Grateful09

Having lost two Uncles to COVID 19, it feels strange to be writing that the pandemic may be saving me. But looking back over this last year, I think it's probably true. You can see that my SR join date was in 2009. I have actually been trying to achieve recovery since then. You know the story - lots of stopping, then moderating, thinking I could control it, back sliding, quitting, having "just one" since I "deserve it" after so long, whoops it wasn't just one, repeat repeat. Then the pandemic hit, and hubby (who also drinks) and I were fortunate to be able to keep our jobs and work from home. We decided that we would take advantage of the additional time not commuting, exercise more, not drink during the work week. But then on the weekends, yee haw! Celebration time. Have a drink at home (and another, and another) why not? We were saving all that money by not going out to eat, right? For a while it seemed to be working fine - I was cutting down, right? Then in October I suddenly started feeling unwell. My alcoholic sleep, never great, got worse. It was like my recovery times during the work week were getting harder and harder. Anxiety during sober periods more intense (kindling, anyone?) I was due for an annual check-up and decided to go to have blood work done. For the first time in my life (bloods were always fine before, miraculously), things were beginning to change. Most things were in normal range, but raising higher. Bilirubin was not horribly high, BUT over normal range for the first time. My LDL cholesterol was high - again first time. Dr. ordered more bloods in 3 months. I thought, what am I doing? The pandemic caused me to reevaluate my blood results in a new way. What if I were to get COVID like my Uncles - would I have the reserves to deal with that?

So since then, I've been taking advantage of being stuck at home with no commuting in order to do a life reset. Not being out and about means no passing grocery stores for wine. More time for more things I lost track of that I used to enjoy. More time to reflect on how I want to live through middle and older age.

Dr. had to reschedule my blood work, or I'd be reporting back on that by now. But I am beginning to feel so much better. Sleep is far from perfect yet but I have hope that this will come. With vaccines becoming available, I'll probably be back in the workplace soon, so will need to adjust to that schedule in recovery. But I have to deal with these challenges - I don't think there's a choice any longer. I will honor the memory of my Uncles by remembering that the pandemic may have saved me - and it's up to me to keep that going now.

I would love to know how others are dealing with recovery challenges during pandemic times.

Obladi

After years of struggle, last year was the year I finally "got it," so I'd say the changes in how we live right now has absolutely been a boost to my sobriety. I always knew I was an introvert, but I don't think I realized the extremity of that trait until the restrictions put in place during the pandemic. Not having to commute to work, not having to dress to conform, not having to practice empty social niceties, not being confined in an office with all of those people... what a blessing. Don't get me wrong - I generally like people, but I do not like the synthetic "relationships" forced on us by the arrangement of how we work in this era. Rather, how we used to work.

I've had the psychic space to process what goes on between my ears without the noise of the otherwise enforced physical presence of other people to distract me (as much as before, anyhow).

I never drink now. Haven't since 1/29/20.

Dropsie

Good to hear that Grateful.

For me, stopping altogether was so much easier. More than six years now.

One foot in front of the other, together we go.

X

ciowa

The virus has been hard on so many loved ones but I've personally have done well during the shut downs.

I was around 8 months sober when the virus hit here. I was a binge drinker and my drinking always started with the night life I would start drinking in bars, at nights out, evening gatherings and all that. I lived in the middle of a huge party neighborhood with dozens of bars and I knew all the bartenders, regulars etc.

When I was sobering up, I still was curious about what my old drinking "friends" were doing and I had a bunch of them on social media. Id' often see them posting pics in the old neighborhood and that made me sometimes reflect fondly on nights out. I even toyed with the idea of going back to the bar just to say hi and maybe sitting in there and visiting with folks but I knew that was a bad idea so I never acted on it. But it was there.

When the pandemic hit, it was like any options of going out completely disappeared. It wasn't even a possibility anymore even if I wanted it. And after a whole year Im accustomed to not thinking of nights out and all my old haunts and circles are completely scrambled or have disappeared.

For me, the pandemic has helped speed my recovery up a lot.

Grateful09

That's really interesting Obladi. I am an introvert too, and in addition I've also realized how sensitive I am to negative office politics. I try to block that stuff out but it's hard. In the pandemic, working from home, the negative politics don't completely go away (they can still shine through on zoom!) but they are significantly blunted. This, and everything you mentioned, has been dramatically changed by working from home. I have begun to see how much my glass(es) of wine on returning home from work were about dulling the effects of the day on my psyche - not that this is an excuse, but it's an awareness. Because, when I do go back, I need to keep up the substitute, more positive responses at the end of the day rather than drinking. And, congratulations on your 14+ months! That is an inspiration to me.

advbike

It made it easier for me too. I hardly drank last year, except after a couple anxiety-ridden Covid scares, but had pretty much stopped, then quit completely in Nov. It really helped to not be eating out - something I used to do a lot of (daily) which always provided the temptation of beer or wine. And as an introvert myself, being home in my peaceful environment is never a challenge. Lot of nature and lots of hiking and biking. I did get a bit weary of the isolation - even we need some social interaction - but that is slowly coming back with the vaccines. There was an article in the NYT yesterday or today about how introverts mostly didn't mind being out of the office, lol. No kidding..

least

I had solid sobriety before the pandemic hit, and am so glad I wasn't even tempted to drink as a 'way out'. I can't imagine drinking and recovering in these uncertain times. So glad I don't want to drink anymore.

Skyhawker

It was bitter sweet for me. I was under soo much pressure to perform and take on more work and then it all came to a screeching halt. This gave me a lot of time to get help, re-evaluate, and restart with things nice and slow. As much as the pandemic stinks, I look at my sobriety as a nice positive that came out of it.

GeoGo

Another introvert here. The pandemic was a huge factor in keeping me sober...not driving by a liquor store and stuck in the house for the most part were helpful, if not necessary, to keep from drinking.

Notch8

I drove past the liquor store I used to frequent this afternoon. For a fleeting moment I pondered, "oh to have that feeling again..."

I countered with, "what feeling is that? The one where I wake up wondering which internal organ is melting this time?"

No thanks.