The only thing standing between me and a healthier lilfestyle; those bloody evenings!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 86
The only thing standing between me and a healthier lilfestyle; those bloody evenings!
Hi all,
It's been a long time since I last posted. Basically every single time I've attempted to quit drinking I've ran into this problem. On those evenings I don't drink that are non-hangover days I get this agitated, lonely, empty, restless feeling.
On those evenings I get this sort of sense of pressure building-up, cannot stop thinking about the time the off-license (liquor store) closes. It's not so much a craving, it's a relentless nag, nag, nag and a PRESSURE that builds up. Before lockdown I mentioned this problem in recovery meetings and everyone was nodding as in 'oh, yeah, I remember those days, been there before'. So clearly I'm not the only one with this specific problem.
I'm really craving to meet new people, to go out in the evenings, to have long, deep conversations. To be truthful I've been using alcohol as a substitute for this need. That's one of the reasons.
I've also been using it to escape from feelings of social frustration; seeing all those people with loads of friends 'oh it sucks, I wish there were people to meet up with, I wish there were clubs and groups I could go to on my own, there's nothing you can do to change things' then the evil clown 'ah, go on, have a drink, that'll make you feel better'. You know that sort of thought pattern?
I've mainly been using alcohol in this ritual to escape, the thought that the evening will be a restless, agitated, lonely miserable HELL if I don't drink.
Meanwhile, there's the euphoric recall, the thoughts of conviviality, great evenings out etc. The voice in my head says 'drink and you'll get some of that experience'.
The level of willpower and stamina involved is like arm-wrestling a hydraulic ram, or holding-up a plank for 3 hours.
So all in all, this problem of this pressure building-up and feeling deprived on those days when I don't drink.
To put it in prspective, I can go on long rides and do full body workouts despite hangovers and lack of sleep. I wish I had the mechanical levels of willpower and stamina to grind my way through those evenings.
My brother is no one month sober, and he was drinking MORE than me. He says it hasn't been that much of a struggle. For me, I keep running into this problem, it's like a 3 hour long arm-wrestling match!
The only solution to this is to replace the alcohol with something else. I've tried white-knuckling it, only to find I miss it and want it even more on the days I don't drink or on those weeks where I restrict it to the weekend. It's bloody SLAVERY! I desperately want a break but at the same time I want it like a drowning person wants oxygen.
Anyone had this problem? What's been the solution?
It's been a long time since I last posted. Basically every single time I've attempted to quit drinking I've ran into this problem. On those evenings I don't drink that are non-hangover days I get this agitated, lonely, empty, restless feeling.
On those evenings I get this sort of sense of pressure building-up, cannot stop thinking about the time the off-license (liquor store) closes. It's not so much a craving, it's a relentless nag, nag, nag and a PRESSURE that builds up. Before lockdown I mentioned this problem in recovery meetings and everyone was nodding as in 'oh, yeah, I remember those days, been there before'. So clearly I'm not the only one with this specific problem.
I'm really craving to meet new people, to go out in the evenings, to have long, deep conversations. To be truthful I've been using alcohol as a substitute for this need. That's one of the reasons.
I've also been using it to escape from feelings of social frustration; seeing all those people with loads of friends 'oh it sucks, I wish there were people to meet up with, I wish there were clubs and groups I could go to on my own, there's nothing you can do to change things' then the evil clown 'ah, go on, have a drink, that'll make you feel better'. You know that sort of thought pattern?
I've mainly been using alcohol in this ritual to escape, the thought that the evening will be a restless, agitated, lonely miserable HELL if I don't drink.
Meanwhile, there's the euphoric recall, the thoughts of conviviality, great evenings out etc. The voice in my head says 'drink and you'll get some of that experience'.
The level of willpower and stamina involved is like arm-wrestling a hydraulic ram, or holding-up a plank for 3 hours.
So all in all, this problem of this pressure building-up and feeling deprived on those days when I don't drink.
To put it in prspective, I can go on long rides and do full body workouts despite hangovers and lack of sleep. I wish I had the mechanical levels of willpower and stamina to grind my way through those evenings.
My brother is no one month sober, and he was drinking MORE than me. He says it hasn't been that much of a struggle. For me, I keep running into this problem, it's like a 3 hour long arm-wrestling match!
The only solution to this is to replace the alcohol with something else. I've tried white-knuckling it, only to find I miss it and want it even more on the days I don't drink or on those weeks where I restrict it to the weekend. It's bloody SLAVERY! I desperately want a break but at the same time I want it like a drowning person wants oxygen.
Anyone had this problem? What's been the solution?
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by vulcan30 
What's been the solution?
You don't replace alcohol with something else. You remove the need for it. Recovery means addressing addiction. You are feeding it.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: NC
Posts: 5,160
Each time I felt this way I failed. Usually after a day. Made it 3 weeks twice.
