LazaB

After almost 5 months of no drinking i got drunk on Friday ( my sisters wedding ) and that turned into drinking on Saturday and Sunday , yesterday morning i woke up and i had a feeling like i will have an imminent seizure , i took 24 mg of benzos to get through the day , right now i am at 1,5 mg and i feel good , but this is the first time i had a reaction like that to drinking. I had withdrawals before but nothing like yesterday.

Grymt

It will get worse. It always does for the alcoholic. Alcoholism is a condition that gets worse if one keeps drinking. There are only two final destinations for the drinking alcoholic, the lunatic asylum or the morgue. Don’t trust any thought that because of a few drugs you will always bounce back. It’s a fools paradise. The only solution is to stop drinking, and to stay stopped. This is a good place to learn how.

LazaB

The worst part is that after almost 5 months of not drinking i still didn't feel much better , my Post Acute Anxiety was still insanely high , so i really have no idea how long will it take for me to be even close to normal again.

Dee74

I hope it wont take too long to be normal LazaB - but not drinking, and taking meds as recommended, gives you the best and quickest path I think?

if you're worried about seizures maybe seeing your doctor is a good idea, too?

D

VikingGF

5-6 months to feel "normal" was how it went for me. Hopefully, because this lapse was short, it won't set you completely back at zero once you move out of the acute phase. Then it's just matter of using what you already learned, and adding this unpleasant experience on top- hopefully the memory of it will help you if you waver. I can't speak to the benzo use, but I'm sure others will. Good work on coming back so quickly.

Grymt

Benzodiazepine use can be an acceptable cop out but getting hooked is unadvisable. If you get hooked and use it as a withdrawal easer the alcoholic future is bleak until quitting booze and going on a gradual withdrawal from the benzodiazepines and learning no-prop ways to let go of anxiety. There are healthy ways to get back to normal and a happy positive life. Many have done it and you can too. Accept the party is over and some reality therapy is next.

Free2bme888

Sorry you drank Laza, but glad you are right back here.

Continue your medically supervised withdrawal as ordered, seek healthy ways to handle the stress.

hugs

🤓❤️

dustyfox

Sorry you relapsed but great you got back here so quickly - maybe see it as a valuable lesson that staying stopped is the best and most positive way forward.

LazaB

This part is as hard as the withdrawals , ok maybe not as hard but it's close , do you guys have any tips on how to cope with never having real fun at a party again , or a barbecue , or a birthday party , or how to at least go through a wedding sober ( again my post acute withdrawal makes it literally impossible without having massive panic attacks , so it's either benzor or booze , because a wedding lasts a whole day ) , any tips are more than useful and thanks in advance.
By the way it's day 3 and i still feel like crap , but a million times better than day 1.

Dee74

You’ll have real fun again man.
The getting drunk buzz is actually fake fun…it’s chemical euphoria.

I drank for so long I thought that fun only came in bottles too…
but when I thought back I remembered a time when I was sober and having fun.

I wanted to get back to that.
I found that again eventually, you will too

as for anxiety…there are other things that work way better for me than alcohol.

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...disorders.html (Coping with anxiety and panic disorders)

Breathing exercises help…a beta blocker I’m on for something else seems to help and also…just more self-confidence. I know who I am. I’m always going to find social occasions where I don’t know a lot of people a little bit tough….and that’s ok. It’s me.

I’d rather be a little bit anxious than passed out dead drunk in the corner which is where alcohol left me.

If the anxiety is really crippling maybe a doctor or counsellor could help?

D

Free2bme888

What Dee said……

So if you keep your mindset as you currently have, that without booze life and situations are no fun, keeping sober will be utterly miserable.

Change that mindset, and you’ll be free.

Of course it’s hard the first 0-6 months, but retiring your brain is possible. It takes patience and perseverance.

Ihadmyfill

Yes LazaB Kindling is real..and it keeps getting worse! Believe me, I experimented to see if it was really that bad. I'm here to tell you, it is really that bad. I've done the work for you, so you don't have to. Stop Now!
Best Wishes to you.

