icecream pete

Sh*t got to 23 days and blew it . Not posting any more, because until I can hold it together for a decent length of time I dont feel that my opinions are valid. Thought I was gonna win this time, but not to be. So start again, crap,day 1 seems soo depressing. Why cant I do this for ant length of time? Still each time I learn a bit. Hope I can learn enough before it kills me. I am so angry.

I know, I know what has to be done but habit can kick in at weekends and before I know it I am back to square one.

Take care you guys.

Pete

ted

HEY PETE,DON'T EVER GIVE UP!
YOU DESERVE SOBRIETY,IT TOOK ME SINCE 1982 TO GET 90 DAYS.
DON'T BEAT YOURSELF UP,START ANEW.
WE NEED YOU HERE PETE.
...............PRAYERS .......................ted

Music

Hey Pete,
Win what?? You can't win Pete! That's why I'm powerless over alcohol and alcoholism. I can't win. I gave up trying to win. This ain't no game Pete. I don't score points for trying. The trick is to surrender.

Anna

Pete,

You have 23 sober days behind you. Focus on that and not on the day that you drank. Just move forward and give yourself credit for what you have accomplished.

Love, Anna

Peter

Pete you do not have to make it sound so final.

So you blew your sober time.........staying away from SR is not part of your solution to relapse.Perhaps now more than ever you need the support and encouragement of a recovery community.

No one here is going to censor you or judge you because you drank.Keep coming back.

KelKel

Hi Pete
I have lost count of how many times I have fallen back into the bottle...
But I am sober today and grateful for that small miracle.
Please do not stay away from this place, that is why we are all here, to support one another, when one of us falls off the sobriety horse we help each other get back up dust of our britches and get right back in the saddle.
I know how hard it is to be honest about our failed attempts at sobriety...
Concentrate on on today, forget about yesterday, except to remember that you have and can get sober days under your belt.

Chy

Leaving is not the answer, keep coming back!

SpiritPath

Please come back.

mikee

Pete! what do you mean? You did it for a length time! you gave your system a 23 day vacation! Hence:
The bumps in the road will always delay ones journey, no need to cancel the trip! Put this bump in the rear view and journey forward!

TC mikee

Suomi Poika

Pete,

Don't quit posting or quit visiting this site. Your struggles and your successes can be valuable to others who may be reading and are hoping to get at least one day sober!

Reading about other's success and struggles has certainly helped me.

Regards,

Toivo

birdonawire

Dear Pete, if you are not posting, at least I hope you are still reading. One thing that really worries me, that I keeping hearing all the time at meetings, is that when people pick up the bottle again...they feel like a failure and they lose hope. They always say they are starting "from the beginning" as if it were some kind of contest. Its not a race, it's not the Tour de France, you didn't fall off a bike, you are not the loser...if it's so important to you to have X number of days of Sobriety then just subtract the days you drank and keep going.
Unless, and this is the really important UNLESS you really want to keep drinking. Only you can answer that question, but the fact that you cared enough to tell us, says something to me......I am the worst person to give advice, me with visions of "Moderate Drinking" dancing in my head like the sugar plum fairy! But Good God man...pull yourself together- it's the worst time of the year to be struggling with drink...so you f***ed up!...cut yourself a little slack. Well, Ok, get back on yer bike!! Love, Miss Bird

2dayzmuse

Stay on board Pete. Don't quit or isolate yourself. Sounds like you could use some friends. We're here for you without conditions or judgements.

NoMoBeer

Stick around Pete -- it only gets better.

Don't beat yourself up, the 23 days don't disappear! You gave your body a break, time for another one -- give it a break today.

I second what Music says -- there's no winning, only surrender.

Do you have a program? If not, get one and get busy. It only works if you work it.

Ken

Pepsifreek007

Don't worry about it just hang in there I do the same thing the weekends are the hardest time for me cause it is so tempting cause my o/h buys the beer and it's hard to watch him drink cause I want one. But so for it's been a week (7) days of sobriety for me and I am hanging in there so don't give up dude. :hello2

icecream pete

Thanks guys,

I dont mean that I am giving up and wont be here I just felt that it was wrong for me to try and help or advise others when I cant do the stuff myself. The last few days I really started to move forward getting glimpses of the way my life was before booze, so to f**k that up really got to me.

I have always been a person driven by goals and targets and I guess I have been treating this problem in the same way rather than just letting go, accepting defeat, surrendering and moving forward.

Importantly for a number of reasons I have not been to a meeting for 10 days or so, clearly a big mistake and have drifted off course.

So I have bruised knees again, but I will get up, look out for the bumps in the road more carefully and make sure that I have a better pair of boots this time.

Thanks for being here

Pete

JaySee

Mornig Pete

"Keep coming back" is so true Pete. So glad you are back. I know how you are feeling. I've been there too. I can see you are feeling better already. Get to a meeting asap. I found I had to do all my drinking before I finally started to work the program. Now it's working for me but I had to drop my guard and let it in - I had to realise that my way of doing things just wasn't working. Don't worry about counting those days mate, they will soon add up - just get today right. That's what I'm going to do, put all my energy into today.

much love
JC

ted

PETE PETE PETE
STAY STRONG
.........ted

Gooch

I've been winning for almost 14 years by surrendering each day. Thats a goal I can accomplish .. Just for the next second I won't pick up the first drink or drug.

This is the strangest war we ever fight.. the victory is in accepting the defeat.

You are sharing a message with your fellow drunk... that this is a difficult concept for us and that it may take a few tries for us to understand in our heart what will never make sense to our head. WE need to hear that. I need to remember that. Every time I ever tried to make this a battle of my willpower and started trying to forecast my recovery future I would set myself up for dissapointment.

Keep coming back Pete. better yet stay...

Dan

Some of the best alcoholics I know are driven, goal oriented people.
Heck, I'm one of them. And I've glimpsed a little more inside my disease simply by reading your honest, and sometimes gut wrenching posts.
It's how it works for people like us.
Even at the depth of sadness and despair and frustration, relating our story, or how we feel at any given moment, will help someone else, sometimes halfway around the world.
Yeah, better yet Pete.
Stay.

icecream pete

I suppose I am something of a control freak, like to be in charge, want the world to dance to my tune ( thats a little unfair but you get my point), letting go is something that is so difficult. I know that I am powerless and my life had become unmanageble, but making the flip and giving in is hard for me to grasp because my idea of giving in is to say " ok you win , I will keep drinking" not "ok you win I will not drink".

Anyway this day one is not like my first some weeks ago, its just my competitive ego thats bruised, the rest of me will stay sober and go to a meeting tonight.

Thanks so much for your thoughts and support, got me through the day sober. And I will post, I may talk a load of cr*p, but its my cr*p!

Pete