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Anyone else get LESS nostalgic during recovery?

Old 06-22-2021, 02:52 PM
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Anyone else get LESS nostalgic during recovery?

I used to be a really nostalgic person and it would intensify when I was drinking. I could see an old high school photo while drinking and recall that time like it was yesterday. When I wasn't drinking I often thought of old friends and newer old friends (friends Id met 15 years ago) who I didnt see too often. Same goes for romantic relationships. I could have a gf but then would often think of old gfs. I felt like I was never satisfied with the present and would always look back. The funny thing is I'd often remark that even though I felt like the present was not as good as the past, that this present situation would one day be the "good ol days" i looked back on, and that was true as well.

Since I've been in recovery, I've noticed that I gradually reminisce a lot less than I used to. I still value my past experiences, friends and relationships but they occupy a lot less of my thoughts these days. Im in several social media groups of past sports, college and 20,30 something activities I was involved in but I dont check on them very often anymore.

I find myself looking forward these days. Thinking about how I want the future to look and how I can make the most of it is what I focus on. I didnt make some deliberate reorientation of how I looked at my life but it happened somehow and I wonder if its an outcome of recovery.

Anyone else go through this?
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Old 06-22-2021, 04:36 PM
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I find myself looking forward these days. Thinking about how I want the future to look and how I can make the most of it is what I focus on. I didnt make some deliberate reorientation of how I looked at my life but it happened somehow and I wonder if its an outcome of recovery.
This is interesting to me that you posted this. I was just about to make a post earlier about feeling the same way myself. It to me feels like the present and future is where my head and thoughts go, with hope and anticipation of new things to experience. Before I lived to much in the past, reliving and dwelling and at times crying about it, but I don't feel that way now. I want to move away from the past and enjoy the now I am in and create some fun and enjoyment in my future. I just feel happier about going forwards now, the past is in the rear view mirror.
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Old 06-22-2021, 07:29 PM
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I did go down memory lane A LOT when I was actively drinking. The last few years were filled with a lot of loss and I found myself overly involved in the emotion of grief. I would look at old pictures or look up old friends or listen to music from my past. A lot of that. A lot of anxiety.

When I got sober I deleted all social media. I stopped looking into the news. I stopped engaging in memory lane activities and worked really hard to be present with the day I was living in. I basically did a massive clean up and threw out all the things that I thought were stopping me from being present and living in my current life. I feel so much better. Much better. Less anxious. More stable. All the good stuff really. It took me awhile to get to feeling "better" of course.

Here. Now. Present. Yes.
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Old 06-23-2021, 01:07 AM
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Originally Posted by Mizz View Post
I did go down memory lane A LOT when I was actively drinking. The last few years were filled with a lot of loss and I found myself overly involved in the emotion of grief. I would look at old pictures or look up old friends or listen to music from my past. A lot of that. A lot of anxiety.

When I got sober I deleted all social media. I stopped looking into the news. I stopped engaging in memory lane activities and worked really hard to be present with the day I was living in. I basically did a massive clean up and threw out all the things that I thought were stopping me from being present and living in my current life. I feel so much better. Much better. Less anxious. More stable. All the good stuff really. It took me awhile to get to feeling "better" of course.

Here. Now. Present. Yes.
Love this post, Mizz. Having come off a big session last Saturday, I went deep into Nostalgia. Listening to hours of Elvis Presley songs on Youtube together with the rest of my usual lineup - listening to songs, being maudlin, possibly crying a bit. Thinking about people from the past. Ugh. Of course if you drink enough the loved up stuff turns to anger and you could find yourself sending someone you haven't spoken to in months a poorly spelled, bile filled message out of the blue - and when you reflect on it the next day you just know the other person is thinking: wow, he really hasn't moved on has he? Still stuck in that rut. That motivation to not be "that guy" and to actually change, grow, get better and move on has to be a pretty decent incentive to get and stay sober. Nice thread.
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Old 06-23-2021, 02:59 AM
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Yes, me too. I would frequently wallow with my negative past and have pity parties, whining to others about them. Now, I’ve gone completely to the other end and won’t even think about the past. I even find myself avoiding those I’ve whined to in the past. Im embarrassed.
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Old 06-23-2021, 03:10 AM
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Originally Posted by Rar View Post
I even find myself avoiding those I’ve whined to in the past. Im embarrassed.
This. I need to keep reminding myself that the vast majority of these people that I have embarrassed myself in front of weren't ever gonna be with me for the long haul when things got tough. I'll still avoid them, but I should not feel so bad about it because is the nett result all that different?
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Old 06-23-2021, 03:19 AM
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I've never in my life wished i could go back but have done in sobriety. I can't seem to brush mistakes off in sobriety like i could do when drinking as i used to blame drinking for everything in my life which, in hindsight, was absolutely ridiculous. Alcohol served as an excellent medium to blame which meant I didn't have to take too much responsibility myself. As far as nostalgia goes, yes that has decreased in sobriety as i have learned that i can't go back and i have tried a few times! I'm not the same person, drinking or not, and it is not the same time and the people aren't the same people etc. That combined with the fact that our memories aren't the most reliable documentation of the past means that we are best living in the now
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Old 06-23-2021, 04:03 AM
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"I'm not the same person, drinking or not, and it is not the same time and the people aren't the same people etc. That combined with the fact that our memories aren't the most reliable documentation of the past means that we are best living in the now"

