100

I'm back after 7 years after I determined then that I didn't have a problem. Boy was I wrong. I looked at my old posts and I was ashamed. I wish I had treated it seriously then.
I know now I do infact have a problem. I realise finally consoncinse is my mental health and not doing anything with life. I alone now I let my friendships atrophy. I didn't do anything with my life because getting high and drunk felt so good I didn't care about anything else.
now drinking and getting baked no longer works I still get drunk but It's doesn't make feel good anymore.
I'm so miserable my anxiety is through the roof and I can barely get out of bed.
I don't drink and get high daily actually I use less than before but when I do I get wasted almost every time. So I will stop for a month and think I don't have a problem. I do have one though. It dominants my life even when I'm completely sober.
I find that I just can't stop god help me I don't know what to do.
David

GerandTwine

Hi David,

Welcome back.
How does it dominate your life during the month long sober periods?

GT

Dee74

Hi David

I found that posting here regularly helped me beat the idea that all I had to do was quit for a set amount of time. I finally accepted I needed to quit for good and the community here gave me a lot of help and support.

The first days can be rough but I know we can help you too.

Welcome back

D

100

Denial is big for me because when I drink I don't do it daily but when I don't stop until I'm wasted out my mind.
I know in my heart it's a problem.
I'm just so miserable sober my life burning Dumster heap.
my life doesn't get better when I don't drink it gets worse.
the hangovers though are really bad now.
I have no friends no life no hope I guess. Life is hell on earth.
but if I'm honest drinking doesnt help not really.
David

Dee74

giving up an addiction is very tough so its not surprising that it feels like things are worse initially - but if you can keep the faith, find and use a support system like SR and hold out hope things will get better, they really will, I promise

D

Briansy

Damn. Friends atrophying and that feeling of waste - not moving on - total inertia. All of that resonates with me as does the fact that the drinking wasn't every day but when it did happen it was to obliteration. What age are you David? I'm 41 now - I hit the wall at 38 but it has only taken me until now to start making headway - well the last year anyway. I wish I hadn't wasted those 2.5 years and I also wish I hadn't wasted the previous 10/15. Having said that, I do feel like I'm on the right track and that fear of what lay ahead in the sober world has now gone - doesn't mean my life is perfect. But that feeling of being overwhelmed does go away with repeated commitment to getting sober. I also found that the depression and anxiety - for the most part it was caused by alcohol and it wasn't just something already there that I was using alcohol to address.

I hope you can climb out of the hole and start getting used to some prolonged stretches of sobriety - start slowly getting used to it until eventually you are out the other side and not wanting to go back into the madness.

advbike

Welcome David, glad you made it here. You are clearly alcoholic if you can't stop and drink to obliteration when you drink. But I think you already know that.

The good news is you are still able to stop, thank God. One of these days you might not.

The great news is you can stop for a month. If you can do that, YOU CAN BEAT THIS, because it is your AV (Addictive Voice) tripping you up. This is something that happens to many of us. Our primitive brain wants the buzz and so thoughts float up about "just having a few" or "I deserve a drink" after a bad day.

I also want to mention that in early sobriety we often do feel worse, because we still have whatever we had before we drank. Many of us have bad ways of thinking, distorted views of reality, a poor self image, anxiety, and many more. So we drank to feel better. Take away the booze and what do you have? Bad thinking still. I often say "I don't have a drinking problem, I have a thinking problem"...

So stay here, look around, read and post more, also you can join the March 2021 class if you want more support.

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-part-one.html

I hope you stick around and join us in living free of alcohol, David. It is a good life.

100

That really hits home my thinking is so distorted and negative. I will get so depressed and I can't relax. Then I start wanting to escape and think a drink will take me away to my own private vacation where everything not a nightmare. So I take a drink then get high before my next stop oblivion.
I now know this will get me nowhere and above all else I'm so very wery. My soul aches and I feel worn out. I feel ready to accept my problem and to stop fighting it. In other words words to surrender. This actually fills me with peace.

I'm 40 years old
David

Zebra1275

Welcome back!

Ihadmyfill

How are you doing David?

100

I drank yesterday I was skiing and the out door bar was just to tempting. I just couldn't stop myself it was automatic like I was on auto pilot. I fell skiing because I was sking drunk.
I want to stop but I get so depressed and I can't enjoy things without a drink. Sober I just think so negative and always find something wrong with everything. Then I drink and the critical voice in my head goes away the one telling me Im a loser.
Also i drink to have the courage to do crazy things. I'm a really timid sober but get a few drinks in me and I'm the life of the party.

I ready to really try soberity now.
I need to go back to aa but I don't drive so can't get to meetings plus I'm not going during a pandemic until I can get a vaccine.Not to mention I'd have to ask family for a ride (I don't drive ). My pride won't let me tell anyone in my life I'm drinking heavily again or that I need help.
I just feel so terrible all the time it feels as if my head is going to explode. Not to mention when sober I'm tired all the time even if I have not touched a drop I a month. I also bing eat when I don't drink I just eat non stop junk all the time. I to tired to cook.
I'm sorry I let everyone down I kinda new I would.
anyway I'm going to keep trying I'm sober today.
David




I

Dee74

yeah recovery is about tough choices David.

I had to choose a side - and stick to it.

For years I'd think 'if only I hadn't taken that last drink'...but it was the first drink that always started the madness and always will for an alcoholic like me

Clearly, giving up drinking - your life will change- but there are many many of us here to reassure you that it changes for the better

D

EndGameNYC

Either you don't want to stop or don't believe that you're ready to stop drinking. Acknowledge it so you can start doing something about it, sooner rather than later.

Ours is an unsustainable style of living that does nothing more than kill us more quickly than otherwise. But not before torturing us. Every single day of our lives; sometimes death couldn't come a moment too soon.

Whatever it is that you're going to do with your life, start now.

You've built a very strong case against sobriety. What is it that you want?

Scd619x

I used to spend 4-6 weeks regularly off the booze in between one nights binge, felt like absolute hell for those 4-6 weeks. Not craving a drink though just felt depressed, hated myself, no hope, sad etc. Just assumed that it was because i had drunk when i didn't want to do so. Never occurred to me that this was my 'normal' state and i was drinking to get some kind of relief.

ScottFromWI

How are things going David?

100

I'm better sober 4 days

Mizz

YAY! 4 days is awesome.
I think about how difficult it was to get through the initial stages of not drinking, like getting sober, and I just cannot entertain going back. It was monumental work. You could find some of the threads where I was an absolute mess of anxiety. Not to scare you here
I gave it everything I had and when I had nothing at all to give this community stepped in and gave me hope, laughter and really helped me to make it through. Lean on us. Lean into this community for support. I promise you life does get better. This side of the road is worth being on. You can do this! You are doing this.

ScottFromWI

That is good news indeed. The first days are the hardest, a rollercoaster ride for certain. Just keep remembering that the highs and the lows will even out. Just like if you drop a stone in a bucket of water...it always calms back down eventually.