100

I realize I talk way to much. I been trying to cut down which I did by just not talking much at all. Although as soon as I start I can't stop. I guess I'm trying to be funny and be the center of attention. I'm also extremely hyper and no impulse control as well as having adhd that's not being treated. I also have no filter. It really upsets me that other would think I'm trying to be mean. I'm just say whatever pops into my head. I even talk to myself constantly when I'm alone as I need to think everything out loud to process things. I've been thinking about this all night. I'm afraid of driving people away. Any ideas I could talk less?
David

FiveTries

Definitely no suggestions from me as I am the opposite. Total introvert and I enjoy staying silent. I am even more quiet when sober.

dustyfox

It's hard - I also don't talk a lot but have friends that do-
I have a friend who talks so much I almost don't want to see her anymore as I find it so frustrating and rude that she talks about herself or her problems non stop - even when she asks me a question she starts talking almost before I can answer - I believe it is anxiety but I don't think she knows she is doing it. At least you are self aware about it and that's a great plus.
You could try asking people questions about themselves so they have a chance to speak and then listen to what they say and try and get a to and fro conversation going.
If you think you have ADHD could you speak to a doctor about getting diagnosed?

Mizz

You know.....We are our worst critics. I've noticed in your posts that you are very down on yourself and also become concerned with what others have said to you and how they are perceiving you. I don't know you IRL but I will say that you don't deserve to be beaten up mentally and emotionally by your inner voice. Be a friend to yourself. Tell that voice to stop and distract yourself from those thoughts that are bringing you down and making you feel less. Your gifts are unique and we need you in the world spreading your light and gifts all over the place. Shine brightly. Keep being you. Be gentle with you.

If you think you talk too much then you could start using a mantra in your head.....on repeat. You can start a timer and during the time be silent. You can work on this. We are all a work in progress. I would advise not asking other people what they think of you and if they think this or that. Seek your own counsel and keep moving forward. I believe in you and wish for you a healthy self image and acceptance of yourself.

advbike

Mizz gives great advice, David. I would also say if you think you talk too much or lack filters, to simply practice letting others speak more/longer. Adopt a simple rule to wait 5 seconds before speaking, while you think about what you want to say. Or practice limiting yourself to only a few sentences. Awareness is the first step. But definitely don't beat yourself up. I'm more like Five, I tend to speak very carefully and deliberately, and try not to offend others, It is a lot of work!

DayTrader

Same deal for me - especially once I learned how badly those old "secrets" were hurting me. I started "telling on myself" allllllll the time. I guess it wasn't the best way to handle my internal turmoil but it was way more productive than continuing to hold everything in with the vain expectation that I'd be able to handle everything myself.

One of the lessons I had to learn was how to get free from trying to manage and control what I believed everyone's opinion of me was/is. Sometimes I "talk" to try and impress others with how wonderful I am. Sometimes when I talk ppl share their opinions about what I just said and my feelings would get hurt. It's funny...... I wanted it my way both times. I realized I wanted to say what I had to say but ONLY wanted the feedback I expected. I've gotten better in the area of thinking I need to control what ppl think about me and I've been able to grow out of a lot of the immaturity that would lead to those hurt feelings if someone disagreed with me or told me I was being foolish, inconsiderate, mean spirited, or whatever.

14yrs of practice and still........ just recently..... i was telling one of my earliest "recovery gurus" that I think I share too much about myself far too often. Man, he took me to task with that one! Thankfully he reminded me that seeking Truth and living Truth usually involves telling about the truth I believe I'm experiencing and what I'm feeling. His suggestion was that there wasn't likely a more noble pursuit and that maybe I should look at my fears around being truthful more carefully than trying to practice more pseudo-control by limiting the amount of truth I'm willing to talk about.

ScottFromWI

I also have the same problem ( talking to much ). I do it verbally and in written form as well at times. I've been told so by my family, friends and colleagues. I also tend to tell the same stories multiple times. Part of it is just me - that's who I am, and to some extent i've learned to simply not worry about what other people think. They can go listen to someone else talk if they get sick of me ;-)

On a serious note, I have made concerted efforts to hone by business communication skills, especially in executive or presentation settings. Those types of folks don't want the details or chit/chat - they just want a simple explanation in simple terms. I know it's pretty difficult to "practice" personal/social communications like you would a scripted business presentation, but I have taken some of those skills and crossed them over to peronal life. For example, just listening can really help. Listen to what other people say in live communications and watch some clips of ted talks for example - seeing effective speakers and emulating their skills can make you a better speaker.

100

I realize part of the problem is also that I've been alone so long that I feel the need to talk a lot now that I have the opportunity.
David

Caramel

^ Good insight.

uncle holmes

Still better than holding it all in and getting frustrated and drinking or being on a dry drunk! Sobriety is a process! Learning about ourselves when we get sober can be a painful process! You may not realize it but you are actually doing a 10th step just by posting this about your defects of character! That’s growth!

Just keep on staying sober and work out these glitches! It will get better and you will eventually work these things out if you stay sober and work the recovery program!