Very, very good point.
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Old 06-23-2021, 04:21 AM
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Ah, selective memory. In fact, that's what we all have 24/7, 365. I can choose what to think about. Imagine that.


When I was drinking, and for a few months after that I was a big ruminator, self-beater-upper, just a negative Nancy in my own head. Crippled by loss, grief, fear, trauma, lack of confidence. Even though I already knew about Positive Psychology and had a good basis for mental health the alcohol itself does cause obsessions and they are not usually about good and happy things...they are usually about resentments, fears, anger.

I'm so glad to be out of that spiral/loop. Horrible, horrible drug. The world looks like a much better, happier place to me now.

Wow. That's bim's understatement for the day. ^^
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Old 06-23-2021, 04:46 AM
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Originally Posted by biminiblue View Post
Ah, selective memory. In fact, that's what we all have 24/7, 365. I can choose what to think about. Imagine that.


When I was drinking, and for a few months after that I was a big ruminator, self-beater-upper, just a negative Nancy in my own head. Crippled by loss, grief, fear, trauma, lack of confidence. Even though I already knew about Positive Psychology and had a good basis for mental health the alcohol itself does cause obsessions and they are not usually about good and happy things...they are usually about resentments, fears, anger.

I'm so glad to be out of that spiral/loop. Horrible, horrible drug. The world looks like a much better, happier place to me now.

Wow. That's bim's understatement for the day. ^^
Tell me about Positive Psychology, Bim? Is this a well known strand of psychology that provides people with tools to implement as part of ongoing therapy?
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Old 06-23-2021, 05:29 AM
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You can Google it, Briansy.

Best thing you can do for yourself is get sober and stay that way for a year. Studying now might not do a whole lot of good because even though you may not see it - you are pretty significantly impaired in your cognition right now.
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Old 06-23-2021, 06:03 AM
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I'm guilty of wearing the old rose tinted glasses at times. I listen to mostly old school metal, I'm a sucker for goofy 70s-90's B-movies, and I have a He-Man and Skeletor figure sitting here on my shelf.
But since I've gotten sober I spend less time looking back on the past and thinking how cool it would be to go back to then. I think what it is it's not so much we want to go back and relive those days but it's the feeling of experiencing a lot of lifes firsts for the first time when everything was new and to be able to go through it knowing everything that you know now.
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Old 06-23-2021, 06:43 AM
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For me, the sober journey so far has led to change in pretty much every corner of my life - both physical and mental. Initially my emotions were really all over the map, and I was probably more nostalgic as my brain was finally waking up from a 25 year self-induced coma. After that I started working on underlying conditions with a counselor, so that also was a major factor in my way of thinking, and also increased my level of self awareness. I'm also almost a decade older than I was when I first started taking my sobriety seriously, so there are likely pure time factors in the way that my mind and body have changed with age. The pandemic and all of its related/lingering factors will certainly have changed me too as we look back over time.

All of those things are factors and there are probably many more, but I do make a concerted effort to be more in the present - which does help turn me towards the future vs the past. I think that is a good thing to be honest - while being nostalgic can be a pleasant experience, it can also become an obsession and hold us back.
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Old 06-23-2021, 08:50 PM
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I will add that I never wanted to go back and relive an earlier time in my life. I was lucky to steadily make progress in my working and social life over the years but I often was dissatisfied with the goals I reached. When I would look back at the past it was usually to reflect on how times and life were simpler. I also had many close friends and relatives die when I was younger so I often thought of them and had only those memories to hold on to. But I feel like I've started to let a lot of that go. I also now feel satisfaction with the achievements I make and have allowed myself to dream a lot bigger now.
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Old 06-25-2021, 04:43 PM
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I experienced a lot of guilt when I got sober and a lot of deferred emotional pain came flooding back. I realized what I jerk I had been to people and how much I had hurt people.
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