Creating New Habits
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
So glad to hear things are going well, and you are pursuing your passion, Mizz.. just fantastic!! You are so disciplined, and I absolutely love your metaphor about the deep end of the pool! Such a creative description of what some of us go through. Haha, I swim in circles a lot! Things are going well here and critters have plenty of water for those hot desert days.
I'm headed into the deep end of the pool myself - perhaps the Mariana Trench, lol, - heading overseas for a few months in Southeast Asia. Monsoon season, which might be an apt metaphor in and of itself. Visiting my girlfriend and her son in the Philippines, after two years of forced Covid separation, and also building a small tropical home which has just been started, with endless views of palm trees, mountains and a distant ocean view. It is in a spot which gets a nice breeze - very important in the tropics where the humidity can be oppressive.
I also need to evaluate how much of a relationship is still left there, but am actually fine with however things turn out, as I've gained a lot of insights into my thinking and emotional patterns in the past few years. There has been a lifetime of learning and adventure packed into the last 8 years of living in and traveling to the region, and our relationship, for which I am so grateful - so no regrets, regardless. I just hope I can keep on exploring for a while longer, and make a difference to others. Really that's all that's important to me anymore. I'm not thrilled with 24 hours of flights, but life is short and the clock continues to tick whether we are out there living it or sitting at home fantasizing.
Keep up the great work, Mizz - it will reward you in so many ways, some of which will be unexpected.
Best,
--Adv
I'm headed into the deep end of the pool myself - perhaps the Mariana Trench, lol, - heading overseas for a few months in Southeast Asia. Monsoon season, which might be an apt metaphor in and of itself. Visiting my girlfriend and her son in the Philippines, after two years of forced Covid separation, and also building a small tropical home which has just been started, with endless views of palm trees, mountains and a distant ocean view. It is in a spot which gets a nice breeze - very important in the tropics where the humidity can be oppressive.
I also need to evaluate how much of a relationship is still left there, but am actually fine with however things turn out, as I've gained a lot of insights into my thinking and emotional patterns in the past few years. There has been a lifetime of learning and adventure packed into the last 8 years of living in and traveling to the region, and our relationship, for which I am so grateful - so no regrets, regardless. I just hope I can keep on exploring for a while longer, and make a difference to others. Really that's all that's important to me anymore. I'm not thrilled with 24 hours of flights, but life is short and the clock continues to tick whether we are out there living it or sitting at home fantasizing.
Keep up the great work, Mizz - it will reward you in so many ways, some of which will be unexpected.
Best,
--Adv
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Advbike- I am so happy to hear you are making it back to Southeast Asia. This is wonderful. I know the pandemic has made life hard with travel restrictions, and basically turning everything upside down.
Figuring out what is there, and what is not there, will help you to move forward in whatever way you need too. This is wonderful. Also, the building of this home sounds amazing. Will Southeast Asia be the place you will move to permanently?
You are embarking on a new adventure. Getting answers to your relationship. Getting to where you need be. I really like all that you are doing with your life.
24 hr of flights? NO THANKS, lol! The last time I was in a plane, to Maui, I was slightly injured from running. My hamstring was killing me. Sitting for too long, packed in like sardines, it was the ultimate battle in patience. This was a 5+ hour flight. So, 24 hrs of flying and airport terminals? haha. I just cant imagine.
I hope you have books on audible, good movies, a good neck pillow, and some tasty snacks to comfort you. Will you be on the forum during your stay in Asia? I hope so. I cant wait to read about your adventures if you are inclined to share them. I hope you do. We will live vicariously through you.
Friday is here! I havent been running as much I need too. I am signed up and registered for the Half Marathon. So, I am all in mentally. Physically? No. My body said to me "Mizz, I dont want to move fast down the pavement, or on the mill, or do anything remotely close to the things you like to put me through. I've decided to take a time out."
My response....."Ummm...Okay. Well, we have got to get our **** together soon. So, rest. You do you. This half is going down whether we are prepared or not. Its best to be prepared." Ill get there. I always do. Ill cross that finish line in one piece or in a million pieces. Its happening.
As for work. Well, its work. I work in a circus.
The circus music plays and the monkey with the top hat sits on the register away from my department. I am on a unicycle. The monkey on the register, in the red top hat, throws canisters of proteins at me and I catch them and start to juggle. One, two, three, and now four. A flower vase sits atop my head. I earned my certificate of Master Protein Juggler from the Clown School down the road.
