At day 22 and feeling great.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 50
At day 22 and feeling great.
I have been going through the hell of alchoholism for years. I have finally decided to do this for myself. I always said I was doing it for (my now) ex-wife or parents or my son. This time it is for me. I became seizure prone and felt one coming on even though I was a .15 BAC (not enough for me not to withdrawal). I drank about 20 shots of vodka, got myself to a .43 so I stableized and had my firend take me to a 5 day detox. This time feels different. I have many job linterviews lined up as a system administrator and am ready to bring my son back into my life. I am seeing him today, and I can't wait (he is 9 about to turn 10) . I haven't seen him since Father's day last year. I despise alchohol at this point and will take this no more. I am 41 years old and can't wait to get back to 100% (haven't been there since I was 13 years old). This forum has helped me in the past and I wish everyone the best of luck kicking this beast. I have many had friends die over the years because of this poison and have come to the conclusion that being sober is the only way I will survive to see my grandchildren and I love the idea of being able to function again. I couldn't even go into public without having a good buzz because when I was sober I would be off-balance and could feel the withdrawl symptoms coming. Here is to the sober life!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 594
About the same ages I drank.
Knowing what I know now I was an instant alcoholic, just add alcohol. I can trace my actual alcoholism back to 14 years old when I first discovered the magic that alcohol did for treating the alcoholism i didn't know i had. I had smoked pot a few times up to then beginning at 9 years old. Taking some swigs of whiskey before and maybe got a little taste of the magic. But that first time i drank until I threw up, wow! I thought I found the answers in life that night. Like it says in the big book it came back like a boomerang and cut me to ribbons. It uncorked an obsession to drink alcohol that lasted for decades. Cunning, baffling and powerful. No matter how far I get from my last drink I need to stay on top of the obsession each and every day.
The obsession, the alcoholic voice or AV. The true insanity of this disease. When we are completely free of chemicals at a given moment and suddenly think its somehow a good idea to pick up a drink.
.43 sounds dangerous. I guess only people like us actually know our BAC. With the exception of a normie having a bad night and getting picked off driving drunk. Years ago I actually bought a portable BAC machine to try and figure out precisely how much I could drink without going over the legal limit. Conclusion, I had to wait too long between drinks to get an accurate measure. So I either just didn't care and drove drunk or further isolated myself. Many times i would begin a drunk terrified of DWI and isolate. Then get drunk and want drugs or some other ridiculous idea and drive drunk anyway. A lose/lose.
At 22 days i think you are beginning to get a grip on the throat of the obsession. Do not let up!
Knowing what I know now I was an instant alcoholic, just add alcohol. I can trace my actual alcoholism back to 14 years old when I first discovered the magic that alcohol did for treating the alcoholism i didn't know i had. I had smoked pot a few times up to then beginning at 9 years old. Taking some swigs of whiskey before and maybe got a little taste of the magic. But that first time i drank until I threw up, wow! I thought I found the answers in life that night. Like it says in the big book it came back like a boomerang and cut me to ribbons. It uncorked an obsession to drink alcohol that lasted for decades. Cunning, baffling and powerful. No matter how far I get from my last drink I need to stay on top of the obsession each and every day.
The obsession, the alcoholic voice or AV. The true insanity of this disease. When we are completely free of chemicals at a given moment and suddenly think its somehow a good idea to pick up a drink.
.43 sounds dangerous. I guess only people like us actually know our BAC. With the exception of a normie having a bad night and getting picked off driving drunk. Years ago I actually bought a portable BAC machine to try and figure out precisely how much I could drink without going over the legal limit. Conclusion, I had to wait too long between drinks to get an accurate measure. So I either just didn't care and drove drunk or further isolated myself. Many times i would begin a drunk terrified of DWI and isolate. Then get drunk and want drugs or some other ridiculous idea and drive drunk anyway. A lose/lose.
At 22 days i think you are beginning to get a grip on the throat of the obsession. Do not let up!
