Really want to drink tonight
 

I feel like drinking tonight. I won't but i feel so thirsty. I wish I could just get drunk once but I know that's a lie. I hadn't wanted a drink for 4 months and this last week the cravings a building. My pink cloud has burst and I've come back to earth. I need to do my 4 step but can't until I find a new sponsor because my sponsor is unavailable because he has gone to a sober boot camp he still sober though. Thier isn't a lot people who a able to sponsor and not at the meeting I go to. I'm exhausted because I'm not sleeping well. I just want to escape so bad.

David

David…Trust me…don’t do this…I know you don’t really want to but you and I both know where this leads…

Remember how bad it was when you first quit? Remember those first 30, 60 days? Play the tape forward. It will be twice or three times as horrible as the first, and will likely last longer…

Been there, done that…regrettably.

Keep coming here for support.

Intro. :grouphug:

The urge to drink can be overwhelming, but you know already that tomorrow you would feel so bad. Play the tape forward and remember how bad you felt after drinking. You have done amazingly well. These moments will happen, let the thoughts of drinking go. So sorry your not sleeping, that is so hard. Get through tonight, watch TV, go for a walk, make some food. Thinking of you.

The cravings has mostly passed. I won't do it.
I know it end with me drunk to the point of feeling so sick and waking up shaky and anxious beyond belief. I don't want that. I think when I'm tired more likely to make bad choices.
David

Hey David
I'm glad you changed your mind.
How long before your sponsor is back?
D

Way to think it through David!!! Good job! As to fourth step, you can work that just fine without your sponsor's help. The big book lays it out pretty well. You can also access worksheets for it on the internet. SR also has a 12 step support forum where you can post questions and read about working the individual steps.

The bottom line is that the most important person responsible for you successfully working the fourth step...is you! You are the only person who will know if you were completely honest and thorough. Maybe your higher power is telling you that this a prime opportunity for you to step up to the plate and assume full responsibility and ownership of your actions. You can do this!

Yeah I can do that but I can't do the 5 step without a sponsor and I don't want to sit on that stuff on paper. I want do the 4 step and then do the 5 step right away so I can't ruminate on it. I'm going to ask in my meeting if anyone is looking for someone to sponsor who has a decent amount of sober time at least 2 years. My current sponsor works a great program but he is only 7 months sober and doesn't hold me accountable at all. I think I need someone who won't let it slide if I procrastinat on things make excuses because I say I'm going to do something and then don't do it. David

The person who hears your fifth step doesn't have to be a sponsor. They don't even have to be an alcoholic.

I am not anti-sponsor. I am not pro-sponsor. To me it is all about recovery and how to get it, that is the main goal. People can place too much emphasis on sponsors, which makes an individual's recovery contingent upon someone other than themselves.

I was stuck in the revolving door for 10 years. When I held myself, and only myself accountable for my actions, it took away my ability to point fingers at anyone else. All the fingers pointed at me, even my index finger. At that point, the revolving door jammed open and I walked into recovery and freedom.

I also take away the desire to drink.

I DONT WANT IT. I DONT NEED IT. MY DRINKING IS SCARY AND TOXIC. I CONTROL MY ARMS, LEGS, HANDS, FEET AND MOUTH.

Here is an exercise.

Tell yourself out loud, “ I HAVE to walk to the wall and back, I HAVE to walk to the wall and back,….(repeat as you exaggerate begrudgingly walk style-head low, shoulders shrugged, slow dragging steps).

Sucked, right?

Now, do this:

Say to yourself out loud, while you are walking to the wall and back, shoulders straight, head held high, a little smile, nice paced stride, “I CHOOSE to walk to the wall and back, I WANT to walk to the wall and back, I CHOOSE to walk to the wall and back, …..”


BIG difference, yes?

You are not stuck in sobriety. You don’t HAVE to. That makes it drudgery.

Do you WANT it? Do you CHOOSE it?

Prayers for your struggles, 100. 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼😍

This may seem an overly simple solution, but make sure you are hydrated and fed. In those early days, I can't tell you how many cravings I blew past by just having a big iced tea or glass of water.