my friend committed suicide last night
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,906
my friend committed suicide last night
One of my oldest and dearest friends committed suicide last night. I've known him since we were 12. I'm still in shock.
I have a lot of anger inside me right now. There are people fighting like hell to stay alive and he just gave up. The problem with suicide is you never really get rid of that pain. You just give it to all the people who ever loved you.
Whatever. **** him. I'm still here and I'm not gonna destroy my life because he didn't give a **** about his own. Not gonna happen. I don't drink under any and all circumstances. I don't say that for you but because I need to hear it. This is my path and I will be like iron when I have to.
If you decide to post a response, please don't tell me how I don't understand depression or hopelessness. I understand it perfectly. I just choose not to lie down and die from it. He lost his dad at almost the same age he chose to make his daughter, without a father. It devastated him for years-and now he gives that to his child?! What a selfish *****.
He's a coward.
So...there it is. There's no romantic "slipping away" of all his sadness. He ate a gun and **** his pants. Now his wife has no husband and his daughter has no father.
I loved the guy so much. He was such a great friend. I'm gonna miss him forever.
And I will stay sober....truly and only from the grace of God.
sorry for all the anger. Anger either gets turned inward or outward. I'm all out of inward.
thanks for listening.
I have a lot of anger inside me right now. There are people fighting like hell to stay alive and he just gave up. The problem with suicide is you never really get rid of that pain. You just give it to all the people who ever loved you.
Whatever. **** him. I'm still here and I'm not gonna destroy my life because he didn't give a **** about his own. Not gonna happen. I don't drink under any and all circumstances. I don't say that for you but because I need to hear it. This is my path and I will be like iron when I have to.
If you decide to post a response, please don't tell me how I don't understand depression or hopelessness. I understand it perfectly. I just choose not to lie down and die from it. He lost his dad at almost the same age he chose to make his daughter, without a father. It devastated him for years-and now he gives that to his child?! What a selfish *****.
He's a coward.
So...there it is. There's no romantic "slipping away" of all his sadness. He ate a gun and **** his pants. Now his wife has no husband and his daughter has no father.
I loved the guy so much. He was such a great friend. I'm gonna miss him forever.
And I will stay sober....truly and only from the grace of God.
sorry for all the anger. Anger either gets turned inward or outward. I'm all out of inward.
thanks for listening.
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Join Date: Aug 2021
Location: Litchfield, SC
Posts: 585
My condolences.
Just attended an AA meeting where the speaker--26 years sober--shared that her husband got hooked on opiates. She tried to work it out and stayed with him but was unequivocal that no matter what happened, or didn't, she was prioritizing her own sobriety. He then, she bluntly stated, killed himself.
It was one of those moments in AA where the room was so silent it was surreal.
It is a painful reality that the longer we are in the program--whatever that program may be--the more we will run across people who've lost loved ones to suicide, addiction, mental health issues (often intertwined). Or experience it ourselves. I had a sponsor sober almost 30 years who lost his sister to alcoholism at age 46.
I wish you peace and healing. SS
Just attended an AA meeting where the speaker--26 years sober--shared that her husband got hooked on opiates. She tried to work it out and stayed with him but was unequivocal that no matter what happened, or didn't, she was prioritizing her own sobriety. He then, she bluntly stated, killed himself.
It was one of those moments in AA where the room was so silent it was surreal.
It is a painful reality that the longer we are in the program--whatever that program may be--the more we will run across people who've lost loved ones to suicide, addiction, mental health issues (often intertwined). Or experience it ourselves. I had a sponsor sober almost 30 years who lost his sister to alcoholism at age 46.
I wish you peace and healing. SS
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Very sorry to hear about your friend BD. Glad to hear you are not going to drink, although I have to say that it does seem like you are directing a lot of your anger inward rather than outward as you suggest otherwise towards the end of your message. None of what you say about suicide is wrong, it's a horribly selfish act but at the end of the day it's up to us to work through the pain without destroying ourselves in the process.
After the shock lessens, you'll see that there are things you can do to help for those he left behind which may in turn help you too.
After the shock lessens, you'll see that there are things you can do to help for those he left behind which may in turn help you too.
You have every right to be angry. I hope you can find some peace. 
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,560
Sending you love & praying for you to be comforted, BD. Prayers also for his family. I could never imagine letting go of life. I'm so sorry for the pain this has brought you. It's good that you wanted to talk about what happened. We care.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,906
Originally Posted by ScottFromWI 
Very sorry to hear about your friend BD. Glad to hear you are not going to drink, although I have to say that it does seem like you are directing a lot of your anger inward rather than outward as you suggest otherwise towards the end of your message. None of what you say about suicide is wrong, it's a horribly selfish act but at the end of the day it's up to us to work through the pain without destroying ourselves in the process.
After the shock lessens, you'll see that there are things you can do to help for those he left behind which may in turn help you too.
After the shock lessens, you'll see that there are things you can do to help for those he left behind which may in turn help you too.
I'll miss him, but I have a life of my own to live and I don't have an unlimited amount of time. I'm not going to waste it grieving for someone who was so selfish. Time to move on.
I know that sounds bitter, but when life forces you to put things in perspective, priorities become crystal clear.
Life is Grand
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Michigan
Posts: 2,039
I am so sorry Bulldog. Suicide has touched me also, my Brother in 1984 and my Dad in 2018. Shock and anger were the first to emotions that hit me first, today, I am no longer shocked, anger is still there. I am working on it... (hug)
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