Been a while
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
Been a while
Figured i'd drop a note for those who remember me. As some may recall i got laid off from my job 4 years ago or so i've done this or that to try and make money any way i can since then. Never making enough and slowly sinking.
I finally got a job back in my field a couple weeks ago. It pays more then my last. which is great but i've accumulated debt and have a big old mess to cleanup now.
So im kinda just down. Its a job i dont really want but i have no choice it came along and i couldnt say no i need the money. but i feel like my efforts are futile because my mess is so big now I have no idea how i'll dig out. So as some can relate the alcoholic in me is like why whats the point. I've been dragged down these last 4 years and hung on by threads and none of it was really my fault. WHen i got sober i had a mess you could argue it was my fault much of it anyhow. But this? life just happened and knocked all my ducks out of a row.
so I'm hanging in there but basically floating along. Otherwise i've done ok but i now get the new worry of what if i loose this job? sigh my brain will never stop worrying and catastrophizing everything.
I finally got a job back in my field a couple weeks ago. It pays more then my last. which is great but i've accumulated debt and have a big old mess to cleanup now.
So im kinda just down. Its a job i dont really want but i have no choice it came along and i couldnt say no i need the money. but i feel like my efforts are futile because my mess is so big now I have no idea how i'll dig out. So as some can relate the alcoholic in me is like why whats the point. I've been dragged down these last 4 years and hung on by threads and none of it was really my fault. WHen i got sober i had a mess you could argue it was my fault much of it anyhow. But this? life just happened and knocked all my ducks out of a row.
so I'm hanging in there but basically floating along. Otherwise i've done ok but i now get the new worry of what if i loose this job? sigh my brain will never stop worrying and catastrophizing everything.
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
Posts: 7,334
Zjw
sorry for the rough times
Member warrens just posted his surprisingly long sobriety and his early struggles, and what he did differently this time, instead of white knuckling it. Worth a read.
He mentioned that sobriety doesn’t mean no storms in life, but peace through those storms, and that comes with a lot of work.
For me, I’m doing reading on trauma recovery methods, soul searching, and trying not to be anxious about the future or be so ashamed of my past I can’t enjoy today.
big hugs and glad you posted.
keep seeking answers and you will find them, and actually, I think they will coming speeding toward you, and they will come to you when they are needed.
❤️🤓
sorry for the rough times
Member warrens just posted his surprisingly long sobriety and his early struggles, and what he did differently this time, instead of white knuckling it. Worth a read.
He mentioned that sobriety doesn’t mean no storms in life, but peace through those storms, and that comes with a lot of work.
For me, I’m doing reading on trauma recovery methods, soul searching, and trying not to be anxious about the future or be so ashamed of my past I can’t enjoy today.
big hugs and glad you posted.
keep seeking answers and you will find them, and actually, I think they will coming speeding toward you, and they will come to you when they are needed.
❤️🤓
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
It's good to see you posting, zjw. I'm sorry things have been rough.
Maybe continuing to share your thoughts here will help relieve some of your anxiety. I know what you mean about the worry, it's so hard to turn it off. But - you're never alone..
Maybe continuing to share your thoughts here will help relieve some of your anxiety. I know what you mean about the worry, it's so hard to turn it off. But - you're never alone..
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Hey ZJW, thanks for checking in and glad to hear about the new job. I just started a new one myself last week, still learning the ropes so to speak. Just do what you can today and the bigger problems will take care of themselves.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,372
Hey zjw
I reckon there’s no financial mess you can’t get out of eventually.
I had a shed load of debt when I got into recovery. Took me a while - a year or two - but I got it all squared away.
Had my share of crappy jobs too - some jobs are ‘right’ and others are ‘right now’…
Have faith and belief in yourself. Remember where you came from was a lot worse than this, and that things will get better still.
You move a mountain one shovel full of dirt at a time….
D
I reckon there’s no financial mess you can’t get out of eventually.
I had a shed load of debt when I got into recovery. Took me a while - a year or two - but I got it all squared away.
Had my share of crappy jobs too - some jobs are ‘right’ and others are ‘right now’…
Have faith and belief in yourself. Remember where you came from was a lot worse than this, and that things will get better still.
You move a mountain one shovel full of dirt at a time….
D
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Hi zjw, and welcome back.
I'm sorry you're feeling so low and hope we can help.
It seems to me that looking for fault (mine or any others') is a fruitless exercise. I learned that it doesn't really make a difference if my current situation is of my own making or because somebody dropped a house on me. The only way forward is to take one step at a time, then keep doing that. It generally pays off in the end, even when additional 'situations' arise. Lots of people get upset when they have to spend their tax refund on an unexpected expense. I found that being grateful that I have a tax refund when an unexpected expense turns up is a better perspective for me. (Not that I always get a tax refund, but you know what I mean...)
