I Messed Up :(
 

Hey Everyone

So I messed up and now I hate myself.

I had to take an important phone call last night that I was worried about. So I went out and got a 1 litre bottle of gin. 1 litre I told myself works out cheaper than the smaller sizes and I could drink it over the next few days.

Well I woke up this afternoon (!) to discover that 1 litre bottle has about a quarter of the gin left in it.

My throat feels terrible. I suspect (but can't remember oc) that the alcohol caused me to hiccup which was an 'occupational hazard' in the past.

Also last night (this is random I know) I put some oven fries in the oven (where else?) and forgot about them. When I finally opened the oven door they were completely black. I broke one in half and it was totally black throughout. They were literally completely charcoal!

Anyway to those who said I would screw up - you are right. But I will keep on trying I guess.

To anyone who cares (thanks btw) I have qs:

1. Why I am incapable of moderating? Until last night I hadn't had a drink from 1st June. You'd think I should be okay now?

2. Ever turned your food to charcoal?

3. Did drinking cause you hiccups?

4. What should I do now? I really don't know so please advise.

Thanks for reading guys. This forum is a much needed bright light in the dark I'm in rn.

I have come to believe that there is a type of alcoholic who can only stay sober by fully committing to the recovery program of Alcoholics Anonymous. I am one of those alcoholics. Perhaps you are as well. That would certainly explain your behavior, which is currently baffling you. Feel free to PM me if you want to chat more about that.

I'll answer two:

1) You can't moderate because you are an alcoholic. Alcoholism doesn't get better. You can only put it in remission.
4) Accept you are an alcoholic, accept never, ever drinking again. Then quit. And participate in a alcohol recovery program. You can't seem to do this on your own.

By the way, what kind of shape were you in for that "important" call?

I don't think sober Jase would ask that question: why can't I moderate.
I think the bottle is empty and your head is telling you lies to get you to the bottle shop. :hug: s

Hopefully it is too late and they are closed now.

Eat something and drink some water, and hopefully get some sleep.
And you can start over tomorrow. :) Sending love. :hug: s xx ❤️

As others have noted, for everyone I know who has an alcohol use disorder (alcoholic, addict, whatever) the drinking only gets worse over time.

You can take a break for a month or a couple of years but when you start back up, you will soon be back at that point where you left off. It might not be right away but eventually you will be back at that awful point and if you keep it up you will go far beyond where you thought you would ever go.

You can change drinks, brands, physical activity, sleep patterns, place and people you drink with etc but it won't matter much in the end. it will get worse.

You could have had a fire in your kitchen by leaving the oven on like that.
I suppose some people can moderate their drinking.
I know I have tried.
But I never managed and decided to stop because I was just causing problems along the way.
If you're thinking that you don't want to fully let go of your drinking because it's such a big part of you, I get that.
However, I am happier than I have ever been when I don't drink.
I can go outside my door and look anybody in the eye.
No shame, no worrying about something I may have said or done.
I am so happy I don't drink.

You are confusing abstinence with control.

If all it took was a few months abstinence to make us into normal drinker,s all of us would do that and there'd be no need for SR or AA or any other method.

I have not taken a drink since 2007 but I know if I did nothing would have changed.

Like Carl suggested, accept you are an alcoholic, Jase and accept never, ever drinking again.

Then quit, and think about participating on an alcohol recovery program, or something more than you are doing - doctor counsellor, some kind of inpatient or outpatient rehab - because I would agree you can't seem to do this on your own?

D

Me too. I am so happy I don't drink too.

I thought alcohol helped me in stressful times also. WRONG
I am going through a pretty stressful time right now and I tell you it is 100 times better than if I was drunk or hungover. I have the clarity and stamina to navigate life like I never had before.
Is life easy now? No
Is life better now? 1,000%

You can get the job done but you need the right tools. They are here for you to use.

Hope you've recovered Jase and ready to just stop drinking. Just stop drinking. Just stop. Sending positive thoughts.

I've heard it said that if you have to ask yourself why you can't moderate, you don't need to be drinking at all. Normal drinkers don't think about such things because they don't respond to alcohol in the same way. They don't obsess over their drinking, or whether or not they can control it. It always baffled me to see someone take a few sips from a drink and leave the rest. That's crazy! That's also how someone addicted to alcohol would think. I won't say absolutely no one has ever been able to get that genie back in the bottle, but I guarantee a lot of people have died trying.

I like that. And it’s so true. Thank you, brother.

I have burned many food items while drunk. One time I totally smoked out the apartment after forgetting about a pan. Alcoholism is dangerous in so many ways.

I also remember the feeling of looking at a bottle of liquor from the night before drank down to nothing — without full memory of having “that many.” It’s a really horrible feeling.

To answer your question, you can’t moderate because you’re an alcoholic. I eventually realized this and discovered there was no way out but through — total abstinence. I thought I would miss alcohol — I really don’t. It had a horrible grip on me and now I’m free from it. Go be sober man. It’s worth it.

I agree 100%

1. I cannot moderate either, not to the extent people believe it to be. If I get lucky with a few shots here and there, it never ends up good. Just doesn\t add up if you know what I\m saying.
2. yes there was a party and friends who I thought would not burn fries in an oven did so and obviously it was a burnout... happens pretty often In My Opinion (IMO).
3. cannot remember hiccups that much. Vomiting it did cause, and even in so called great shape changing of liquours made my body switch up.
4. what you do with your life is up to you, and I\m going get to the bottom of this disease no matter what... Thank you!

Jase, I think you do need to really plug in to a way of life that excludes alcohol - No Matter What.

It isn't a solution for loneliness, fear of important phone calls, fear of dads, work problems, family problems, personality clashes, anxiety, discomfort.

It just isn't a Solution, ever.

Keep posting here, I notice you slipped away. I vow every morning to stay on that Sober Bus. So far, so good, nearly eight years in.