Journal for Five
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2020
Location: Near the mountains
Posts: 1,537
So I drank some alcohol this weekend.
I learned some things through the experience.
Guess there is no point in going too far into the details now. Nothing bad happened and I drank within normal limits. The end result is that I am finished.
I won't be drinking anymore.
Hope everyone is doing well
I learned some things through the experience.
Guess there is no point in going too far into the details now. Nothing bad happened and I drank within normal limits. The end result is that I am finished.
I won't be drinking anymore.
Hope everyone is doing well
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2020
Location: Near the mountains
Posts: 1,537
One thing I learned is that I won't get to enjoy the same comfort from drinking that I once could. I will always have the thought in the back of my mind that I shouldn't be drinking. It's much less satisfying and relaxing that way. So if I'm drinking for that feeling it's pointless.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2020
Location: Near the mountains
Posts: 1,537
Today went good. My wife and kids are being so quiet right now it's soothing for a change.
Been sober now 3 days. I feel great luckily since I didn't go overboard.
I see the cycle I have been on. I have gotten so much better but still not perfect.
Still trying.
Another thing I learned is that I definitely have to commit to staying sober 100 percent or I won't get through all these social events. If I am on the fence I am gonna land on the drinking side. I have social gatherings to deal with nearly every weekend.
So I want to be there at 100 percent but can't say I'm there yet. I thought I was so many times.
Getting closer.
I figured I should just leave here and not come back. Since I can't say I am ready for being sober the rest of my life. But there's nowhere else for me to be.
I got a chance to read some old threads today here and that was really helpful. I like to just type random numbers in the go to page field and see what comes up. I will get back to it.
Been sober now 3 days. I feel great luckily since I didn't go overboard.
I see the cycle I have been on. I have gotten so much better but still not perfect.
Still trying.
Another thing I learned is that I definitely have to commit to staying sober 100 percent or I won't get through all these social events. If I am on the fence I am gonna land on the drinking side. I have social gatherings to deal with nearly every weekend.
So I want to be there at 100 percent but can't say I'm there yet. I thought I was so many times.
Getting closer.
I figured I should just leave here and not come back. Since I can't say I am ready for being sober the rest of my life. But there's nowhere else for me to be.
I got a chance to read some old threads today here and that was really helpful. I like to just type random numbers in the go to page field and see what comes up. I will get back to it.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
Are you willing to create boundaries in regards to these social events? Is it all or nothing with your family?
I know you have said that you are okay without all the events and your wife is very social. Does that mean that you have to be just as "social" or do you have some autonomy here?
It would be hard for me to maintain my early sobriety if I were constantly in a situation that presented "triggers." I personally needed to find a solid ground with my sobriety and feel confident with what I was doing before I put myself into one social event after another. Im also not putting myself in social events due to being in a pandemic. That is a different story though......
I know you have said that you are okay without all the events and your wife is very social. Does that mean that you have to be just as "social" or do you have some autonomy here?
It would be hard for me to maintain my early sobriety if I were constantly in a situation that presented "triggers." I personally needed to find a solid ground with my sobriety and feel confident with what I was doing before I put myself into one social event after another. Im also not putting myself in social events due to being in a pandemic. That is a different story though......
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
I agree with Mizz. It would be very difficult for me, and was, when I was in the same types of social situations, which always produce a lot of anxiety for me. Especially difficult in early sobriety. Plus, I would always get resentful that my GF at the time could drink freely and I couldn't. Ok, it's flawed thinking but that's how I interpreted it. Once I had 6 months it was not as much of a problem, but the first few months were always really difficult for me. Dating was the worst but that's another story.
Wishing you success here, Five.
Wishing you success here, Five.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
What those guys said.
And also, what will it take to get you "100 there" with the commitment to not drink?
Or maybe what's in the way? Really? Not superficial stuff - what's blocking your way?
O
p.s. I'm glad you're still here
And also, what will it take to get you "100 there" with the commitment to not drink?
Or maybe what's in the way? Really? Not superficial stuff - what's blocking your way?
O
p.s. I'm glad you're still here
Not The Way way, Just the way
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: US
Posts: 1,413
Originally Posted by FiveX 
Today went good. My wife and kids are being so quiet right now it's soothing for a change.
Been sober now 3 days. I feel great luckily since I didn't go overboard.
I see the cycle I have been on. I have gotten so much better but still not perfect.
Still trying.
Been sober now 3 days. I feel great luckily since I didn't go overboard.
I see the cycle I have been on. I have gotten so much better but still not perfect.
Still trying.
It’s a little hazy to me whether you’re saying not going overboard every time is perfection or permanent abstinence is perfection. Either one would seem to prevent any real problems.