As the monkey throws the proteins, to add a fifth canister, a customer asks me where they can find the soap. I shift the canisters I am juggling to my right arm, in a flow that only Juggling masters can do, and point to the 5th aisle of the store. "The bar soap is 25% down the aisle on the right. Don't forget to have an awesome day!"
The monkey, at the registers, takes off his little red hat, and proceeds to grin widely. "Only 7 hrs to go, Henry!" We head on down the aisle where the string cheese and chocolate milk live. Weaving our way through grocery carts, seas of tie dye, and smells of the unbathed. "Lets go sit by the carboard bin and people watch!"
We head outside. Sit down. We stare at a man, who stands across the street, with a dread lock for a head visor. He is yelling at the sky while drinking beer in the early morning. "Good Morning, Steve!" I yell to him. Steve abruptly stops his screaming about the government and the birds, "Good Morning, Mizz" and then proceeds to go back into his incoherent rant.
Life.
Figuring out what is there, and what is not there, will help you to move forward in whatever way you need too. This is wonderful. Also, the building of this home sounds amazing. Will Southeast Asia be the place you will move to permanently?
You are embarking on a new adventure. Getting answers to your relationship. Getting to where you need be. I really like all that you are doing with your life.
24 hr of flights? NO THANKS, lol! The last time I was in a plane, to Maui, I was slightly injured from running. My hamstring was killing me. Sitting for too long, packed in like sardines, it was the ultimate battle in patience. This was a 5+ hour flight. So, 24 hrs of flying and airport terminals? haha. I just cant imagine.
I hope you have books on audible, good movies, a good neck pillow, and some tasty snacks to comfort you. Will you be on the forum during your stay in Asia? I hope so. I cant wait to read about your adventures if you are inclined to share them. I hope you do. We will live vicariously through you.
Friday is here! I havent been running as much I need too. I am signed up and registered for the Half Marathon. So, I am all in mentally. Physically? No. My body said to me "Mizz, I dont want to move fast down the pavement, or on the mill, or do anything remotely close to the things you like to put me through. I've decided to take a time out."
My response....."Ummm...Okay. Well, we have got to get our **** together soon. So, rest. You do you. This half is going down whether we are prepared or not. Its best to be prepared." Ill get there. I always do. Ill cross that finish line in one piece or in a million pieces. Its happening.
As for work. Well, its work. I work in a circus.
The circus music plays and the monkey with the top hat sits on the register away from my department. I am on a unicycle. The monkey on the register, in the red top hat, throws canisters of proteins at me and I catch them and start to juggle. One, two, three, and now four. A flower vase sits atop my head. I earned my certificate of Master Protein Juggler from the Clown School down the road.
As the monkey throws the proteins, to add a fifth canister, a customer asks me where they can find the soap. I shift the canisters I am juggling to my right arm, in a flow that only Juggling masters can do, and point to the 5th aisle of the store. "The bar soap is 25% down the aisle on the right. Don't forget to have an awesome day!"
The monkey, at the registers, takes off his little red hat, and proceeds to grin widely. "Only 7 hrs to go, Henry!" We head on down the aisle where the string cheese and chocolate milk live. Weaving our way through grocery carts, seas of tie dye, and smells of the unbathed. "Lets go sit by the carboard bin and people watch!"
We head outside. Sit down. We stare at a man, who stands across the street, with a dread lock for a head visor. He is yelling at the sky while drinking beer in the early morning. "Good Morning, Steve!" I yell to him. Steve abruptly stops his screaming about the government and the birds, "Good Morning, Mizz" and then proceeds to go back into his incoherent rant.
Life.
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Join Date: May 2012
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20 months!
The proposal was approved.
Two certs in floral design
A deep spiritual practice
Financial gain
No tumors in my eye
Physically strong
Mentally strong
Emotionally strong and level
No desire to drink or sabotage
I miss my Mizuno shoes
Onwards and upwards to productivity, happiness and a belief that we can overcome any challenge.
The proposal was approved.
Two certs in floral design
A deep spiritual practice
Financial gain
No tumors in my eye
Physically strong
Mentally strong
Emotionally strong and level
No desire to drink or sabotage
I miss my Mizuno shoes
Onwards and upwards to productivity, happiness and a belief that we can overcome any challenge.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
Fantastic job, Mizz.. on all of it.. and 20 months! So glad your awesome proposal was accepted!
Thanks for all of your support, it means a lot. Things are going amazingly well here.. just have to put aside the self doubts and jump in with both feet.
