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Old 02-25-2021, 04:30 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Alrighty then. I thought I'd stop in and forewarn you that tomorrow is Friday, and damned if the weekend doesn't come right after that.
What's the plan?

Every evening, for months when I was first sober, I made a schedule for the next day - scheduled literally every hour.

It was on a whiteboard, right there in front of my face. I got to check things off as I did them, and if I didn't do them, they sort of nagged at me in their black and white way. If I did something that approximated what I scheduled, that was ok though. For instance if the schedule said, "read recovery literature" and I went to a meeting instead, that was ok. (Or vice versa) It helped me quite a lot. You know, it kind of pushed me to do the "I don't wanna" things, which was just about anything. Bathe, change my sheets, go for a walk, read an actual book, call someone who cares...

Just an idea

O
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Old 02-25-2021, 08:46 PM
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That had me laughing pretty hard Obladi, I needed that. 😀

The plan is to work tomorrow and then I just have the regular old chores and projects staring at me. You have inspired me to work on a sober plan though.
For awhile I have been writing down all of my chores and projects for the weekend on Fridays but sometimes I get none of them done. That's not going to work with sobriety I see.

So I will focus on that this weekend. I plan to spend a lot of time here reading and trying to figure what I can do take to make this thing stick. Next weekend is going to be a major test I have a family get together for a ski trip. Everyone there is going to be drinking each night, and it's not an option for me to skip it if I want to keep my wife happy. So I definitely need a rock solid plan or I'm sunk.

After I got through last night I started having some emotional issues. It's like I'm straight up crazy. Nothing in my mind is saying to get a drink, I just feel restless. Way too much energy and nothing to do with it. I know the drill, I am on thin ice here. This feeling always takes me back to a drink. I don't want to go back to drinking but I have no clue how to live everyday without something to change the way I feel. One minute I hate this whatever it is inside of me that enjoys self destruction. Then I find myself giving into it mentally and saying F it, I'm not going to clear all those hurdles anyway so why not enjoy it while it lasts and deal with the consequences. Obviously that's the wrong answer if I am going to stay alive.

I felt so good last night after I conceded to drinking but didn't drink. I thought that was the first crack in the door. Maybe it is? I sure hope so. I can't go on like this.


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Old 02-26-2021, 01:24 PM
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Get a whiteboard, man. I tell ya, there's something magical about those things. I'm sure it's the "staring me in the face" aspect, but I think even when I was alone in my house for awhile there, it felt "public." Like I was committing to something out there that was more than me. If that makes sense. Explain to the fam that you are trying this out and don't expect everything to happen as written, but it will help you to actually do The Things. Put play time on there! And wife time, too.

I'm gonna call you out on the ski trip. Are you gonna tell me that your wife doesn't think your sobriety is more important than showing up at the ski lodge this one time? I don't know her well, but you make her sound like a decent sort. I'll bet she'd rather have you stay home and NOT making yourself a smelly boor than to go on the trip and risk it. Anytime I hear people say, "I'm going to have to do x or drink will happen," that's worrisome. Nope. Wait until you are able to say, "Drinking is not an option." Then you can go hang out with your sodden relatives.

I don't think you're straight up crazy, but I understand those feelings. Learning how to live through my feelings was one of the single most difficult things I have ever done; perhaps the most difficult because it endures. I don't mean it stays like this forever, but stuff does continue to come up, you know? Being sober doesn't fix everything - at least it didn't for me - it exposes things that need fixing. I needed to fix my perspective. Hard to explain, but living through that restlessness was definitely part of the deal.

One thing I do to waste an enormous amount of time is play games on my phone. It's high time I instead start walking or something to get myself in better shape, but in the meantime, it's a stupid mindless thing I can do with my energy. Often I watch documentaries or listen to podcasts at the same time. That way I feel like I'm not a total waste of a person. But back to the list - if you do that and really fill every hour of the day, you will be ready for bed when the time comes! Just doing the healthy & clean routine can take a lot of time and energy to begin with...

O
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Old 02-27-2021, 09:36 AM
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There is nothing more freeing than getting through those "feelings" that brought us to drinking. It could be restlessness, boredom, anxiety, anger, sadness, happiness....For me, it was identifying and getting through each moment. At the end, I was drinking all the time and so I really had to "ground" myself and not resort to what had become habitual.

I really do understand where you are with this. It does and will get easier.
All we have is today.

You will know how to live everyday without having something to change the way you feel. It just takes practice to KNOW how to do it. Each day brings more knowledge. You are doing this, FiveX.
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Old 02-27-2021, 01:26 PM
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Still here, thank you Obladi and Mizz. I am waiting until I can get on my computer to reply properly. On my phone now.

I have worked on a plan and a whiteboard will definitely help I have one thats collecting dust at the moment. I thought of a perfect place for it which will be next to my bed and in my face. Thats where I go to play on my phone and get lazy.

