100

I'm just not getting any better I don't want to drink but am thinking about getting high. I don't really want to but I do want to . I feel terrible all the time. I won't drink that not a option but I need relief. Am I lying to my self probably but I'm suffering. I see others at who aren't e
working any programs not doing any steps and thiers life is getting better.
David

Dee74

Bad idea. Theres a whole forum of us down the page who got addicted to weed as much as we did to alcohol.

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ana-addiction/

It also left me incredibly anxious which going by your threads thats something you really don't need David.

Even if you convince yourself you might be different, how do you know that getting high won't make another bad idea like drinking again seem ok?

I know feeling cruddy for a long time sucks but man...maybe there's no instant relief for things like this?

Maybe it takes eating well, getting out and getting some exercise, talking to more doctors about your continued anxiety and ill heath and trying more things that your doctors and people here suggest?

Sometimes we have to go the long way man?

D

100

I know that's true. I've just been really feeling bad lately. So tired and eating compulsively just trying to hang on to my soberity lately. I feel sick all the time. I know getting high won't help I think it's mind trying to find a way to drink. Also I keep gaining weight I'm using food and can't stop if I don't eat ill drink. I'm holding on for dear life.
David

nez

Don't compare your insides to anyone else's outsides. That is seeing filtered reality, not necessarily authentic reality.

Relief found through external sources is fleeting and temporary. It wears off...and then what? Not only that but it will hamper, delay and make it that much harder to find true relief/peace/serenity. Two steps forward and one step backwards is three steps total, but works out to be only one step forward. Three steps, all forward, work out to be three steps forward.

100

Still sober thanks be to God. I made it through and was so close to throwing it all away. I'm going to call the doctor because thier must be a reason I feel so sick. Every night I get so sick I get muscle spasms chest pain, racing heart. and doctors can't figure out what's wrong. I've had heart monitors and everything is fine. They suggests it's muscle pain.
David

Dee74

Anxiety can cause physical pain too?maybe they might be open to referring you to a therapist?

D

Triggered

Hi David,

Try to replace the unease in your mind while your body heals. At a crucial time like this you need to try to leave room in your head only for thoughts of recovery. Easier said than done obviously but that's where an active plan comes into it. Physically make a plan and stick to it, put the work in to changing your habits and behaviours. What got me through the tougher times was devoting myself to investigation. Busy yourself. I tried to leave no room for thoughts of relapse and instead I turned that obsession into seeking out anything that resonated with me that might be helpful to my own peculiar situation. The internet is huge... SR is a gold mine. Use them.

A quote I love is: 'Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans'. Before you know it you'll realise youre on the right track. Eventually, you'll look back and be able to say 'I came through this'. There is seldom a better feeling in your life.

100

I see one doesn't do any good. I have been to therapy all my life every since I was a little kid. It's always been unhelpful. In addition the anxiety is mostly panic attacks if that what it is. I've been diagnosed with super ventricular tachycardia so that could be causing my anxiety. The doctor said it's not life threatening, but it sure is distressing. I'm on beta blockers but it still occurs. I have been eating better less fast food but it doesn't matter. I don't tell my aa friends about my problem because what's the point.
David

Introvrtd1

Hi David…I finally had to go on antidepressants because I understand how you feel. Rather than drinking again, I talked to my Doctor, and a therapist.

Give that a chance rather than trading one addiction for another to withdraw from.

BullDog777

David,

You sound a lot like I did in my earlier days. Kinda sick and tired of grinding out early sobriety. It does suck sometimes. However, you and me share a few things in common and the way I got through it may help you.
So I'll share with you my experience there.
I suffer from anxiety and depression too. I was a compulsive eater when I got sober and I was diabetic-bad combo. With wild mood swings.
Medication never worked for me for the anxiety and depression. However, it was definitely chemical based. It came down to the garbage I was putting in my body was horribly toxic for me.

Ever notice how you feel when you're getting a really good fast food meal? Or eating some junk that delights you? That is a short based chemical reaction that triggers all sorts or seratonin and gives you a sugar high, but you crash badly afterwards.

Sugar is a drug. In fast food-Carbs, bread-it's all sugar based. Sugar is addictive. Getting off of that is tough. I got huge mood swings that only were improved by exercise. However-I was at one point 100 pounds overweight in sobriety with terrible joints. I'm almost 50. I spent my youth fighting, playing football and doing motorcross. My body is beat to s#@#!

I got into some low impact exercise and started cutting out the junk. It was a slow process but it did work. I found recipes that made me full and gave me the right kind of energy. I've lost 75 of those pounds.

I still have terrible arthritis, but I don't regret losing the weight. Or adjusting my diet. We have lived most of our lives on instant gratification. Fast food and junk is no exception. I'm willing to bet if you started a program-you'd feel a lot better in a shorter amount of time than you've been suffering.

Anyway-just my 2 cents. I hope things look up for you soon David. I respect your effort man. You've really hung in there. Don't give up now. You'll get a handle on this. That is a promise.

dustyfox

David, Sorry you feel so fed up but its great you have such determination.
I agree with Bulldog - what you put into your body can really affect how we feel. Sugar and processed food might taste great but it doesn't help. Changing your diet might seem hard but maybe your doctor could point you in the right direction or even refer you to a dietician who can help with foods that will benefit you. Keep going David, you're doing so well.

msl999

Don't compare yourself with other people; compare yourself with who you were yesterday.
- Jordan Peterson