Thanks for all of your support, it means a lot. Things are going amazingly well here.. just have to put aside the self doubts and jump in with both feet.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
Fantastic job, Mizz.. on all of it.. and 20 months! So glad your health is good and your awesome proposal was accepted!
Thanks for all of your support, it means a lot. Things are going amazingly well.. just have to put aside the self doubts and jump in with both feet.
Thanks for all of your support, it means a lot. Things are going amazingly well.. just have to put aside the self doubts and jump in with both feet.
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Originally Posted by advbike 
Fantastic job, Mizz.. on all of it.. and 20 months! So glad your awesome proposal was accepted!
Thanks for all of your support, it means a lot. Things are going amazingly well here.. just have to put aside the self doubts and jump in with both feet.
Thanks for all of your support, it means a lot. Things are going amazingly well here.. just have to put aside the self doubts and jump in with both feet.
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Going to sleep at 7pm means one thing. I wake at 3 am ready to tackle the day.
So, I think I'm going to force myself to sit up until 9 pm tonight. Just to reset and get back on track with normal waking hours. I can do this
)
I am overly joyed for my coworker to come to work today. The proposal submitted, and was approved, included a promotion for my coworker. Her work is outstanding and together we really help each other succeed.
Im just so happy that my coworker is HAPPY! The mission to promote change, to succeed, and to never be defeated is something we talk about on a daily basis. When I texted her a CONGRATS she replied with "We will never be defeated" and this made my heart soar. Yes, friend! We got this. Such positive things all around.
Have a great day, SR!
So, I think I'm going to force myself to sit up until 9 pm tonight. Just to reset and get back on track with normal waking hours. I can do this
) I am overly joyed for my coworker to come to work today. The proposal submitted, and was approved, included a promotion for my coworker. Her work is outstanding and together we really help each other succeed.
Im just so happy that my coworker is HAPPY! The mission to promote change, to succeed, and to never be defeated is something we talk about on a daily basis. When I texted her a CONGRATS she replied with "We will never be defeated" and this made my heart soar. Yes, friend! We got this. Such positive things all around.
Have a great day, SR!
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My eyeball has scaring. Makes sense. Dr. Eyeball Surgeon has asked me to use artificial tears 7 times a day. I may need to go back into another round of roids if things dont improve soon.
The scaring is a tightness that has me trying to roll my eye into the back of my head. I look like I have a tick that cannot be satisfied.
Pull eye to back of brain. Wait for relief. There is no relief. Pull some more. No relief. Pull. NO. Pull.
Give up. There is some scaring on the iris. A small white dot has appeared. It seemed to happen overnight.
Its a small price to pay for an otherwise positive ending. I am very very grateful for my eye. I have an appointment with my regular eye doctor this week and he will report back to the surgeon. If I have to dose my eye for the remainder of my life then I accept the mission. If there is another surgery in my future, I also accept this. I dont think we are heading there.....But I am looking at all angles. Talking about all angles. Being proactive.
I learned a lot from the surgery. One thing I learned was that my strong brave self does require a bit of pain relief when my eye is operated on. I didn't go the pain meds route. Don't be so brave and so strong that you find yourself yelling in exasperation to the ceiling for days on end, Mizz. It was quite the battle. Me, eyeball pain, loud exasperated sounds, and wearing my sunglasses 24 hours a day. Man, I felt like garbage. It was an ultra marathon.
WINTER ALWAYS TURNS TO SPRING!
That is all that is happening in my life right now.
Healthy.
Sober.
Productive.
Spiritually centered.
Emotionally level
Mentally healthy.
About to get in a weight session and a jog.
Its raining. Its humid. The rain is warm. Tropical Island feel.
HAPPY SUNDAY!
The scaring is a tightness that has me trying to roll my eye into the back of my head. I look like I have a tick that cannot be satisfied.
Pull eye to back of brain. Wait for relief. There is no relief. Pull some more. No relief. Pull. NO. Pull.
Give up. There is some scaring on the iris. A small white dot has appeared. It seemed to happen overnight.
Its a small price to pay for an otherwise positive ending. I am very very grateful for my eye. I have an appointment with my regular eye doctor this week and he will report back to the surgeon. If I have to dose my eye for the remainder of my life then I accept the mission. If there is another surgery in my future, I also accept this. I dont think we are heading there.....But I am looking at all angles. Talking about all angles. Being proactive.