Anyhow, glad you're amongst us again.
O
I'm sorry you're feeling so low and hope we can help.
It seems to me that looking for fault (mine or any others') is a fruitless exercise. I learned that it doesn't really make a difference if my current situation is of my own making or because somebody dropped a house on me. The only way forward is to take one step at a time, then keep doing that. It generally pays off in the end, even when additional 'situations' arise. Lots of people get upset when they have to spend their tax refund on an unexpected expense. I found that being grateful that I have a tax refund when an unexpected expense turns up is a better perspective for me. (Not that I always get a tax refund, but you know what I mean...)
Anyhow, glad you're amongst us again.
O
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
Originally Posted by Dee74 
Hey zjw
I reckon there’s no financial mess you can’t get out of eventually.
I had a shed load of debt when I got into recovery. Took me a while - a year or two - but I got it all squared away.
Had my share of crappy jobs too - some jobs are ‘right’ and others are ‘right now’…
Have faith and belief in yourself. Remember where you came from was a lot worse than this, and that things will get better still.
You move a mountain one shovel full of dirt at a time….
D
I reckon there’s no financial mess you can’t get out of eventually.
I had a shed load of debt when I got into recovery. Took me a while - a year or two - but I got it all squared away.
Had my share of crappy jobs too - some jobs are ‘right’ and others are ‘right now’…
Have faith and belief in yourself. Remember where you came from was a lot worse than this, and that things will get better still.
You move a mountain one shovel full of dirt at a time….
D
My gripe is i'm sick of that game. I suppose its just lifes ups and downs. But it has me discouraged. I'll get out of it all one way or another sure. Just miserable how things can go south so fast through no fault of your own at times.
It makes it easy to throw in the towell and think screw it rather then dusting yourself off and getting back at it.
I know what gotta do but i'm not thrilled about it.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 742
Sometimes i get frustrated because I have lots of work to do. Then I think, wait, that's like a farmer complaining that too many crops are growing. For today my skill set is needed. Its by the grace of God that there is some kind of demand for the skills, education and experience that I have. My skill set could fall out of demand and I have no control over that. Like a farmer has no control over a drought. This is survival, im not entitled to anything and what I do have is only by the grace of God.
I feel that I am there to serve God and fellow man. My function is just a little part of the company but I contribute to serve the company which serves the community. Its one of my purposes. Im not gonna lie I do want another raise and another one after that. I try not to think about money though. Just using what God gave me to serve a purpose. I serve God and take what he provides.
Ever seen that movie where the guy digs himself out of prison with a rock hammer? Just digs a little out of the wall of his cell every day and throws it out in the yard. Covers the hole with a poster. So many years into sentence he has a tunnel dug out. Fictional story, I think, but if you keep committed to something everyday the results can be amazing.
One day at a time make more then you spend.
You may be able to keep transferring debt from one CC to another. Take the 0 or low rate and transfer to another when that expires.
I feel that I am there to serve God and fellow man. My function is just a little part of the company but I contribute to serve the company which serves the community. Its one of my purposes. Im not gonna lie I do want another raise and another one after that. I try not to think about money though. Just using what God gave me to serve a purpose. I serve God and take what he provides.
Ever seen that movie where the guy digs himself out of prison with a rock hammer? Just digs a little out of the wall of his cell every day and throws it out in the yard. Covers the hole with a poster. So many years into sentence he has a tunnel dug out. Fictional story, I think, but if you keep committed to something everyday the results can be amazing.
One day at a time make more then you spend.
You may be able to keep transferring debt from one CC to another. Take the 0 or low rate and transfer to another when that expires.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,906
I think when I got sober, I had run up about 85k in credit card debt. Yup. First thing I did was get into debt consolidation where you don't gain any more interest while paying your loans and credit cards off. Basically the company contacts your creditors and agrees to a fixed amount per card and as long as you stick to it, you'll crawl out. It took me awhile to get out, but I did and so will you.
As far as the other stuff, s#$t just takes time. I think there's this big misconception that some people have (not saying you) that life is gonna be sunshine and rainbows when they get sober. Really, all the promises in the BB outline, is that you'll be better off than you were when you were drinking.
Life ebbs and flows. I've had a s#itty couple of years. Both my parents died, and about a dozen friends went as well. I was also diagnosed with liver disease and found out I have esophageal varacies. I had kidney surgery. I'm still here. Still fighting and still refusing to bend. Even with all of that, I still have peace. Because I'm still here and still trying to do the right things.
