Drank again
 

Oh man.
I drank for three days.
​​I feel so guilty and angry with myself.

I can't believe it's another day one.
But this is what it is.
I've made an appointment to see my CBT therapist next week, which is great.
I haven't seen her since the pandemic began.
I have zero problem quitting but increasingly find it hard to stay stopped.

I couldn't stop drinking till I completely committed to the recovery program of Alcoholics Anonymous. I have become convinced that there are some alcoholics for whom A.A. is the only solution. Feel free to PM me if you want to chat more about that.

Thanks novips.
AA really didn't work for me and I gave it a good go.
CBT was the thing that worked best for me.

Yeah, well CBT didn't really "work for you" either, did it?

Whichever/whatever form of recovery, I think for me it's important to have a daily practice of it. AA doesn't work "for" people, people work the program of AA.

Same with CBT. It has to become a way of viewing life and internal thinking so that I have a laser-beam defense against picking up a drink.

I use a bit of all the techniques. AA was helpful and also very hurtful for me, so I stopped going but novips has a point. I do a lot of things every day that keep me focused and aware of my ongoing relationship to alcohol and never drinking again.

Really feeling horrible.
Staying in my mother's because I can't go home for a couple of days.
Thinking of giving Smart Recovery a go.

Good luck Eric, maybe it's because you find quitting easy you don't fear that dread of picking up again. I'm sure most of us have thoughts of drinking from time to time, I know I do but it is rare. The 'trick' is to not giving those thoughts space in your head. Your CBT therapist should be able to help on that score.

You can do it, you just have to accept you're a non drinker.

Eric - I hope this will be the time you get free of it & never return to that miserable place.
I'm glad you're going to see your therapist again. Get determined to win this time - these awful ups & downs can end.

I certainly wouldn't write off CBT as not working lol. I go to AA so feel free to come along for a few meeting to keep yourself busy, i would keep up with the CBT on a regular basis rather than let it slide this time and add something else to your recovery as it is clear that you need to change some things in order for it to be long term.

Sorry you drank Eric but I’m glad you made it back.

I’d give everything a go…nearly every method is available via zoom
You could also read up on non meeting approaches like Rational Recovery.

D

Sorry you drank if it was me I'd go back to aa. Did you come early to meetings and hang out before the meetings and hang out after meetings to Chat with people on recovery and what works for them. Did Work the steps with a sponsor. Also are done drinking because some times people don't really want to quit.I know I didn't until very recently. I just really hope you can find peace. Finally aa is what you make it and are Willing to everything they say. Does the god concept bother you because thiers plenty of Atheists in AA. Also why not try out smart recovery , go to aa, and do cbt all together. Do everything that can help then you can figure out what works and doesn't for you just do everything completely give it your all.
David

Rational Recovery really started me on the right path. Within a few weeks, I could really start to see my addiction in a way I never had before, and recognize when my AV started negotiating or planting the kind of early thoughts that lead to relapse. Relapse happens long before you take the next sip. Externalizing the addiction helped me to isolate and silence it before it got too far.

AA gets this right though — I may be powerless against the addictive and dangerous way that alcohol affects me, but I am not powerless against my AV. The decision to listen to that voice, to feed the addiction, is my own. That makes me feel *powerful* and in control of my decisions.

What was your thought process when you decided to drink? I't important to think about that, so it doesn't happen again. It took many tries but each time I made notes about the experience which was not pleasant. Even a few puts me in a bad place now.

AA did not help me, but I found the Rational Recovery book and program quite helpful. I also use SR daily for fellowship, to help others, and as a daily reminder of how easily I can slip back. Life is so good when I make the time to stay in my program.

Keep plugging away Eric. I tried a lot of things until I found a combination that works for me. I occasionally go to an AA meeting but it's not the cornerstone of my recovery. I started a book study on the Secular Connections thread of the book Refuge Recovery which is secular Buddhism based recovery. You're welcome to read along! Just keep trying. Get back on the horse, no matter what.

I'm gonna have a look at that right now!
Thank you Patcha

Hey Eric, have you looked into AVRT?

I was using REBT and other SMART Recovery tools, but could only get a couple of months at best. I finally decided to give AVRT a shot and it actually worked!!!

I am 4 years happily alcohol-free and I spend zero hours per week maintaining my sobriety. I was finally able to take drinking off the table. I am free!

I have read about AVRT. It's it the same as Rational Recovery?

Yes it is the technique used in Rational Recovery.

Here is a thread that explains AVRT: https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ined-long.html

How you doing today Eric?

Hey Patcha.
I'm so sad.
Wife and I spoke of seperating yesterday.
We were both in tears and I feel like somebody has died.
I won't be drinking though.
Thanks for checking in.