I learned a lot from the surgery. One thing I learned was that my strong brave self does require a bit of pain relief when my eye is operated on. I didn't go the pain meds route. Don't be so brave and so strong that you find yourself yelling in exasperation to the ceiling for days on end, Mizz. It was quite the battle. Me, eyeball pain, loud exasperated sounds, and wearing my sunglasses 24 hours a day. Man, I felt like garbage. It was an ultra marathon.
WINTER ALWAYS TURNS TO SPRING!
That is all that is happening in my life right now.
Healthy.
Sober.
Productive.
Spiritually centered.
Emotionally level
Mentally healthy.
About to get in a weight session and a jog.
Its raining. Its humid. The rain is warm. Tropical Island feel.
HAPPY SUNDAY!
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Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
"Regrets. I've had a few
But then again too few to mention"
This mornings chatter was a Frank Sinatra song. Right when I came into consciousness his song was playing through my head. I don't mind this channel so much. Its just an absolutely random thing to have happen.
My own music selection these days has been Pearl Jam, Tina Turner, rap songs, 80's, and I found some Tejano music that has been enjoyable. Selena! She was and still is AMAZING! I get sad when I think of her ending. Enough about that. I don't know why Frank is on my mind but Ill go with the flow and pull him up on Spotify.
The weekend: Long runs and resting. Long naps. The kind of naps that keep me in a half asleep state for the remainder of the day. I am not a good napper. I don't wake up from a nap with a positive attitude and feel refreshed. Its more like waking up to a grumpy bear that requires silence.
Off to run and soak up the morning.
Oh, the Hummingbirds are back. I love to see them flying around in the yard. The baby Hummingbirds bring a lot of joy. Their little plump bodies and half grown in feathers are quite the experience.
Enjoy the week, SR!
But then again too few to mention"
This mornings chatter was a Frank Sinatra song. Right when I came into consciousness his song was playing through my head. I don't mind this channel so much. Its just an absolutely random thing to have happen.
My own music selection these days has been Pearl Jam, Tina Turner, rap songs, 80's, and I found some Tejano music that has been enjoyable. Selena! She was and still is AMAZING! I get sad when I think of her ending. Enough about that. I don't know why Frank is on my mind but Ill go with the flow and pull him up on Spotify.
The weekend: Long runs and resting. Long naps. The kind of naps that keep me in a half asleep state for the remainder of the day. I am not a good napper. I don't wake up from a nap with a positive attitude and feel refreshed. Its more like waking up to a grumpy bear that requires silence.
Off to run and soak up the morning.
Oh, the Hummingbirds are back. I love to see them flying around in the yard. The baby Hummingbirds bring a lot of joy. Their little plump bodies and half grown in feathers are quite the experience.
Enjoy the week, SR!
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Join Date: May 2018
Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
Posts: 7,338
you are an amazing person, MAKING your life happen, not watching it passively.
Healing vibes being sent on that eye.
My hand still hurts, I think the cancer is back. I can’t go though that again, I just can’t. I’m waiting on it, see if the spot grows.
What the heck!
Anyway, I’ll love vicariously through your running.
Many hugs,
🤓❤️
sober style
Join Date: May 2016
Location: San Antonio
Posts: 2,384
Originally Posted by Mizz
"Regrets. I've had a few
But then again too few to mention"
This mornings chatter was a Frank Sinatra song. Right when I came into consciousness his song was playing through my head. I don't mind this channel so much. Its just an absolutely random thing to have happen.
My own music selection these days has been Pearl Jam, Tina Turner, rap songs, 80's, and I found some Tejano music that has been enjoyable. Selena! She was and still is AMAZING! I get sad when I think of her ending. Enough about that. I don't know why Frank is on my mind but Ill go with the flow and pull him up on Spotify.
But then again too few to mention"
This mornings chatter was a Frank Sinatra song. Right when I came into consciousness his song was playing through my head. I don't mind this channel so much. Its just an absolutely random thing to have happen.
My own music selection these days has been Pearl Jam, Tina Turner, rap songs, 80's, and I found some Tejano music that has been enjoyable. Selena! She was and still is AMAZING! I get sad when I think of her ending. Enough about that. I don't know why Frank is on my mind but Ill go with the flow and pull him up on Spotify.
I like Selena too, and here in San Antonio her presence is still almost palpable even now. She was from down around Corpus Christi but owned a store here in San Antonio and played here a lot.
A Tejano singer who has some things in common with Selena is Julieta Venegas, you might try her music out if you haven't already. Eres Para Mi, Lento, and Me Voy are some of my favorites of hers.
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Free- Im sorry to hear about your hand. You can get through this. We can do hard things, Free. Have you gone back to the doctor recently?