Don't sell yourself short, you've been through a lot. Sometimes we need to take a breath to regroup. If you feel like you need some extra help, maybe look into getting some therapy. It's helped me TONS.
As far as the other stuff, s#$t just takes time. I think there's this big misconception that some people have (not saying you) that life is gonna be sunshine and rainbows when they get sober. Really, all the promises in the BB outline, is that you'll be better off than you were when you were drinking.
Life ebbs and flows. I've had a s#itty couple of years. Both my parents died, and about a dozen friends went as well. I was also diagnosed with liver disease and found out I have esophageal varacies. I had kidney surgery. I'm still here. Still fighting and still refusing to bend. Even with all of that, I still have peace. Because I'm still here and still trying to do the right things.
Don't sell yourself short, you've been through a lot. Sometimes we need to take a breath to regroup. If you feel like you need some extra help, maybe look into getting some therapy. It's helped me TONS.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
Originally Posted by RecklessDrunk
Sometimes i get frustrated because I have lots of work to do. Then I think, wait, that's like a farmer complaining that too many crops are growing. For today my skill set is needed. Its by the grace of God that there is some kind of demand for the skills, education and experience that I have. My skill set could fall out of demand and I have no control over that. Like a farmer has no control over a drought. This is survival, im not entitled to anything and what I do have is only by the grace of God.
I feel that I am there to serve God and fellow man. My function is just a little part of the company but I contribute to serve the company which serves the community. Its one of my purposes. Im not gonna lie I do want another raise and another one after that. I try not to think about money though. Just using what God gave me to serve a purpose. I serve God and take what he provides.
Ever seen that movie where the guy digs himself out of prison with a rock hammer? Just digs a little out of the wall of his cell every day and throws it out in the yard. Covers the hole with a poster. So many years into sentence he has a tunnel dug out. Fictional story, I think, but if you keep committed to something everyday the results can be amazing.
One day at a time make more then you spend.
You may be able to keep transferring debt from one CC to another. Take the 0 or low rate and transfer to another when that expires.
I feel that I am there to serve God and fellow man. My function is just a little part of the company but I contribute to serve the company which serves the community. Its one of my purposes. Im not gonna lie I do want another raise and another one after that. I try not to think about money though. Just using what God gave me to serve a purpose. I serve God and take what he provides.
Ever seen that movie where the guy digs himself out of prison with a rock hammer? Just digs a little out of the wall of his cell every day and throws it out in the yard. Covers the hole with a poster. So many years into sentence he has a tunnel dug out. Fictional story, I think, but if you keep committed to something everyday the results can be amazing.
One day at a time make more then you spend.
You may be able to keep transferring debt from one CC to another. Take the 0 or low rate and transfer to another when that expires.
maybe I’m just venting maying I’m just tired and I see the big hill in front of me that I gotta now climb. I’ve had a rough few years this new job and income is a blessing but it’s not an overnight fix by any means and I think I just need some rest to recoup after the lat couple years sadly life is still coming at me way to fast with problems so I’m getting clobbered still.
im doing alright don’t get me wrong but the other day I was having the what’s the use thoughts might as well get drunk and that’s a scary thing.
i typical run to calm mysef but that’s been impacted by this new job schedule and how crazy my life is I’m grateful I’m still running but I’m not running enough and I’m sure that’s causing some of this.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
Originally Posted by BullDog777
I think when I got sober, I had run up about 85k in credit card debt. Yup. First thing I did was get into debt consolidation where you don't gain any more interest while paying your loans and credit cards off. Basically the company contacts your creditors and agrees to a fixed amount per card and as long as you stick to it, you'll crawl out. It took me awhile to get out, but I did and so will you.
As far as the other stuff, s#$t just takes time. I think there's this big misconception that some people have (not saying you) that life is gonna be sunshine and rainbows when they get sober. Really, all the promises in the BB outline, is that you'll be better off than you were when you were drinking.
Life ebbs and flows. I've had a s#itty couple of years. Both my parents died, and about a dozen friends went as well. I was also diagnosed with liver disease and found out I have esophageal varacies. I had kidney surgery. I'm still here. Still fighting and still refusing to bend. Even with all of that, I still have peace. Because I'm still here and still trying to do the right things.
Don't sell yourself short, you've been through a lot. Sometimes we need to take a breath to regroup. If you feel like you need some extra help, maybe look into getting some therapy. It's helped me TONS.
As far as the other stuff, s#$t just takes time. I think there's this big misconception that some people have (not saying you) that life is gonna be sunshine and rainbows when they get sober. Really, all the promises in the BB outline, is that you'll be better off than you were when you were drinking.