My solution was to want to be sober more than I want that poison.
The key is to not have these feelings and when you do to shut them down asap. This is where putting in work comes in.
Whatever you are doing now you need to try something new. Work
Listen to what others here tell you, these folks know what it takes. Work
Practice patience, all those things you crave will come in sober time. Work
Practice gratitude, be thankful for what you Do have. Work
Early on when drinking thoughts came I played it forward to the misery that followed. Work
Everything we do to achieve sobriety is work.
If you truly commit every ounce of your power to putting in the work to stay sober it will come.
If you continue to give the addiction massive amounts of head space as you are now it will be much much harder.
Give in to recovery and put in the work. You will succeed
My solution was to want to be sober more than I want that poison.
The key is to not have these feelings and when you do to shut them down asap. This is where putting in work comes in.
Whatever you are doing now you need to try something new. Work
Listen to what others here tell you, these folks know what it takes. Work
Practice patience, all those things you crave will come in sober time. Work
Practice gratitude, be thankful for what you Do have. Work
Early on when drinking thoughts came I played it forward to the misery that followed. Work
Everything we do to achieve sobriety is work.
If you truly commit every ounce of your power to putting in the work to stay sober it will come.
If you continue to give the addiction massive amounts of head space as you are now it will be much much harder.
Give in to recovery and put in the work. You will succeed
Member
Join Date: Jan 2021
Posts: 527
The first thing that comes to mind is to commit to going to an A.A. meeting every evening (preferably live, but Zoom will do). Commit to doing that every day for 90 days. Commit to looking for one comment in each meeting that you can relate to or that moves you in some positive way. Commit to at least checking in at every meeting -- even if it's just to say, "I just want to stay sober tonight." Also, there's nothing that requires you to attend only one meeting each evening. If you need to string 3 or 4 or more together, then do that. Also, keep an open mind about perhaps checking yourself into a rehab.
I was given the following instructions at the start of my recovery journey:
(1) As described above, attend an A.A. meeting every day for 90 days.
(2) Get on my knees every morning and every night. Ask Higher Power ("Higher Consciousness", "Great Spirit", "God", etc.) to keep you sober in the morning. Thank Him/It/Them/Etc. for keeping you sober at night. Importantly, you don't need to believe in "God" to take these actions.
(3) Get a home group and a service commitment.
(4) Call your sponsor every day.
(5) Read the first 164 pages of the Big Book, highlighting everything that jumps out at you (I thought that, did that, felt that).
As it says in the Big Book:
Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program …. Our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are like now. If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it -- then you are ready to take certain steps. At some of these we balked. We thought we could find an easier, softer way. But we could not. With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely.
I was given the following instructions at the start of my recovery journey:
(1) As described above, attend an A.A. meeting every day for 90 days.
(2) Get on my knees every morning and every night. Ask Higher Power ("Higher Consciousness", "Great Spirit", "God", etc.) to keep you sober in the morning. Thank Him/It/Them/Etc. for keeping you sober at night. Importantly, you don't need to believe in "God" to take these actions.
(3) Get a home group and a service commitment.
(4) Call your sponsor every day.
(5) Read the first 164 pages of the Big Book, highlighting everything that jumps out at you (I thought that, did that, felt that).
As it says in the Big Book:
Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program …. Our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are like now. If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it -- then you are ready to take certain steps. At some of these we balked. We thought we could find an easier, softer way. But we could not. With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 86
Thanks all for the replies.
On the note of gratitude that often gets mentioned, I haven't really given that much thought. The main motives for me to quit drinking is that I don't want to develop liver disease, I'm sick of the hangovers and feeling rubbish, I want to improve my health & have started a workout regime, the drinking is hindering the latter. I'm seeing that the rationale is to give more to be thankful of and more 'pull' factors to help build motivation and determination.
I'll think about everything that's been said. Thanks again for the suggestions & help.
On the note of gratitude that often gets mentioned, I haven't really given that much thought. The main motives for me to quit drinking is that I don't want to develop liver disease, I'm sick of the hangovers and feeling rubbish, I want to improve my health & have started a workout regime, the drinking is hindering the latter. I'm seeing that the rationale is to give more to be thankful of and more 'pull' factors to help build motivation and determination.
I'll think about everything that's been said. Thanks again for the suggestions & help.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by vulcan30
Thanks all for the replies.
On the note of gratitude that often gets mentioned, I haven't really given that much thought. The main motives for me to quit drinking is that I don't want to develop liver disease, I'm sick of the hangovers and feeling rubbish, I want to improve my health & have started a workout regime, the drinking is hindering the latter. I'm seeing that the rationale is to give more to be thankful of and more 'pull' factors to help build motivation and determination.
I'll think about everything that's been said. Thanks again for the suggestions & help.