Hummingbird Feeders! Lol. As a buyer for a store, I brought in Hummingbird feeders a few years back. The owner despises Hummingbird feeders. He let me know his stance on the feeder and how they needed to go. He says the feeders make the birds overly aggressive. So, for months these feeders were slowly bought by our community. Very slowly making their way out the door. Every time the owner came to the store he let me know of his position. Man, I couldn't get rid of those feeders fast enough. Its not like I could throw them away. This was his money after all.
I started to make jokes about Pallets of feeders coming. That did not go over well! Haha!
Snazzy- I am so glad you listed some songs from Julieta Venegas. So far I have listened to "Eres para Mi."
WOW! I love this song. I am not sure what is being said but I have google translate. This is so exciting.
I have needed some new music to vibe too for awhile now! Thank You!
This week should go by smoothly and then I am off next week. We are going to camp for two days and then spend the rest of the week at home. The yard needs care. The brain needs rest. The life needs to be lived outside of working. We have some plans to go furniture shopping. Dining table and two new dressers. Its kind of exciting.
I was thinking...... I changed a 26 year structure within the company I work for. This position I now have is one that has never existed. I feel like I need to bring a flag to my desk. "One small step for mankind" ........
I mean, its not a big deal but its also not not a big deal. Its a change and one that I diligently worked towards. Its proof that we are able to accomplish what we put our minds too. Proof that we can manifest. Proof that we can overcome. Proof of our unlimited potential. Next stop.....The Moon.
613 days sober.
Hummingbird Feeders! Lol. As a buyer for a store, I brought in Hummingbird feeders a few years back. The owner despises Hummingbird feeders. He let me know his stance on the feeder and how they needed to go. He says the feeders make the birds overly aggressive. So, for months these feeders were slowly bought by our community. Very slowly making their way out the door. Every time the owner came to the store he let me know of his position. Man, I couldn't get rid of those feeders fast enough. Its not like I could throw them away. This was his money after all.
I started to make jokes about Pallets of feeders coming. That did not go over well!
Haha! Snazzy- I am so glad you listed some songs from Julieta Venegas. So far I have listened to "Eres para Mi."
WOW! I love this song. I am not sure what is being said but I have google translate. This is so exciting.
I have needed some new music to vibe too for awhile now! Thank You!
This week should go by smoothly and then I am off next week. We are going to camp for two days and then spend the rest of the week at home. The yard needs care. The brain needs rest. The life needs to be lived outside of working. We have some plans to go furniture shopping. Dining table and two new dressers. Its kind of exciting.
I was thinking...... I changed a 26 year structure within the company I work for. This position I now have is one that has never existed. I feel like I need to bring a flag to my desk. "One small step for mankind" ........
I mean, its not a big deal but its also not not a big deal. Its a change and one that I diligently worked towards. Its proof that we are able to accomplish what we put our minds too. Proof that we can manifest. Proof that we can overcome. Proof of our unlimited potential. Next stop.....The Moon.
613 days sober.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
You're doing so great, Mizz. Love your updates and especially your positive attitude. I learn from you!
Free, I am also sorry to hear about your hand. Big hug for you and prayers for healing.
I care about you both and wish you happiness and joy!
Free, I am also sorry to hear about your hand. Big hug for you and prayers for healing.
I care about you both and wish you happiness and joy!
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Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
Dear, Brain
I know you have been 'uninspired' with writing lately. I get it. You dove head first into churning out a million pages of memories. Dove head first into finding your voice. Diving deeper and deeper only to resurface with some mild trauma and exhaustion.
You are allowed to take a breather from all the thoughts on the page. You are allowed to reorganize and gather more information, or thoughts, or memories, or whatever it is you are doing when you get up at that ungodly hour. You have not lost all of your creativity. You could be a Jellyfish. Up, up, up, and then slowly release down into rest. Create, create, create, and then break.
Whatever it is you need to say will come into the light and make its way onto the page. That voice telling you that you have nothing to say is a LIAR. Do not listen to it. Its that part of us that likes to destroy our progress.
For today: Go run. Take pictures of things you see. Do not be defeated. We can overcome any obstacle.
You are amazing, Brain. I believe in you. I am happy that you exist in the way you do on this planet. Keep on moving forward.
I know you have been 'uninspired' with writing lately. I get it. You dove head first into churning out a million pages of memories. Dove head first into finding your voice. Diving deeper and deeper only to resurface with some mild trauma and exhaustion.
