’s left. EVERYTIME I try to talk to him now he doesn’t reply, if I do get a hold of him on the phone, he’s drunk out of his mind. Each time I’ve talked to him since he’s left, it’s always been DRUNK! I haven’t even heard his sober voice since he’s left. It’s sad. he tells me he doesn’t want to see me ever again, he tells me I need to move on, and That he doesn’t care about me anymore. Also saying he doesn’t care if I’ve been talking to “10 guys already”
what Hurts more is that he’s immature, and he’s talking to these immature girls. One of them called my kids ugly, and she told me I deserved to die. And he still is trying to talk to her after she’s said all that to me.
I’m so hurt this has happened in the matter of 3 weeks, the first week he left he called me drunk saying “I love you, sorry take care of the kids” and when I brought it up the other day, he said he was just drunk and off “perks” so he didn’t mean it. I have done everything for this man, just so he can enjoy everything I’ve done with him, with everyone else. I’m so sad no one sees the helps he needs too, he’s always drunk and I haven’t even heard him sober in weeks, he’s always been a drinker, but when he was home there was atleast a moment where he was sober for about 3 hours!!! How can he just forget about us so quick.
he only asked to see them on Father’s Day, and has never reached out to see them again or ask if they’re okay, this isn’t his first time leaving. But when he use to leave he would contact me everyday, ask about the kids, and actually try to see them. When he use to leave he’s also never hung out or talked to any girls like he is now. And all his old friends are back in his life drinking and doing the same thing he is. It’s funny because They all came back once I bought him a car, when he use to leave to his parents house with NO CAR, no one would want to hang out with him, He would just stay at his parents, call me, missing us and our family and crying. Now he doesn’t contact at all. I believe the car gave him more access, I’m just wondering, if I got him a car earlier, would he would have does this earlier to me? Is he so distracted with drinking, partying, and girls that he doesn’t care anymore? I don’t know how he can go 5 years straight coming home to us, and the kids after work. Just being with us, loving us. To becoming an alcoholic and not checking up anymore.
he’s been drinking driving all day, even when he was home and I would tell him not to do this stuff he would get mad, he would get annoyed because I didn’t want him drinking, doing shrooms, or pills. He was such a great dad, he was so attached to our kids, he use to stand up for them, if anyone talked about our kids it was ON! now he’s not. And I can’t believe he would still try to talk to a female that called our kids ugly and said I deserved to die.
I sent him lots of old pics of the kids, hoping that would smarten him up a little and make him realize. So many memories, he use to cry and call me when he use to look at old pictures of us and the kids. I sent him pictures of the kids, and told them how good a dad he was and how he always use to be there, and how he would never let anyone talk about our kids, and he didn’t reply to any message. He doesn’t reply to me anymore, doiesnt want to do anything with me anymore. Right when he left he told me he wish I died so he can be free, this is making me suffer because it’s such a drastic change, that man that was my king is no longer my king, the man who was a great father and partner is not in our home anymore, and I just have to be forced to move on, and watch him destroy his life with drinking, and pills. Why is he trying to move on so quick? Why did he say he was gonna work on his drinking and he’s not? Why is he getting worse? Does he want to move on that bad that he is trying to forget about me? I am still the mother of his kid and I am existing, why is he shutting me out to drink and do these things with his friends and girls. I don’t understand why every time I try to contact him he doesn’t respond and when he does, he’s just drunk out of him mind. I really love him, and I wish he would change. But I’m at the point where I’m going to keep my kids away as well, it’s not like he cares at the moment anyways. Will he end up realizing what he’s doing to the kids? After always being there and now he’s not, it doesn’t hurt him a little bit?
when He left he said he’ll pay the rent, but it’s almost the first, and he doesn’t have any money at all, just wasting it all drinking it. He hasn’t even gave me one dollar for anything. I’m so scared, i don’t know how it changed so fast, he was such a big part of our life and would do anything for us, why did it change that fast.
I also have a fear that he is going to get with this disrespectful girl too, he would left her call our kids ugly? The old him would never let anyone disrespect our kids like that. If he gets with her it would cause a lot of problems. He told me “you messaged her because we’ve been talking, you can’t message someone like that and not expect for them to say something disrespectful “ since he doesn’t care about what she said about our kids, then they just don’t need to be around him. My friends send me screenshots of him just enjoying life, talking to girls and drinking, while I’m suffering, praying he gets better with the drinking, working a part time job worrying about how I am going to pay all these bills, I will probably lose my home. I am suffering, and suffering more that he can’t see I am suffering. And even more depressed that the kids aren’t on his mind at all. Please help, it’s disrespectful all way around and it makes me want to give up and not even care if he is a good father again.
