Notch8

I've been drinking again. There. I said it.
I'm facing all manner of challenges. Our whole family is.
Today is my one thousandth day one. I know my plan is flawed, I'm looking at putting together a written agenda.
Never thought I'd have to do that as an adult, but I have to.
This is gonna kill me.

ScottFromWI

Glad you are back Notch. Yes, writing it all down sometimes seems elementary, but it's powerful. I will freely admit that in the first weeks/months of my sobriety I literally scheduled every hour of every day to avoid any possibility of "down time". I'm kind of a schedule freak at work, so I applied that to the other 18 hours of the day and it helped.

Having a flawed plan is a lot better than no plan at all - keep revising it and adding to your toolbox and it will become better

nez

I am not sure if you mean alcohol is going to kill you or if writing down a plan as an adult is going to kill you or both. Alcohol was without a doubt, going to kill me. Writing down a plan, may have bruised my fragile ego, but it was more along the lines of something to save my ass. For me it was like a reaffirmation, recommitting, whatever, it simply helped to solidify my reasons and goals of getting and remaining sober.

My brain needed all the repetition it could get to not get sidetracked and "forget" why I wanted sobriety. For whatever reason. writing it down just made it more real. I can listen to lies in a heartbeat, it is harder for me to repeat them on paper. If I write down a lie, a mis-truth, a fudged item, a maybe possibility thinking about but "not really" thing, i immediately say "Man, even you don't believe that s**t!".

Dee74

I used to think drinking was helping me face challenges but the reality was, for me, drinking was running away from those challenges.

IMO whether your plan is written or mental is not as important as action - many people confuse writing down as action, and stop there - the really important bit is to put your plan to work.

If you want change, make changes - and find the support you need to make those changes stick.

I was devastated to accept I needed to make sweeping changes in my life - it felt humiliating.

The truth was I’d been leading a humiliating life as a drunk, and leaving that life was the first step to me living a good authentic and righteous life again.

You can do it too Notch

D

Notch8

The alcohol was gonna be the end of me if I don't do something. I've been trying to quit for good for over 5 years know.

Hevyn

I'm so glad you posted about what's going on, Notch. We're all in your corner. We know how hard it is to let go of it - but it means to kill you, as you already know. We need you alive & well. I had to admit it was never fun or relaxing any more. It always led to regret & remorse - and I was putting myself in danger. The good drinking times were gone & they were never coming back. We've crossed the line from social drinking to alcoholic drinking long ago. We know you can get free, Notch.

Notch8

I had three months sober a few summers ago. It was great. Felt like I had my life back.

I was going through some journals from last spring... around this time I quit and was sober for ten weeks!

I want that again.

nez

You can have that again. It can even be better. Don't stress about your past attempts. Use them as building blocks of information on what worked and what didn't. It took me 10 years of setbacks before I could say, on last Monday, that I now have 18 continuous years of sobriety. It is doable, even by me.

fishkiller

Time to try a different way. What you have been trying for 5 years isn't working.

least

I hope you will do whatever it takes to beat this addiction. You've got to want to be sober more than you want to drink.

fishkiller

Amen to that
It is sooo easy to give in and drink. Once you reach this point it truly is easier. I "tried" to get sober for at least 10-15 years. By "try" I mean I would drink myself sick then swear I would not do it again. That was it. No plan, no work and now I see I really did not want to quit. I wanted to drink without the consequences. Which for me is impossible. My longest stretch until now was 3 weeks.

Those many years of failing to control my drinking finally taught me I cannot drink without consequences. I now want to live a life free of those consequences Way more than I want the short lived satisfaction of a drink.

biminiblue

Yeah I think the bottom line on all these, "I can't quit," threads is: Do you want to?

Notch, if you want to quit you'll do whatever it takes and you'll hang on through those first tough months.

If you keep posting here people will have solutions for whatever early-sobriety issues you face.

I'd say that if you've been "trying" for five years, Try Something New.

AA, other meetings, rehab, out-patient alcohol treatment. There are plenty of people who will help you once you're serious.

Mizz

You can do this, Notch.
Quitting alcohol is hard work but once you are through the "hard" it gets easier.
You do have the power to change your life. One day at a time.
What does your plan entail?

Notch8

Thanks for the replies.

This morning I actually wrote out list of goals just for today. Came home in a rare mood from work and glad I had that to bounce off of. Also have a list of goals and a to-do list for the weekend started.

At least I am moving forward...

Zebra1275

Concentrate on "One day at a time", that's how you do this.

In the beginning I wasn't able to count days, I had to count hours. But as you know, it's gets better and better as you gain sober time. But the clock moves very slow in the beginning.

Notch8

Actually woke up this morning with some ambition other than to hit the liquor store as soon as they open.

Not out of the woods and I know it, though.

biminiblue

Just focus on whatever the task at hand is.

I tried to stay busy and make sure to spend time every day on recovery reading...either here, on other sites, or books.

Go to bed sober tonight, Notch. You are on your way.

fishkiller

Idle hands are the devils play thing.

Hevyn

Good to hear you're feeling more optimistic, Notch. Maintaining our drinking life took all our strength, & we had no motivation. I'm glad there's been an improvement.

PhoenixJ

It did, for a time , kill me
I lost wife, sons, home, friends, career, health, posessions...and became homeless as family looked on..my behavior was so stressful, hurtful , soul destroying, I was alone.

well done on your plans