You are allowed to take a breather from all the thoughts on the page. You are allowed to reorganize and gather more information, or thoughts, or memories, or whatever it is you are doing when you get up at that ungodly hour. You have not lost all of your creativity. You could be a Jellyfish. Up, up, up, and then slowly release down into rest. Create, create, create, and then break.
Whatever it is you need to say will come into the light and make its way onto the page. That voice telling you that you have nothing to say is a LIAR. Do not listen to it. Its that part of us that likes to destroy our progress.
For today: Go run. Take pictures of things you see. Do not be defeated. We can overcome any obstacle.
You are amazing, Brain. I believe in you. I am happy that you exist in the way you do on this planet. Keep on moving forward.
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Marshmallows.
Graham Crackers
Chocolate
An innertube that resembles a Jalapeno
Sunscreen
I think I'm set. I'm heading off into the nature now. Its supposed to be in the 80's. Not too hot. Not too cold. My spouse has said we can come back early if I am suffering too much. Haha! I certainly like to play up the "what do you mean we are going to go sleep in the dirt for a couple days?" ......
I know how to camp. I just don't camp. At least I didn't until today at 3pm.
So, See you all later.
Onwards to the dirt!
Graham Crackers
Chocolate
An innertube that resembles a Jalapeno
Sunscreen
I think I'm set. I'm heading off into the nature now. Its supposed to be in the 80's. Not too hot. Not too cold. My spouse has said we can come back early if I am suffering too much. Haha! I certainly like to play up the "what do you mean we are going to go sleep in the dirt for a couple days?" ......
I know how to camp. I just don't camp. At least I didn't until today at 3pm.
So, See you all later.
Onwards to the dirt!
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Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
I was triggered yesterday. Not in the sense that I was going to drink, but triggered due to being around alcohol.
My spouse drinks alcohol. Its his road to walk. What he does with his life is his choice. I have never asked for him to be sober and I would never ask that of him. We did drink a lot of alcohol together when I was actively going off the rails.
The trigger was in the form of irritation. When one person is under the influence, and I am not saying drunk, but under the influence and its obvious, it creates a mental divide of sorts. I am on a completely different page. Its almost like a different novel entirely. I deal with it. I have ways to get out of it. Bath. Reading. Listen to a podcast. Get on here and read. Look up articles about triggers. CHANT!
Yesterday, I took a bath and ate one too many giant puffed Marshmallows. I then drank a soda. I was overly sugared. Went to bed early.
This morning I am better and feel healthy. Im voicing the struggle that all of us face when we are in a relationship with a partner who drinks. Its not pretty at times. My issues with alcohol are my to own. I don't feel the need to talk about this with my spouse as he is not responsible for me and my issue with alcohol. I am not responsible for him and his stuff. He has not done anything wrong. He is a wonderful spouse. I was triggered. I own it. Luckily, I have been able to remove myself and keep to myself and not alter his fun. Whatever I am thinking about it at the moment will change with a hot bath, a million marshmallows, and a good nights sleep.
Im happy to have made it through that mental space. Its just a blip in time. The stages of recovery.
Will I get to a place where I am not triggered? I dont know. Im going to find out though.
My spouse drinks alcohol. Its his road to walk. What he does with his life is his choice. I have never asked for him to be sober and I would never ask that of him. We did drink a lot of alcohol together when I was actively going off the rails.
The trigger was in the form of irritation. When one person is under the influence, and I am not saying drunk, but under the influence and its obvious, it creates a mental divide of sorts. I am on a completely different page. Its almost like a different novel entirely. I deal with it. I have ways to get out of it. Bath. Reading. Listen to a podcast. Get on here and read. Look up articles about triggers. CHANT!
Yesterday, I took a bath and ate one too many giant puffed Marshmallows. I then drank a soda. I was overly sugared. Went to bed early.
This morning I am better and feel healthy. Im voicing the struggle that all of us face when we are in a relationship with a partner who drinks. Its not pretty at times. My issues with alcohol are my to own. I don't feel the need to talk about this with my spouse as he is not responsible for me and my issue with alcohol. I am not responsible for him and his stuff. He has not done anything wrong. He is a wonderful spouse. I was triggered. I own it. Luckily, I have been able to remove myself and keep to myself and not alter his fun. Whatever I am thinking about it at the moment will change with a hot bath, a million marshmallows, and a good nights sleep.
Im happy to have made it through that mental space. Its just a blip in time. The stages of recovery.
Will I get to a place where I am not triggered? I dont know. Im going to find out though.
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