I need to hear him sober, I need him to get better, his anger, mental health, everything has changed, he is not the same, he doesn’t care about me in the matter of 3 weeks? I’ve done everything to make sure he’s trying to get better, I’ve tried AA he refused, I tried counseling and all he use to say was “I don’t need to talk to someone else about my problems” his parents aren’t gonna realize he needs help because they give him the pills he takes and buys him the liquor he drinks, he’ll drink a 30 dollar bottle of Hennessy each day or maybe wAy more, please help
this time 3 weeks ago, he left for good. We got into an argument again, and he left to his parents home. 3 days later, he apologized and told me how sorry he was, and that it’s his fault not noticing how drunk he always is. I forgave him and he said we will work on us, but will still be at his parents home so he wouldn’t treat me like this. We tried to go out on dates, to make things feel better and work on us, but he still went back home to his parents after the dates, I asked him when he was coming back, and he said he needed time to work on himself.. after the date, I went back home, and he went back to his parents. When I went to bed, I woke up the next morning everything was fine. A couple of hours later, we get into a little argument, and out of no where he says “ I don’t even want to be with you anymore, and I’ve been talking to other females” and when I begged, cried and kept calling him, he told me to “cry myself to sleep” he told me to “move on”
I was so confused, how he apologized, and now I’m being forced to move on? I tried so hard to get him to stop drinking, stop taking pills, and all this stuff, I bought him a car in may, I got him his new iPhone before I got the car. I did everything in my power to make sure he lived a life that would make him want to forget about the old one. When I got my first car, I cherished life and couldn’t even believe the life I was living before I got my stuff together! I was hoping that would be life changing for him. We deleted our facebooks when we first got together, but the whole time he was “working on us” he made a new one and was talking to girls the whole time. We were fine and now I’m forced to move on.
he left 3 weeks ago, and he does not check up on the kids like that, he’s only saw them once since he’s left. EVERYTIME I try to talk to him now he doesn’t reply, if I do get a hold of him on the phone, he’s drunk out of his mind. Each time I’ve talked to him since he’s left, it’s always been DRUNK! I haven’t even heard his sober voice since he’s left. It’s sad. he tells me he doesn’t want to see me ever again, he tells me I need to move on, and That he doesn’t care about me anymore. Also saying he doesn’t care if I’ve been talking to “10 guys already”
what Hurts more is that he’s immature, and he’s talking to these immature girls. One of them called my kids ugly, and she told me I deserved to die. And he still is trying to talk to her after she’s said all that to me.
I’m so hurt this has happened in the matter of 3 weeks, the first week he left he called me drunk saying “I love you, sorry take care of the kids” and when I brought it up the other day, he said he was just drunk and off “perks” so he didn’t mean it. I have done everything for this man, just so he can enjoy everything I’ve done with him, with everyone else. I’m so sad no one sees the helps he needs too, he’s always drunk and I haven’t even heard him sober in weeks, he’s always been a drinker, but when he was home there was atleast a moment where he was sober for about 3 hours!!! How can he just forget about us so quick.
he only asked to see them on Father’s Day, and has never reached out to see them again or ask if they’re okay, this isn’t his first time leaving. But when he use to leave he would contact me everyday, ask about the kids, and actually try to see them. When he use to leave he’s also never hung out or talked to any girls like he is now. And all his old friends are back in his life drinking and doing the same thing he is. It’s funny because They all came back once I bought him a car, when he use to leave to his parents house with NO CAR, no one would want to hang out with him, He would just stay at his parents, call me, missing us and our family and crying. Now he doesn’t contact at all. I believe the car gave him more access, I’m just wondering, if I got him a car earlier, would he would have does this earlier to me? Is he so distracted with drinking, partying, and girls that he doesn’t care anymore? I don’t know how he can go 5 years straight coming home to us, and the kids after work. Just being with us, loving us. To becoming an alcoholic and not checking up anymore.
he’s been drinking driving all day, even when he was home and I would tell him not to do this stuff he would get mad, he would get annoyed because I didn’t want him drinking, doing shrooms, or pills. He was such a great dad, he was so attached to our kids, he use to stand up for them, if anyone talked about our kids it was ON! now he’s not. And I can’t believe he would still try to talk to a female that called our kids ugly and said I deserved to die.