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,168
You are one of just a few folks that seemed to have similar results from drinking and then quitting.
I hate booze. It is poison.
You have made the realization about the need of booze to feel normal (e.g. off balance literally). It has take the better part of 5 years for the world to settle down all of the time.
I knew it was possible from day 1 because I felt normal at times (laying flat on my back) or when dealing with major stresses (grappling training). I knew that in time I would feel like that all the time.
I had know idea it would take years. I didn't heal as much as I got used to what was left of my brain.
The time it took to get this much growth makes the thought of relapsing equal to a horrible flashback or a nightmare.
Folks don't realize they are addicted and that they need booze to feel normal. Many are addicted and digging the hole deeper with each sip of the toxin.
Stay clean.
Thanks.
I hate booze. It is poison.
You have made the realization about the need of booze to feel normal (e.g. off balance literally). It has take the better part of 5 years for the world to settle down all of the time.
I knew it was possible from day 1 because I felt normal at times (laying flat on my back) or when dealing with major stresses (grappling training). I knew that in time I would feel like that all the time.
I had know idea it would take years. I didn't heal as much as I got used to what was left of my brain.
The time it took to get this much growth makes the thought of relapsing equal to a horrible flashback or a nightmare.
Folks don't realize they are addicted and that they need booze to feel normal. Many are addicted and digging the hole deeper with each sip of the toxin.
Stay clean.
Thanks.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 49,115
Good to see you posting, Wizing! 22 days is wonderful.
You said this time feels different, and that's how I felt the last time I went off track. It was so much worse that last time - I knew I couldn't recover from any more binges. I was more reckless than ever - putting myself in danger. It felt so good to get free of it and be able to hold my head up again. No more being out of control or losing track of what we're doing & saying. You're free!
You said this time feels different, and that's how I felt the last time I went off track. It was so much worse that last time - I knew I couldn't recover from any more binges. I was more reckless than ever - putting myself in danger. It felt so good to get free of it and be able to hold my head up again. No more being out of control or losing track of what we're doing & saying. You're free!
sober style
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,354
Wizing, I was moved by your post and your story. You're still young at 41 and are still writing it in a way (at 61 I'll admit I'm jealous of that!). This sobriety thing is far from easy, and at times it can seem almost impossible, but it is doable with help, and SR is a great way to get that help. All the best to you, keep posting and letting us know how it's going.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Belgrade
Posts: 184
Originally Posted by D122y 
You are one of just a few folks that seemed to have similar results from drinking and then quitting.
I hate booze. It is poison.
You have made the realization about the need of booze to feel normal (e.g. off balance literally). It has take the better part of 5 years for the world to settle down all of the time.
I knew it was possible from day 1 because I felt normal at times (laying flat on my back) or when dealing with major stresses (grappling training). I knew that in time I would feel like that all the time.
I had know idea it would take years. I didn't heal as much as I got used to what was left of my brain.
The time it took to get this much growth makes the thought of relapsing equal to a horrible flashback or a nightmare.
Folks don't realize they are addicted and that they need booze to feel normal. Many are addicted and digging the hole deeper with each sip of the toxin.
Stay clean.
Thanks.
I hate booze. It is poison.
You have made the realization about the need of booze to feel normal (e.g. off balance literally). It has take the better part of 5 years for the world to settle down all of the time.
I knew it was possible from day 1 because I felt normal at times (laying flat on my back) or when dealing with major stresses (grappling training). I knew that in time I would feel like that all the time.
I had know idea it would take years. I didn't heal as much as I got used to what was left of my brain.
The time it took to get this much growth makes the thought of relapsing equal to a horrible flashback or a nightmare.
Folks don't realize they are addicted and that they need booze to feel normal. Many are addicted and digging the hole deeper with each sip of the toxin.
Stay clean.
Thanks.
If you are training grappling do you mean jiujitsu or wrestling ?
I plan on getting back to jiu jitsu but i am 53 days sober today and my anxiety is still too high but i hope that i will be back in less than 1 year.
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