Life ebbs and flows. I've had a s#itty couple of years. Both my parents died, and about a dozen friends went as well. I was also diagnosed with liver disease and found out I have esophageal varacies. I had kidney surgery. I'm still here. Still fighting and still refusing to bend. Even with all of that, I still have peace. Because I'm still here and still trying to do the right things.
Don't sell yourself short, you've been through a lot. Sometimes we need to take a breath to regroup. If you feel like you need some extra help, maybe look into getting some therapy. It's helped me TONS.
the other issue is I have like no time to go to therapy my schedule is that jam packed I had to make a doc appt and was like ugh I don’t have time at all for weeks or they have no slots.
i think I need a few weeks of no nonsense to regroup but I’m not gonna get that and this new job is a big life adjustment so I’m gonna struggle till I settle in and I dunno if I can settle in last job I was there so many years and they lost me off nothing feels safe and secure anymore after the last few years
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
I'm sure you are venting and I'm sure you are tired and I'm sure the hill ahead looks even bigger than those you've been climbing for the last several years. All of those are valid - they are real for you, and that's ok. One of the most important things I've learned about facing the climb is that it truly "is what it is," and the more I'm able to accept that, the more peaceful I become. It's ok that your overwhelmed. I mean, it's not ok but it's not 'wrong' for you to feel how you feel.
You took a good step by coming here to talk about it - that's just one step in your overall climb, but I think the ascent is just a tiny bit easier with company, no? It shows great self-awareness and strength to recognize the danger signs for yourself - even more to talk about it. I'm glad you did - it helps me to see other people expressing some of what I often feel. Like we're on the same climb, sorta. For sure, there are others out there...
I wonder - if you can't run enough, is there something you might be able to do in spurts to expel some of that energy? I don't know - maybe go somewhere private and do like 20 burpees or something? Just an idea from the sedentary peanut gallery.
O
You took a good step by coming here to talk about it - that's just one step in your overall climb, but I think the ascent is just a tiny bit easier with company, no? It shows great self-awareness and strength to recognize the danger signs for yourself - even more to talk about it. I'm glad you did - it helps me to see other people expressing some of what I often feel. Like we're on the same climb, sorta. For sure, there are others out there...
I wonder - if you can't run enough, is there something you might be able to do in spurts to expel some of that energy? I don't know - maybe go somewhere private and do like 20 burpees or something? Just an idea from the sedentary peanut gallery.
O
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Michigan
Posts: 5,376
Zjw! Thanks for sharing! Financial holes are rough! Enough to keep you up at night! And you don’t realize how cruel the world is until it happens to you! Seems like there’s no mercy! If you can’t pay a bill the people wanting their money are going to hammer you!
Happened to me a few times in sobriety! A job I was at for 20 yrs was going out of business! Some weeks I was working for free cause the business couldn’t afford to pay me! I was hoping business would pick up! It didn’t! Mom and pop shop that got phased out and no longer needed! I had no other skills that would make the kind of money that I used to make at this place!
It lead to losing my house I owned and had to take my family to rent a house! Then the dentist whom I had a good relationship with took me to court cause I couldn’t pay dentist bill! Like I said when you can’t pay your bills it’s a cruel world!
Walked into a machine/tool and die shop not knowing anything about that stuff! I made it on pure effort and being a good worker! That job lasted about 5 years! Went through s few other jobs after that!
Part of my job at the 5 year place was shipping receiving/driver! I noticed I seemed to be at peace with myself whenever I got out of the shop to deliver parts at other places!
At the age of 56 I told my wife I want to go to truck driving school for semi trucks! My wife thought I was nuts and said it’s too late for that! And you’re too old for that now! Besides, truck driving school costs $5000 and we can’t afford that! We got s loan and rolled the dice! I’ve been over the road truck driver now going on 3 years! Paid back truck driving school! Not getting rich but it got us out of debt and my wife now says it’s the best thing I ever did!
With that said there is a price to pay to get yourself out of debt! You’re going to have to work your azz off! And yeah it’s going to be rough at times! You’ve got to be relentless to get ahead out there! Keep a good attitude! A good attitude can go a long way! And the most important thing is staying sober! If you stay sober and work hard, you’ll make it out there! Hang in there buddy!
Happened to me a few times in sobriety! A job I was at for 20 yrs was going out of business! Some weeks I was working for free cause the business couldn’t afford to pay me! I was hoping business would pick up! It didn’t! Mom and pop shop that got phased out and no longer needed! I had no other skills that would make the kind of money that I used to make at this place!
