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Trouble really enjoying life

Old 01-01-2022, 05:45 PM
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100
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Trouble really enjoying life

It always seems especially lately sometimes missing. I can't enjoy life I always see what's wrong. When I used to get loaded I would enjoy life for what it was when I was loaded at least some of time. I just don't have the chemicals in my system to enjoy life and I realize I never have. My whole life I've been tense and unable to feel joy .I still really can't laugh sober. So lately I've just been thinking about drinking and using a lot. I don't want to but I'm not sure how much longer I can do this. I just don't know some days. I still feel so awkward. I'm doing everything I'm supposed to do but it's getting harder the longer I'm staying sober.
David
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Old 01-01-2022, 08:18 PM
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I was scared to enjoy life because I never trusted feeling good - I was so scared I didn't deserve that and it would be taken away from me.
At some point you have to let the past go,forgive yourself and just exhale, David, y'know?

D
'
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Old 01-01-2022, 09:38 PM
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There seems to be an adjustment for a lot of people from early sobriety (when you feel really good not to feel like crap all the time) and reality setting in that this is a new normal. But it's not the new normal for a long time. I can't tell you how many people between a year and 18 months almost give up because they go from feeling great that they quit to feeling like nothing really fits them anymore emotionally. The fact is, your brain is rewiring a lot of crap, David. You stopped growing emotionally when you started using and that development takes a long time to catch up.

You've taken a big step in quitting and starting the new life. But you don't have very much experience living it yet. You've gotta give yourself a chance to heal, man. This is a very slow process and while I know it's frustrating as hell for you right now, it will not last as long as you keep showing up.

There was an old war veteran/biker that I used to go to AA with. He was in WW2, Korea and the beginning of Vietnam. He used to say all the time" As long as you don't drink, everything else is subject to change" I really didn't like the guy very much because he was so Fing militant, but he was right. That's the one constant, bar none you can rely on. You pick up again, and that emotional relief will be temporary and the pain will become the new constant.

Keep looking for things that will help, David. Not things that will hurt. You've come too far to step back and give up now.

Hang in there.

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Old 01-01-2022, 10:20 PM
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Joy is subtle and quiet. Joy is not fireworks and explosions. It took me a while before I realized this because I was still spinning along at million miles an hour running in the hamster wheel of my cranium.

There is an old saying to take some time along the way to smell the roses. It hard to do at a million miles an hour. They are there the whole time, but many times in our hurry to get to where we want to be or think we should be, we are oblivious to them and go right by them.

Life is to be experienced, not thought. Joy is to be experienced, not thought. It is like meditating or quieting the mind, If you think about whether you are doing it and doing it correctly or not, then you are doing neither.




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Old 01-01-2022, 11:25 PM
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When you give something up that you've been addicted to, it takes time for your dopamine to reset and for the feeling of anhedonia to subside. For some people it's a few weeks, for others it's months, or longer. There is no guarantee how long that will take. The only guarantee is that it WILL subside and you WILL feel better as long as you stay sober. Dopamine Nation by Dr Anna Lembke is a good read/listen on audio book as she discusses how all this is processed in the brain and also things you can do to support recovery and brain health.
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Old 01-02-2022, 11:47 AM
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Originally Posted by 100 View Post
It always seems especially lately sometimes missing. I can't enjoy life I always see what's wrong. When I used to get loaded I would enjoy life for what it was when I was loaded at least some of time. I just don't have the chemicals in my system to enjoy life and I realize I never have. My whole life I've been tense and unable to feel joy .I still really can't laugh sober. So lately I've just been thinking about drinking and using a lot. I don't want to but I'm not sure how much longer I can do this. I just don't know some days. I still feel so awkward. I'm doing everything I'm supposed to do but it's getting harder the longer I'm staying sober.
David
It's time to really start the journey you were broth to AA to find in the first place.
Keep seeking, Little Sister. Keep seeking.
The answer is right in front of you.
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