100

I'm sober and feel well in that regard,but I feel sick all the time. I can't stop thinking about this. Further I don't know what to with my self. I pace for hours and search the internet for hours searching for answers because the doctors don't give me any. I feel sick and they say I'm fine. People are socked when they find out how often I see the doctor. It's gotten worse since I have gotten sober. Please don't misunderstand me I love being sober and I do feel better but I have more time to obsess.
I also cant seem to eat healthy and I don't know what to do. I'm not sleeping well and that is at the root of my poor diet as I just exhausted and frequently short of breath in the morning. I feel headed for a breakdown. I also hate my fat disgusting body I'm almost at my fastest ever at 313 pounds at 6 feet 4 in. I don't look that fat in clothes but I'm am nevertheless quite obsese. I don't know how to change anything and therapy doesn't help. I do need to do my fourth step but I'm to tired to do it.
David

Dee74

If general doctors can't help you, maybe a therapist will David?
A lot of us here have some kind of general anxiety, and a few of us have a specific anxiety about our health etc.

As far as being fat and eating bad goes I think you have the power to change that. Even a light exercise program, combined with a sensible diet, could help you lose some weight.

I can make a salad in 5 minutes. It takes me way longer than that to order in junk food, or go out and get it.

But..if you have an anxiety about that as well, and I guess some people do, I think there's all the more reason for you to find someone who understands your mental health as much as your physical.

Finally the 4th step stuff. You've been stuck on that for a while. Have you talked to anyone at AA about it or about whats stopping you moving forward with it?

D

100

Shame plus I'm afraid i won't be honest. Also I started feeling sick about 6 weeks ago I think i got a break through covid case which I told the doctor but the doctor didn't say much when I told them. It started I had fever of 101 for 12 hours then it went away. I was never tested when I went to urgent care. I do have therapist but it doesn't help. I have seen at least 10 therapist In my life none have helped. Every thing they tell me I already know. I did tell my therapist I don't know why I struggle with following though with things and she didn't have any answers. It's POSSIBLE I'm too complex of patient for her.

Dee74

Or maybe you haven't found the right therapist/psychiatrist?
Change is hard but change won't happen without us making changes...even very little ones to start with.

Commit to eating one or two days a week and go from there.
Commit to cleaning one area of your house per day - the area is up to you.

little steps is fine, so long as you're moving in a forward direction

As far as the 4th step goes you got some good suggestions in your 12 step forum thread.

Letting fear hold you back is a lot like the way we used to live as active alcoholics David.
Its a crappy way to live.

If finding someone or something to aid you is necessary to help you face that fear, then you can't really give up on it, or yourself David.

I believe you can tackle all these changes and more besides - it won't be easy but its far from impossible

D

100

Thanks I'm not giving up and I realize that it takes time to figure things out. David

Dee74

we're with you all the way man

D

ScottFromWI

I'm not sure if you've ever heard the term terminal uniqueness or not David, but sometimes as addicts we feel that our addiction issues are far to complex to ever be overcome, or that we are too far gone to ever change. The same thing can absolutely apply in mental health. Before I started going to counseling and my anxiety was really bad, I used to wonder what might happen if I simply never got better or "went crazy" and ended up in asylum or something along those lines. Looking back I can see that it was really just my anxiety causing the catastrophic thoughts to spiral out of control.

All I can say is that much of what used to consume my daily thoughts - health anxiety ( which I am diagnosed with ), general anxiety, panic, etc was really a function of my state of mind vs a condition beyond my control. I learned several techniques along the way to help me re-wire my brain so to speak. And to be honest I believe it took several years after I quit drinking for the rewiring to take place - I drank for 25 years every day.

All I can tell you is that if you want things to get better, there is a way. Keep working at your mental health just like you are with your sobriety and you will eventually improve it.

GramCracker25

David, these men are giving such helpful advice. I am in awe of Dee's breath and depth of knowledge with respect to alcoholism and the so many aspects of it. Scott's advice to "keep working at your mental health" is also great advice.

I know you can do this. Never, ever give up...you are so worth it!

goatus45

I hope this is ok because I am not replying to the original topic, but I just want to say how much I agree with how helpful the advice I have read Dee and Scott give to others. Their words and their wisdom have helped me so many times, even though they weren’t directly addressing me. I am so grateful for their wisdom and experiences that they share. And I send my best wishes to the original poster.

RecklessEric

For the last year, my brother has had countless check-ups with all sorts of different doctors.
All have found nothing wrong with him.
Finally, one doctor reminded him that the human body often aches and creates sensations that are not harmful or dangerous but when a person is really anxious, those feelings and sensations become amplified.

I

100

I just wish I could help my anxiety. The thing is I feel sick in an undefined way kinda tired and just under the weather and shaky. I just feel sick and have zero energy. I just lie around when I'm not working. I believe I caught covid had break through Case and now have long covid. Because I was feeling better before this all started. The doctor won't listen. David

Dee74

You could go see another doctor.
Get a second opinion and a simple blood test to make sure whether you have had historic COVID or not.

D

plop

Have you been checked for possible neurological disorders? I'm asking because you sound quite a lot like I was after I got sober. Doctors didn't find anything wrong with me until a neurologist found out I have a disorder that makes me prone to anxiety and fatigue. Of course this is not necessarily the case with you.

Patcha

All kinds of things can cause that kind of tiredness and general feeling of unwellness, including mold, diet, alcohol, and stress. I feel for you. I have been like that myself since at least the beginning of covid and I'm only just starting to come out of it.

Evoo

Often our problems feel too big. Recovery, investing in health, weight loss — these things can be overwhelming and feel impossible.

It’s a truism that everything starts with a first step. It’s like learning a new language — each day you chip away at it, and slowly you overcome various hurdles and develop competency and fluency.

For weight loss, you may want to talk to a doctor or nutritionist about starting a low carb or ketogenic diet. Whole30 is another great way to restart your relationship with food and cooking from farmer’s market ingredients.

Make it fun! Start a food journal, blog or Instagram. Track your progress. Most importantly, take it one day at a time and have some grace for yourself on this journey to health.

BlakeV

I can't vouch enough for myfitnesspal. A game changer to me.