Another thing I learned is that I definitely have to commit to staying sober 100 percent or I won't get through all these social events. If I am on the fence I am gonna land on the drinking side. I have social gatherings to deal with nearly every weekend.
So I want to be there at 100 percent but can't say I'm there yet. I thought I was so many times.
Getting closer.
I figured I should just leave here and not come back. Since I can't say I am ready for being sober the rest of my life. But there's nowhere else for me to be.
Getting closer.
I figured I should just leave here and not come back. Since I can't say I am ready for being sober the rest of my life. But there's nowhere else for me to be.
GT
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2020
Location: Near the mountains
Posts: 1,537
Thanks everyone. Yeah it's definitely obvious that I need to avoid social interactions for a while. My newly sober brain can switch gears back to drinking too fast. I still have some events on the horizon that will be tricky.
I hope that staying sober won't be a deal breaker. But I am sure I might not receive certain invitations as much, which wouldn't make my wife happy. And I am just not the same person when I am sober, period. I hate to say it but I do feel like we have more fun together and are closer when I have been drinking.
I was thinking today on how things were when my wife and I met. I probably appeared to be much more social but of course I always had a drink in my hand. There have been some really bad times as a result of my drinking but a whole lot of great times as well. I often think about how my whole life has been shaped through my drinking. My wife, kids, job, and friends all would likely be different or non-existent had I been a sober man. Not necessarily better either because we have become successful. But who knows what is better or worse whats done is done.
I don't really know how I was expecting things to turn out but it's been over 20 years. Some things have to change. When I talked about being perfect I meant not drinking another drop. What you all do. The past few months I have drank way less, never alone, no hard liquor, and mostly stayed within 3 drinks. I feel much better. It's not enough.
I hope that staying sober won't be a deal breaker. But I am sure I might not receive certain invitations as much, which wouldn't make my wife happy. And I am just not the same person when I am sober, period. I hate to say it but I do feel like we have more fun together and are closer when I have been drinking.
I was thinking today on how things were when my wife and I met. I probably appeared to be much more social but of course I always had a drink in my hand. There have been some really bad times as a result of my drinking but a whole lot of great times as well. I often think about how my whole life has been shaped through my drinking. My wife, kids, job, and friends all would likely be different or non-existent had I been a sober man. Not necessarily better either because we have become successful. But who knows what is better or worse whats done is done.
I don't really know how I was expecting things to turn out but it's been over 20 years. Some things have to change. When I talked about being perfect I meant not drinking another drop. What you all do. The past few months I have drank way less, never alone, no hard liquor, and mostly stayed within 3 drinks. I feel much better. It's not enough.
Not The Way way, Just the way
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: US
Posts: 1,413
Originally Posted by FiveX
Thanks everyone. Yeah it's definitely obvious that I need to avoid social interactions for a while. My newly sober brain can switch gears back to drinking too fast. I still have some events on the horizon that will be tricky.
I hope that staying sober won't be a deal breaker. But I am sure I might not receive certain invitations as much, which wouldn't make my wife happy. And I am just not the same person when I am sober, period. I hate to say it but I do feel like we have more fun together and are closer when I have been drinking.
I was thinking today on how things were when my wife and I met. I probably appeared to be much more social but of course I always had a drink in my hand. There have been some really bad times as a result of my drinking but a whole lot of great times as well. I often think about how my whole life has been shaped through my drinking. My wife, kids, job, and friends all would likely be different or non-existent had I been a sober man. Not necessarily better either because we have become successful. But who knows what is better or worse whats done is done.
I don't really know how I was expecting things to turn out but it's been over 20 years. Some things have to change. When I talked about being perfect I meant not drinking another drop. What you all do. The past few months I have drank way less, never alone, no hard liquor, and mostly stayed within 3 drinks. I feel much better. It's not enough.
I hope that staying sober won't be a deal breaker. But I am sure I might not receive certain invitations as much, which wouldn't make my wife happy. And I am just not the same person when I am sober, period. I hate to say it but I do feel like we have more fun together and are closer when I have been drinking.
I was thinking today on how things were when my wife and I met. I probably appeared to be much more social but of course I always had a drink in my hand. There have been some really bad times as a result of my drinking but a whole lot of great times as well. I often think about how my whole life has been shaped through my drinking. My wife, kids, job, and friends all would likely be different or non-existent had I been a sober man. Not necessarily better either because we have become successful. But who knows what is better or worse whats done is done.
I don't really know how I was expecting things to turn out but it's been over 20 years. Some things have to change. When I talked about being perfect I meant not drinking another drop. What you all do. The past few months I have drank way less, never alone, no hard liquor, and mostly stayed within 3 drinks. I feel much better. It's not enough.