Evoo

Hi, LazaB.

I've been there. A couple thoughts based on your posts:

• Anxiety: If you aren't already, start working through the anxiety with a counselor. I did a lot of work to get to the root cause of my anxiety, why/how it exists, and how to manage and deescalate. Anxiety didn't go away when I quit drinking (I still can get quite anxious) but I have far more tools in my chest than I did before (and healthy ones).
• Withdrawals:Like you, after 6-7 months of sobriety my first attempt, I had a bad relapse. I thought I could "reset" and be a new drinker again, but the alcoholism was right there - all of it. The palpitations, the mortal terror, the nightmares, the need to drink behind everything. I've realized there's no amount of time that can pass where I'm not one drink away from that nightmare; that's why we stay vigilant and keep the addition voice away.
• Having "fun" again: This is the biggest lie my AV told me. All those years I pushed the notion of sobriety away because it would "ruin my life," all things I'd "never get to do" with my friends and cousins, never enjoying a social event or activity ever again etc. etc. <-- absolutely not true. I have discovered an entire world of thrilling experiences away from the bottle. I have energy. I'm stronger. I want to see and do things I'd never have tried while drinking. The bottle was the prison, not the other way around .

Good luck. Remember - a relapse at five months is not an erasure of your progress. It's not the end. Don't get too worked up over the count and get back your feet. You can do it.

LazaB

Thank you all so much for the responses , they help SO MUCH.

NYCDoglvr

It doesn't sound like you're having "fun" right now so let that go. If I had to go to an event where booze was being served I took another recovering alcoholic to get me through the rough times. In the beginning if I smelled alcohol I wanted to drink. "People, places and things" is a useful slogan. Don't go near people you used to drink with, avoid places that trigger a craving, bypass things that can trigger a drink.

slimjim30

I find this comment intriguing. I am sober from alcohol for 7 years and from Heroin (on methadone only) now for 19 days.

I don't ever remember fun while sober. My first memories are of panic attacks at age 4 and 5. I started smoking marijuana at 12 and basically have been on something ever since (I'm 43 - so for 31 years). All I remember from ages 5 to 12 is anxiety and panic. No fun.

I know other people have sober fun. I am not sure if I am capable of it though. It makes leaving drugs behind so very hard. I know it's the right thing intelligently, but emotionally I'm only 60/40.

Dee74

I’m sorry you obviously had a tough time right from the time you were a kid Jim.

Sounds like you’ve pretty much explored where booze and drugs can take you - I do think you owe it to yourself to see where this sober thing takes you though?

D

slimjim30

Definitely - that's what I'm doing. Honestly, if money was unlimited I'd be doing something different, but it's not so I am testing that path now.

I have less anxiety as an adult than as a kid - but I don't know what natural fun feels like.

jagrnaut

You got this Jim! That was and is still a hang up for me, but I just put my head down and push through. It really is about changing your entire mindset. We have had society cram down our throats our whole life that in order to have fun alcohol needs to be involved. I need to remind myself that most of the bad times were caused by drinking and rarely did it ever happen when I was sober. I can guarantee that my wife finds me way more fun now than when I drank and we used to drink together. I am accomplishing more with every passing day than I ever did when drinking or hung over waiting to drink to feel better. I don't know about you, but that cycle sure as hell was not fun (hell on earth, but not fun). It will take time, but you will be so much better for it in the end.

slimjim30

I absolutely will never go back to alcohol. 7 years of opioid use has done something to my brain and I can no longer enjoy alcohol (which is a good thing). It's harder to stay away from opioids, but they are so, so expensive in the required quantities so I am doing the right thing now. I am hoping the world becomes a brighter place in a few more weeks. At least quitting opioids I get to take methadone - it's much better than cold turkey.

I'm just taking it 1-day at a time right now. Each day is a new day, and I have time off work, so the pressure on me isn't extreme. I'm making best use of this time to get full sobriety under my belt so that when I go back to work I can cope with stress without immediately resorting to substances.

Thanks for your comment.