Creating New Habits
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
14 months sober today.
I think I am doing well.
Today:
Refocus and set goals with the spiritual practice. I kind of lost myself there for a bit.
The good news is that I did recover from the GAD episode and I did use tools. Stayed the course and used structure and discipline to get to the other side. Friends, this forum of friends and belief. I did not think of alcohol as a means to escape.
Still have yet to hear back from the couple places I called. I'm not giving up on it. This area is not big and the medical care here is questionable.
Run this am. Work.
I am heading to Oregon on Tuesday for the eye appointment. My goal along with having my eye examined is to head to the Macys perfume counter to find my signature scent. The research alone has kept me busy the past few days. I do want to have a scent that says clean, warm, alive, stable, happy with a bit of energy and a lot of laughter. Something that makes people say "You smell good. What is that?" ME: "I don't know. I wake up like this."
To be honest, I don't like perfumes. I wear oils. Natural stuff that does not have that undertone of chemicals. I am hopeful I can find what I am looking for. That being said, I tend to try to find things that do not exist.
I was on the phone with my friend yesterday and he said "I'm heading into San Francisco this morning. I can pick up a sampler of Chanel no 5 for you and mail it" haha! Im even dragging my friends into this mission. This friendship is something I will always cherish.
Have a good day, ALL!
I think I am doing well.
Today:
Refocus and set goals with the spiritual practice. I kind of lost myself there for a bit.
The good news is that I did recover from the GAD episode and I did use tools. Stayed the course and used structure and discipline to get to the other side. Friends, this forum of friends and belief. I did not think of alcohol as a means to escape.
Still have yet to hear back from the couple places I called. I'm not giving up on it. This area is not big and the medical care here is questionable.
Run this am. Work.
I am heading to Oregon on Tuesday for the eye appointment. My goal along with having my eye examined is to head to the Macys perfume counter to find my signature scent. The research alone has kept me busy the past few days. I do want to have a scent that says clean, warm, alive, stable, happy with a bit of energy and a lot of laughter. Something that makes people say "You smell good. What is that?" ME: "I don't know. I wake up like this."
To be honest, I don't like perfumes. I wear oils. Natural stuff that does not have that undertone of chemicals. I am hopeful I can find what I am looking for. That being said, I tend to try to find things that do not exist.
I was on the phone with my friend yesterday and he said "I'm heading into San Francisco this morning. I can pick up a sampler of Chanel no 5 for you and mail it" haha! Im even dragging my friends into this mission. This friendship is something I will always cherish.
Have a good day, ALL!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
Originally Posted by SnazzyDresser 
If I ever start wearing cologne, I'm gonna look for a scent that smells like victory without also smelling like napalm in the morning.
Snazzy: That is the smell of VICTORY!
I gotta say.....I think I am going to search for the VICTORY smell. The "You're looking at success!" smell. The "NEVER DEFEATED" smell. Thanks, Snazzy. Im thinking BIG now.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
Nothing to report!
It feels real good to say that there is nothing going on.
Sleep has been good. Anxiety is somewhere else. Not with me. Its probably across the street waiting for a time to pounce.
Ive refocused and recommitted myself to goals. Writing down goals with my spiritual practice. Chanting and visualizing those goals. Solution oriented and armed with commitment and dedication. Listening to podcasts and taking in all the good stuff on Nichiren Buddhism.
Onwards and upwards.
Run, weights and abs this AM followed by what will be a productive day at the work place.
We are making it through this pandemic. We are. YAY!
It feels real good to say that there is nothing going on.
Sleep has been good. Anxiety is somewhere else. Not with me. Its probably across the street waiting for a time to pounce.
Ive refocused and recommitted myself to goals. Writing down goals with my spiritual practice. Chanting and visualizing those goals. Solution oriented and armed with commitment and dedication. Listening to podcasts and taking in all the good stuff on Nichiren Buddhism.
Onwards and upwards.
Run, weights and abs this AM followed by what will be a productive day at the work place.
We are making it through this pandemic. We are. YAY!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
HAPPY SATURDAY!
I actually slept in past 5 am. What an accomplishment.
Im drinking my favorite drug called Coffee. As soon as it produces the desired effect I am going to go on a long run. So, I am excited and ready to tackle this day of doing whatever I feel like doing. Run. Maybe clean. Maybe not.
