Shealy

In my sobriety journey I have spent countless hours on various forums and books, and a few things have really jumped out at me. One of those is how challenging the first experiences without alcohol can be. First birthday, first Christmas, first warm day of the spring, first football game, etc. Our brains are conditioned to follow the pattern that is familiar to us, and rewiring that neural circuitry can be unpleasant in the first instances.
Today was the first time since becoming gratefully sober that I had an unexpected major expense (f*** you to the tree roots in my sewer main). Oh man, when I finally sat down after the stress of the day I had the strongest craving I have had in a long time. In the span of about ten seconds my brain thought through where I might have alcohol in the house (even though there is none, cleared it out ages ago), how to get to the store to buy some, how to do it in secret, how to only just do it this one time, etc. It was like a totally involuntary thought process because as soon as my tired ass realised what was happening I sort of snapped out of it in shock, and a bit of disgust.
Spending some time tonight on the forum because it really shocked me how quickly my brain could fall right back into the alcoholic pattern of thinking. No worries, I’m definitely not going to drink, just feeling a bit tender!
And tomorrow morning I am going to be extremely grateful to deal with my problems with a clear, guilt-free head.
Thanks for reading!

Dee74

Sorry about the expense but congrats on your sober time shealy

D

RecklessEric

Hey Shealy.
Good job on not going to that place.

Imagine waking and having THAT feeling.
Tree roots would seem a quaint complaint in comparison.
I love reading about near-misses like this.
It's what I really needed to hear at one point and I reminds me that the AV pipes up unexpectedly and needs to be told to f**k off.

Hevyn

Shealy - I felt much stronger after I got through the first year, with all the temptations it brought. Can't believe I thought nothing would be fun again - one of the main reasons I was afraid to let go of it (even though it was killing me).

I'm sorry about the sewer issue - but so proud of you for growing even stronger by refusing to cave.

SnazzyDresser

Excellent post, Shealy. I could so identify with what you said and you described it perfectly, the way our minds can start running away with things when something like that happens. I can remember a near-miss I had in my first year of sobriety where I was in a bowling alley on a Saturday afternoon and my brain started telling me how great it would be to go into the cool dark bar there and have a few cold beers and watch some games on tv. Just outright delusion really, straight-up lying to me, my own brain! And I was totally gonna do it but some ridiculous thing like how beers cost over 5 dollars or something slowed me down enough to realize what I'd be doing, all the progress I'd be throwing away on a nostalgic delusional whim. It's crazy as to think back on it now, thankfully I've never been that close since, sober 5+ now.