Journal for Five
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: NC
Posts: 5,156
The beginning is hard.
Those emotions will not slow until you quit for good.
You are still fighting yourself. You need to let go of the alcohol and work on finding that peace you want so bad.
It is out there.
I am over a year sober and still working on it.
It is getting better but it does not happen overnight.
I love that you keep coming back. Keep it up and you will get there
Those emotions will not slow until you quit for good.
You are still fighting yourself. You need to let go of the alcohol and work on finding that peace you want so bad.
It is out there.
I am over a year sober and still working on it.
It is getting better but it does not happen overnight.
I love that you keep coming back. Keep it up and you will get there
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2020
Location: Near the mountains
Posts: 1,542
Just wanted to say thank you Obladi that was an inspiring post. No, I do not believe you would lie to me.
Fishkiller I hope to be there at a year one of these years. I plan to keep coming back I think this is helping my life a lot!
My Mom is leaving today. I had some drinks while she was here, I think about 6 total and it was ehen we had dinners. Looking forward to getting back into my routine.
Fishkiller I hope to be there at a year one of these years. I plan to keep coming back I think this is helping my life a lot!
My Mom is leaving today. I had some drinks while she was here, I think about 6 total and it was ehen we had dinners. Looking forward to getting back into my routine.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
Keep after it Five. After awhile the peace and calm, and energy from restful sleep will become more valuable to you than the brief buzz and that awful numbness. I have come to hate that heavy narcotic feeling I got after a few beers and remind myself of it if I feel an urge.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Routine - that's the ticket!
That's all being sober is to begin with, Five.
At least that's what it was for me.
I had a list something like this - on a whiteboard, so I could check each thing off every single day, regardless of any other thing that was going on around me:
- make the bed
- meditate
- write down one intention for the day (practice patience, be kind, you know - that kind of stuff)
- take meds
- eat breakfast
- go to work (eat lunch, too)
- walk
- attend an AA meeting
- eat dinner
- take meds
- write down three things I'm grateful for
- go to bed
It's so simple, but I'll tell you what - it makes me anxious now just writing that down. Because it wasn't much but it was all I could handle and it was so much! For months and months, that's pretty much what I did. Of course, I'd throw a task in there every day. Clean out a drawer. Vaccuum. Something for which I could see the benefit/difference.
I think you might really benefit from doing a routine like this, Five. It was "boring" but also fulfilling in a low-key way. I was able to wrest some satisfaction from simply doing what I'd committed to doing. It gave me peace and a feeling of... integrity, I guess. There was absolutely nothing more comforting to me than to finally get into the bed at the end of the day, quietly celebrating that I made it through another day sober.
There's absolutely no reason you need to wait, Five. But I understand it's one thing to know that intellectually and yet another thing to take the leap. That's the nature of addiction, and it's horrible.
xo
O
That's all being sober is to begin with, Five.
At least that's what it was for me.
I had a list something like this - on a whiteboard, so I could check each thing off every single day, regardless of any other thing that was going on around me:
- make the bed
- meditate
- write down one intention for the day (practice patience, be kind, you know - that kind of stuff)
- take meds
- eat breakfast
- go to work (eat lunch, too)
- walk
- attend an AA meeting
- eat dinner
- take meds
- write down three things I'm grateful for
- go to bed
It's so simple, but I'll tell you what - it makes me anxious now just writing that down. Because it wasn't much but it was all I could handle and it was so much! For months and months, that's pretty much what I did. Of course, I'd throw a task in there every day. Clean out a drawer. Vaccuum. Something for which I could see the benefit/difference.
I think you might really benefit from doing a routine like this, Five. It was "boring" but also fulfilling in a low-key way. I was able to wrest some satisfaction from simply doing what I'd committed to doing. It gave me peace and a feeling of... integrity, I guess. There was absolutely nothing more comforting to me than to finally get into the bed at the end of the day, quietly celebrating that I made it through another day sober.