No anxiety. No head problems. No other problems. All of this is subject to change and I accept the mystery of it all.
There is an old school Santa movie called ...........Santa Clause. Yep, Santa Clause the Movie. The unique name really piqued my interest when I was a kid.
It stars Dudley Moore and Jon Lithgow. I have memories of it being so special. I'm going to rent it this weekend and see if it holds the same MAGIC!
Steady and sober!
I actually slept in past 5 am. What an accomplishment.
Im drinking my favorite drug called Coffee. As soon as it produces the desired effect I am going to go on a long run. So, I am excited and ready to tackle this day of doing whatever I feel like doing. Run. Maybe clean. Maybe not.
No anxiety. No head problems. No other problems. All of this is subject to change and I accept the mystery of it all.
There is an old school Santa movie called ...........Santa Clause. Yep, Santa Clause the Movie. The unique name really piqued my interest when I was a kid.
It stars Dudley Moore and Jon Lithgow. I have memories of it being so special. I'm going to rent it this weekend and see if it holds the same MAGIC!
Steady and sober!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
Heading to Oregon today to get my eye examined. The weather conditions are a bit extreme with lots of snow.
Thankful that we have the appointment today and there is no more waiting around. Getting information will be a positive. So, Ill be off for a bit. Stay safe and stay sober ALL!
Thankful that we have the appointment today and there is no more waiting around. Getting information will be a positive. So, Ill be off for a bit. Stay safe and stay sober ALL!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
The eye appointment lead to us having to get referred to a medical center in Portland. This eye situation is out of the expertise and education of the center I went to. The center itself had at least 12 doctors specializing in every single eye situation you could think of but this.....This is not in the field of what they do. So, this referral leads to another referral.
The doctor did not feel comfortable saying anything with certainty and he didn't want to get it wrong. He was very careful with his language So, he is not saying it is melanoma but he is not saying it is not melanoma. He wants the specialist in Portland to diagnose this. It all felt a little strange. This medical center is Portland is in the top 10 percent in the nation. I feel good about those numbers. I should be heading to Portland within the month.
We had a lovely dinner at some swanky restaurant. I drank hot tea! The town is adorned with Christmas lights and there has been a lot of snow. Its nice here. We go home tomorrow! I miss my cats.
The doctor did not feel comfortable saying anything with certainty and he didn't want to get it wrong. He was very careful with his language So, he is not saying it is melanoma but he is not saying it is not melanoma. He wants the specialist in Portland to diagnose this. It all felt a little strange. This medical center is Portland is in the top 10 percent in the nation. I feel good about those numbers. I should be heading to Portland within the month.
We had a lovely dinner at some swanky restaurant. I drank hot tea! The town is adorned with Christmas lights and there has been a lot of snow. Its nice here. We go home tomorrow! I miss my cats.
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
Posts: 7,338
Glad your eye trip went well, and that you have a further referral.
My favorite scent is called “Angel”, not because I was a nurse, but because I love the scent. It’s base is chocolate instead of flowers. Pricey, but worth it. 25 plus years……😍
My favorite scent is called “Angel”, not because I was a nurse, but because I love the scent. It’s base is chocolate instead of flowers. Pricey, but worth it. 25 plus years……😍
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
Good luck on the eye, Mizz. It must be a source of background stress. If it’s OHSU that you were referred to, you’re in good hands. That’s where I went for any specialty matters when I lived there and they are the best.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
I don't even know what to think about all of this? I have been referred to OHSU Casey Eye Institute. Not having any different information doesn't help but the notes say that I should be seen within 3 to 4 weeks. I tried to gauge whatever I am to feel by the doctors response. His response to me was that this is serious. So, I am taking all the steps I need to now. On the phone. Talking to multiple people. Trying to connect this person with that person and remaining hopeful.
My insurance is California. This place is in Oregon. There are some things to figure out but its not anything that we cant handle. We can do hard things. I can do hard things. This seems a bit strange but one step at a time. Throw all the tools on the table and work with what we have. We can do this and we can do this with clarity and sobriety.