It lead to losing my house I owned and had to take my family to rent a house! Then the dentist whom I had a good relationship with took me to court cause I couldn’t pay dentist bill! Like I said when you can’t pay your bills it’s a cruel world!
Walked into a machine/tool and die shop not knowing anything about that stuff! I made it on pure effort and being a good worker! That job lasted about 5 years! Went through s few other jobs after that!
Part of my job at the 5 year place was shipping receiving/driver! I noticed I seemed to be at peace with myself whenever I got out of the shop to deliver parts at other places!
At the age of 56 I told my wife I want to go to truck driving school for semi trucks! My wife thought I was nuts and said it’s too late for that! And you’re too old for that now! Besides, truck driving school costs $5000 and we can’t afford that! We got s loan and rolled the dice! I’ve been over the road truck driver now going on 3 years! Paid back truck driving school! Not getting rich but it got us out of debt and my wife now says it’s the best thing I ever did!
With that said there is a price to pay to get yourself out of debt! You’re going to have to work your azz off! And yeah it’s going to be rough at times! You’ve got to be relentless to get ahead out there! Keep a good attitude! A good attitude can go a long way! And the most important thing is staying sober! If you stay sober and work hard, you’ll make it out there! Hang in there buddy!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Dublin, Ireland.
Posts: 739
I think sometimes it's ok to just recognise that life can be a bit sh1tty.
You know you've just got to do some things and that it's going to be a pain.
But I think when we remember some of the depths of despair we've all been in before and how we got through.
You can get through this but it'll probably be hard and a pain in the ass.
You know you've just got to do some things and that it's going to be a pain.
But I think when we remember some of the depths of despair we've all been in before and how we got through.
You can get through this but it'll probably be hard and a pain in the ass.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 3,163
So wonderful to see how many good people you have in your corner.
I am in the same state of mind a bit right now, not about money, just too much to do, where to start, why bother, I will never get caught up. All that jazz.
But then I stop myself and realise that old saying which I love, "it will all be ok in the end, so not ok, not the end."
For me, thinking can paralyse me, so the less I think, the more I do, the more I do, the smaller the mountain becomes.
My happiness depends on being at peace. So I give things peace points and try to do the things that give more points first.
What could help you feel more at peace with your financial situation. I freeze when too many people are asking me for things. As others have said, is there a way you could consolidate your payments so it is a payment so you know when you make that payment you have done your bit for that month? Anything to make it more manageable and in its place, not taking over the rest of your life.
Thanks for your post, helped me.
I am in the same state of mind a bit right now, not about money, just too much to do, where to start, why bother, I will never get caught up. All that jazz.
But then I stop myself and realise that old saying which I love, "it will all be ok in the end, so not ok, not the end."
For me, thinking can paralyse me, so the less I think, the more I do, the more I do, the smaller the mountain becomes.
My happiness depends on being at peace. So I give things peace points and try to do the things that give more points first.
What could help you feel more at peace with your financial situation. I freeze when too many people are asking me for things. As others have said, is there a way you could consolidate your payments so it is a payment so you know when you make that payment you have done your bit for that month? Anything to make it more manageable and in its place, not taking over the rest of your life.
Thanks for your post, helped me.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
Good points
Thanks guys all good points.
at times I can totally relate to the points made then at times I’m fighting off tears because simply put in just not happy.
im doing this to support my family but I’m miserable. I dunno the answer I won’t drink but more and more I think what’s the point in trying to better your situation if your just gonna get slapped back down to the ground.
I’ll get over it just not happy maybe it’s me I dunno
at times I can totally relate to the points made then at times I’m fighting off tears because simply put in just not happy.
im doing this to support my family but I’m miserable. I dunno the answer I won’t drink but more and more I think what’s the point in trying to better your situation if your just gonna get slapped back down to the ground.
I’ll get over it just not happy maybe it’s me I dunno
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,372
One of the ways I used to sabotage myself was to think "this is the best its gonna get...never gonna get any better...never gonna change'.
Of course that was 20 years ago and things did change...sometimes it was a hard slog but inevitably I got back on a good road again.
None of us are fortune tellers...but I really believe as long as we keep doing the next right thing, our lives will improve
D
Of course that was 20 years ago and things did change...sometimes it was a hard slog but inevitably I got back on a good road again.
None of us are fortune tellers...but I really believe as long as we keep doing the next right thing, our lives will improve
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
I’m sorry to hear of your situation, zjw, and glad you posted. I have been in that same situation myself. It wouldn't hurt to try the debt consolidation thing - might give you some breathing room. Also learning a new skill can sometimes open up new opportunities. As to happiness, it starts with being grateful I think. Maybe a daily gratitude practice, it helps me.
Best to you!
Best to you!
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