There's absolutely no reason you need to wait, Five. But I understand it's one thing to know that intellectually and yet another thing to take the leap. That's the nature of addiction, and it's horrible.
xo
O
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2020
Location: Near the mountains
Posts: 1,542
I have not decided to quit drinking yet. I have a little over a month to go. So I haven't posted here lately because of that. I haven't been reading here much either. I do appreciate all the help though and I think about sobriety all the time.
Drinking freely over the past month or whatever it is has been as expected. I can try to lessen the impact but an impact is still there. I feel like my emotions are better regulated though, than when I am sober and nuttier than a fruitcake. I'm hoping that knowing what is coming when I do get sober and insane will help me deal with it. Probably not.
I am unplugging from technology for about the next 7 or 8 weeks. So just wanted to check in before I do. Soon I am leaving on an extended camping trip. I will be drinking along the way but I will be careful. I think the trip will be lots of fun and a good time for reflection.
Looking forward to trying this new life on again once I get back.
Drinking freely over the past month or whatever it is has been as expected. I can try to lessen the impact but an impact is still there. I feel like my emotions are better regulated though, than when I am sober and nuttier than a fruitcake. I'm hoping that knowing what is coming when I do get sober and insane will help me deal with it. Probably not.
I am unplugging from technology for about the next 7 or 8 weeks. So just wanted to check in before I do. Soon I am leaving on an extended camping trip. I will be drinking along the way but I will be careful. I think the trip will be lots of fun and a good time for reflection.
Looking forward to trying this new life on again once I get back.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,414
I think it’s a godawful idea, but no one can make you quit til you want Five.
Hope you see you fit and well and free from catastrophe in 7-8 weeks time...maybe even ready then to draw a line in the sand.
D
Hope you see you fit and well and free from catastrophe in 7-8 weeks time...maybe even ready then to draw a line in the sand.
D
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by FiveTries 
I will be drinking along the way but I will be careful. I think the trip will be lots of fun and a good time for reflection.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2020
Location: Near the mountains
Posts: 1,542
Thanks for keeping the lights on for me.
We had an amazing trip!
Visited 10 states and 10 national parks and drove 6000 miles. We went camping and hiking and to beaches and cities.
I wish I never had to come home.
When I got home I decided to say F it and carry on drinking moderately. To give up entirely on the idea of sobriety. I drank throughout the trip but usually 2 or 3 beers a day. I got tipsy two times that I can recall. So I have been drinking pretty much daily the past month. Not getting drunk but 1 2 3 4 beers. Maintaining.
I'm sick of sitting on the fence though because even when I try to say F it some dumb voice is in the back of my mind telling me I shouldn't be drinking at all.
So I came back here and started reading.
I have 3 days today and feel much better.
We had an amazing trip!
Visited 10 states and 10 national parks and drove 6000 miles. We went camping and hiking and to beaches and cities.
I wish I never had to come home.
When I got home I decided to say F it and carry on drinking moderately. To give up entirely on the idea of sobriety. I drank throughout the trip but usually 2 or 3 beers a day. I got tipsy two times that I can recall. So I have been drinking pretty much daily the past month. Not getting drunk but 1 2 3 4 beers. Maintaining.
I'm sick of sitting on the fence though because even when I try to say F it some dumb voice is in the back of my mind telling me I shouldn't be drinking at all.
So I came back here and started reading.
I have 3 days today and feel much better.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2020
Location: Near the mountains
Posts: 1,542
Appreciate the welcome back. Thanks.
I slept so heavily last night. It's been nice to sleep so well and feel refreshed through the last week really. I keep walking up about an hour earlier than I used to with no alarm, and I feel ready to tackle the day. Not feeling all groggy like I did before.
I slept so heavily last night. It's been nice to sleep so well and feel refreshed through the last week really. I keep walking up about an hour earlier than I used to with no alarm, and I feel ready to tackle the day. Not feeling all groggy like I did before.
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