My insurance is California. This place is in Oregon. There are some things to figure out but its not anything that we cant handle. We can do hard things. I can do hard things. This seems a bit strange but one step at a time. Throw all the tools on the table and work with what we have. We can do this and we can do this with clarity and sobriety.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
I was asked if I had Native, Hispanic or African American in my blood line. The doctor did say if I did then this would be something called racial melanosis. That condition is benign and found mostly in dark pigmented individuals. Racial melanosis rarely evolves into conjuctival melanoma. Given that I am white, blue eyed and fair skinned the chances are greater that it is in the melanoma ball park. I asked if this was in the wheelhouse of PAM (Primary Acquired Melanosis) and he said that there are a few things it could be and yes PAM is one of them but he was reluctant to share given his lack of education in this arena. I do think he was smart in not giving more information. He doesnt want to be wrong. I dont want him to be wrong.
The doctor assigned to my eye at OHSU is a surgeon and she specializes in external disease of the eyes, tumors, and a whole list of other stuff. I looked her up and her credentials are outstanding! I feel really good about that.
OHSU told me that I would come to get a series of images and they would then give a detailed plan. If I need surgery then I would go back 4 to 6 weeks later. So, it seems straightforward enough. There is also a place in San Francisco that specializes in advanced eye care stuff. If my insurance does not cover OHSU then I will take the San Francisco route. The doctor in Medford has written that he would like for me to be seen in 3 to 4 weeks at OHSU. So, I am calling insurance today to see what they will cover. Calling OHSU to see if they did receive the referral that Medford said they were sending last night. Calling and getting some clarity.
There is nothing more that I can do but take the steps I need to take and do what is in front of me. I would be lying if i said I was not nervous. Im more nervous about all the planning and doing then I am about a diagnosis. It doesnt matter what it is, I know I will be okay no matter what. I just know that this will be a journey and one that will not be over when I get the imaging. It will not be "You are fine. No worries. Carry on with your eye." This is not what we are looking at. If you saw the eye you would say the same thing. Its something. It is something that requires a medical intervention. The good news is that I have TWO eyes. I have TWO legs. I have a lot of love and security. I have a lot to be grateful for. I have sobriety and I have a spiritual path. I have this forum to write out my concerns and worries and ramble on like I am doing now
HAVE A GOOD DAY, ALL!
The doctor assigned to my eye at OHSU is a surgeon and she specializes in external disease of the eyes, tumors, and a whole list of other stuff. I looked her up and her credentials are outstanding! I feel really good about that.
OHSU told me that I would come to get a series of images and they would then give a detailed plan. If I need surgery then I would go back 4 to 6 weeks later. So, it seems straightforward enough. There is also a place in San Francisco that specializes in advanced eye care stuff. If my insurance does not cover OHSU then I will take the San Francisco route. The doctor in Medford has written that he would like for me to be seen in 3 to 4 weeks at OHSU. So, I am calling insurance today to see what they will cover. Calling OHSU to see if they did receive the referral that Medford said they were sending last night. Calling and getting some clarity.
There is nothing more that I can do but take the steps I need to take and do what is in front of me. I would be lying if i said I was not nervous. Im more nervous about all the planning and doing then I am about a diagnosis. It doesnt matter what it is, I know I will be okay no matter what. I just know that this will be a journey and one that will not be over when I get the imaging. It will not be "You are fine. No worries. Carry on with your eye." This is not what we are looking at. If you saw the eye you would say the same thing. Its something. It is something that requires a medical intervention. The good news is that I have TWO eyes. I have TWO legs. I have a lot of love and security. I have a lot to be grateful for. I have sobriety and I have a spiritual path. I have this forum to write out my concerns and worries and ramble on like I am doing now
HAVE A GOOD DAY, ALL!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
I am in network to go to the Casey Eye Institute. YAY!
Now we wait.
I am sober and have not thought of drinking as an option. Its just not an option. Alcohol would cause me a lot of hell and I just cant mentally, emotionally, spiritually or physically afford to be in hell.
My solutions: Talking to loved ones, checking in here daily, grounding myself, making sure I am not overly anxious.
Making lists and doing what is on the list. Sticking to chanting, prayer and keeping myself healthy.
I have not taken a run or worked out this week. Getting back to it tomorrow.
Now we wait.
I am sober and have not thought of drinking as an option. Its just not an option. Alcohol would cause me a lot of hell and I just cant mentally, emotionally, spiritually or physically afford to be in hell.
My solutions: Talking to loved ones, checking in here daily, grounding myself, making sure I am not overly anxious.
Making lists and doing what is on the list. Sticking to chanting, prayer and keeping myself healthy.
I have not taken a run or worked out this week. Getting back to it tomorrow.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
