Karthas

I drank again last night and the hangovers are killing me. These are not regular hangovers where you are a bit sick and drink water and at noon hey I feel better. No this much worse. In my 20s I drank and got drunk 4 or 5 days out of the week and had normal hangovers 10 years later those hangovers in the morning now involve me twitching, spasming, mentally being crazy, panicing thinking how much I hate my life, my stomach and organs are taking a beating m very fatigued and have difficulty walking..... Partial seizures and literally I'm ill....now I don't know of I have cirrhosis BUT probably a fatty liver or something thankfully my eyes are not yellow but I look so tired and ill and I sure feel I'll and mentally I'm a mess with severe panic depression and feeling like I'm on the verge of psychosis. I went to the ER before and told them I'm not well I'm worried please keep me over night and they said ur bloodwork is fine and wouldn't allow me to stay....I'm in Edmonton Alberta..... I don't know how I can get help because left to my own devices I'll probably die in a year of I keep this up alcohol is killing me and if I didn't have benzo diazapines to take the morning after drinking I would be seizuring....I don't think there are clinics where u can admit yourself... I wish there was but they want money and I'm broke I'm to fatigued and mentally not healthy to work..... Any ideas ? I'm at the point where literally if I have to get help by exaggerating a story to the doctor about commiting suicide I will do it to make sure I'm actually kept somewhere safe from drinking more and possably getting mental health help... What do I do? Thank you for reading

Karthas

Another thing to add... If anyone has ideas of what I can use as a safer substitute than alcohol I'd love to know this ... Weed I can't smoke it makes me get panic attacks.... Maybe dmt? I'm not having luck with SSRIs infact I find they make me drink more... Microdosing mushrooms? Anything I'm open

doggonecarl

You are not going to get recommendations for drug use on a recovery web site, no matter how much we sympathize with your dilemma.

Is rehab not an option?

nez

I was in the same spot as you are, I called my county's health services department for help because I needed to be protected from myself in an alcohol free environment because I could not stop.

Have you tired calling the 24-hour Help Line for Addiction Services Helpline in Alberta, 1-866-332-2322.
Also have you checked with Addiction Recovery Centre 10302 107 Street NW, Edmonton 780-427-4291 (Select option 1; available 24 hr) Walk-ins are accepted between 9:30 am and 10:30 am.

Reach out to the resources available. They will reach back and find you help. They truly want you safe, sober, and sane; as do I and everyone else here on SR. We know the madness. We hurt because you are hurting. Reach out to the resources in your area. It will be the best thing you ever do! Help us to help you, that is how sobriety works.

Dee74

Like Carl said noones going to recommend other drugs to use as ‘safer substitutes’ on a recovery board.
That’s not what we do here, man.

You can absolutely admit yourself to rehab. Why not do that. Sounds like you’re not doing great right now, and you could use the help?

I’m not familiar with the situation in Canada but there may be rehab options even if you have no money, like the SalvationArmy?

I’d look into local programmes too.
https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/edmon...rams-1.5793854



If it’s an option, do it.

D

Free2bme888

Big hugs. Take the very thoughtful loving advice here. Get help professionally. Right now……

look forward to your update

BullDog777

Oh boy.

I'm no doctor, but this sounds sickeningly familiar.

This is a bad combo. I had this same kind of thing happen to me. I'm betting your body is physically addicted to booze and benzos now. The combo is making you sicker and every time you do one with the other or even after a night of drinking-your probably in a mild constant state of withdrawal from one or the other-but probably both.

This part is scary as hell. I couldn't find my way out when I got physically addicted to both. You need a hospital. Desperately.

I know this is probably not what you want to hear, but this isn't going to improve on it's own. You can call an ambulance and they can stabilize you. Then you'll be in the hospital for a few days till they detox you. Right now-a rehab probably doesn't have the right stuff or doctors to detox both. You need ER attention.

The good news is this can be gotten through. If you go to the hospital, they can get you off both safely and without any more mini seizures.

Go look in the mirror right now and tell yourself you matter. You NEED to be here. You WILL get better. Just please please get yourself to the hospital. You CAN recover from this.

I was dying from this almost 6 years ago. I'm a BOTTOM of the barrel case and I recovered. YOU CAN TOO, BUT YOU NEED HELP. Please keep us updated. WE CARE.

Obladi

Listen. I’ve been in similar dire straits and hoped the medical professionals would figure out what I needed. They are not necessarily good at mind reading.

When you make that call (or walk into the emergency room), tell the person in clear language that you are thinking of killing your self. Do not ***** foot around with this, hoping they will connect the dots and admit you. You need to be clear what you need and why.

Please do this for yourself. Today.

O

Obladi

p.s. I also worried about exaggerating, but the advice I got from a nurse who worked in the hospital is exactly what I’m advising you do. It turned out that I really WAS that bad off. I just wasn’t able to accept that until I actually started getting better.

Karthas

Ibwas recently at the hospital for basically seizuring from a night of drinking intood the er doc I don't feel safe keep me over night and he said he couldn't keep me.....I guess that's what I have to do to get help is if I had I will tell them I'm suicidal.... Flat out maybe that's the secret word for them to actually help u. Seems like that's my only option. ? What do u think....

BullDog777

I would tell them you're having terrible alcohol withdrawal and you're addicted to the benzos. That you're experiencing withdrawal from both-it's glaringly apparent to me because I've been there. I hear what you're saying.

So, yeah. At this point, I'd say whatever I had to in order to get admitted.