So, sticking to three drinks a day for the rest of your life is not enough what? Not enough drinking, or not enough NOT drinking, or not enough BOTH??
For me, three drinks a day would be like continuous foreplay without any consummation. YUK!!
GT
PS. Never drinking another drop is definitely NOT what EVERYone here is doing.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2020
Location: Near the mountains
Posts: 1,537
Originally Posted by Obladi
what's blocking your way?
After considering it a couple days I don't know. There's a lot of factors. I feel like I am right there just can't cover the last 1% yet.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Originally Posted by FiveX
I have been pondering this question. It should be a simple answer right? Addiction?
After considering it a couple days I don't know. There's a lot of factors. I feel like I am right there just can't cover the last 1% yet.
After considering it a couple days I don't know. There's a lot of factors. I feel like I am right there just can't cover the last 1% yet.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
It takes time for us to find our sober selves. The beginnings of sobriety can be real hard. I think after awhile we learn how to live life and have fun without having a chemical to help us. I mean, I don't want to rely on a mood altering substance to be around others and I certainly would not want friends to not invite me to events because I don't drink. What kind of a friend is that? If your "friends" decide that you are not invited due to not drinking alcohol ..Well...that is just really superficial behavior. Are you that kind of "friend" to people? Have you cared whether or not your friend was drinking or did you want your friend to be at your event because they are your friend and you care about them. I hope your answer is the latter.
It is okay to make changes in your life that are beneficial for your life. It is okay to remove a substance that is causing you harm.
The lack of support from your friends and possibly your family shows something about them and not you. Keep fighting the good fight and give yourself some time to heal. Rome wasn't built in a day kind of thing.
BTW....I find life to be more enjoyable now and I am really getting in some laughs. The type of laughing that could make me cry at the same time. Its real. Its good. I'm sober. Healthy. I support you, Five.
I also want to add that it is nobody's business if you drink or don't drink. If YOU choose to tell people, great.
It is okay to make changes in your life that are beneficial for your life. It is okay to remove a substance that is causing you harm.
The lack of support from your friends and possibly your family shows something about them and not you. Keep fighting the good fight and give yourself some time to heal. Rome wasn't built in a day kind of thing.
BTW....I find life to be more enjoyable now and I am really getting in some laughs. The type of laughing that could make me cry at the same time. Its real. Its good. I'm sober. Healthy. I support you, Five.
I also want to add that it is nobody's business if you drink or don't drink. If YOU choose to tell people, great.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2020
Location: Near the mountains
Posts: 1,537
Originally Posted by Obladi
what was the 1% that kicked you over the bar, so to speak?
The main difference in my drinking lately is I stopped drinking alone. Since I am usually alone or just with my kids that doesn't allow much room to drink. So I have no problems not drinking when I am just at my house. My wife even bought some stuff for cocktails since we're snowed in. I got slightly tempted but I decided not to have any.
I haven't asked them specifically how they would feel if I never drank again but I don't think they care. I would feel super weird asking that out of the blue honestly. My family doesn't want me to quit drinking they think I'm more fun when I drink. My kids get to stay up later, have treats, and my wife gets me to be more social. I need to quit because I know it's causing health problems.
So I am back at a week. There were a few hurdles this week but I am clearing them.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2020
Location: Near the mountains
Posts: 1,537
Thanks Mizz, I agree with you about the true friends. I don't have any friends that are just drinking buddies and I'm grateful for that.
It's not that I think someone will say I am not invited somewhere because I'm sober. I think it's just natural that will happen. I have a good friend who's been sober over 10 years, I love him like a brother, but I wouldn't look to invite him to Happy Hour. He just wouldn't come to mind in that instance.
It's not that I think someone will say I am not invited somewhere because I'm sober. I think it's just natural that will happen. I have a good friend who's been sober over 10 years, I love him like a brother, but I wouldn't look to invite him to Happy Hour. He just wouldn't come to mind in that instance.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,313
Its one of the main weapons the Av uses - what if....What if I'm worse off sober...
but what if you're not?
I probably don't get invited to a lot of things too but I never notice or care because my social life is exactly as busy as I want it to be now
My idea of fun expanded exponentially in recovery and no longer includes a bottle.
I think that sense of ease and fun in me is noticeable to others and it's resulted in a lot more invites - like I said I'm as socially busy as I want to be, and sober...win win
D
but what if you're not?
I probably don't get invited to a lot of things too but I never notice or care because my social life is exactly as busy as I want it to be now
My idea of fun expanded exponentially in recovery and no longer includes a bottle.
I think that sense of ease and fun in me is noticeable to others and it's resulted in a lot more invites - like I said I'm as socially busy as I want to be, and sober...win win
D
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