luckygal12

Hi all,
been sober awhile and lately got that nagging feeling that I need to run. Not from my kids but from my marriage, my house, my job. Someone mentioned to me today that maybe this is my alcoholism trying to get me alone - this was such an aha moment. I used to do this all. The. Time. Sabotage relationships so I can “move out and live alone and drink like I want to”. I’m with an amazing man. We have 2 beautiful kids. We live in an amazing neighborhood. My job? Well guess what that’s pretty amazing too. Damn this disease does not rest! AND I work my program. I chair a meeting, read the bb, pray, work with others. I’m in a funk. My anxiety is through the roof. It just sucks . Of course I don’t want to drink and yet it sounds like a good idea. Anyone else relate? What helped you?

dustyfox

Yes, it's like you want to disappear into the bottle -your own private world of being smashed - out of it - where no one can reach you and you can be who you want to be and no regrets - Until of course there are plenty of regrets - I have two kids, great husband and have beem sober now for a few weeks - hang on to it - that world you want to run too is full of anxiety, shame, pounding heart at 4 am, guilt and regret - find another place to run to - here is a good place - lots of us that know how you feel and have walked in these shoes. It sounds like you have done an incredible job at staying sober - maybe you just need a bit of extra support at the moment.

Scd619x

I drank because i didn't like how i felt on a normal basis. I didn't know that for a long time. As i didn't know what was 'upsetting' me inside i would look externally as to what could be the problem and, as i wanted to feel better would look to see if something was to blame and if i got rid of it then maybe i would feel better and all would be ok. It was nothing to do with a disease for me, but internal damage from a rough childhood that never went away and i never dealt with it. Like you i ticked all the boxes externally so why should i feel like i just want to get out of my head and forget it all? That's what you need to figure out

I've been in AA for years too.

ScottFromWI

Absolutely - my addiction was a clear attempt to escape/avoid/run away from the problems of life. And while quitting the act of drinking was a good start, it was not a solution to my addictive tendencies. My solution involved counseling, mindfulness and meditation, modification of my diet, getting some exercise, and also setting aside specific time to address my addiction via this community. You mention anxiety, there's definitely 2 types - the initial withdrawal type that usually subsides after a few weeks/months and then the clinical variety. I had both and also needed to develop a treatment plan for the latter. Many of the things that helped me in my recovery were also helpful in dealing with my Anxiety, but I needed to accept that both were distinct issues needing treatment. I did not accept that for almost 2 years after I quit drinking and suffered a lot more than I needed to

RecklessDrunk

Possibly running literally is the solution.

Sometimes I feel like I want to run figuratively, so I run literally.

I can get a little restless, irritable, discontent if I go too long without exercise.

Cranking up the exercise a little can be helpful. It makes the brain give off feel good chemicals. I look at it as kind of God's medicine cabinet.

advbike

That was my story for decades - running from relationships, moving from state to state, changing cars, homes, and more. Mainly I wasn't happy with myself. So I changed everything else, lol. How's that for alcoholic thinking? Well the roots go deep but I've learned a lot too. Therapy, meetings, here on SR too. More comfortable in my skin now, more content.. but it was a long road and I'm not there yet. Still have some codependency issues to work on. I suspect I will be working on these things until I die, but that's okay. For anxiety - lots of aerobic exercise.. lot's. And turning things over to the HP. Don't let your ego be in charge.

Good luck on your journey, sounds like you have great insight.