ciaobaby

Hey everyone I hope you are having a good night. I'm an alcoholic who quit drinking In June 2016. I stayed sober until a year ago. My husband and I had an awful fight. My best friend was in town and he bought some booze and I caved. Didn't even plan on it really. Just was feeling low and needed relief.

It did nothing for me and I have not had a drink since. I quit drinking on my own and with the help of Jesus, and while I can say it has kept me sober for the most part, I realize I am one very confused, angry, miserable dry drunk.

My husband drinks a lot now. Drunk pretty much every night and our relationship is pretty bad. Before when I drank I thought we were pretty happy. But then some things really changed after I quit and I no longer know him. 20 years and I no longer know who I am married to. Or who I am. Or anything.

We had our thousandth bad fight tonight. He went to bed and I'm just sitting out here looking at the sky. I feel like I've run out of stars to wish on. I can't go backwards or forwards. But I have to do something.

I wonder what the point is in not drinking but quickly realize how much more horrible things would be if I started again. There is nothing that is not made worse by drinking.

I'm really exhausted and don't know anyone here. I'm 800 miles from my family. My husband is passed out drunk and I don't know how many more nights I can spend this way.

Dee74

Hi and welcome CiaoBaby

Congrats on staying sober in what sounds like a difficult situation.
Support will help though, and you'll find that here - and in our Friends and Family forums too
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/#friends-family

D

Libby06

Hi Ciaobaby. Congratulations on your sobriety, and for not letting it get out of hand when you picked it back up a year ago. Some are not so lucky.

My husband and I got sober together. I shutter to think of what that would look like if he started drinking again. I personally
would have some difficult decisions to make. Drinking along with him is a real bad idea. Good for you on recognizing that.

You talk about being a dry drunk, that also sounds like a miserable way to live. Definitely check out the friends and family section that Dee recommended. There are lots of people over there that can relate to what you are saying. Also have you considered Al-Anon?

It helps me to remember that growth happens through change. Both good and bad. If he chooses to continue drinking, things will only get worse. There's nothing you can do for him, but look out for yourself! I'm glad you are here.

biminiblue

Well, you know something has to change.

We're here with support, whatever you decide. Welcome.

I left a marriage. It was the best thing for me at that time, and I went on to be much happier.

ciaobaby

Thank you everybody. I will definitely check out Friends and Family. Husband has texted me today like absolutely nothing happened last night which infuriates me.

I quit drinking so my life would no longer be ruined by alcohol and it's still being ruined by alcohol. I am angry and lonely and totally worn out. But I will not drink.

Hevyn

Hi ciaobaby. I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I'm glad you wanted to talk things over here at SR. We all understand & care about you.
I had a similar situation long ago. I knew I had to quit or die - my husband wasn't ready to face reality. It's infuriating to waste our time on arguments that the other person doesn't even remember. You're right to keep sober & clear headed to figure things out. It's good to have you with us.

ciaobaby

Thank you so much Hevyn. It helps to know I'm not alone. My husband just told me I'm the reason he drinks so much so I guess it's great that I'm leaving, so he can go back to being that happy, healthy guy he was when I met him. 🙄

fishkiller

I hope it all works out for you

comewhatmay

ciaobaby,
I'm sorry you're going through this difficult time. Be proud of yourself for staying sober and for bouncing back from that relapse last year. Life is too short to be unhappy. Try to make decisions that make you happy. You have no control over him and his drinking, but you do have control over what happens to you. I send you so much strength and encouragement and I hope you get through this tough time in your life.

advbike

The problem with alcohol is it allows us to cope (in an unhealthy way) with the follies and foibles of life. We get that pleasant buzz, we get numb, and the rough edges are smoothed out. Because we are numb to life's nuances, we don't really experience it, or see things clearly, and we miss lots of opportunities for personal growth. We put up with a lot of sh*t that we otherwise wouldn't. We are really just existing, and meanwhile the years slowly pass. Sadly, some people are fine with this.

It sounds like you put in the effort to change and become a better person, and your husband didn't. He's comfortable where he is.

Find your happiness - it is out there.