Out of control
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 476
Out of control
Stuck in a rut
I wish I could say Im sober but im not.. I'm still stuck in drinking every other day and using cannabis. I have good intentions but they are quickly forgotten after a bad day and the case of the f its. Sober I feel so lonely and hopeless and a nervous wreck. I'm check my pulse compulsively 80 times a day because I'm belive my heart will stop at any moment from a undiagnosed heart problem. I know using is just increasing my risk but perception is key here.
I want to go aa but my pride won't allow me to ask for ride from my family (I don't drive) I just can't say the words I've an alcohol problem and need a ride to aa again. I'm so ashamed and don't want to worry them that I'm in trouble with alcohol again. I'm so ashamed. I need to go I can't stop on my own. I've tried but I find myself using without any argument I just take the drink on auto pilot. Pluse thier is always booze In the house my parents drink daily but not alcoholicly. Them drinking in front of me doesn't bother me but the temptation is to great by having in the house. Despite that I do intend to quit. I'm terrified of online aa I don't know why. At least the denial is gone I'm no normal drinker.
David
I wish I could say Im sober but im not.. I'm still stuck in drinking every other day and using cannabis. I have good intentions but they are quickly forgotten after a bad day and the case of the f its. Sober I feel so lonely and hopeless and a nervous wreck. I'm check my pulse compulsively 80 times a day because I'm belive my heart will stop at any moment from a undiagnosed heart problem. I know using is just increasing my risk but perception is key here.
I want to go aa but my pride won't allow me to ask for ride from my family (I don't drive) I just can't say the words I've an alcohol problem and need a ride to aa again. I'm so ashamed and don't want to worry them that I'm in trouble with alcohol again. I'm so ashamed. I need to go I can't stop on my own. I've tried but I find myself using without any argument I just take the drink on auto pilot. Pluse thier is always booze In the house my parents drink daily but not alcoholicly. Them drinking in front of me doesn't bother me but the temptation is to great by having in the house. Despite that I do intend to quit. I'm terrified of online aa I don't know why. At least the denial is gone I'm no normal drinker.
David
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
Hi David
sorry youre still struggling. The bottom line is you have to expend more energy on change than you do on the status quo,
I get fear. Fear kept me stuck too. So you need to challenge that fear to move forwards.
By rights an online AA meeting shouldn;t be that much more stressful than logging on to chat here. You can disconnect/leave any time you like, you can turn your comera/mike off....seems to me like a zoom AA meeting is a pretty good way out of your bind if you won't ask folks for Aa lift?
D
sorry youre still struggling. The bottom line is you have to expend more energy on change than you do on the status quo,
I get fear. Fear kept me stuck too. So you need to challenge that fear to move forwards.
By rights an online AA meeting shouldn;t be that much more stressful than logging on to chat here. You can disconnect/leave any time you like, you can turn your comera/mike off....seems to me like a zoom AA meeting is a pretty good way out of your bind if you won't ask folks for Aa lift?
D
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
If AA is terrifying then why not find something that does not scare you?
I attended AA in the beginning of getting sober this go round. I kept my camera off and I listened. There was comfort in hearing about others and knowing that they were sober. I committed myself to nightly meetings and stayed the course. I was not forced to be there and I could leave at any time. There are many roads to the same destination and you can find a way that works for you.
I believe in you. Believe in yourself.
I attended AA in the beginning of getting sober this go round. I kept my camera off and I listened. There was comfort in hearing about others and knowing that they were sober. I committed myself to nightly meetings and stayed the course. I was not forced to be there and I could leave at any time. There are many roads to the same destination and you can find a way that works for you.
I believe in you. Believe in yourself.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
I very much understand the anxiety and pulse checking/fear loops 100. As Dee mentioned, the only way out though is the hard one - good intentions are not enough. You've got to commit to a plan and do everything you can to stick with it. If you like AA meetings but can't get a ride from family, call someone in your group and they will come an pick you up - I can just about guarantee that. There are online AA meetings too, and also other plans completely besides AA.
Regarding the pride thing, don't let that let you get in the way of getting help. I don't think there is any way I could have finally quit for good without coming clean with my family. They may not understand, but that really doesn't matter - as long as you do that's what matters
Regarding the pride thing, don't let that let you get in the way of getting help. I don't think there is any way I could have finally quit for good without coming clean with my family. They may not understand, but that really doesn't matter - as long as you do that's what matters
Member
Join Date: Apr 2021
Posts: 1
I feel you friend. Fell down myself after 5 months. No reason(that I can think of), just a big F it situation. I get the fear. I'm afraid to let my families and friends know that I slipped. Looking forward to withdrawal again. Damn. I don't miss those symptoms. 12 hours into it now. Glad I stumbled onto this site for some moral support. We can do it man.
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