You never stop running....
 

I've been sober 5 years now but I wonder how many of you still have those bad memories haunting you and waiting to jump back to the forefront of your mind when you have down time. I did myself a lot of damage during my binging periods and am facing reality on a daily basis of what this might mean for my future. I say to myself often whats done is done and I cannot change the past which helps to sooth the burning in my ego a little. I am healthy other than the expected liver damage but its the perhaps perminent damage to one's personality which is a hard one to quantify and heal.

Yes, I understand what you're saying.

I have many regrets, not all of them because of alcohol.

Humans are pretty flawed creatures, no one gets out without a ton of mistakes. Mistakes are painful but it's how I learn, unfortunately.

Welcome to the site. :)

Yes. Sometimes I just have to tell my brain to STOP. Sometimes I have to literally stop moving, take a few deep breaths, and force myself to think of something different, something pleasant. Otherwise my thinking will go into a death spiral and I'll wind up drinking again, of that I'm certain.

I’ve been sober 28 years and yes, those bad memories come back at least once a day! I feel the emotional pain from them and it’s up to me to stop it! I tell myself that it’s the past and I can’t change the past! The embarrassment, shame, and guilt of being an alcoholic does me and no one else any good! I remind myself that today is what counts and let go of the past! Sometimes I say out loud while I’m driving, “Stop it!” “ Why are you thinking this!” “Just stay into today!” “Life goes on!”