zjw

i hate to be a sensitive snow flake but i was on a work phone call when the boss introduced himself he said hi i'm bob i'm an alcoholic then joked ahhaha no thats weds nvrmind poking fun at alcoholics and rambled on about how he loves drinking etc..

i have a pretty dark sense of humor and can find the humor in anything no matter how offensive i can almost always set aside my personal sensitivities. even this joke i just rolled my eyes. but as time passed and it sunk in more and more i realized i'm quite offended. It was out of line.

i'm not gonna go run to HR or something but at the same time i honestly feel its kinda tainted my relationship with this guy now. everytime i talk to him i think of how insensitive that was etc.. and wonder wtf else is gonna fall out of his mouth etc... like i had a boss joke about me being obese once i never forgot it it was pretty friggen rude.


whats everyones thoughts?

least

If someone tells me a joke that's rude or mean, I just say, "In my opinion, that joke's not funny." That usually shuts them right up.

Hevyn

Hi zjw
Very few realize the painful time we've all been through.
I try not to be overly sensitive, but there was nothing funny about that so-called joke. He has no empathy.

zjw

thats kind of my issue with it. us alcoholics have some pretty hard faught and won battles with this. its anything but funny. not to mention those who have family members and friends who have not won there battle or worse.

that being said i'm not saint when it comes to telling an off color joke etc.. but I'd never tell one unless I new the folks i was telling them too would not get offended etc.. this guy doesnt know me at all it was out of line he shoulda been more professional and i'm not even one for politcal correctness and professionalism but this woulda been a good example of why it can be important at times.

i think the biggest gripe i have tho is this guy could otherwise be a great guy for all i know but after that joke i'm sorta struggling to see past it.

since then we have butted heads a few times the first incident was not a huge issue really. the second was larger and the head boss saw things my way so now i worry i'm on shaky ground with this guy to boot.

little off topic tho the thread was more geared to the joke.

nez

UPS brings packages to me on a regular basis. When a package shows up that I didn't order, didn't ask for, don't want; I just don't sign for it. UPS leaves with the package. End of problem. No biggie. It only becomes big if I sign for, bring it inside my house, open it up and discover that it is a bag of minced garlic waay past it's expiration date!

I don't expect UPS not to bring packages. That is what they do.
I don't expect rude people not to be rude. That is what they do.

least

I heard a joke once that was in bad taste and mean to boot. I told the person telling it that I didn't think it was funny. He responded, maybe you don't have a sense of humor. I replied, maybe it's because I do have a sense of decency. That shut him up.

saoutchik

Did the guy know anything about your own drinking history. If he did then it is very insensitive. If he didn't then it is a bit crass in a sort of David Brent (Ricky Gervaise - The Office) but forgivable.

zjw

nah he doesnt know my history at all. i can find the funny in it for sure. But i gotta say part of me is holding on to it and a big offended. I think it might be partly cause he's ruffled my feathers with a couple other things too so this is just one more thing now.

Dee74

Hi ZJW

don't let the jerk rent too much space in your head. Keep your perspective and stay grounded man

D

dustyfox

It was a crass joke, but it sounds like there is something about this guy, beyond the joke, you don't like...it's fine we cant all like eveyone. If you work with him you may just have to accept you and he will never be good friends. The most important thing is that you don't let this deter you from your focus on recovery.

uncle holmes

The work place can be cruel! I've got many years of sobriety and have grown older and work a 12 step program! Because of that I'm better able to just let things ride off my back at work! But there was a time I couldn't!

One guy and girl I used to work with were both heavy drinkers! There were times it was just the three of us in a warehouse as we were moving out of a warehouse into the new warehouse! Lots of moving things and all three of us working together! I told him and her I used to be a heavy drinker and quit drinking years ago! But I never mentioned I was an alcoholic or that I'm in AA!

They seemed to be amazed that I was a non-drinker but knew so much about drinking and alcoholism! I put it off as kind of being like the Riddler on Batman to see if they could figure it out! We were all friends and got along well so this worked out ok! One time the guy said something about his side by his liver! I joked that's alcoholism at its best! All three of us laughed! The girl had gotten a dui and was real nervous about probation and having to blow in a breathalyzer whenever she got called into probation! I told her all about probation for dui's! She wondered how I knew all about that! Even though I've been through dui's myself, I just told her I knew about that cause I know someone who went through that!

Like I said no harm done! We were all friends! I know how cruel the work place can be so that's why I didn't specifically tell anyone at work I was an alcoholic while giving clues to see if they could figure it out! They didn't! I eventually left the place for a better paying job!

proudtobehere

yep definitely a snowflake. Pretend your a duck and let it rolloff lol

Free2bme888

Well, I’m a Brit, thin lipped, weird sense of humor, etc. actually, worse, I’m a mutt. Half Brit, half American. My mum came over on a boat, Queen Elizabeth.

She was the typical stiff upper lip, stoic, no compassion, etc. I am SOOOOO not like her. (compassionate and touchy-feely wise).



I can joke about Brits, and take it.

One of the best things she taught me was to “Learn to Laugh at yourself, it’ll make life much easier”.

Hugs.

Surlyredhead

My thoughts exactly! As long as you hold that resentment, he OWNS you, you are above that, forgive and let it go (mind you, forgiving does not make it right, it frees you) Feel sorry for him, it sure seems like he has his own issues and tries to deflect so he can feel better about himself. Side note: He is a butthead for sure!

Zebra1275

I used to have my own version of an alcoholic joke.

It happened every morning when I looked at myself in the mirror, fighting a hangover, and telling myself that I wasn't going to drink that night.

Your boss sounds like an immature jerk. You woke up this morning up as a sober person. He woke up this morning and he was still an ass. You win.

Free2bme888

Zebra, very good post!

Notch8

I equate making fun of addiction like making fun of combat vets: the average person has no clue what many of us have been through and get their perception from Hollywood, social media or whatever. Same goes with addicts who have an underlying mental health disorder... people have no idea...

Free2bme888

Yes, most people have no idea what others go through, and unknowingly disturb others with comments or actions.

I forgive them, for they know not what they do/say, most of the time. People are intrinsically good and are not malicious.

when my daughter had her severe brain injury from a car accident, people that knew about it were asking me how she was doing. Duh, brain injuries don’t get much better, but they didn’t know.

worse, people would tell me, ‘well, God doesn’t give us anything we can’t handle,’. Duh! God doesn’t give us things to ‘handle’.

it’s all ok.

zjw

its unfortunate. I know i've been looked down upon for this or that. one time a person sat accross the table from me said i'd have to work harder then i ever had before (was in reference to running a business) I thought you dont see the sober lean fit guy accross from you who was once almost 300lbs and a raging alcoholic? And despite my achievements it doesnt mean i dont have struggles.

so while one may have been a combat vet or an alcoholic and maybe they got there act together now and are seemingly doing well. its ignorant to think they dont still have a battle each day.

Leshar

It was insensitive and unprofessional in my opinion. I heard this the other day on a podcast, "you can be right, or you can have peace". I need to apply this in my own life. I'd let it go, knowing you continue to do the right thing.
I'm still facing insensitive people about my psoriasis. One guy made the cross sign with his fingers when he asked what was wrong with my skin, and I told him, like, evil away or something. I said nothing. Some people just have no idea.