Notices

I think I'm going to drink...

Old 12-08-2021, 03:05 PM
  # 81 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2021
Posts: 29
Amnesiac, lets get over this. I didn't have 3 years in, but on friday I slipped and drank. Not as much as I usually did, but enough. I woke up the next day feeling awful about it (plus a hang over). I did it in isolation, which makes no sense to me other than I was at a camp where I usually drink with friends. Basically, I realize I had it planned, bought the alcohol, drank said alcohol (my monster had already decided), not me.

When I woke up, as I mentioned I felt awful. But I knew what I had to. I got back on my feet, detoxed for the day. I read a lot, thought a lot, and lots of self talk between me and my dog. Now I'm back to day 5.
Sorry it's been very hard for you mentally, I hope this new counselor can help where the other didn't.

I guess I just want to offer encouragement and let you know you're not alone in this behavior. But can definitely learn and get even stronger than you are.
MPRinthewoods is offline  
Old 12-08-2021, 03:21 PM
  # 82 (permalink)  
Life Goes On
 
Obladi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
So glad to hear from you, Amnesiac.

I'm glad you saw this guy and talked about options and resources.
Have you signed up for the DBT course, then?
What about getting to some meetings? When will you do that?

The reason I'm asking is because it feels a little bit like you are in a 'waiting for something to change' state of mind. Maybe I'm projecting because I've often been there. Able to list off a bunch of things that I'm looking into, but not actually taking the leap. Procrastination is a killer, man.

I think it's great that you are looking into all of these things; I also think it's really important that you put something(s) in place for yourself right now today. You know, actions to shore up your commitment. (Even if you don't necessarily have the commitment yet - you know what I mean?)

O
Obladi is offline  
Old 12-08-2021, 04:45 PM
  # 83 (permalink)  
Member
 
UNITE4STRENGTH's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2021
Posts: 611
Hi. I know you want to go to the party, but seriously - stuff the party! DO NOT squander 3 years. I do understand the past caring/not giving a s*** thing, however it would be best to talk over your feelings and thoughts with a doctor or counsellor, i think. Well done for posting!
UNITE4STRENGTH is offline  
Old 12-08-2021, 04:52 PM
  # 84 (permalink)  
Member
 
UNITE4STRENGTH's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2021
Posts: 611
Originally Posted by Amnesiac View Post
Honestly if a person has been sobe nearly 3 years and still can't socialize with the few people left that they know, what's the point? I mean I might as well crawl under a rock or same difference, be dead.
I really relate to social anxiety even with family. It's the worst thing, however it takes as long as it takes. Beneath the alcoholism we each have to address our long standing issues - this and maintaining sobriety are the single most important things we must do. Always prioritise your sobriety no matter what. I hope you get through it OK.
UNITE4STRENGTH is offline  
Old 12-08-2021, 04:56 PM
  # 85 (permalink)  
Member
 
UNITE4STRENGTH's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2021
Posts: 611
Originally Posted by Amnesiac View Post
So I have a more regular therapist and then this guy I saw yesterday was doing some tests on me to get a more concrete idea of mental health issues I might have.


The guy I saw yesterday I think is smarter than my regular therapist, and he has a background in addiction (and was a counselor at Hazelden for a little while as well).


His testing results (which we initiated prior to my drinking on Sunday) indicated I have "Avoidant Personality Disorder", some PTSD and perhaps a couple other things. He is going to finalize his findings in writing and get them to me.


When I asked him what he felt what I did on Sun was, a "slip" or a "relapse", he said it was a relapse. The terminology is moot, really.


I asked him if he felt I should do a new Rule 25 and/or get into treatment again (in or out) and he said he felt I just needed to get to some meetings.

Also, per his evaluation findings, he thinks it prudent that I get on an SSRI and do a DBT class/course as well. I told him I want him as a therapist going forward if nothing else because of his addiction background, and he said if I do the DBT course he agreed to do therapy with me in the future.


Moreover, i don't think I mentioned this before but my supervisor is in recovery (17 years) and he knows about my addiction issues and has from day-1. He and I had a couple long conversations in the last couple days as well. He reiterated his number is always open.


Other than all of that, that's where I am. Wish I could get in to see the psych doc for medication update but I think I'm going to have to wait until first week January.


Told my supervisor there are five days aroudn this time of year that present trouble for me and were heavy drinking days for me: Halloween, T-Giving, Christmas, NYE/D and my birthday shortly after. So I guess I'm not at the half-way point of dodging these bullets but I am sober today.
excuse, just read this. I'm glad you're getting support, I hope you're OK.
UNITE4STRENGTH is offline  
Old 12-08-2021, 05:56 PM
  # 86 (permalink)  
Community Greeter
 
Hevyn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,506
I'm glad you had a good experience with the therapist - he seems like a great fit for you. Really helpful that your supervisor is someone you can confide in, too - someone who understands what we go through.
Hevyn is online now  
Old 12-09-2021, 08:35 AM
  # 87 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Amnesiac's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: St. Paul, MN
Posts: 156
Originally Posted by Obladi View Post
The reason I'm asking is because it feels a little bit like you are in a 'waiting for something to change' state of mind. Maybe I'm projecting because I've often been there. Able to list off a bunch of things that I'm looking into, but not actually taking the leap. Procrastination is a killer, man.

I think it's great that you are looking into all of these things; I also think it's really important that you put something(s) in place for yourself right now today. You know, actions to shore up your commitment. (Even if you don't necessarily have the commitment yet - you know what I mean?)

O
No, you're right. I am dragging my feet, not going to lie. I am a terrible procrastinator.
Amnesiac is offline  
Old 12-12-2021, 05:27 PM
  # 88 (permalink)  
Forum Leader
 
ScottFromWI's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by Amnesiac View Post
No, you're right. I am dragging my feet, not going to lie. I am a terrible procrastinator.
Most of us were, I know I was - for years when it came to getting serious about quitting. I would say that recognizing it is in itself a positive thing though, for many years I was in complete denial. So the self awareness is important.
ScottFromWI is offline  
Old 03-04-2022, 08:21 AM
  # 89 (permalink)  
voices ca**y
 
silentrun's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,350
I hope you are alright wherever you went off to Kav.
silentrun is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 06:32 PM.