I can't get even one day
 

I have become an utter mess. Alcohol. Pills. Coke. I want to stop all 3. But I can't seem to get a start.

Years gone by the shop closed at 10pm. The pharmacy closed at 5.30pm.

There was a cut off. When there was no access for a reasonable period of the day. Now there are 24hour alcohol outlets. Pharmacies open to midnight. And deliveries to your door of 'other stuff' within minutes, day or night.

There's no respite. Even if you've cleared the house. There's always a possibility of acquiring some substance at the drop of a hat.

The landscape has changed - getting sober "felt" easier ten years or so ago.

I was still in a long term relationship. I got a lot of help from her. That ended some time ago. Because of my picking up again. So now I'm alone. No one to answer to. I feel utterly rotten. I can't remember the last time I went to bed sober/straight.


​​​​​​I've got the itch in my solar plexus egging me on.

I did it for 8 years.

Why can't I do it one night.


So. Memories... Post. Read. An hour at a time. I know it's not white knuckles for ever. Deep breath...

Ado, you said getting sober felt easier 10 years ago, probably because it was easier. For me, the longer I drank and the more times I tried to stop, the harder it got. You had 8 years of sobriety so you know that you can do it. But, the first few days/weeks are going to be really hard. Distract yourself, even for a few minutes, by doing something that you enjoy - a movie, music, talking to a friend, whatever works. You can get through the first 24 hours and then you will have a bit more confidence that you can do the next 24.

Hi Ado. I agree with everything Anna said. That's why it's imperative you stay off it this time. We know you can get free again & stay that way - life will be so much better.

Hi Ado :)

I could never get one day either - but this place changed that for me :)

its going to take some hard work I think, but for a start why not join our March support thread, speak with others finding it hard - help them through and allow them to help you - post regularly and as much as you need to :)

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...art-one-8.html

I didn't make it sadly But I will be back at it trying again Sunday.

I did 3 drawings and wrote 2 poems before 9.30pm trying to keep busy but I was just feeling so bad i went out and got some pills. Noalcohol though so i should feel physically more able Sunday.

I also emailed a recovery helpline locally so hopefully I will get some feedback.

Thanks all.

Don't scratch the itch is the only way to do it. Everything in your body and soul will scream out for the stuff you are addicted to. You have to override your own impulses. No matter what!

No magic cures will save you but you can save yourself. It is uncomfortable, at times it feels impossible but it is achievable. Take all the support that is offered.

And remember ... No matter what I won't drink or drug.

Cheering you on. :)

The itch in the solar plexus is the door. You knock and enter by being aware of it AND change your relationship to it by just noting it is there and keep on not doing things you will have reason to be remorseful about, do things that are good and use the awareness of the breath as an anchor in a storm when the awareness of the door drifts.