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Thinking more about taking a drink 8

Old 12-19-2021, 12:41 AM
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100
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Thinking more about taking a drink 8

Since I've gotten my booster shot I've felt very poorly, as well thinking more about drinking. I have no plans to drink but I aware how quickly that can change. My aa friend has disappeared and might of committed suicide or have been murdered by someone who attended but doesn't anymore he lived with him as a border pay rent to him. I don't want to drink but I feel scared that might change. All it takes is one moment of weakness And I'm drunk. I've missed meetings 3 of last 4 days because I felt tired and wanted to stay in bed. I've also found my self thinking people don't like me and what so they really say about me when I'm not around them. Had thoughts I could get high,and notdesire get way with it, then not tell me anyone about it. I know this would not end well. Finally im eating compulsively to mabey deal with a desire to drink. I I'm wondering if I'm in denial over this. I'm very depressed right now. I haven't had a plans or thoughts of actual drinking. Nor have I had actual full fledged desire to drink where well want to take a drink. It's more of a feeling I want to escape. I really wish I could feel joy. I don't feel much I don't feel things deeply anymore. Except fear and anxiety as well ad depression. I often don't feel sad when I should sometimes nothing. I'm tired of feeling different. I'm tired of being tired. Some days I don't know anymore. The last several days have felt so very dark. In addition I'm not working because we're slow so I'm just plan to sleep all the time.
David




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Old 12-19-2021, 02:13 AM
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I think its important to work a programme David.
If AA's your programme then work it - be open with people about your struggles get their advice, talk to your sponsor.

You know yourself you've stalled on your progress a few times, gotten back on track and your fears about your next step were unfounded.

The worst thing we can do is stop working at it. That's when people backslide, and none of us here want to see that happen to you.

if you really feel unwell consider zoom meetings sometimes?

try not to worry too much about your friend.

Terrible things might have happened but thats not really the mostly likely scenario, is it?

D.
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Old 12-19-2021, 05:03 AM
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Originally Posted by 100 View Post
Since I've gotten my booster shot I've felt very poorly, as well thinking more about drinking. I have no plans to drink but I aware how quickly that can change. My aa friend has disappeared and might of committed suicide or have been murdered by someone who attended but doesn't anymore he lived with him as a border pay rent to him. I don't want to drink but I feel scared that might change. All it takes is one moment of weakness And I'm drunk. I've missed meetings 3 of last 4 days because I felt tired and wanted to stay in bed. I've also found my self thinking people don't like me and what so they really say about me when I'm not around them. Had thoughts I could get high,and notdesire get way with it, then not tell me anyone about it. I know this would not end well. Finally im eating compulsively to mabey deal with a desire to drink. I I'm wondering if I'm in denial over this. I'm very depressed right now. I haven't had a plans or thoughts of actual drinking. Nor have I had actual full fledged desire to drink where well want to take a drink. It's more of a feeling I want to escape. I really wish I could feel joy. I don't feel much I don't feel things deeply anymore. Except fear and anxiety as well ad depression. I often don't feel sad when I should sometimes nothing. I'm tired of feeling different. I'm tired of being tired. Some days I don't know anymore. The last several days have felt so very dark. In addition I'm not working because we're slow so I'm just plan to sleep all the time.
David
First of All Thank you for your Honesty David..
I Hate Giving Advice.. But, I will Just Say that GETTING Sober (For Me) Was
One of the Hardest Things I ever HAD to Do.
I Had to Commit 100% to it to MAKE it..
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Old 12-19-2021, 08:11 AM
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A lot of us are approval seeking. We seem to care so much about what others think. I think I can be as bad with this as anybody else. Remember the only one we need to impress is God. What they say when we're gone we don't hear anyway. Just keep trying to make the next right decision. It will come out in the wash.

I have an insanely strict diet but when I get my cheat meals, wow do I overdue it! Sometimes I need another visit with steps 6 & 7. On one hand I want to enjoy these foods but not to the point where I feel terrible. Its not a poisonous chemical like alcohol so I think I should be able to get better balanced here.

I think some exercise may help you out. A long run or even a game of tennis or basketball or something like that. Get the brain heated up and doing what any mammal brain is meant to do, run around and stuff. Hunt, flee, or whatever. The brain is not designed to stay in bed all day. If the brain doesn't get stress it can create its own. Even getting out in nature and getting a good walk may help. Sometimes the best workouts are when you don't want to.
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Old 12-19-2021, 01:58 PM
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^^^^ Great advice, especially the part about exercise. It provides so much relief. And eat some decent food each day.
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Old 12-19-2021, 03:15 PM
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David, your need to escape feels familiar to me, but we know that drinking is not an escape, it will just suck us deeper into the darkness.
In the first few months of sobriety I often felt I wanted to escape, there was no easy answer to this, there IS no easy answer. My only observation is that the feeling of being 'trapped' does seem to get less.
You've done so well, I can only hope you realise what an awesome thing you are doing.
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