On the note of gratitude that often gets mentioned, I haven't really given that much thought. The main motives for me to quit drinking is that I don't want to develop liver disease, I'm sick of the hangovers and feeling rubbish, I want to improve my health & have started a workout regime, the drinking is hindering the latter. I'm seeing that the rationale is to give more to be thankful of and more 'pull' factors to help build motivation and determination.
I'll think about everything that's been said. Thanks again for the suggestions & help.
Being grateful for what you have is something you can feel and see right in front of you. "Cravings" are also tangible feelings, but being self aware of what they really are is also important. My personal opinion is that cravings/urges/etc are really not even for the substance of choice ( alcohol for me ) but for the imagined escape from facing reality that they promise us. Being self aware of the fact that you can never replace personal responsibility with a substance is very key, and that's where gratitude comes in as well. Being thankful for what you have right now - and knowing that using your substance of choice takes that away from you - right now - is very powerful to me.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
Getting sober is probably one of the hardest things I have done.
Day in and day out of overcoming the addiction of drinking alcohol.
I knew the only way to overcome it was to not surrender to drinking. I had created quite a habit and therefore that meant that it was going to take a lot of effort to get out of that habit. Ive learned a hell of a lot about my active alcoholism over the years.
I structured my time in a way that did not include alcohol.
I went to a meeting every single night for a month or more.
Each hour was filled with activity that did not involve alcohol. I basically grounded myself to a routine and kept that routine despite what my head was telling me. Despite the ups and downs. Early bedtime. Wake early. Participating here daily. Exercise daily. I did not listen to what the addiction had to say. The addiction wanted to destroy me. If the thought of alcohol came, and there have been plenty of occasions where the "thought" has come in, I rode it out and distracted myself.
The only way through the discomfort and the urge and the ******** is to sit through it. There is no other way. The urge and thoughts do leave after awhile. Some people struggle more than others. Some do not struggle initially but struggle later. I dont know anyone here who didnt have to fight an epic ******* battle to get sober.
Make a plan. Stick to the plan. Lean on this community. You can get sober if you truly want to be sober.
Day in and day out of overcoming the addiction of drinking alcohol.
I knew the only way to overcome it was to not surrender to drinking. I had created quite a habit and therefore that meant that it was going to take a lot of effort to get out of that habit. Ive learned a hell of a lot about my active alcoholism over the years.
I structured my time in a way that did not include alcohol.
I went to a meeting every single night for a month or more.
Each hour was filled with activity that did not involve alcohol. I basically grounded myself to a routine and kept that routine despite what my head was telling me. Despite the ups and downs. Early bedtime. Wake early. Participating here daily. Exercise daily. I did not listen to what the addiction had to say. The addiction wanted to destroy me. If the thought of alcohol came, and there have been plenty of occasions where the "thought" has come in, I rode it out and distracted myself.
The only way through the discomfort and the urge and the ******** is to sit through it. There is no other way. The urge and thoughts do leave after awhile. Some people struggle more than others. Some do not struggle initially but struggle later. I dont know anyone here who didnt have to fight an epic ******* battle to get sober.
Make a plan. Stick to the plan. Lean on this community. You can get sober if you truly want to be sober.
Member
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 1,602
I know the feeling well. What lit a fire up me to really make a go of quitting is having no other option. Drinking stopped working as well as it once did AND every time I drank I would, without fail do something regrettable and shameful and feel so devastatingly miserable (physically and mentally) after that I knew the game was up. I have immense respect for those that give up before they have no choice, but maybe that is what needs to happen for you. Be prepared to lose a few close relationships and a hell of a lot of dignity and self respect before you get there though.
What I like about having no option is it allows me to come to terms with the "new normal" a lot better. That was very hard / impossible to do when I was still "getting away with it". But it's been a slow and evolving process riddled with relapses and emotional pain (not to mention social, personal and career consequences) to get to here at 2 months. So I am not exactly a model exponent of this recovery stuff. I do think, though, that nearly all of those who make repeated concerted efforts to quit will eventually do so. And you seem to be in that category.
What I like about having no option is it allows me to come to terms with the "new normal" a lot better. That was very hard / impossible to do when I was still "getting away with it". But it's been a slow and evolving process riddled with relapses and emotional pain (not to mention social, personal and career consequences) to get to here at 2 months. So I am not exactly a model exponent of this recovery stuff. I do think, though, that nearly all of those who make repeated concerted efforts to quit will eventually do so. And you seem to be in that category.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 259
Vulcan30, Good to meet you. Theres different perspectives on cravings and how others deal with them. In IOP I learned to identify an urge or craving and try to break it down to different parts as a way to negate it. There are different perspectives on this and I saw this video from the author "alcohol explained" gives his take on it. I found it to be interesting
4 components to alcohol cravings
4 components to alcohol cravings
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