I sent him lots of old pics of the kids, hoping that would smarten him up a little and make him realize. So many memories, he use to cry and call me when he use to look at old pictures of us and the kids. I sent him pictures of the kids, and told them how good a dad he was and how he always use to be there, and how he would never let anyone talk about our kids, and he didn’t reply to any message. He doesn’t reply to me anymore, doiesnt want to do anything with me anymore. Right when he left he told me he wish I died so he can be free, this is making me suffer because it’s such a drastic change, that man that was my king is no longer my king, the man who was a great father and partner is not in our home anymore, and I just have to be forced to move on, and watch him destroy his life with drinking, and pills. Why is he trying to move on so quick? Why did he say he was gonna work on his drinking and he’s not? Why is he getting worse? Does he want to move on that bad that he is trying to forget about me? I am still the mother of his kid and I am existing, why is he shutting me out to drink and do these things with his friends and girls. I don’t understand why every time I try to contact him he doesn’t respond and when he does, he’s just drunk out of him mind. I really love him, and I wish he would change. But I’m at the point where I’m going to keep my kids away as well, it’s not like he cares at the moment anyways. Will he end up realizing what he’s doing to the kids? After always being there and now he’s not, it doesn’t hurt him a little bit?
when He left he said he’ll pay the rent, but it’s almost the first, and he doesn’t have any money at all, just wasting it all drinking it. He hasn’t even gave me one dollar for anything. I’m so scared, i don’t know how it changed so fast, he was such a big part of our life and would do anything for us, why did it change that fast.
I also have a fear that he is going to get with this disrespectful girl too, he would left her call our kids ugly? The old him would never let anyone disrespect our kids like that. If he gets with her it would cause a lot of problems. He told me “you messaged her because we’ve been talking, you can’t message someone like that and not expect for them to say something disrespectful “ since he doesn’t care about what she said about our kids, then they just don’t need to be around him. My friends send me screenshots of him just enjoying life, talking to girls and drinking, while I’m suffering, praying he gets better with the drinking, working a part time job worrying about how I am going to pay all these bills, I will probably lose my home. I am suffering, and suffering more that he can’t see I am suffering. And even more depressed that the kids aren’t on his mind at all. Please help, it’s disrespectful all way around and it makes me want to give up and not even care if he is a good father again.
I need to hear him sober, I need him to get better, his anger, mental health, everything has changed, he is not the same, he doesn’t care about me in the matter of 3 weeks? I’ve done everything to make sure he’s trying to get better, I’ve tried AA he refused, I tried counseling and all he use to say was “I don’t need to talk to someone else about my problems” his parents aren’t gonna realize he needs help because they give him the pills he takes and buys him the liquor he drinks, he’ll drink a 30 dollar bottle of Hennessy each day or maybe wAy more, please help
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
You are in a good place to get opinions and answers. Everyone here has been effected by booze/drugs in some way.
Us drunks can be any and all things from good to bad.
The main thing is you and your children have to be safe. If there is danger from your addict, you should contact the police.
Otherwise, damage is being inflicted mentally to all of you. Your addict is not in their right mind and may take years to normalize if they do decide to quit.
Some folks can bounce right back, maybe because of a special constitution or whatever.
When I decided to quit, I suffered hell on earth for a long long long time. The suffering has made my sobriety that much more special.
I still suffer periodically, but the peace, contentment, clarity, and confidence are amaaazzzzzing!
The bottom line is that if your addicted doesn't want to quit, they won't.
If you stay with them on this course, you will ride the roller coaster of drama or worse.
Thanks.
Us drunks can be any and all things from good to bad.
The main thing is you and your children have to be safe. If there is danger from your addict, you should contact the police.
Otherwise, damage is being inflicted mentally to all of you. Your addict is not in their right mind and may take years to normalize if they do decide to quit.
Some folks can bounce right back, maybe because of a special constitution or whatever.
When I decided to quit, I suffered hell on earth for a long long long time. The suffering has made my sobriety that much more special.
I still suffer periodically, but the peace, contentment, clarity, and confidence are amaaazzzzzing!
The bottom line is that if your addicted doesn't want to quit, they won't.
If you stay with them on this course, you will ride the roller coaster of drama or worse.
Thanks.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,355
Hi and welcome Verenchy - I'm sorry for what brings you here but this is a place of understanding and support.
Sometimes as much as we want to, love can't make someone better - not if they're determined to keep drinking and making all the bad choices that go along with that.
Its hard to let go of someone you love - and really hard when its not really your choice -but it doesn't sound like this man is offering you or your kids much of a future, or even much of a commitment..
I'm not trying to be mean at all - it just sounds to me like you deserve a lot better.
I recommend you check out our Family and Friends forums too - there is more support there.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ly-alcoholics/
Sometimes as much as we want to, love can't make someone better - not if they're determined to keep drinking and making all the bad choices that go along with that.
Its hard to let go of someone you love - and really hard when its not really your choice -but it doesn't sound like this man is offering you or your kids much of a future, or even much of a commitment..
I'm not trying to be mean at all - it just sounds to me like you deserve a lot better.
I recommend you check out our Family and Friends forums too - there is more support there.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ly-alcoholics/
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