Friday night went smooth. I did have a lot of drinking debates in my head last night. I thought we were going to be seeing some family tonight last second and I had all but given in to the idea of one or two beers. Then I woke up this morning and knew I couldn't do it. I was gonna be the driver and drink tea. Then those plans fell through anyway.
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Old 02-27-2021, 01:53 PM
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*smh*

Five, listen. If your family triggers you to drink for some reason, you really need to stay away from them right now. Does your wife know that you've decided to quit?? I'm awful glad your plans fell through, but what're you gonna do to stay away from situations that are too tempting right now?
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Old 02-27-2021, 02:18 PM
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Yeah it's not going to be easy.

My wife knows I quit, but she has seen me quit for periods of time a bunch. She doesn't want me to quit anyway. She is on the extreme social butterfly end while I'm the introvert. When I don't drink I am not nearly as interested in all the get togethers. They bore me.

The difference is an event where we would hang out from 6 until 12 and have a great time will now be 6 until 9 and not as engaging. I've experienced this before and the thing is it doesn't bother me. It bothers her though.

The family events are few and far between these days due to covid. The ski trip is with a bunch of extended family we haven't seen in years. I want to see them anyway but oh my wife would be so mad if I didn't attend. Nobody would be happy.

Hiding out isn't really an option.

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Old 02-27-2021, 02:52 PM
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Avoiding occasions where you are at risk of drinking doesn't qualify as "hiding" in my book. It's watching out for your own sobriety, which will save your life and maybe some others as well. This addiction stuff is no joke, man. Committing to sobriety absolutely requires drawing new boundaries.

So if you absolutely must (?) go, I'd suggest you get a plan, quick. How old are the kids? Can you dedicate your weekend to hanging out with them?

O
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Old 02-28-2021, 08:07 AM
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I've been thinking about your situation, Five. You can tell me to go kick rocks if none of the below applies:

Marriage is a two way street. There really needs to be some give and take with both parties.

I understand that your wife does not want you to quit alcohol. There are a lot of things that I personally do not want in my life either. For example: I don't want to have an issue with alcohol. The reality is that I do have an issue and therefore I had to address it. She doesn't have to like what you are doing but it is going to be helpful for you if she accepts what you are doing. My husband was not all that happy with me when I quit this go round either. He has seen me quit many many times. I took his feelings out of the equation and set about to get sober. I didnt care if he believed me or not or if he supported me or not. I needed to get healthy. Almost 5 months sober now and he is 100% on board and proud of the road I am walking.

Spending 3 hours with a group of people, rather than 6 hours, seems like enough time to hang out and catch up. It is okay to have boundaries and to take care of yourself while you are getting adjusted to being sober. Your health is a priority.

I support you and I know you can do this. Keep moving forward.
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Old 02-28-2021, 09:09 AM
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^^ ditto to that

Only I think one hour is perfectly sufficient if you feel you must make an appearance to satisfy your wife. Take separate cars? That way you can come down with something and make a quick exit.
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Old 02-28-2021, 07:20 PM
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All true statements for sure. My wife isn't upset I am not drinking she just loves the social life. I think I will get this figured out. It truly is a do or die situation.

I have had a good weekend I feel rested and ready to face the week. I got a lot done. Haven't had many cravings at all.
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Old 03-02-2021, 01:35 PM
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How's it going, Five?
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Old 03-02-2021, 02:35 PM
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Yeah, how?
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Old 03-02-2021, 09:01 PM
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Things are going really well right now thanks.
Finishing up day 11. Just now I realized I didn't even think about drinking today.

I have been super busy. Work. Kids. Gym. Rest and repeat. I have to say I love being able to pick my sleep time like I can sober. Last night I just decided to go to sleep at 9:30 and fell right out. When I had a drink in my hand I wouldn't turn it in until I was 'done drinking'.

So looking forward to getting good rest tonight.
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Old 03-03-2021, 08:12 AM
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Fantastic to hear, Five.
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Old 03-03-2021, 04:49 PM
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Annnnnnd - it's Wednesday again!
How's that for you this week?
Easier?
Harder?
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Old 03-03-2021, 11:48 PM
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This wednesday has been so much easier! I didn't even think about whiskey wednesday or drinking at all really. I worked, and then picked up kids from school. I spent some time comforting DS7 he had a bad day.

My wife came home and she opened a beer. She then forgot about it and went to the neighbors house. Well somehow without thinking about it I found myself sitting there with this beer in front of me on the table. Right in my face. A local beer one of my old faves. There was no response, no emotion, no yearning, no nothing. I just noticed it was there and walked away.

This weekend may be a challenge but I think I can make it through.
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Old 03-04-2021, 08:23 AM
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Then this morning I went to get some coffee and that beer was on the counter 75% full.
Would not have happened if I was drinking. I'm laughing and shaking my head.
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Old 03-04-2021, 08:29 AM
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That is amazing, Five. I would have had a hard time passing that craft beer up. One of my main strategies is to keep alcohol out of my house.

Great job!
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Old 03-04-2021, 08:37 AM
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Great work, Five! Keep it up.
Stick around the forum this weekend.
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