When I got to the ER I had been drinking almost a gallon of liquor a day and chasing it with 5-8mg of klonopin. My BP was 235/215 . I was on my way out. That kills 99% of the population. That kept me in ICU for 2 weeks. An that was the truth.

I would tell them the amount you're drinking and how much benzos you're taking the morning after.. You're probably nearing dangerous withdrawal levels. Hell if you have to exaggerate the numbers- I'd do it. You need more help than you can provide yourself.

Karthas

I agree it's a horrible.aituation to be in and I guess you need to do what you need to do. I am curious tho why were you taking Klonopin? Was that because of the withdrawal affects in the morning from the alcohol like I use them or is it just because it helped out maybe with an anxiety disorder you had ?

BullDog777

It was prescribed for panic attacks, but knowing how benzos work, they all pretty much do the same thing. They all will help decrease alcohol withdrawal. So I started taking them the morning after too. Like- i fully intended on being sober the next day, but inevitably I'd end up using booze again the same night or the night after. Then I'd repeat the process. After some time, I started getting the twitching, the body jerking, the tremors-it was AWFUL.

In the end, I had to get off both. But I did it safely with doctors in the hospital. I don't remember much of my time there in ICU. A few short flashes, but it's almost a complete blank. Two weeks later I woke up with the doctor basically telling me-" Look-You can go out and get drunk again, but you're not gonna survive another detox. Choice is yours."

After 25 years of relapsing, I decided to do it this time. No more anything that could get in the way of my recovery. I ate, slept and sh#$ recovery. I still do almost 6 years later. I've dropped 75 pounds, gotten rid of my diabetes. I have cirrhosis of the liver, but for the last 6 years, my enzymes have been normal. The Dr. says I could live another 20-30 years. Not bad for almost being 50 and on my death bed.

You can do this man. If I can-anyone can. You just gotta take the first step and get yourself to a hospital.

ScottFromWI

I would agree, just tell them the truth. It’s a lot better to voluntarily seek medical assistance than wait until someone had to make that decision for you.

RecklessEric

Withdrawal from benzos and alcohol can kill you if it's not managed professionally. I don't mean metaphorically either. Actually kill you.
And withdrawal from them can seem like hell.
But it can be done.
Bulldog has done it and I have done it.
And the feeling you will get when you no longer rely on them is unbelievable.
But first you have to do the bit where you get help.

Karthas

I appreciate all replys.... I'm glad that you are doing well bulldog good for you! I can relate to alot of what your going through........benzos and alcohol there both terrible... I'm actually in the process of tapering off of benzos. I started Jan of this year I was at about 30 mgs of valium daily now I'm at about 8mg and it's been hell on earth... The realization the panic co stant chest pain and alcohol is making it alot harder ... Haven't drank today so that's a plus. That's a very interesting story of yours. I'm also finding that eating carbohydrates like potatoes, cereals, sugar or processed foods especially pop make me twitch and give the same symptoms as well like panic and mini seizures hyperventilating and head twitching...... Which is really weird. I just wish I knew what the hell is causing these weird reactions is it my liver or gut Flora like the gut bacteria or some b1 deficiency or.... These weird seizures and extreme panic have been going on for 3 years.... I just wish I knew which organ or diagnosis I have causeing them

BullDog777

If your Dr. was saying your liver is ok, then it's ok. I have liver disease and I do have symptoms on occasion but they aren't at all like you're describing. I doubt it's your gut too.

You were on a rather high dosage of Valium-even tapering can cause your body to go into protracted withdrawal. The tapering down may be too much too soon. A lot of doctors that aren't addiction specialists don't taper the right way.

Check out the Ashton Manual. It's the most comprehensive paper published to date in regards to benzo addiction. It's widely used by a lot of addiction specialists in the US and the UK.

I still think what you're describing is protracted benzo withdrawal coupled with alcohol withdrawal. The sugar doesn't help-Nor the carbs. Anything else that can be stimulants-Nicotine-caffeine-they all tend to exacerbate the protracted withdrawal syndrome.

You can get past this, you just need some help from professionals.

Karthas

THays gone through my mind the possability of how I'm in benzo withdrawal and alcohol is depleting vitamins and also affecting gaba both are like u said most likely causing my nervous system to react extremely sensative to alot of things and over react. I never really did get the spams and twitching from foods until it happened one day after drinking I woke up twitching ... So benzos I'm sure are not helping neurlogically or chemically immsure alcohol was the main cause because I didn't even take benzos when the mini seizures started. But ya I'm trying to taper slower and both these are terrible. That must have been challenging for you to come off that high a dose of Klonopin?

BullDog777

It was. Benzo withdrawal is a lot like alcohol withdrawal. They work on the same receptors. Another reason I won't take another benzo for the rest of my life, God willing.

When I finally got off of all the substances, I felt a certain new found freedom I had never felt before. For years, I lived like a slave to those drugs.

TiredCarpenter

I’m one province over.

In Canada your health services card gets you free mental health attention. (includes addiction)

If you tell anyone in health care and/or mental health that you’re not safe or suicidal they will get you the help you need. I’ve done it twice. Usually it becomes a 3 day hold on a mental health ward or in detox.

I’ve struggled for eons. Drank every way and amount imagineable, had several DUIs, suffered great depression and shame more than I care to recall. I’ve tried everything. I’ve been at the place where hope was a sliver from gone.
I recently read “This Naked mind” by Annie Grace, the book untrained some long-held mental notions I had that have kept me trapped. It is worth an open-minded read.

Take decent care of yourself.
People will help if you ask.